If you’ve ever told someone that BETWEEN THE BURIED AND ME is better than HATEBREED… you just might be an internet metal nerd. If you’ve ever pretended you don’t like a band because they played Warped Tour and you were afraid your friends would call you a poser… well, you’re probably an internet metal nerd. If you actually think Decrepit Birth has gotten better, not worse, it’s pretty safe to say you just might be an internet metal nerd. And if you’ve ever had a nerdrage tantrum when someone calls your pet band deathcore, there’s no two ways about it: YOU’RE DEFINITELY AN INTERNET METAL NERD!

An IMN is more than simply a metal fan who also uses the internet: being an IMN is a lifestyle. And unfortunately, it’s not a recipe for success as a human being. In fact, it’s the fast track to ending up a lonely, miserable weirdo who alienates everybody but other lonely, miserable weirdos. I know this because I speak from experience: it’s not easy for me to say this publicly, but the truth is that I was once a metal nerd :(

But I’m not here to hate. As a former metal nerd who knows your pain, I am here to help: THIS POST IS A SAFE SPACE! We can be honest with each other here. There is no judgement, only real talk. Want to know if YOU are an internet metal nerd, and what to do if you are?? Find out after the break!

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What’s up guys I need your help. As you know I am not just a blogger, but also a musician like a lot of you. I just wanted to post this acoustic cover I did of “BTM/FDR” for this cool Alternative Press contest. The winner gets to open for the Deez Nuts/BMTH/Parkway Drive tour in my town! This would be a huuuuge chance for me, especially since I read on Absolute Punk that their were going to be a lot of ‘industry people’ at the show, so I would really appreciate it if you could vote for me!!

Also for all you ‘haters,’ I know this video isn’t perfect so let me just go ahead and say I know it’s not perfect and there are some things I will be fixing when I re-record this. So if you were going to ‘hate’ on me for any of these things, don’t even bother, I will do it for you haha:

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GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WIFING GOALS IN 2011

I guess the 16 year-old bro who got kicked out of Design The Skyline didn’t get his fill of public self-clowning when he cried about it on his Tumblr the other day… He’s back, this time gushing about how he wants to marry his little girlfriend! Some pretty epic white knighting here. Highlights:

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If you’re like most musicians these days, there are two big questions you struggle with. First, what are we trying to say with our brand/image: pretty boy party animals ala Asking Alexandria, srs brooding artists like Converge, ponytailed betas (Animals As Leaders), or what? And second, but more importantly, how are we going to come up with sick breakdowns that will end up on every YouTube “TOP 10 METALCORE BREAKDOWNS THAT GO HARD” video?

I’ll save the first question for another post, but if you’re stumped for breakdown ideas, look no further than this video by a band called ARBITER. It turns out that all you need is a deck of cards! While it’s clearly tongue-in-cheek, what makes this video so awesome is that it’s pure truth. The “advanced breakdown” at 4:30? Oh fuck yes!! You’re moshing!!!!

Will you use THE ARBITER METHOD next time you need to come up with an advanced-level breakdown?? Did they take the easy way out when they removed the 7s, 8s, and 9s from the deck? Which card represents “gang vocals shouting a controversial slogan before you break that shit down”???

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. writes advanced blog posts every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

¿¡Q-VO, CULEROS?! Te gustan EL MOSH?! Pienso que sí! Escuchame si te quiero EL MOSH tambien!!!

As you can tell from my terrible Spanish, I’m just a dumb güero who can barely tell a tamale from a taqueria. I might not be the master of foreign languages, but I do know that Latinos always been a big part of metal/punk/hardcore (even though nobody ever talks about it). Not only that, but Latinos might be a driving force in the future of the genre — in fact, I think the next big thing will be middle-class white kids jocking Mexicans!

In this post, I will discuss the past, present and future of Latinos in metal/hardcore/etc. Whether you’re a pinche white person like me or a Latino, tell me if you see things the same as I do. Feel free to tell me I’m an idiot/racist/troll if you want, but I would prefer legitimate discussion since I am genuinely interested in this topic.

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I like to think of myself as a little more open-minded than the average metal fan. If you look at my Zune playlist, you’ll find everything from As I Lay Dying to Killswitch Engage, from Lamb of God to Pantera, right next to Chimaira and DevilDriver — a pretty diverse mix to say the least, right??! As you can see, I am always looking for new music, but at the same time my Zune only has a 512MB hard drive so I can’t just buy every new metal album on the Zune Marketplace!

