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Bruce Dickinson’s Memoir to be Second-Most Anticipated Metal Book of October

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In what can only be described as the worst marketing decision since releasing Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets on the same day as Dunkirk, HarperNonFiction will publish the memoir of Bruce Dickinson this October — despite the fact that this will doom the tome to compete with Axl Rosenberg and Chris Krovatin’s Hellraisers: A Visual History of Heavy Metal Mayhem, which was recently named “The Most Anticipated Heavy Metal Book of All Time.” [citation needed]

Dickinson, the airline pilot who doubles as frontman for the underground cult band Iron Maiden, has entitled his book What Does This Button Do?. Publishing insiders assert that the title is part of a concerted effort to attract aviation enthusiasts, since most metal fans are expected to purchase Hellraisers instead.

Unlike Hellraisers, Dickinson’s book will not include a foreword by Trivium’s Matt Heafy. Nor will it include new interviews with members of Cannibal Corpse, Killswitch Engage, The Obsessed, Sigh, Periphery, Suicide Silence, Coal Chamber, and more. And while Hellraisers will include a lengthy section on Dickinson and Iron Maiden, Dickinson’s memoir will not, for some reason, include any mention of Hellraisers

What Does This Button Do? also arrives without endorsements such as these:

Hellraisers cuts to the core of Heavy Metal’s history with a healthy dose of humor, the sincerity of a committed Jedi, and the familiarity of your closest metal brothers and sisters. Think of this book as the literary version of stealing your older brother/sister’s records when you were a kid, only there is so much to learn contained herein that even the most well studied metal scholars will find truth in these pages. For myself, reading about the genre of music I helped pioneer in context of this vast history is overwhelming. Most music is created upon the foundation of a love for music that came before it and this book does an amazing job of illuminating this relationship. In a time of fake news, fake music, fake pop stars, the fake reality that is the Internet, Hellraisers proves to be a much needed and much welcomed addition to the written history of heavy metal.”
– Mike Schleibaum, Darkest Hour

“I like books with pictures and I like books about heavy metal and this book has both. People like to compartmentalize their genres but this book shows that everybody is influencing everybody constantly and begetting lunatic metal children with Sabbath legs, Van Halen arms, Kiss torsos, Cannibal Corpse faces and maybe even cartoon feet. This is also a great gift for your idiot friend who doesn’t know anything about good music. There’s nothing better than giving a gift and insulting somebody at once. That’s just a good tip outside of this book.”
– Brendon Small, Dethklok

“Informative and funny. I laughed so hard, my scrotum exploded.” 
– J.R. Hayes, Pig Destroyer

What Does This Button Do?, slated for release on October 19, is not currently available for pre-order, but will reportedly retail for $475.00 a copy. [citation needed] On the other hand, Hellraisers: A Visual History of Heavy Metal Mayhem, which comes out more than two weeks earlier, can now be purchased here for the low low price of $30.60.

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