Pretty damn soon we will be writing a shitton of shiz about the annual shitfest known as SXSW (Shit by Shit-West), but let’s not forget that plenty more metal comes from plenty more spots in the dirty durty Sowf…….why just the other week the missus & I caught a sweet documentary directed by Rwake‘s own CT called Slow Southern Steel, which celebrates and examines the mentality, ethos, and joie de vivre of lovable rednecks who live, breathe, and shit heavy music.  The film went on a metal band-style tour (along with Zoaroaster & Hail! Hornet performing live), and whoops you missed it, ended its run on February 9th.  Sucks for YOU.  Hopefully the doc will find its way onto the waning DVD format and you can put your beady lil bug eyes on it soon enough….

BUT I DIGRESS.

Recently I reminded myself of the might and vicissitudinous majesty of the band Memfis, who I put on my top ten list for 2011.  Did you?  They rule.  Permit me to demonstrate:

And it got me thinking: how much metal comes out of Memphis???  Clearly, a lot.

But there’s also an indie group that takes its name from the other Sun city, a Broadway musical wowing purple-haired grannies (and my dad), and how could we forget this hip-hop gem from the early 90s?

However, despite all that I’m left wondering………what are the choice metal bands from Memphis, TN?????????  Google wasn’t much help.  My bros couldn’t think of any. I wish I had some kind of forum that could aid me in my quest……..maybe a website where I could pose such a query and dudes (and less than 10 dudettes) could suggest bands for my hungry earholes………guess I’ll just fist my bunghole while I think of a solution.

-KW

Here at MetalBeTerrible, we’ve been having quite a Lamb of God-centric week…

First, lil’ Vinnie Neilstein sang the praises of LoG’s comparatively tiny show at NYC’s Irving Plaza last Tuesday.

Then Samuel O’Hagar offered a review of the band’s new album Resolution (which we premiered a song from back in early December), claiming that LoG is “getting better” at LoG.

And now your creepy Uncle Wingerschmidt is here to remind y’all why we even liked these Richmond fuckers in the first place!  What follows is a collection of MY fave tracks off Lamb of God’s first four albums…
From New American Gospel (2001):

This weekend marked another year passing for yours truly, and what a madcap decadent pleasurable birthday it was :-)))))))

Some MS staff highlights from my rockin party:

1)  Sammy O’Hagar tried to fellate Higgins and got a faceful of frosting!  CAKE frosting, you dirty bird….

2) After “eleventeen” whiskeys Gary Suarez donkey punched a zebra.

3) Anso DF flew in on the wings of a transsexual angel.

4) Axl Rosenberg is still disgruntled.

5) I puked in the bathroom ten minutes before my band played.

6) Vince Neilstein insisted that he and MetalGF want to go on a bender with my lil old lady mama & me and put hot dumps in each other’s mouths….  I suggested the Hells Pleasure Metal Fest instead.

7) A tin man screamed loudly for an extended period of time and a scarecrow took a hit of weed.

Audio pleasure after the jump————>

Click to read more…

-KW

And so does Eddie Murphy:

Thanks to Billy from Demilitia for this one!

-KW

Thanks to Metal Mykee for this one….

-Santa

Five years ago tomorrow one of my greatest heroes died…  Never forget!

After the jump, a family selection of tunes by the one-and-only Godfather of SOUL…..

Click to read more…

Heyyo y’all & happy impending-end-of-the-year!!!!  Sure, life sucks and you’re smelly/ugly, but things are looking up in 2012, I swear!

So if you’re one of those woe-is-me/the-world-owes-you-something negative Nancys, turn that frickin frown inside out and get positive for once.  Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life tomorrow……maybe a suitcase of cash will cross your path…….maybe you WON’T have herpes after all….  Anything is possible, and while we of course need to be prepared for the worst, let’s also not rule out the best.

This Kansas classic contains some of my favorite riffs of all time….

Holy G.I.Joe!!  Prog-thrashsters Carrion Sun have a ridiculous video for a ripping song that will give you one to grow on….  (check em out on Facebook for more music & details on their 12/17 Record Release Show at the House of Blues in Houston, Tejas)

Follow me past the jump for some more musical reasons to simply carry on, son….

Click to read more…

photo by Metal Chris from DCHeavyMetal.com

It’s no secret that this guy gets down with reality tv from time to time.  Some of those shows are so intriguing, so trashy, so entertaining…..and some are just terrible.

