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Necessary Roughness Week 12: PLAYOFFS?!

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Lots of footbaw this week! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and the Cowboys win wasn’t too traumatic for anyone. I’ve been on the road getting this Number 12 tour started, so I didn’t get to go completely HAM on football Thursday and Sunday, but I hope you all did! Here’s some sweet Browns action to get you warmed up:

Giants 22 – Eagles 25: This column is not SUPPOSED to be as Giants-focused as it has been this season. Obviously they’re my team, but I try to spread it around. This season they got me twice to recommit to watching, but this week was brutally heartbreaking. I hate myself for letting me get sucked back in and reinvested. What the FUCK happened in the second half?! 346 yards of offense (159 of which was from Saquon alone) and a 16 point lead heading into halftime. After the break they totaled 56 yards and got the ball to Barkley four times. This was infinitely somehow worse than watching the Jags cough it up to the Pats last postseason. WE HAD THEM! At least we got this:

Browns 35 – Bengals 20: Damn, the Bengals looked like shit! And Gregg Williams edges toward a starting coaching gig every week. I feel kinda bad for Hue Jackson, he doesn’t necessarily deserve to be punked. He seems like a nice enough dude, just not a very good football coach. That’s OK! He probably should’ve waited a couple weeks before joining a division rival, though. The Browns are looking hungry and aggressive as hell in his absence and it’s inexplicable that Hue might be taking over Marvin Lewis in Cincy. Ohio cannot shake it’s bad relationships with football coaches.

Vikings 24 – Packers 17: Speaking of the Browns, guess who shares their record? Keep your heads on a swivel Packers staff, Aaron Rodgers is going to go on a remorseless killing spree any minute now. The NFC North is starting to heat up a little now that the temperatures are dropping. The Vikings are the projected fifth seed and they absolutely have the talent to ruin someone else’s run if they can hang on to that wildcard spot.  Check out this NFL merch commercial come to life… who really lives their lives like that? If you’re gonna be my girl, you gotta BLEED GIANTS BLUE, BABY (or just not give a shit one way or another.)

Bears 23 – Lions 16: Another great divisional game. The Lions are cooked but have positioned themselves to at least get a better draft pick than the Packers, so they’ve got one over on someone in this division. The Bears are 3-1 in the division this season. It took John Fox three years to win that many division games. Matt Nagy is turning this team into something very scary on the back of its ridiculous defense and their dynamic run game. This is exactly the kind of ’80s football that the people of Chicago have been begging for for years. Khalil Mack and Eddie Jackson have a knack for destroying people in prime time… look for them to do the same once they’re in the playoffs.

Fantasy Pimp of the Week: Juju Smith-Schuster! My man went OFF in the Steelers loss to the Broncos. 189 yards and a TD including the 97 yarder below.

Observations:

  • I spend a lot of time bitching or complimenting commentators on here. Chris Spielman is the WORST of the worst. He brings absolutely nothing to the table but half assed jargon (“playing the one technique is difficult here”) he makes the replay guys rewind tape while lecturing the audience because “this is important” and all his analysis boils down to bullshit platitudes and cliches. It made an already shitty game for me to watch infinitely worse. Fire this man!
  • The most impressive thing about teams with sustained success is that they have to do it with a tough schedule every year. The Steelers and Pats will always play a tougher schedule than a team like the Bears and staying on the top of the heap is extra impressive. The longer the season goes on, the more excited I am to see the Pats’ game plan against a team like the Chiefs.
  • Tonight’s game should be entertaining. If nothing else you know Mike Vrabel is gonna try to do some ballsy shit and if they’re in the game at the end, it could come down to a really fun or whacky decision he’ll have to make. The Texans are the superior team for sure, but division games are never a gimme and the Titans are just squirrely enough to make it tough.

Sorry for the short post this week. The Number Twelve Looks Like You is out on tour with our buds Rolo Tomassi and Arsonists Get All The Girls. If anyone wants to watch football or play Magic: The Gathering at any of our dates get in touch! Check out the dates below and tell me how much we suck in the comments.

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