Ye ask, and ye shall receive; you asked Gwar’s Oderus Urungus another round of questions of great first-world significance, and now everyone’s favorite Cuttlefish of Cthulhu-donning intergalactic metaller is back with his answers.

1)     When you die, are you to be buried in a KISS kasket?

Fuck no! And learn how to spell. From now on, misspell something? No answer! Wait, I already did. Answer your stupid question, I mean, not misspell… although I am allowed to fucking misspell whatever I fucking feel like! You know why? Because I can’t spell! But this whole thing is pointless, being immortal, like the guys from Highlander, well, not the gay ones, the Kurgan was more my style. I heard that they are remaking The Thing, which was a remake of a remake to begin with. It was a fucking great remake, so I am sure they will fuck this one up, unless they pile in a ton of crappy CG, in which case it will suck even more.

2)     Who would win in a fight– Sonic the Hedgehog or the Cuttlefish of Cthulu?

My cock would rape the jaw off of that woodland pest and then split his pathetic rump with the sheer force of me achieving a semi-chub. The sad thing is that he would love it. Sad for me, as I would appreciate him not enjoying being raped to death. But I do what I do, and I do it well, and they beg for violent rape. Sometimes I think I torture you the most when I do absolutely nothing, or let my personal butt-boy, Dave Brockie, put out solo albums. Which is worse? Only my hairdresser knows for sure, and I don’t have one.

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That’s right… he’s back! Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” is back and ready to answer your questions for another round of“Ask Oderus!!!” So leave your query for Lord Urungus in the comments section below. Oderus will pick his favorites and answer them right here on MetalSucks in the not-too-distant future. No question is too big or too small, too gross or too taboo, too serious or too silly, so ask away!

And don’t forget that GWAR have just announced a North American headlining tour for the fall; support will come from Every Time I Die, Ghoul, and Warbeast. Get dates here!

Greetings human filth, it is I, Oderus… no need for all the formal greetings that would normally be required for you. After all we have done this several times before. And with each successful snooze-fest (which is what answering your questions amounts to) I swore I would never again waste my time answering your asinine inquiries. But strangely enough, I found myself drawn to the web and reading your questions, no matter how stupid they were… and then I realized that my pathetic need for attention in any form completely outweighed any objections I might otherwise have had. Following that? After all, I did create you, and therefore despite your appalling appearance I am drawn to my creation, much like a father who puts a camera in his daughter’s toilet. So let’s be at it, you cretins!

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That’s right… he’s back! Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” is back and ready to answer your questions for another round of “Ask Oderus!!!” So leave your query for Lord Urungus in the comments section below. Oderus will pick his favorites and answer them right here on MetalSucks in the not-too-distant future. No question is too big or too small, too gross or too taboo, too serious or too silly, so ask away!

And don’t forget that Gwar’s new album, Gwar’s Bloody Pit of Horror, is out now on Metal Blade. You can get Gwar tour dates n’ more news n’ shit right here.

The Bloody Tour of Horror rocks on! City after city fall in flaming ruin as GWAR marches on, our zombie horde growing in power and fury with each passing day. But even as we slay on a global scale I, Oderus Urungus, make the time to answer your idiotic questions, whether they be of cosmic import or complete crap-ola, and always with the typically evasive and insulting aplomb you have come to expect from me. Remember, Bloody Pit of Horror is out Nov. 9, and every album sold is another hit off the old glass dick for Uncle Odie… yes, that’s right, it actually states in my contract that I get paid in crack. And speaking of crack, we will be doing another Crack-a-Thon next year! Check gwar.tv for all kinds of shit. Now — on to your entreaties, human filth!

If you choke a smurf what color does it turn? I would find out myself but for the life of me I can’t find one of the little blue bastards. — Big P

Well, that depends on what kind of Smurf you are talking about. If you are talking about those little dwarf-like animated shit-fucks, I am sorry to tell you that they are indeed just that — animated. They don’t exist, so you can’t strangle them. You’d have more success strangling your own penis, if you possess one, or can get someone to lend you theirs.

If, however, indeed, you are talking about that peculiar species of human that serves as the collector for blister packs of cough medicine that the local “Papa Smurf” uses to cook into crystal meth, I can assure you, from personal experience, that they go just as blue as any other human.

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Gwar‘s new album, Gwar’s Bloody Pit of Horror, is scheduled to be released later this year on Metal Blade. While you wait patiently like the stinking dog that you are, here’s Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” to answer all your ridiculous questions…

Why are you my mom? – EJ666

I thought everybody had heard the story at least 40,000 times, but then again it is a good one…When we arrived on Earth, we were forced to fuck apes — well, more like we forced them to fuck us. Yes, we raped the apes, it was motherfucking ape-rape. The human race sprang from that filthy union and so on and so forth. Really, I was pretty disappointed when I saw what the union had created, I was hoping for some kind of GWAR SUPER-APE, instead we got you tail-less freaks…that’s why I’m your mom, because I am your mom! Or at least your dad, your mom and dad at the same time. And I will be expecting at least a card on my birthday!

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You asked, and he answered! Here’s Gwar‘s Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” to answer all your ridiculous questions…

If your name wasn’t Oderus what would it be? – Rob

That’s a good question, moron. It’s pretty hard to imagine me being named LOLA or FUNKY WINKERBEAN.  Is this typical of the types of questions I am gonna get? Completely fucking retarded ones? It never ceases to amaze me that here you have an opportunity to have all the mysteries of life revealed, but you want to ask asinine questions like this one (YOURS). Get fucked! Oh yeah, I almost forgot — it would be GENGHIS HITLER VON DOG-LOLLY! Oh no, I shit myself (again).

