Enlarge Photo by Julian Vankim/Metro Weekly

Transgender Metal Vocalist Running for Virginia House of Delegates

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We’re less than two weeks away from Election Day here in the U.S. For many of us, that day will be cause for depression — it is, after all, the one year anniversary of the victory of President Fucksmear. We could use some good news to distract us from the traumatic memories instilled by the realization that, yes, a lot of our fellow citizens really are that stupid.

Hopefully, that good news will arrive in the form of Danica Roem’s election to the Virginia House of Delegates — for such a victory would be a historic event for both politics and metal.

Ms. Roem, you see, is transgender. She is also the vocalist for the metal band Cab Ride Home. Needless to say, she is not a conservative.

Also not surprising: her opponent, Republican Del. Robert G. Marshall, is being a real piece of shit who is seemingly going out of his way to ensure that regardless of the outcome on November 7, he will go down in history as a total loser.

For one thing, Marshall won’t acknowledge that Roem is a woman. Speaking to the Prince Williams Times last month, Marshall asked, “Why do you call Danica a female? Did Danica’s DNA change?” The only way that quote could be defensible is if the 75-year-old Marshall is actively attempting to convince the world that our senior citizens should be pushed out to sea atop ice floats. Marshall also refuses to debate Roem, presumably because when he was growing up in the 1800s, his friends would make fun of him any time he got his ass kicked by a girl.

To add injury to insult, The Washington Post now reports that Marshall is releasing an attack ad which criticizes Roem for her involvement with heavy metal: entitled “Bad Judgement,” the spot, which you can watch here, not only attacks Roem as a transgender person, but includes a shot from one of Cab Ride Home’s old videos, “show[ing] an unidentified man leaving a bathroom stall, which in the full music video is part of a scene that is suggestive of people having oral sex.” It also features footage from an old Cab Ride Home interview, as well as the performance video above.

Oh my God! Transgender people, implied oral sex, and heavy metal! DANICA ROEM MUST BE BURNED AT THE CROSS!!!

So is Roem gonna take this putz down or what? No idea. Marshall has been in office for twenty-five years, so clearly he’s surrounded by enough fellow survivors of the Ice Age to garner votes. On the other hand, The Post also reports that Roem “has outraised Marshall 5 to 1, collecting $370,000, much of it from out of state.” We know that money doesn’t necessarily ensure victory, but it can’t hurt.

We implore MetalSucks readers who are geographically situated to vote for Roem to do so. We implore everyone else to sacrifice a goat to Dio in the hopes that she’ll win. While we wait for the results on November 7, we’d also highly recommend you read this interview our friend Kim Kelly did with Danica earlier this year.

Go, Danica, go! We’re all rooting for you.

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