Valient Thorr Hate Collating

Being white, American, and gainfully employed totally blows. You have to wear uncomfortable clothes, sit in a cubicle, and organize things. It’s so torturous, in fact, that it was the Nazi’s preferred method of murder during the Holocaust. Six million Jews were made to immigrate to America and collate things in exchange for money and health care until they finally died of old age. The horror… the horror…

If only those poor people had known that all they need to do was to rip a hole in the sides of their cubicles in order to escape to a magical land of hot vest metal babes, speed boats, RVs, and free Valient Thorr concerts! So many lives could have been spared! And Manhattan real estate prices could be so much more reasonable!!!

All kidding aside, I love Valient Thorr, and I love “Torn Apart,” and you should totally watch this video. Valient Himself gets bonus points for rockin’ a sweet Hulkamania tee.

“Torn Apart” will appear on Our Own Masters, out June 18 via Volcom Entertainment. The band is on tour with Gypsyhawk and Ramming Speed right now; get dates here.