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That’s right… he’s back! Oderus Urungus, the greatest singer in the history of what this putrid, worthless planet calls “metal,” has been busy recording Gwar’s new album, Gwar’s Bloody Pit of Horror, which comes out later this year on Metal Blade. But now the man whose shit is worth more than your entire life is back, and ready to answer your questions! So leave your query for Lord Urungus in the comments section below. Oderus will pick his favorites and answer them right here on MetalSucks in the not-too-distant future. No question is too big or too small, too gross or too taboo, too serious or too silly, so ask away!

GREETINGS HUMAN SCUM, IT IS I, ME, THE LORD AND MASTER OF THIS AND EVERY OTHER WORLD I CAN THINK OF, YOUR HOST WITH THE MOST (COCK), ODERUS URUNGUS OF THE MIGHTY GWAR! AND WHAT FOLLOWS IS MY FIRST OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUE OF THIS FELGLING DECADE, TAKING THE FORM OF YOUR PATHETIC ENTREATIES REGARDING A HOST OF MATTERS BOTH PERTINENT AND OBSCURE. THAT’S RIGHT, ONCE AGAIN IT IS TIME FOR THE UNPARALELLED AWESOMOSITY THAT IS “ASK ODERUS”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oderus. I was wondering if the revelation of Lady GaGa being a tranny has altered your desire to make intergalactic relations with him/her/it. Also has “Pokerface” gone from annoying to slightly disturbing? How many Lady GaGa dongs would it take to make you vomit all over yourself?

I SEE IMMEDIATELY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO SNEAK THREE QUESTIONS IN HERE… AND THREE STUPID ONES AT THAT. I MEAN HERE YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO GOD AND YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT LADY GA-GA… PLUS YOU ARE TRYING TO CHEAT! BUT DESPITE THE ABSOLUTE WORTHLESSNESS OF YOUR QUESTIONS (AND THEREFORE, YOU…), I WILL ANSWER ALL THREE OF THEM.

1)      No.
2)      No.
3)      I PUKE AT WILL SO I SUPPOSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN ZERO AND INFINITY, DEPENDING ON WHAT KIND OF MOOD I WAS IN…

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Gwar frontman / Fox News interplanetary correspondent Oderus Urungus is back for another round of his famed MetalSucks advice column “Ask Oderus.” Got a question for Mr. Urungus? Be it about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, Gwar, prosthetic dongs or any other topic that’s burning a whole in your humanoid heart, leave a comment below and Oderus himself will pick a few to answer next week.

It seems that Gwar’s Oderus Urungus is super-stoked on his MetalSucks column “Ask Oderus”; not only has the dude been keeping up with his duties as Professor of Intergalactic Metal Advice, but he responded to our last call for questions by leaving comment answers to all of your questions; every single one of them!! For the sake of getting his answers out to the masses, we’ve compiled some of the best Q&As from last week’s online therapy session here.

Chase asks: What happened to the blood bombs yall would throw at the show? those were ridiculous. Why haven’t yall killed amahidnnedjad?

If they do their job, they hopefully explode into your eyes, blinding you and giving you numerous incurable diseases.

As far as that crafty, kooky, A-Jad is concerned, I am in no hurry to kill him. I think he is quite amusing. I wish him all the best in his construction of a nuclear warhead and delivery system for said weapon. Hopefully Many people admire him for his defiant attitude, and I am enjoying his stand-up comedy, particularly the jokes he made about the Holocaust. Hilarious! Way funnier than Schindler’s List. Everyone said what a great movie that was but when I saw it I only laughed like two, three times!

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Gwar’s Oderus Urungus is back for another round of Ask Oderus. Now’s your chance to ask everyone’s favorite Scumdogian the questions that have been burning holes in your mind; “Why haven’t you slaughtered ICP and all the Juggalos yet?” “Do you like fish sticks?” “Is it fair the singer from Anthrax got fired for shitting on the bass player’s back? Don’t you regularly give Cleveland steamers to Jizmak?” These are all questions that Oderus has answered before for you, the MetalSucks faithful.

So what’ll it be? Ask Oderus by leaving a comment, and check back next week for his majesty’s answers.

In the meantime, check out Gwar’s intergalacticly awesome new video for “Let Us Slay” and Oderus’ appearance on Opie & Anthony.

You ask questions, Oderus answers. It’s a pretty simple formula, really. This week Mr. Urungus tackles MS reader questions ranging from crabcore to Anthrax to Hitler, raping whales, Lordi (and their inherent suckitude) and a whole host of other topics. Yeah, Oderus talks a LOT of shit in this one! Your questions answered, after the jump.

If you’ve got any questions for Oderus, drop them in the comments section for Oderus to answer next time around.

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Last week we made Gwar’s intergalactic frontman Oderus Urungus available to answer your questions, for which you wasted no time in posting them in the comments. Mr. Urungus picked his favorites and sent them back to us yesterday, and the results are predictably raunchy and entertaining!

Since this went so well, we’re going to turn it into a bi-monthly regular column Ask Oderus. Got any questions? Post them in the comments below, and Oderus himself will choose his favorites and post his answers here in two weeks.

Q: How does it feel to have Greg Gutfeld lodged so far up your ass?

A: Quite nice really, he isn’t that large!

More questions answered after the jump…
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