VH1 crapfest Why Am I Still Single?! falls in the latter category, pitting a subpar alpha female matchmaker named Siggy & her lame team of “experts” (save for the twin blonde vanities…..twins, Max — boioing!) against New York City’s most socially inept daters.  I gave up on this show early on, but couldn’t help but be intrigued when ads for a recent episode boasted that one dater (contestant? victim? social pariah? what do you even call folks who go on these shows anymore???) was a heavy metal dude looking for love.

Well it turns out that dude is Bröhammer guitarist James Danzo and despite the consensus on the show that he’s a great guy, this earnest yet slightly rough-around-the-edges axe-slinger still gets predictably put through the ringer by the matchmaker’s crack(head) team.  Watch as James is reprimanded for his awful table manners by Siggy and her “expert etiquette coach Patricia” and given a new haircut by the buxom style twins….

I have it on good authority that going on reality tv yielded positive results for ol’ James — our boy has learned aplenty and can hopefully turn his newfound recognizability into dating gold.

And his band rocks!  Check them out on TheirSpace.  The bassist is a close personal bröbröcop who I’m told is hung like a donkey.

Bröhammer plays Brooklyn’s most metal venue Saint Vitus Bar tomorrow night (Friday 12/9) w/Mortician, Legionary, Blessed Ofal, and DeMilitiA….

-KW

Junior & I are presiding over an orgy of opinions, and you’re all invited to lube up and slide in….

Just when it seems like life can’t get any crazier, inevitably it does and another layer of the shell gets peeled away to reveal a whole new set of criteria for perspective. This year clean became the new heavy and introspective vulnerability came back in style (but did it ever really leave though?). So many great albums came out — old masters taking new forms, young turks carving new terrain, plenty of new sounds coming out of nowhere….frankly it’s been near-impossible to fashion this list in a distinguishable order. But I wasn’t about to give up, no way José!

So let’s get crackin.

You – love – IT.
And it loves you :) Click to read more…

As of late, I have been revisiting my love affair with the sublime tunage of St. Louis’ Riddle of Steel (RIP).

This power trio wrote fantastic, inspirational, feel-good yet edgy songs that each told their own unique melodic story, and it’s continually a pleasure to re-spin both of the two albums I have of theirs.  (UPDATE: just found out that there’s a 3rd full-length and an earlier EP as well, and I peed my pants a lil….Wingerschmidt Jr. got excited!)  Sounds vaguely like a heavier Trans Am meets Zeppelin meets The Police, but I’m hesitant to compare them to anything too much cuz the music is so nicely original and quality in its own right. Not to get bromantic or nuthin but I’m pretty sure RoS played at one of the first shows I ever went to with Vince Neilstein, at Lit Lounge right here in NYfC… Awwww :)

Sadly the band broke up in 2009, but their rockin, earnest singer/guitarist Andrew Elstner now plays in Torche and Tilts, drummer Rob Smith plays with Traindodge, Life & Times, Roma 79 and Bitch Wizard, and excellent bassist/vocalist Jimmy Vavak is busy being a dad (which also rocks). These guys are surely missed by many, what stellar hooky songwriters…

I couldn’t find any tracks on YouTube from their first full-length Python (my fave, it super kills), so you guys are just gonna have to buy that one, and it’s sooooo worth it.  That record features old drummer Dave Turncrantz, who shortly thereafter starting playing with Russian Circles.  Plenty more Riddle of Steel tunes on YouTube and TheirOldSpace.  Love love love this band!

-KW

If you live anywhere near New York Fucking City and you have half a brain in that ugly domepiece you call a head, you probably went to Day One of the inaugural Metal Suckfest at the Gramercy Theater yesterday.  And what a time it was…..we drank, we smoked, we rocked, we rolled, we laughed, we cried, we made sweet sweet love under the moonlight and then you puked all over me (gross!)……but holy bajeezus it was totally worth it huh?

Well TODAY is going to be even better!!!!!  Why/how, you ask??  1) the staff of MetalBlows will be raffling off hummers (not the cars), 2) ten radical bands (including Cynic, The Red Chord, Obscura, Fight Amp, and SIX MORE) will fuck your face right off, 3) I promise to keep that creepy guy from Metal Injection away from you, 4) free lapdances, 5) there’s a rumor going around that Lake Bukkake will play a secret set in the downstairs bar, 6) Axl will tell you all sorts of wise things about things, and 7) YOU SUCK.

