F-F-F-Feudin'

Ted Nugent and Dee Snider Are in Love

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Ted Nugent is white trash from the Midwest and Dee Snider is a Jew from New York, so it’s little wonder that they don’t like one another very much. The only things they really have in common is a love of rock n’ roll and questionable taste in fashion.

So. What happened is this:

A couple of days ago, Nugent, hard rock’s best argument for birth control, said this:

“I’m part of a very great experiment in self-government where we the people determine our own pursuit of happiness and our own individual freedom and liberty, not to be confused with the Barack Obama gang who believes in we the sheeple and actually is attempting to re-implement the tyranny of King George that we escaped from in 1776. And if you want another Concord Bridge, I got some buddies.”

The “Concord Bridge” thing is a reference to the start of the Revolutionary War in Concord, Massachusetts — Paul Revere shouting “The British are coming!” and “The Shout Heard Around the World” and all that stuff. Which, incidentally, took place in 1775, not 1776 . He’s thinking of the signing of The Declaration of Independence. Not the biggest deal in the world, but if you’re gonna throw dates and references around, you might as well get them right.

ANYWAY, the point is, once again, Ted Nugent endorsed violence as a means of making sure that no one takes his toys away.

So then Dee Snider comes along and gives this interview to Noisecreep where he calls Ted Nugent out on his bullshit:

“Ted’s always been a gun-toting conservative. But what gets me is that he was actually a draft dodger! I mean, to the point where he didn’t bathe for a week, and vomited on himself to deliberately avoid the draft. I totally understand why he did that, but all of these Republicans who love Ted don’t seem to know or remember that too well. It’s crazy that he’s become one of the voices of Conservative America even though he was a draft dodger. If you don’t believe me, Google it.”

That Nugent did indeed make himself even yuckier than he normally is to avoid going to war is, I think, widely-known and accepted knowledge at this point. Nugent himself claimed as much in a 1977 interview (with fucking High Times, by the way, which is pretty funny considering The Nuge’s current anti-weed stance):

“Ted was a young boy, appearing to be a hippie but quite opposite in fact, working hard and playing hard, playing rock and roll like a deviant. People would question my sanity, I played so much. So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin’ it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin’ around, hippying down, getting’ loaded and pickin’ my ass like your common curs, I’d say ‘Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin’ around in the gutters.’ But I wasn’t a gutter dog. I was a hard workin’, motherfuckin’ rock and roll musician.

“I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin’ and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin’ kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I’d drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot.”

Nugent goes on to call members of the armed forces “imbeciles” and admit that even though “I was extremely antidrug as I’ve always been,” he also snorted crystal meth. So, long story short, although he says he wants to keep his guns to protect his freedom from Commie Muslim Nazis or whatever, in reality, Ted Nugent only wants to shoot at things that can’t shoot back. (Which I think would actually be fine if he just came out and said that instead of pulling his macho bullshit. If he absolutely must kill things, I much prefer it be my dinner than another human being.)

And yet, for some inexplicable reason, Ted wasn’t too happy to hear about Dee’s remarks, so sent out this tweet to say so:

This tweet leaves us with multiple questions: Is “the big lie” that Nugent dodged the draft — in other words, is he claiming that High Times fabricated his quote?  Or is “the big lie” just liberal politics in general? Also, why does Ted Nugent tweet in the same shorthand as an avid Twilight reader?

Look, you might not like Dee Snider’s music, or the way he dresses, or that he’s on reality shows, or whatever. But he’s always been a stand-up dude. And Nugent has been a real douchebrain since time immemorial. Do we even need to declare a winner?

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