A Very Special Valentine’s Day Edition of Mark for War: Twitter is for Lovers
Seriously, if you want to get on your significant other’s good side, share this article with them. As David Lee Roth would say, “You’ll get some leg tonight for sure!”
Actually, why not share this with someone you have a secret crush on? Once they read this line, it’ll be a nice, non-creepy way to show them you like them, for all you pansies out there.
Ok, so since I’m a fucking mess of a human being, I have no significant other in my life this Valentine’s Day. Ho hum. So I’m going to choose a woman in the world of wrestling to be my valentine.
MY VALENTINE OF THE YEAR: PAIGE
Not only is she a great wrestler, unbelievably cute, as pale as a Type O fan, and has a picture of Wayne Campbell as her Twitter cover photo, but WWE Diva Paige did something this week that really won a place in my heart.
On Twitter this Monday, Paige posted a photo showcasing her forearms sporting the words “RIP DREW MCDONALD.” I noticed said writing on her forearms during her match on Raw this week. A wave of calmness immediately washed over me after seeing a Twitter post, because I realized that Paige actually wrote on her arms, and didn’t get a horribly obnoxious set of tattoos.
Who is Drew McDonald, you ask? He was a Scottish born wrestler who made a dent in the UK scene mainly in the 90s. He died this past week at the age of 59. According to Paige, he was a huge influence on her.
This was, honestly, one of the COOLEST things I’ve ever seen a WWE Diva do. It actually helps sum up who Paige is as a wrestler and as an individual: a counterculture superstar from a different walk of life than many, if not all, of the Divas currently on the roster (Natalia may be the exception). Paige is literally a product of the wrestling world. She was born into it. Her mother and father both wrestled. In an interview once, Paige admitted that her mother actually wrestled when she was several months pregnant with her (take that as you will). Let’s face it: most WWE Divas are products of the modeling world. They’re cherry picked because they are beautiful and athletic, trained to wrestle six minute (at most) matches, and cut (decent at best) promos. Every now and again, cream will rise from this crop. Trish Stratus, for example, was a fitness model that turned to the pro wrestling world, once upon a time. A Hall of Fame career followed.
Then there’s a Diva like Paige. I will say this on record, probably numerous times in this column: I think, before all is said and done, Paige will be recognized as the greatest WWE Diva of all time (an honor which presumably belongs to Trish at this point). Paige is set up unbelievably success in WWE. She’s super young. She’s super talented in the ring. She is strong on the mic. She has an original look. And most importantly, she has this odd tie to the wrestling world that’s almost makes her a Moolah/May Young throwback. Paige is not just a product of the Austin era. She’s a product of the Drew McDonald era, if you will. It can be argued that the WWE product wasn’t her main wrestling influence growing up, which, when referring to a woman in her early 20s, is INSANE to comprehend, but very well may be true in Paige’s case.
Now I must admit, at one point I saw AJ Lee as the WWE Diva that would eventually usurp Trish as the greatest Diva ever. Many of you, I’m sure, still feel this way. Personally, I think a little of AJ’s shine has rubbed off since the whole CM Punk incident transpired. I can’t put my finger on it, but something’s missing from AJ’s step. I’m sure that’s a topic for another time.
Be my Valentine, Paige. Retweet this article if your answer is “Yes.”
Actually, while we’re on the subject, I hope Paige is the only Diva, seemingly ever, to not go down the road of dating a wrestler. Can you think of a Diva since the Attitude era that hasn’t dated a dude in the company? It’s annoying. I mean, most of the WWE Superstars all have girlfriends and wives that aren’t Divas, right? They’re just normal civilians. Yet 95% of WWE Divas end up dating or marrying WWE Superstars. What is that about? Does that ever end well and not end up curbing the career success of the Diva in the process? Several examples come to mind. But again, that may be a topic for another time.
This is a nice clean segway in to my next topic: Seth Rollins and his girlfriend.
