Only the Best for Axl Rose(‘s Shits)

Update, 12:05 p.m. EDT: Speaking of extravagance, it has also come to our attention that GN’R have their own plane, adorably titled GNAIR. Take that, Ed Force One.

GNAIR is now boarding… https://t.co/vCPqQXhPb7 pic.twitter.com/YzBOkVgOa1

— Guns N' Roses (@gunsnroses) June 14, 2018

110% dependable British tabloid The Mirror has a report on the behind-the-scenes treatment of Guns N’ Roses at last weekend’s Download Festival, and to hear them tell it, the band members — or at least its Holy Trinity of Axl Rose, Slash, and Duff McKagan — are being treated like the owners of the world’s twelfth largest economy that they are.

First, according to The Mirror, the trio arrived at the festival by helicopter (which is actually the least interesting part of the story — for his part, Rose has been choppering into festivals since at least 2001). They were then “whisked off to a compound the size of a football pitch” (that’s a “soccer stadium” to us ‘Muhricans). And finally comes the part which oughta make your inner sixth grader giggle:

“Inside they had home comforts from America flown over, including their favourite Hershey bars and extra cheesy pizzas. Anyone who’s ever been to a festival is familiar with the horror of the portaloo, so it’s understandable the band demanded special porcelain bogs to ease their… comfort.

“I’m told super silky toilet paper was also requested for the lads. Well, all those dodgy festival burgers can take their toll…”

First of all, there is absolutely no universe in which Axl Rose or Duff McKagan eat festival burgers. Rose because he probably eats über-A+-beef-only burgers made from cows specially raised just the way he likes them, and McKagan because he doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him. (Slash I’m guessing is chill enough to eat whatever you put nearby.)

Second of all… I mean, who wouldn’t avoid a porta potty given the chance? I don’t consider my squeamish person and even just thinking about those things makes me feel like I may upchuck. And remember, Download is allegedly the dirtiest festival in the UK.

I guess what I’m saying is, this is the rare instance where I don’t begrudge rockstars their extravagance… I only envy their ability to command a decent place to shit.

[via Metal Injection]