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Friday 5: Five Unmissable Magic Metal Moments (aka “Shut up! This Is The Best Part!”)

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you!). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. 

Here we go!

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THE FIVE

What five tiny magic moments do you stop the world to hear — no matter what?

THE LISTER

Anso DF, MetalSucks Senior Editor

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“Sub-Effect” by Voivod
from Nothingface (MCA)
Shushworthy moment at
(3:03) right after “Too late for SOS …”

We all love the combination of good company and good music. Yet it can be stressful, for there are tiny moments of music magic that can be obscured by party noise and friendly conversation. We’re not talking choruses, riffs, and beats — more like “happens once and only once”-type stuff. In most cases, it’s no big deal — you’ll surely catch that very special lick, shout, noodle, fill, lyric, mistake, or whatever again some other time and in privacy. But for your most beloved tiny moments, it’s a compulsion; you just cannot allow them to pass you by. Ever. Even if your dead uncle’s ghost appears before you with a tip on lottery numbers, you’ll hold up an index finger and shush the shit outta him. Spying his expression of offense, you’d explain afterward, “Sorry, dead Uncle Enzo, I fucking love that part. … You were saying?”

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“Altered States” by Sepultura
from Arise (Roadrunner)
Shushworthy moment at (4:34) right after “Knowledge! Changes!”

Imagine: You’ve arrived at your destination as the centerpiece of Sepultura’s best album blares on your stereo. There your friends await your overdue arrival. In the distance, storms threaten, so you’d best dash for the entrance while skies are still clear overhead. Behind you, suspicious characters eyeball your vehicle, its contents, and, for all you know, your butthole. Nearby, a cute puppy is on the verge of fatal electrocution, so easily preventable by someone like you who has taken notice. And yet, you shall not budge from your driver’s seat until you’ve heard this Sep jam’s incredible interlude with big ringing chords, that chiming acoustic guitar part, and holy shit Igor is aces too. Sorry, friends and Fido.

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“Monkey Business” by Skid Row
from Slave To The Grind (Atlantic)
Shushworthy moment at (3:11) right after “Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma monkey! Mon-kay!!”

Once at a basement party I found myself victim of a misunderstanding with a pair of lame tough guys. Before anything bad could happen, this girl I know — let’s call her Leslie — urged me to relocate far from potential danger, specifically to an upstairs bedroom. I was lost in thought, so, worried, Leslie scrapped the overtures and moved on to outright demands to “kill two birds” via entry to my trousers in a private place. She mistook my inattention for fear. And I’ll never forget her stamping a foot, glancing over her shoulder at the two off-brand dorks, and stating “Fine, I’ll just blow you right h –” when I savagely shushed her in time for that screaming pinch harmonic at the first peak of Snake Sabo’s rad solo in “Monkey Business.” It probably time that I apologize on Facebook.

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“Public Enema Number One” by Iron Maiden
from No Prayer For The Dying (EMI)
Shushworthy moment at (1:16) “GUNS and RIOTS! Riots riots (riots).”

Even the most unyielding fan of Maiden wouldn’t argue that their first post-Adrian Smith album is a bit thin and tired. Still, its highlights are towering — “Fates Warning” “Hooks In You” and its centerpiece, “Public Enema Number One” — and then-batshit Bruce Dickinson justifies the entire album (and the next one) with one magic mouth moment: the thunderous, echoing end to the second verse’s second line. Comes out of nowhere, stays forever.

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“The Grudge” by Tool
from Lateralus (Volcano)
Shushworthy moment at (8:20) drum fill!

By the eight-minute mark of any song, a listener probably has reached their limit of the same riffs, beats, themes, vibe, and lyrics. And in “The Grudge,” Tool must recognize that listeners have climbed a few hills and rolled into a few valleys in the preceding two songs’ worth of time. So what’s left to do but bludgeon us with a series of four-armed drum fills from the ninth dimension? Sure, Grandma, right after I air-drum this section I’ll find that defibrillator.

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Your turn! Have a great wknd!

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