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Necessary Roughness Week 10: Everyone is Beatable. Except the Cowboys.

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What a tumultuous week, huh? Lots of upsets and close calls all over the league. Usually in the next week or two traditional powerhouses would be clinching at least a playoff berth, if not their entire division. But for anyone besides the Cowboys, I think that’s still a mathematical impossibility. This week the playoff picture got even more muddy; for all my bitching about mediocrity, the end of this season should be pretty wild and fun to watch!

After dropping four straight, the Vikings are now tied for the lead in the NFC North with the Lions. I thought the Vikes would be able to ride a ballin’ D and OK quarterbacking to glory like last year’s Broncos, but I guess I was wrong. Seemed to me that besides the explosive second quarter led by Stefon Diggs, Minnesota just couldn’t get anything going against the Washington Defense. Preston Smith had a hell of a day with two sacks and a game-sealing INT.

The battle of the birds was a tight one. The Eagles barely edged out the Falcons, but they did expose a blueprint for beating them. The Eagles Defense was smothering as usual, but the running game is what allowed them to beat the league’s highest scoring team. Ryan Matthews finally showed up after being extremely quiet the last couple weeks, and the Eagles rode Matthews to the tune of 109 yds, 2 TDs and a time of possession of 38:10. Matty Ice and Julio Jones can’t hurt you when they’re sitting on the bench.

I’ve watched the Titans the last three weeks and I may have to rescind my gif-only review of the AFC South. The Titans actually look pretty good! Last week they dropped a tough one to the underrated Chargers, but besides that they’ve been putting up a lot of points and have been in every single game they’ve played this season. Marcus Mariota throws some really nice balls and DeMarco Murray is already closing in on 1,000 yards rushing for the season behind a good looking O-line. Also, Derrick Henry is a scary dude and he’ll be a beast sooner rather than later. What the hell is going on with the Packers? I know they have a ton of injuries, and that I just washed Mariota’s balls, but five passing TDs? Looks like commenter Alfred Packer is onto something…

Last night the Seahawks handed the Patriots a surprise loss. Alright, so the Seahawks are definitely as good as their record. I apologize for doubting earlier. Now that Russ is healed up, they moved the ball really well all night. If only they had a game-breaking RB… did Chancellor get away with a PI on the final play? I’m not sure. Could have easily gone either way, but it looked like Gronk initiated contact and kinda forfeited any right to look for a flag. Either Al Michaels or Chris Collinsworth said something to the effect of “You know these Seahawks, they always get hot in the second half of the season.” I’m always so ready to dismiss this kind of commentary because there’s so much turnover in terms of personnel and the schedule can really dictate a lot of a team’s success, but I guess we’ll see if it’s true or not in the coming weeks. They don’t have an easy game until the final week of the season.

Fantasy Pimp Of The Week

Ezekiel Elliott. Goddamnit.

Of all the break out running stars we’ve seen this year (Ajayi, Gordon), Zeek is head and shoulders above all of them. He’s frighteningly physical, he’s fast, he can apparently catch, and he’s got the best O-Line in football making gigantic holes for him. 209 total yards and 3 TDs. He’s threatening Eric Dickerson’s all-time rookie rushing yardage record. Last night he kept the Cowboys in that game and eventually sealed it. I was really hoping that fake spike was gonna put ’em away, but when you have an explosive guy like him (or Dez!) it’s not over until the clock is at 0:00.

Rob Ryan’s Shit Kickin’ Jam Of The Week

rob-ryanRob Ryan is the NFL’s resident longhair. Look at that mane! When I feel like I have no more riffs to give, one look at this maniac gives me hope. This is where I’m going to put a track that I like to imagine Rob and Rex drinking beers and smoking weed to every week. This week’s track is Steely Dan’s “The Caves of Altamira.” I have no idea what the title is getting at, but it’s a heavy piano track full of weird lyrics. And it’s sandwiched between two of Steely Dan’s best tracks ever on The Royal Scam. Underrated. Hey, by the way, I made a Spotify playlist for this stupid gimmick. If you wanna make your dad really happy next time you’re drinking together, put this on.

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