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Devil You Know: “We’re Ardent Supporters of the Shooting Sports Lifestyle, and Zealous Second Amendment Supporters”

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The PRP reports that Devil You Know*, the band fronted by former Killswitch Engage/Blood Has Been Shed vocalist Howard Jones, will have their music “prominently featured throughout the programming of pro-gun network Legally Armed America.”

Says HoJo himself:

“The band’s collaboration produces music that is dense, forceful, and brimming with raw urgency. We see the same passion in what Paul Glasco does on Legally Armed America. I speak for each of the band members when I say we’re ardent supporters of the shooting sports lifestyle, and zealous Second Amendment supporters. We’re pleased our songs are woven into the Legally Armed America show, and see our presence as an extension of our support for firearms and the outdoors.”

Which is awesome! For I, too, love shooting sports. I shoot baseball, I shoot football, I shoot basketball, I shoot curling… I shoot all the sports. Respect.

So, anydiddlyiddly, what is Legally Armed America? Well, according to their website…

“’Legally Armed America’ is a cable television show and web community dedicated to those who wish to stay abreast of the latest firearm-related products, news, events, and anything gun-related. As our Second Amendment rights come under more scrutiny and are increasingly threatened, it’s important that we all stay informed and united as a group. Plus, we can have a little fun while we’re at it!”

How can you not admire that mission statement? Just because you’re trying to stop commie hippie homos from taking your guns doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun!

What kinds of fun? you ask? Well, fun like…

  • An entire section devoted to ‘Gun Owners Against Hillary’ (Clinton, not Swank or Duff or Sir Edmund, at least as far as I can tell).
  • Delightful contests, like the one in the video below: Legally Armed America’s owner and proprietor, Paul Glasco, asked viewers to make suggestions as to where he should put his weapon when he’s on the shitter so that he doesn’t accidentally kill his six-year-old child. “The best answer gets a GunDistrict.com t-shirt!”

  • Hard-hitting, thought-provoking news pieces that provide simple facts, helpful tips, and philosophical musings about the very fabric of our reality:

ebola gun headlineScreen Shot 2016-09-08 at 6.38.23 PMScreen Shot 2016-09-08 at 6.37.24 PMWow. Food for thought, right? I mean, who even knew the cops were now stealing legal semi-automatic rifles at fake malls??? WHY ISN’T THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA COVERING THE COUNTERFEIT MALL SCANDAL?!?!

Of course, Legally Armed America stands proudly with the NRA, an institution with a rich history of integrity and fighting for justice all across this great nation of ours.

The only thing that doesn’t quite make sense to me about this terrific team-up is why Howard Jones would agree to work with an organization that presumably supports Donald Trump. Given that Jones is, y’know, an African American, and Trump is, y’know, a racist, you would think that Jones would sooner endorse Jesse Leach for president. But I guess it doesn’t bother Jones. Huh. I wonder why?

Totally unrelated, here’s Paul Glasco’s statement about working with Devil You Know/being the best A&R man in the business:

“Back in 2007, I befriended a guy named Zoltan Bathory from a little-known band called Five Finger Death Punch to provide our theme music. Now they’re world-renowned superstars. Devil You Know is charting a similar path to success making us all the more inspired to be partnered with them.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go shoot some figure skating.

*More like “Devil You Know About But Don’t Actually Listen To,” amiriteoramirte?

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