Was Ted Cruz in Stryper? (No. No He Was Not.)
We soon won’t have to worry much about Ted Cruz anymore as Donald Drumpf continues to hold the lead in the primary race for the Republicans’ next Presidential candidate, but for now, at least, we can still have some laughs at the Texas senator’s expense.
To that end, Metal Injection reports that The Daily Dot reports that author Michael Boulerice has a theory that Ted Cruz is, in fact, Michael Sweet, lead vocalist for Stryper and blasphemous supporter of sexual deviancy:
— Michael Boulerice (@Therealkfm) March 11, 2016
Unsurprisingly, Boulerice’s tweet went viral. And while Cruz has yet to comment (presumably because to do so would be to demonstrate a sense of humor), Sweet did not hesitate to get in on the gag:
— MichaelSweet Stryper (@michaelhsweet) March 13, 2016
Seen side-by-side today, Cruz and Sweet still bear a resemblance, so long as you imagine that Sweet fired his stylist and switched to an all-donut diet. Which is hilarious, because Sweet is seven years older than Cruz.
ANYWAY, fun though this theory is, it’s obviously bullshit. We all know that Cruz was, once upon a time, in a hair metal band — but it wasn’t Stryper!