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GOOD NEWS: Static-X have broken up once again. And while you may hesitate to celebrate for the same reason I initially did — because you thought “Oh, it’s just until the next time Wayne Static realizes his guarantee$ are larger when he tours as ‘Static-X'” — you should know that the cause of the break-up is actually legal. Says Static:

“The first leg of the tour actually went pretty well … I wanted to try to get the whole Static-X going again, get the name out there, so I made this deal with Tony [Campos], my former bass player, who owns 50 percent of Static-X — which him and I haven’t been getting along for years; it was really bad at the end. The last couple of tours, we never talked or anything like that… So I made this deal with Tony where I paid him ‘X’amount of dollars quarterly to use the name Static-X, which I thought was a pretty generous deal; he got a lot of money for doing nothing, for just sitting on his ass doing nothing. I wish someone would give me some money for doing nothing. But I ended up developing this really bad hernia throughout the tour. And it kept getting worse and worse. It was from touring. I’m getting older and I guess I was pushing myself too hard; we were doing six shows in a row and all that kind of thing. I had a hernia belt on and I was shoving crap in there, trying to keep my guts from pushing out on stage. It was just getting worse and worse and worse, and it just got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore, so I had to cancel the tour.

And then I asked Tony if we could take a break on the deal. Obviously, if I’m not working, how am I supposed to pay him? I don’t shit money; I am not made out of money. So he pretty much told me to fuck off. He’s, like, ‘Boohoohoo, you have a hernia. Sorry. Give me my money.’ … I told him, ‘Dude, give me a few months off to recuperate, and then we’ll start up the deal again.’ Cause I wanted to keep touring. But he wouldn’t do it. Apparently, he was really pissed off because I said in some interviews that Static-X were never, like, all great buddies and friends and all that kind of stuff, and we never hung out. So he told me, like, ‘Since you said we’re not friends, then why should I help you out?’ I’m, like, ‘Who gives a fuck? It’s business, dude.’ And that’s the truth — we weren’t friends; we never hung out. And there’s nothing wrong with that; there’s a lot of bands like that. I wasn’t dissing him or any of the other guys in Static-X. The original lineup, we got on stage, we had a great chemistry, it was awesome, and then when we left the stage, we never talked to each other. There’s a lot of bands that way. Who cares? What’s wrong with it?

So that’s pretty much the end of it. Tony wouldn’t give me the break. I had to go have my surgery and take my time off, and he wouldn’t give me the break, so the deal lapsed, the deal’s done, Static-X is done. The end. No more Static-X.”

Of course, it is entirely possible that at some point, Campos and Static reach a new arrangement, and Static-X consequently lives to suck another day. But I’m choosing to be optimistic that Static’s neck will actually snap under the weight of all that hair product before he can reconcile with his former bandmate.

BAD NEWS: Carnifex are getting back together, a mere eight months after they initially announced their hiatus.

There’s no silver lining for this one. Just more proof that God has AIDS.

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