Enlarge

Necessary Roughness Week 7: THIS CLOSE

0

Last week I was all jacked up on sweet ass running games. This week I got to watch some pretty sweet rushing performances from QBs. It only makes watching Eli Manning stand forever frozen in the pocket that much tougher to watch. You don’t have to be Michael Vick to create an extra second or two to find the open receiver downfield. Although if you can run 70 yards to get an eight yard touchdown, it certainly helps.

Patriots 38 – Bears 31: I’m sorry, Chicago. I jinxed it. I texted my dad and brother “Man, the Bears are really taking it to the Pats” somewhere in the 2nd quarter and fucked it all up. Somehow the Bears managed to hang with the Pats for the entire game, even with a hobbled Khalil Mack and an inaccurate Mitch Trubisky. The announcing crew did not want to let up on the fact that Trubisky was having trouble finding receivers, but he was doing just fine getting the ball to TE Trey Burton. He also had a hell of a day on the ground, as evidenced above. I can’t tell if Trubisky is good or bad, which I think means he’s leaning towards bad, but as a Giants fan, I would kill to have a dude who can move and sling the ball around with reckless abandon. He’s also got next to no one to throw to. If they had just one great receiver he would probably convert a lot more of those risky throws. As it is though, Trubisky should’ve been picked off about eight times instead of two, and somehow they were only one yard away from taking New England to OT!

Everyone saw the Hail Mary, check out this baller ass Trubisky run to set up a TD:

Buccaneers 26 – Browns 23: I actively tried staying away from this game because I feel like I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to will the Browns to be good. But if they’re always playing at 1:00 and they’re always going to OT, I’m ALWAYS gonna be suckered in. I only really caught overtime and Jesus Christ are these two teams that do NOT want to win. Here’s how the drives in OT went:

Browns: Punt from own 39
Bucs: Intercepted at own 45
Browns: Punt from Bucs 45
Bucs: Punt from own 22

If the Browns hadn’t fucked up that last punt, this game would’ve surely ended in a tie. Luckily Chandler Cantanzaro put us all out of our misery with a monster 59 yarder to finish it after Jameis Winston and the Bucs O managed to move the ball in the following manner:

Start CLE 48
+7 yard pass to CLE 41
+5 yard penalty CLE 36
-12 yard sack CLE 48
-7 yard sack TB 45
+14 yard pass CLE 41

1:17 of gametime, and five plays to go exactly seven whole yards. Spellbinding.

Panthers 21 – Eagles 17: Just wanted to leave this here:

Washington 20 – Cowboys 17: It truly pains me to say this, but that snap infraction called at the end of the game was bullshit and the Cowboys were robbed of a chance to take this to OT. Centers and long snappers alike always re-position the ball before the play and what L.P. Ladouceur did was not out of the ordinary. I hate that NFL officiating has its own Twitter account and thinks showing replays clears anything up.

Washington has to be the favorite in the East now. Their defense held Ezekiel Elliot to 33 rushing yards and forced Dak Prescott to try to beat them with his arm, which he has proven he can’t really do. In Prescott’s defense, he has next to no receiving support (Cole Beasley and Allen Hurns are just OK.) If Elliot never gets going, this offense sucks. On the other side of the ball, I guess it’s cool that Adrian Peterson is still putting up numbers.

Chiefs 45 – Bengals 10: There is no other way this game could’ve gone. Every team in the AFC North, besides the Browns, is built to fight against the other teams in the AFC North and whenever they have to play a good team from somewhere else they get their teeth kicked in. I almost believed the Bengals were slightly above the AFCN fray, but they are not. There was never a point in this game that it felt even remotely competitive. Someone get AJ Green on a real team! Also Jesus Christ Vontaze Burfict looked like a fat piece of crap last night… He can’t be worth the trouble anymore, can he?

Fantasy Pimp of the Week! Uh… Marlon Mack! This person ran 126 yards and ran for a TD and caught another against the Jets. Should I be familiar with Marlon Mack? This is the only highlight from his performance on all of Twitter apparently.

Some Observations

  • Mitch Trubisky could be the vocalist of a hardcore band. His line calls are both aggressive as fuck and very clear. He should come sit in on our Chicago date in December.
  • At first I didn’t mind it so much, but for some reason last night the Green Zone really got under my skin. It’s so unnecessary and it’s vaguely insulting to my intelligence.
  • Tony Romo LOVES WATCHING THE COWBOYS LOSE. I get the vibe that he really could still be out there, but that he’s much happier calling shots from the booth. He is a play prophet that Dak will never be.
  • Blake Bortles got benched, huh? Why didn’t the Jags at least kick the tires on guys like Teddy Bridgewater between last season and this season? Cody Kessler… I haven’t heard that name in a hot minute. Kinda makes you wonder about Colin Kaepernick for the millionth time.
  • So we know the Washington team’s name is obviously racist and ridiculous, but are the Chiefs racist too? The stupid tomahawk chop and chant their fans were doing all night is definitely questionable, but I think the name “Chiefs” is cool and adjacent to something like “Kings.” Am I wrong?
  • The Rams throwback uniforms were fucking NICE yesterday. I want one very badly now.

The Number Twelve Looks Like You is heading out on tour in November with our buds Rolo Tomassi and Arsonists Get All The Girls. If anyone wants to watch football or play Magic: The Gathering at any of our dates get in touch! Check out the dates below and tell me how much we suck in the comments.

Metal Sucks Greatest Hits