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Dance Gavin Dance Discuss Masturbation, How to Please Someone Sexually, and Being Hated by Metal Fans

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The MetalSucks Podcast with Chuck and Godless / Jabberjaw

On The MetalSucks Podcast, we pride ourselves on asking the hard-hitting questions no one else will. That’s why, when speaking to Dance Gave Dance guitarist Will Swan on our latest episode, we posed a question that we know has been on everyone’s mind, a question of the utmost importance, a question it’s impossible to believe has yet to be posed: does being such a nimble-fingered guitarist help improve masturbation?

Swan’s answer, alas, was heartbreakingly tragic:

“No, I think [my masturbation is] pretty boring. I was even watching [the movie] Jarhead the other day and [a character in the film] was talking about masturbating with his left hand as opposed to his right hand, and I was like, ‘Well I’ve never even done that’… I have all this dexterity, I’m not even using it.”

Still, we were relieved to hear that someone is getting good use out of Swan’s fingers — he’s been told they’re quite helpful when dealing with sexual partners who aren’t himself. Asked for tips on how to best utilize one’s digits in the boudoir, Swan said:

“Faster is not better.”

Great advice, right?

Unfortunately, in the midst of all these questions about fingers and jerking off, we got a little distracted and asked some questions about music, too. For example, how does the band deal with the incredible amount of hate they get from the metal community? Says vocalist Jon Mess:

“We’ve gotten a  good amount of hate over the years. We’re pretty used to it. A guy who’s got an Obituary shirt on, it’s not surprising to me that he doesn’t listen to our band. It’s not shocking at all.”

Adds Swan:

“We’ve been feeling that [hate] with our own fans even, ’cause we’ve changed a lot from album to album… [so] we get the people in DGD tshirts saying “Oh, I love the one DGD album, but fuck DGD now!”… We’re just kinda desensitized to the criticism at this point.”

If only all bands had such a good attitude about taking shit!

Listen to us further discuss onanism and — ugh — music with Mess and Swan below or here.

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