With that in mind I need your help. I’m really excited to learn more about GRINDCORE and DOOM METAL, but tbh I don’t know a lot about either one and like I said I only have so much space on my Zune, so I am trying to choose which one I like better!

Which do you guys think is better, GRINDCORE or DOOM??? What are the best artists in each genre?? What exactly is the difference between the two????? Please add your comments to the discussion! (Just click on the “ADD A REPLY” button to add a comment)

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We are proud to present an EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE from one of my favorite newer bands, EMMURE. It’s not only the second single from their latest album “Speaker of the Dead,” but in my opinion their best song. And remember, you saw it here first!!

For those of you who are reading this on your Zune, do not yet have a 56k connection, or for whatever other reason cannot watch the video, here are my notes:

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BREAKING NEWS: Victory Records sensations DESIGN THE SKYLINE have parted ways with their bassist, Ethan. Information is sketchy thusfar, but here’s what we know via his Tumblr (lulzy parts highlighted in bold):

So my asshole band members just kicked me out because im 16. Ive worked so hard in this band ive done alot i drove all the way to chicago with them to get signed i made 2 music videos with them i do nothing wrong. And were going on our first tour in about 2 weeks. And there just dropping me like that. Nothing ever goes well for me in my life not school not relationships and finially i get in a band ive loved music my whole life and we finially get signed a dream come true and now ive lost that. I feel like that once in a life time chance had finally come and now its just gone like that cause my band members are fucking heartless. They know what shit ive been through but there just selfish. Now i feel like my life isnt worth living im just a normal ass person like ive always been and that sucks, i was so excited to see what tour is like and get to go to europe and see beautiful places on this earth. I cant even type right right now im shaking im so scared and mad and idk its an intense feeling i just broke a mirror with my hand and im bleeding i feel stupid. wtf is wrong with me. nothing goes well for me and this is just like assuring me nothing else ever will.. omg im freaking out. a;sdkjf;f FUCK man. i hope NONE of you guys have problems like this in yalls lives i hope you all live amazing wonderful happy lives no one deserves this but apparently i do for some fucked up reason..

AFTER THE BREAK, the tl;dr version…

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Ask 100 people their definition of deathcore, and you’ll get 101 answers, each different than the last. But the truth is that deathcore is actually really easy to define: it’s mallcore kids trying to play death metal, and try as they might, they will never quite get it right. Although that sounds like a criticism, it isn’t — the same raw, amateurish charm that made 80s hardcore like DRI and MDC great is the same reason why deathcore bands are awesome, even if they fail at their original goal of playing “sweet metal.”

Sure, their ham-fisted, clumsy attempts at playing “real metal” might be a little facepalm-worthy and/or lulzy at times, but on the other hand, they are a lot more interesting than the same old generic bullshit the br00tal death metal scene has churned out for years. Moreover, hardcore as a whole is just kids who try to play whatever kind of metal was cool 10 years earlier, so if you hate on deathcore you’re hating on the last three decades of hardcore!

In this article, I will present both a framework for assessing the history of deathcore, and my hypothesis about the future of the genre. Specifically, that deathcore has three, clearly-defined phases in its short history: Deathcore 1.0 (ripping off Gothenburgcore/melodeath), Deathcore 2.0 (ripping off br00tal death) and Deathcore 3.0 (ripping off djent/prog/wank/etc).

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I’m proud to call myself a working-class American. There might not be anything glamorous about my job (I drive a high-end limousine), but it’s an honest living, and although I have my occasional bouts with depression and self-hatred, when it comes down to it I am happy with who I am! And I’m not the only one: much to the surprise and chagrin of all you privileged, liberal elites with your fancy state-school degrees, there are millions of us in the so-called “flyover states” who love our proud, blue-collar lives and the music that gets us through the day.

Djentstep, post-blackened tech death and progressive funeral grind might be trendy in the coffee shops, boutiques and exclusive nightclubs of Manhattan, San Francisco and London, but here in the heartland of the United States, we stick to the music that made this country what it is: unpretentious, no-frills nu-metal. Or more specifically, the new breed of bands who are bringing back the spirit of 1998 and spearheading the NEO-NU-METAL MOVEMENT. That’s right, motherfuckers, nu-metal ain’t dead! It might not be dominating the playlists of tastemaking metal bloggers, but it’s alive and well in the hearts and minds of people who just want to rock out after they get home from a 12-hour shift at the cardboard box factory in Youngstown, Ohio.

After the break, some of the best bands from the NEO-NU-METAL scene!

