Cooking Contaminated

Move Over Hard Rock Cafe! Step Aside Planet Hollywood! Here comes GWARbar!!!

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GWARbar

If you’re like most people, than the mere thought of a GWAR show, with its constant onslaught of blood, semen, urine, and feces, makes your mouth water. So the announcement that the band plans to open a restaurant, GWARbar, in their home town of Richmond, VA, makes perfect sense!

From the press release:

“GWAR has announced plans to open a restaurant later this summer in Richmond, VA. GWAR is known throughout the Universe for their outrageous stage show, irreverent humor and head pounding music, but now they have turned their demented eye to the food service industry. GWAR has joined forces with Travis Croxton, Richmond’s restaurateur of the year 2013, to bring to life one of the last dreams of their fallen singer, Oderus Urungus, the GWARbar!

But GWARbar will not merely be a place to gorge on delectable food-stuffs whilst hoisting endless flagons of liquid glee… it will not be just a shrine and showcase to the undeniable visual impact of the world’s most infamous metal band… the opening of the GWARbar will be the singularly most important culinary event to occur since the invention of the spoon! Because the GWARbar marks the first time in the history of humans eating stuff that they shall do so by ordering off a menu designed by a chef NOT OF THIS EARTH… that’s right, BalSac, the Jaws of Death, GWAR’s guitar player and also designer of the notoriously tasty ‘GWAR-B-Q Sauce,’ is bringing his supreme knowledge of intergalactic cuisine to the GWARbar, and has designed a bill of fare that is sure to make man or aliens swoon with epicurean delight. Let the plates of mankind be filled with the food of the God’s…at a workingman’s price! ‘My mother taught me the endless secrets of intergalactic cooking,’ said the hulking form of Balsac as he sat down to a heaping platter of GWAR-B-Q. ‘And then I ate her.'”

Sounds amazing, right? Well, unfortunately, food doesn’t grow on trees. Well, it does, but not anything you’d wanna order at GWARbar. So the band has also launched an Indiegogo campaign to raise $50k so they can renovate the building which will house GWARbar and give the overt appearance of an eatery meets all legal health codes (of course, we know it won’t really meet the health codes… you don’t eat at GWAR’s restaurant if you don’t expect someone to whack off into your coleslaw now, do you?). You can contribute to the campaign here; rewards/prizes/whatever include a cooking class with BalSac, having a drink at GWARbar named in your honor, and my personal three favorites:

GWARbar Indiegogo rewards

Oh, GWAR, you magnificent sons of bitches.

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