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A Good Excuse to Watch Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington Die

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Chester-Bennington-in-Saw-3D-horror-movies-15257732-1200-799Please allow me to preface this article by saying that I do not endorse violence, nor is it my intention to suggest that anyone should kill Chester Bennington from Linkin Park.

That being said…

Fantasy is a perfectly healthy way to explore sometimes-unhealthy impulses. And Linkin Park are fucking terrible.

So: Bennington has broken his ankle, resulting in the cancellation of two shows. That’s a bummer for people who are dumb enough to like Linkin Park, and, of course, for Bennington himself. But, hey, remember — it could be so much worse! Bennington could have awoken to find himself glued to a car seat with only seconds to tear his way free, reach a brake, and save the lives of his girlfriend and bestest pal. Y’know, like what happened to his character in Saw 3D. (Spoiler alert: this doesn’t end well for any of the three buds.)

I really am not a very big fan of the Saw franchise, but I admit, I got ssssssuuuuuupppperrrrrr baked when this movie came out and went to see a late show in a packed theater, and this scene brought down the house. The pleasure that watching Bennington die a horrific death brought to that crowd doesn’t quite justify the existence of Linkin Park, but it does justify the existence of the Saw series. When the inevitable reboot happens, they should just cast as the victims people who have become famous despite irritating anyone with an IQ in the double digits. Can you imagine how much money a movie would make if it advertised the on-screen “deaths” of members of Limp Bizkit, Nickelback, and Carly Rae Jepsen??? IT WOULD BE THE BIGGEST HIT OF ALL TIME!!! Make it happen, Hollywood!!!!!!

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