I’m Confused About the Continuity of Kiss Kids
Our friends at Metal Insider have hilariously declared that Kiss Kids, IDW Publishing’s new comic book that envisions all of the members of Kiss as children together, is “the most radical reinvention of a property since Muppet Babies.” Only problem is (and I know it’s ridiculous of me to apply logic or realism to this concept, but bear with me please), there’s no way the members of Kiss could have been kids together: current guitarist and drummer Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer are 52 and 55, respectively, while Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are 63 and a million, respectively. And while an age difference of ten or 999,950 years isn’t really the biggest deal in the world when you’re an adult, as a kid, it might as well be 999,999 years. When you’re twelve, for example, someone ten years younger than you is two (MATH!). It just doesn’t jive.
And that’s not the only timeline issue presented by Kiss Kids: if Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer were part of Kiss when everyone in the band was a child, then when and why did Ace Frehley and Peter Criss get involved?
Of course, the makers of the comic, being colossal nerds who over-think things same as me, have thought of a solution to these problems: Metal Insider further reports that the comic doesn’t specifically follow Young Gene, Young Paul, Young Tommy, and Young Eric, but, rather, “will follow ‘Li’l Demon,’ ‘Spacey,’ ‘Catkid’ and ‘Starchild’ as they foil the plans of their school principal, Principal Elder.” I’d point out how insulting and silly it is to reduce the members of Kiss to characters (and to ignore the fact that “Spacey” sounds an awful lot like “Space Ace”), but it’s Kiss so whatever. Mostly I’m just wondering who thought it was a good idea to in any way, shape, or form acknowledge The Elder. I mean I get that it makes for a cute joke, but still. The Elder?!?!