In Which To Our Ass We Bent Our Rope

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And now, the week’s top stories!

• We let Grim Kim run the site for a day!
• We checked out the latest releases from Killswitch Engage, Hatebreed, Omnium Gatherum, and Abyssal.
• We bent our dicks to our asses with Bam Margera.
• We listened to Bret Michaels’ inadvertently hilarious electronic dance song.
• We wondered what would happen if the metal community ran Hollywood.
• We weighed in with our thoughts on the new deal between Century Media and Earache Records.
• We suspect there may be a new Meshuggah EP next week!
• We checked out a two-person metal band from Brooklyn whose members are in the sixth grade.
• We learned about guitar play from Job for a Cowboy’s Tony Sannicandro, we learned about the NFL from Gwar’s Dave Brockie, and we learned about the NBA from God Forbid’s Doc Coyle.
• We are not looking forward to Five Finger Death Punch drummer Jeremy Spencer’s autobiography.

Like the pig says, “That’s all folks!” See ya Monday.