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Necessary Roughness Week 7: Parity Party

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Everyone is beatable! At first blush, parity is a good thing; on any given Sunday almost any team can beat any other team. That’s pretty cool week-to-week! But when you step back and take a look, don’t you feel like that just means everyone is mediocre? Isn’t it MORE exciting when your team knocks off a juggernaut? As a Giants fan, I want the Patriots to go 18-0 before Eli stumbles into another Super Bowl MVP. I want my enemies’ tears to be extra salty. I want to see the hyped teams play well because it makes beating them so much better.

This year the NFC in particular looks like weak sauce. The Seahawks and Cardinals couldn’t score a goddamn touchdown between ’em last night. At 4-2, the Packers look beatable almost every week and at 1-5 the Panthers were just lucky to have a bye. The only team fulfilling any kind of promise are the fucking Cowboys. I don’t think anyone thought they and the Vikings would be the only 5-1 teams in the conference in Week 7.

The London games get a lot of well-deserved flack from fans. They’re a joke, almost always pitting garbage teams against one another in a country that may or may not care, depending on who you ask. This week I’m grateful, as it gave me the opportunity to watch The Giants beat the Rams at 8:30 in morning. In increasingly predictable fashion, the Giants’ offense started the game with all the energy of a bunch of strung out sloths only to finish strong with a lot of help from the D. Landon Collins went OFF with a pick six early and another interception in the Giants’ endzone. The D is definitely holding up their end of the bargain, but spending as much time on the field as they do early in the game is going to cost them against better teams. I’m curious to see if the Rams end up starting Jared Goff after their bye. Poor Case Keenum got LIT UP this week. After watching Hard Knocks, though, I don’t know if Goff is capable. I guess we’ll see! Or not!

Speaking of first round picks, Carson Wentz and his Eagles went out and took down the heretofore undefeated Vikings. The Vikes’ D is terrifying, and for Wentz to go out there and lay 21 points on ’em is impressive. I wish I caught more of the game, but I did catch the back-to-back interceptions in the first quarter, and after reading the drive chart, it looks like the rest of the game was equally infuriating. I think the Vikings are still in good shape since the rest of their division can’t get out of their own way, but if they’re going to go deep into the playoffs they’re going to have to win the ugly ones.

At this point in the day I had to replace a bearing on our van, otherwise #12 would have probably had to live out the rest of our days in San Antonio. If I have to be torn away from the TV on Sunday, if it’s to do some manly shit it’s not so bad.

When life hands you lemons, be a beefcake and fix the fucking problem.

A photo posted by DJ Scully (@djfromdeadempiresblacktable12) on

I really wanted to watch the Falcons/Chargers game for a couple of reasons. 1) Hunter Henry 2) the Chargers are somehow the favorite team of noted German hunk Andreas Schmittfull from Phantom Winter. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a place playing it. Falcons fans, can you tell me if your team is good or not? They’re scoring a ridiculous amount of points, but it seems like EVERY week is a shootout. I know Joey Bossa is an animal, but I had kind of written off San Diego a few weeks back. What’s the deal? Are the Falcons that unbalanced or are the Chargers better than I thought? Both?

The Patriots/Steelers game was a nice concession, though. This game was way closer than the score would have you believe. Lagarrette Blount ran like a man possessed against his former team, which rules. I’ve always liked that guy and the fact that he just basically walked away from the Steelers and back onto the Pats makes me like him even more. Who would have guessed he’d be the fifth leading rusher almost halfway into the season? And who would have thought that a Steelers team led by Landry Jones would have a prayer against Belichik dark and mysterious magic? If Chris Boswell hadn’t missed his 54-yard attempt late in the fourth, this game could have very easily gone the other way. After that miss, things kinda went off the rails for Pittsburgh.

I love watching the Sunday night game every week. The scheduling is usually even better than Monday Night Football and the broadcasts just look superior to everything else. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth actively contribute to the game experience, which I don’t think can be said for any other broadcast team. I’m sad that if I had to miss one, this was it. What the fuck happened last night?! 6-6?! I was pumped for the Cardinals heading into the season, but they can’t seem to get anything going when it counts. And are the Seahawks good? Seems to me that without the threat of a Beastquake happening at any given moment, their offense is pretty impotent.

This week’s Fantasy Pimp Of The Week is ADAM VINATERI! This 43-year old hard ass has been a bright spot on an otherwise lost season for me. He’s scored more points than Odell Beckham, Larry Fitzgerald, and Todd Gurley. It’s almost a shame he has to play for the Colts, but as long as they can’t score touchdowns, I’ll keep cashing in on Vinateri’s ever-reliable leg.

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