Come party with us tonight, and be prepared to get a little messy……they don’t call it Suckfest for nothing!

-KW

I’ve been a fan of Portland’s Danava for some time now…..the band fuses heavy rawk riffage, ripping guitar solos, tripped-out keyboard mayhem, thumping boogie-stomp grooves and more together into an amalgam of awesome.  Bringing a new sensibility to yesteryear’s sounds in spades, Danava’s new Kemado Records album Hemisphere of Shadows is a scorcher that knows when to wail and when to lay back, with guitarmonies, fuzz and moogs aplenty.  Think Hawkwind, Thin Lizzy, Zeppelin, Deep Purple……..but don’t think, just rock out.

The band has old stuff on its TheirSpace page, and a few new tracks can be found on MeTube:

The band is currently on the road; remaining tour dates (with Thrones) after the jump.

Click to read more…

People all around the world love the nature-defying, super power’d MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys. And really, aside from poop being flung around wildly, what’s not to love?

Why even this past Summer Hollywood unveiled its long in-the-works movie adaptation of the story of that one time Higgins organized a simian mutiny in San Francisco (starring James Franco as a young Kip Wingerschmidt and John Lithgow as crotchety, forgetful ol’ Axl Rosenberg):

And some of you may remember The Kids In The Hall’s parody of Vince Neilstein’s rampant threats to unleash the monkeys on the unsuspecting public:

But every once in a while one of our mega-intelligent fusion-lovin’ apes gets a little too big for his/her britches, and an example must be made before the rest follow in rebellious suit.  We started calling it “ironing the monkey” — the MS version of branding your cattle, and unsurprisingly it’s quite effective.

Here’s what you do: let an insignia-clad iron heat up to peak temperature, drag a misbehaving monkey out into the middle of the arena (cuz yeah of course we have a bona fide arena in the Mansion) whilst the others watch on in sheer panic and terror, and brand the little fucker on his/her hairy bum…  Our iron has a big protruding “MS” protruding on it, so if you see that stamped on the ass of a monkey you’re sodomizing, you know where to return the beast after you’ve finished.

We got the idea from this band, which very well may have gotten the idea for its name from this movie:

Circle of life.

-KW

Whether you’re a pesto shrimp kinda gal or a spicy sausage man, hopefully one thing the two sexes can agree upon is that Justin Broadrick’s Jesu project is fucking beautiful. It rocks, it’s haunting, super earnest…..the perfect soundtrack for a late-night getting-to-know-you lovefest.

-KW

Even though this isn’t an official entry into our “Rigged” series, I thought it fit quite nicely so here ya go!

-KW

My brother-in-blog Axl Whoazenberg occasionally posts about things he finds hilarious that have nothing to do with metal, so I figured why not extend that notion into the realm of hottness?

My brother from the same mother introduced this video to me over the Summer during our annual visit to the Wingerschmidt west clan, and it continues to haunt me……enjoy.

Daisy Lowe for UK esquire HD from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

-KW

I done been a fan of Vancouver, Canada’s Black Mountain for quite some time now. The band’s shuffle-y stoner rock stylings fuse the best elements of ethereal 70s classic prog rock with melodic Zeppelin fare and heavy Sabbath-esque riffage, and the blend makes for one hell of an exploratory journey of psychedelic balls-deep rawk.

Take a long, strange trip with these samples from Black Mountain’s three excellent albums…

-KW

Dunno how we missed this one but our favorite prog metal band from the city of lost angles has had a previously unreleased in ‘merica song up online for maaaany months now.

We suck.

But the Song, “Vernon”, which was included on the European release of Valley of Smoke, is pretty awesome and you should check it out over at the blogronaut…

-KW

Ahhh, the Autumnal transition is finally upon us and here in New York the newfound chill in the air has already created a different vibe almost immediately.  No more mugginess, the putrid garbage in the streets isn’t melting into various layers of stench, and hooded sweatshirts are being pulled out of the deep recesses of closets left and right.

We here at MetalSmells are excited to invite you to relish with us the arrival of our favorite season, and remind you to enjoy it while it lasts.  Before too long the icy edge of winter will be shivering our broken collarbones and fiery libidos, so if you’re gonna fall, best get on that right away. 

-KW