MY (Nonsexual) MALE VALENTINE OF THE YEAR: SETH ROLLINS
Now, Seth Rollins was someone I wasn’t 100% sold on six months ago. I thought he was very good, but wasn’t sure he had what it took to reach high end of the WWE. I based a lot of my opinion on Rollins off of what I saw from him in the indie scene as Tyler Black. Rollins killed it on the indie scene in the ring, but I always thought his promos were lacking and his character was a smidge bland. I also thought that WWE was ultimately going to deliver us a water-downed version of whom Rollins was in the ring. Take Rollins’ finisher, for example: the curbstomp. This is a LAME finisher compared to his finisher on the indie scene: a small package brainbuster. AWESOME MOVE! But alas, Rollins has had an amazing last six months. He’s improved greatly on the mic, and is absolutely killing it in the ring. He’s got my vote as the future of the WWE heel world for years to come. I see certain Rick Rude/heel Shawn Michaels qualities in him, which are outstanding qualities to have.
As many of you know, however, Seth Rollins had a rough start to his 2015 Valentine’s week.
If you’re not aware of why, take a look at this (NWOBHM).
To paraphrase, this week one of Rollins’ Twitter accounts was “hacked” and a naked pic of WWE NXT Diva Zahra was posted, in all her tattooed glory. Let’s be honest: Rollins probably didn’t post this pic. However, if I were a gambling man, which I am, I’d bet Rollins was connected to this pic in someway. If you have never seen Zahra, she’s a smoking hot Diva rocking a suicide girl look that any notable hardcore kid (like Seth Rollins) would be sure to love. And, as I mentioned before in the Paige section of the article, it makes sense for Zahra to peruse a WWE superstar, like any WWE Diva in her right mind would. Who better than Seth Rollins? Dude’s gonna be HUGE!
Now here’s the problem: in real life, Rollins has a fiancée (not Zahra). As you can imagine, she wasn’t happy about the Zahra post. She responded rationally: BY POSTING A DICK PICK OF ROLLIN’S ON TWITTER!
This is his fiancée, keep in mind. The woman he’s going to spend the rest of his life with (and by all indications is still planning to). This woman who will reap the benefits of her husband being one of the top wrestlers in the company. Girl, keep this shit behind closed doors! Punish him in any way you see fit in private! But whatever you do, DO NOT jeopardize his position in that company or his scene in the wrestling world. That’s Wife 101. I know this may sound sexist, but I would have said the same thing had a random dude engaged to a WWE Diva involved in a similar situation This woman publicly embarrassed her future husband in front of (Insert Rock voice) the millions, and MILLIONS, of the WWE Universe.
By the way, don’t kid yourself: the “No Press is Bad Press” thing does not apply in the wrestling world. Bad press will bury your ass. Now, I think the WWE can, and will, look past this mess. If anything, they’ll punish Rollins a bit for not having his “bitch in check.” Maybe JBL will make a joke about it on this week’s Raw. I think Rollins is sort of unburiable at this point. He’s much too hot. It just sucks for Rollins that this debacle will more than likely follow him his whole career. Us 90s fans still haven’t gotten over Shawn Michaels posing for Playgirl.
Match of the Week: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon, Cage Match, Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre, February 14th, 1999, Memphis, TN
I have a special place in my heart (no pun intended) for this match. I watched this match on a scrambled TV at my grandmother’s house as it aired live back in ‘99. I also cut out the magazine version of the event’s poster (Vince McMahon pissed off holding a bouquet of roses) and taped it to my freshman year of high school assignment notebook. This match marked the most aggressive encounter Austin and McMahon had during their legendary 1998-1999 feud. I laugh every time I see was Austin reenter the cage before touching the floor to inflict more pain on Vince. It also marks the debut of a future WWE Hall of Famer The Big Show (then known as Paul White), who comes up from under the ring to assist Vince to at the end. And yes, this match did actually take place on Valentine’s Day. Watch it with someone you love.