Here’s What Happened When A Mormon Tried to Pay A Call to Deicide’s Glen Benton
I only ever dealt with Mormons once, in college. I flew a Sigil of Baphomet flag from my balcony at the time, and while having a smoke, I watched as these two teen Mormon missionaries on their bikes notice the flag and stop. The one put on a determined face, marched to my front door (as his friend tried to stop it), and rang my bell. I put on some Naglfar, met them at the door, told them they were at the wrong place, chatted briefly with them, and sent them packing. It wasn’t all that bad.
Thing is, I am not Glen Benton, the lead singer of Deicide who has an inverted cross branded into his fucking forehead. And one would hope that if you’re a local Florida Mormon, you’d have Benton’s address on your Do Not Fuck With list, but apparently that’s not the case.
In a recent interview with Revolver, Benton talked about being approached by a Mormon missionary while working on his car. And guess what? It went exactly how you thought it would!
I’ll tell you a story about “All That Is Evil.” You ever see those guys on the bicycles with the white shirts and the fucking crash helmets riding through your neighborhood banging on doors wanting to talk about Jesus? Well, I was out here in my garage working on my car. It’s pitch black, right? And I’ve already warned these fucks, “Stay the fuck away from my house.” So I was bent over the front of my car putting some parts on my Camaro and all of a sudden it felt like someone was breathing down my fucking neck. I turned around and there was this fucking dickhead in his crash helmet and his white shirt and tie and his backpack and he’s trying to talk to me about Jesus something or other. All I know is without touching him I threw him off my property like a lunatic. “If you ever come back here, I’ll fucking shoot you, you fuck!”
It’s like, what is it with you guys? You’re like 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 years old. You should be out banging pussy and having a fucking blast with your buddies. What the fuck are you doing riding around my neighborhood on that bike offending all the people that don’t buy your bullshit?
So look, Benton is a little acerbic here, and I hope he wouldn’t actually shoot some kid…buuut, real talk, what are you thinking coming up to someone’s garage at night to talk about Christ? In general, any religion that requires you to out and try to spread its word like an STD can eat my ass with all its spices. More so, I couldn’t agree with his final point more: as a teenager, you should be making art, skulling coldies, and feeling weird about yourself. Don’t spend it trying to convince your neighbors to love Jesus and not drink Dr. Pepper.
Anyway, hats off to Benton for maintaining his brand. Deicide’s latest, Overtures of Blasphemy, drops tomorrow; pre-order it here.
[via the sexy motherfuckers at Metal Injection]