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SLIPKNOT SHOCKER! “I’m a Year Older Every Year,” Clown Confesses!!!

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In a shocking revelation sure to shake the Slipknot community to its maggoty core, percussionist Shawn “Clown” Crahan has revealed that he is aging at a rate of one year per year (365 days).

The scandalous confession came during an interview with Kerrang!, whilst Crahan was discussing an issue of the utmost import:

“My wife doesn’t like the new masks – I’ll just let the whole world know that. She’s not feeling it at all (laughs). But when I sewed the hair on, she liked it better.”

It was then that Crahan dropped the H-bomb sized news that time moves for him at a rate commensurate with the rest of the human race:

“Everybody is just brainwashed to go, ‘Hey, I want OG Clown! Hey, I want the red coveralls!’ Arghhhhhh! I grow up. I’m a year older every year, so fuck it. It changes.”

Slipknot have not responded to MetalSucks’ request for comment. However, the band is expected to make a big announcement this coming Monday, March 4. Although that announcement was anticipated to be regarding the group’s new album and tour, sources close to the band tell us that it may, instead, address Crahan’s unsettling confession.

While we wait for more information, here is the only image of his new masks that Crahan has shared thus far:

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Hmmm. My babies.

A post shared by M. Shawn Crahan (@mshawncrahan) on

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