Friday 5

Friday 5: Awesome Band, Non-Awesome Jam

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you?). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. 

Today, let’s talk about when good dogs go bad!

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THE FIVE

What five songs by awesome bands don’t deserve a place on their setlists?

THE LISTER

Anso DFMetalSucks senior editor

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1. “Fear Of The Dark” by Iron Maiden
from Fear Of The Dark
1992 | Epic

On Thursday, MetalSucks genius contributor Emperor Rhombus asserted in an editorial that it’s vital to face up the mistakes made by our most revered bands. He pointed to whole albums that represented missteps along the paths of iconic artists like Slayer and Judass Priest, and explained that it’s realism and respect at the root of your acknowledgement of them — not nitpicking or disloyalty. It’s like alerting a friend to the broccoli stuck in her front teeth: a bit uncomfortable, but ultimately productive. The artist is healthier for your honesty. Let’s extend that thought here to include an awesome band’s song selection in concert. Jeez I wish Iron Maiden would notice that I’m bored as shit by the non-starter title track to their boringest album.

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2. “Lack Of Communication” by Ratt
from Out Of The Cellar
1984 | Atlantic

It’s laughable whenever you’re like “[Awesome band’s non-awesome song] is dogshit.” and then the first reply is “Shut the fuck up, [awesome band] is awesome, you retard!” And your response is, “No duh they are awesome. But this jam is fart.” It’s an argument of agreement that pre-dates the internet!

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3. “Slide It In” by Whitesnake
from Slide It In
1984 | Geffen

After an awesome Whitesnake show this summer, a friend joked that she had been checking my reaction to the first bars of each jam. Via my body language, she knew the amount of awesomeness to expect from each moment of the show. I was mostly smiles and surprise, but during one intro, I made a face like “someone had slapped [me] with a sweaty wang.”

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4. “Change (In The House Of Flies)” by Deftones
from White Pony
2000 | Maverick

At the heart of this issue is desire: We wish that something good had happened instead of something not good. In other words, that five mid-show minutes used to march through “Fear Of The Dark” (above) could’ve been spent playing a majestic, challenging track like “The Prophecy.” That’s the deal with one of the Deftones’ best-known but least-awesome jams, one that many fans have already experienced in concert anyway. Like Borat’s wife, it can be boring. May I vote to retire it? :)

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5. “Among The Living” by Anthrax 
from Among The Living
1987 | Island

Taking into account the million or so times I’ve seen Anthrax, we could make a conservative guess at the number of times that guitarist Scott Ian has noticed my inevitable burst of laughter at the moment in this song that he chants “A-mong! A-mong! A-mong!” That shit cracks me up.

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Your turn! Have a great wknd!

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