Friday 5

Friday 5: Your Back-To-School Survival Jams?

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you?). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. 

Today, it’s time to get ready for school!

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THE FIVE

What is your back-to-school soundtrack?

THE LISTER

Anso DFMetalSucks senior editor

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1. “I Hate” by Overkill
from The Years Of Decay (Atlantic) | 1989

Hark! The first day of school is right around the corner! So we’ll need some jams to get into the right frame of mind. But I don’t mean those boo-hoo classics about the lameness of school, that victim shit is not helpful. The smart move is to pump jams that prepare you to excel at school, cuz your future is dogshit without academic success. Stop spitting the bit, you’re stuck with it. So when the alarm clock sounds on that fateful day next week, crank this Overkill ripper first thing and be reminded of what awaits the uneducated: anger, subservience, poverty, membership in Overkill.

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2. “Everyone I Went To High School With Is Dead” by Mr. Bungle
from Disco Volante (Warner Bros.) | 1995

Okay, you’ve rocketed out of your front door looking good and are beelining to school with eyes on the prize. But then, blergh, it suddenly comes rushing back to you: Distracting you from your mission is your constant proximity to hundreds — maybe thousands — of other students. Over 200 days, any one of them achieves all levels of annoyingness. Ah nuts. But just ignore it, they too are screaming inside.

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3. “Yes Ma’am” by D.R.I.
from Dealing With It! (Metal Blade) | 1985

It’s tough to reconcile the brilliance of D.R.I.’s lyrics and the identity of their creator: a 23-year old Texan. In fact, it’s tough to even register their excellence thanks to the vibe of D.R.I. (and ’80s punk). But sure enough, they were hiding embarrassingly profound lyrics beneath a skate punk veneer. Vocalist Kurt Brecht is basically Rimbaud and DWI! is his “Season In Hell.” Take “Karma” or “The Explorer,” or for the purpose of today’s F5, take “Yes Ma’am,” the tale of a proto-ADHD spaz kid who feels guilty about the collateral damage of his inability to sit still in class. I guess that makes Mike Muir our T.S. Eliot.

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4. “The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils” by Morrissey
from Southpaw Grammar (Reprise) | 1995

To fans of extreme metal, it’s not exactly an important designation for a song to be “Morrissey’s heaviest.” But this sprawling mega-jam is heavy by nearly all definitions. It slams. Plus I always admired its statement: An antithesis to Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick In The Wall,” it describes a world in which it is the teachers who are victimized with thankless work, wages larger than a line cook’s but smaller than a plumber’s, and a shitload of pressure. Hey adults, close your eyes and imagine yourself alone with 30 teenagers. Are you not afraid?

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5. “Bitch School” by Spinal Tap
from Break Like The Wind (MCA) | 1992

Okay let’s back up to the part above about the annoying “constant proximity to hundreds — maybe thousands — of other students.” The non-annoying side of that is awesome: GIRLS. Horny ones in yoga pants. Good luck, slugger!

Your turn! Have a great wknd!

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