For Just $150, Now You, Too, Can Look Like One of the Schmucks in Mushroomhead

I had crabs once. Consequently, I had to go to the pharmacy to get a prescription for Lindane shampoo. It was embarrassing enough that my pharmacist now knew I had public lice — but then, to make matters worse, the idiot practically screamed out “Mr. Rosenberg, your Lindane shampoo is ready!” while I sat in the waiting area amongst some other customers. So now EVERYONE within earshot knew my dirty little secret.

And yet, the cost of the Lindane shampoo, in both monetary terms and in terms of public humiliation, was less embarrassing that this piece of shit:This “War Machine Ranger Vest,” which is part of Mushroomhead’s “Elite Series Gear,” is now being sold for a mere $150. That’s a lot of money, sure, but it’s offset by the fact that wearing the vest will instantly alert people that you are a total fucking moron.

Rather amazingly, this isn’t even the most expensive piece in the Elite Series, which I assume is “elite” insofar as three people will ever buy them. For $200, you can get a Mushroomhead work jacket or varsity jacket, and for eighty dollars, you can get your girlfriend to break up with you:Tragically, purchase of these items does not include a legal requirement to show the acquired merch to starving children while telling them to just go someplace out of sight and fucking die already.

[via The PRP]