Question Of The Week: #IfDyingFetusThenWhyNotAFewMore?
Dear Download Festival team,
Hey dudes! It’s me Anso DF from MetalSucks.net. How’s the weather in England? :) Say, we all heard about the fan-mandated addition of Dying Fetus to your 2014 festival line-up. It’s cool of you to recognize a chance to be rad to concertgoers. The opportunity was laid at your feet, all you had to do was pick it up and blam! instant cool points. From here, ya just throw a few bucks/monitors at a random extreme metal band and savor the good vibes and cheery publicity! Yay!
However, um now that you guys have opened the door a crack, we at MetalSucks would like to shove through another act or two. We have our reasons, ones as valid as “counteract the effect of headliners like Linkin Park” and “pull budding fans through the gateway to next-level jams.” So hey while you’re here, please consider these goodwill suggestions from our staff (below) and readers (below below)! Thanks guys! See u this summer!
Inspired by the semi-sincere campaign to add Dying Fetus to the very mainstream Download Festival, we asked our staff:
Okay, Dying Fetus is in. What other band will you add to Download 2014?
Power to the people! Have an awesome wknd xoxo
Carcass! Think about it–the band released a massive album this year, they’re the darlings of British death metal, and they could bring some good infectious technical riffing to that massive crowd. Their current material is the kind of stuff that could get a crowd moving, even if they aren’t terribly into brutal death metal. Make it so!
Saint Vitus. Not only are they one of the hands-down best bands I’ve ever had the privilege of touring with, they always kill it live. They’ve also got the kind of catchy, enthralling crossover potential that a band like Radioactive Vomit or Napalm Christ will never quite achieve. Those Download kids need a taste of the dark side, and if Wino himself can’t lure them down the path of sex, magic, riffs and blow, no one can.
Bless the sweaty hearts of those willing to attend a summer music festival. If people can withstand that ordeal, then let them vote in any band they want — not via a poll set by some website or magazine, but by voting for any band. That’s what a fan deserves if they’re willing to go to the trouble to attend, and then vote on top of that. Or just give them my local Chinese fiddle man who plays in the subway station. If they’re at a summer fest, they must be gluttons for punishment.
DAVID LEE ROTHMUND
The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza. Silly name, heaviest shit in the universe.
Theres a band called ‘the dying fetus’?? Thats horrible!! Why would you name your band that?? I think that name is mean. Healthy children are happy children!!
Oh baby, the offer of a lucrative slot at a huge festival would rouse any band — no matter how unsuccessful, elusive, or limping. So I’d use this fan vote to force a (semi-)dormant act into wild action, one that wants to honor their pleading fans but can’t survive on love alone. lol Or maybe one that’s staffed by slow pokes, druggies, weirdos, and/or rich old people who don’t exactly hop to it for peanuts. So let’s reserve a top slot for one of the very latter: John Sykes and his awesome band Blue Murder! Download 2014 are u ready to to “Riot”?
Congress can’t fucking get anything done. However, I’ve started collecting signatures for a petition, the Put Cephalic Carnage On Every Festival Act. Have you ever seen Cephalic Carnage at some ‘fest where they haven’t torn the motherfucker down? But because they eschew the self-seriousness of their peers, they’ve become easy to take for granted. So it’s time the United States government made sure we appreciate Cephalic Carnage as much as we should. Granted, the Download Festival is overseas, so we’d have to get the UN involved. But I figure before we get into that headache, we’ll start small.