Dear The Contortionist: Please Hire This Guy as Your New Vocalist

The Contortionist are currently holding auditions to replace departed vocalist Jonathan Carpenter, who left the band last month ’cause he’s gonna be a daddy and understandably wants to focus on that instead of spending every night of his life in dirty metal bars. But I suggest The Contortionist call off their search right now, because the following entry from “Guttural Steve” clearly tops everything else that has been submitted so far. And I say that without having listened to anything else that’s been submitted so far, that’s how sure I am. Enjoy:

Here’s Guttural Steve’s more srs audition. Not bad either! Steve lives up to his nickname, although the cleans definitely lack strength and confidence (something he is aware of).

Thanks: Kyle U.