Metal Tech

Orgy Are Very Upset That People Noticed Their Crowdfunding Campaign Failed

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Jay Gordon Crybaby

Hey you guys remember that part of Arrested Development when there’s that Bob Loblaw commercial and he’s all like “Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?”

Well, I bet Orgy wish they could hire Mr. Loblaw right about now.

See, last week, The PRP reported that Orgy were going to fall “way short” of their crowdfunding campaign for $100,000 — like, some $93K short. And, naturally, a lot of other websites, including this one, picked up on the story. And Orgy aren’t happy about, because CHRIST ALMIGHTY IN THE HEAVENS ABOVE forbid that anyone notice something that’s occuring in the world.

From Orgy’s Facebook page:Screen Shot 2013-10-21 at 3.10.28 PM

Well, that’s a fairly ridiculous argument to make.

Orgy posit that anyone who points out how spectacularly their crowdfunding campaign has failed is jealous and stupid. Insofar as the intelligence of such a so-called “hater” goes, well, I’m not sure how this observation is indicative of anything; clearly, anyone who notices the disparity between Orgy’s goal and the amount they raised is, at the very least, skilled at basic reading and arithmetic.

With regards to accusation that such observers are jealous, well… what, allegedly, are we jealous of? Does the band think that there aren’t barbers in every town capable of giving men swooped haircuts should they so desire? Do Orgy have a monopoly on launching failed Indiegogo campaigns? Or did the band members’ mommies just tell them we’re all jealous…?

Furthermore, the band claims that “they didn’t fail,” which would suggest they don’t know what the word “fail” means. The dictionary defines “fail” as “to fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.” Orgy attempted to raise $100K; they fell short. That is the very definition of “failure.”

And then there’s this gem of a statement:

“Hey childish haters get ready because the new music will speak for itself no doubt.”

This suggests that once everyone hears Orgy’s new EP, we’ll all be like “Whoa dudes this is awesome we’re so sorry that we used our eyes to see something and then told other people what we saw.” Except that no one was questioning the quality of Orgy’s music — they were just pointing out that Orgy tried to do something and did not do it. The EP could be the next Reign in Blood and it wouldn’t negate anything that has happened thus far.

We seem to have come to this point where people feel like they can dismiss any assertion just by calling the person who makes that assertion a “hater.” This is the death of intelligent discourse and debate. It’s the intellectual equivalent of sticking your head in the sand, or, maybe even worse, screaming “I’M RUBBER AND YOU’RE GLUE AND ANYTHING YOU SAY BOUNCES OFF OF ME AND STICKS TO YOU!”

The members of Orgy could have released a statement saying something like this:

“To our fans: as you may have noticed, our recent crowdfunding campaign did not reach its goal of raising $100,000. We recognize now that we may have been overly ambitious when selecting this dollar amount. The band is very grateful for any and all contributions made. Despite this setback, we are still hard at work on our new EP, and we can’t wait for you all to hear it!”

But instead they opted to be defensive, and, as a result, come off looking, well… childish.

I dunno why they’re so upset anyway. This is the most press Orgy have gotten in fifteen years.

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