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When you think about it, the late 90s are maybe the most underrated years in terms of awesome music. Some of of my all-time favorite pop artists Mandy Moore, Christina Augilera, and Blink-182 blew up in the late 90s, not to mention gems like Jordan Knight’s comeback song, all of which are still totally great. It’s also when we got Linkin Park, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, and tons of other sick bands that combined the most annoying and ignorant aspects of white trash and poor black people.  But maybe the very best of late 90s douche rock was Crazytown, and it’s time that we gave them their due!

I know Vince is all up on Spotify’s dick, but when it comes to bands you really love, you want to own the physical artifact. I definitely love Crazytown, so before I wrote this, I hopped on eBay and picked up the entire CxT discography, for a grand total of 74 cents. I know what you’re thinking: I got ripped off! But not so fast: both CxT albums were 1 cent each, although I had to pay 72 cents for Shifty’s solo album. I’m not sure what makes that one worth 36 times more than the other two put together, but valuation of physical assets is kind of a black art that I don’t totally understand, so I was OK with paying top dollar to get these albums that mean so much to me.

After the break, a detailed breakdown of the entire CxT discography, some trivia, and my thoughts on whether Shifty and I could have a bromance!

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As many of you know, my highly successful BURZUM clothing line is now available at Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and Zumiez. I am proud to announce that we have also signed a deal with black metal legends IMMORTAL to create another line exclusively for indie rock retailers URBAN OUTFITTERS!

Our first design is now available, featuring an illustration showcasing the whimsical side of the iconic black metallers. Designed with the the female customer in mind, this graphic shows the band with their heads replaced by those of grizzly bears- it’s our own, fractured take on the exclusive, “kvlt black metal” scene that has long relied on bands like IMMORTAL for direction. We’re excited about the potential of this brand, and hope that you are too!

CLICK HERE to buy one for yourself – act now, supplies are limited! (Sorry, the item is only available in womens’ sizes.)

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. is the tip of fashion’s sword every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

I wasn’t alive back in the 1980s to see it firsthand, but from what I understand it was considered cool back then to play guitar solos. And I can see why: if you are home sick from school and you watch VH1 Classic, whenever the guy in the video plays a solo, the crowd goes crazy. All the dudes are like “OMG he is so talented!!!” and all the chicks are like “GET IN MY PUSSY!!” It must have been awesome to be a guitarist back then!!

But that was a long time ago, and things have changed a lot. These days, only fat guys with ponytails and glasses care about guitar solos. Nobody thinks it’s cool to be like “CHECK ME OUT, I’M SHREDDING THE FRETBOARD *WEEDLY WEEDLY WEEDLY*” There’s only one thing that makes dudes lose their shit and chicks get wet in 2011: BREAKDOWNS!

Unlike a lot of you, I’ve been listening to metal since late 2004/early 2005, so I think I know what I am talking about. With that said, I’m not a musician, but I know a lot of you are, so I am asking you, the readers: ARE BREAKDOWNS THE NEW GUITAR SOLO???

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In this video from his Tumblr, some kid takes his old Lamb Of God shirt, puts it in the poorly-made firepit that his dad built last summer, and sets fire to it (after some very creepy heavy breathing at :23). “Fuck you Randy Blythe, fuck Lamb Of God,” he says, adding “Whoa, that was pretty epic!”

I am not sure why he’s so angry at LoG, but I’d be pretty mad at the world too if I looked like this

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. does not tolerate poorly-made firepits at Stuff You Will Hate.

As anyone else over 30 knows, there was once a time in which it was definitely not cool for hardcore bands to be into metal. It’s probably hard to imagine, but back in the early 90s hardcore and metal didn’t mix all that much, at least not to the extent that they do these days. I’m not sure they get the credit they deserve for it, but RINGWORM were true pioneers who blurred the boundaries between the two genres: they were one of the first overtly metal bands in the early 90s hardcore scene, or one of the few metal bands who had such overt hardcore influences, I’m not sure.

But that’s all nerdy bullshit for record collectors to argue about. The truth is that the only album of theirs I have ever owned or listened to is “The Promise,” which came out in 1993 (although I did get tattooed once by Human Furnace about 15 years ago). We are here to talk about something way more interesting.   These guys are no strangers to poor life choices, and since most of the readers here seem to be more interested in what kind of guitar strings the guy from Periphery uses than getting laid, I figured we should talk about getting wasted, banging strippers and other elements of HOW TO PARTY, RINGWORM STYLE!

Details on how to rage like it’s a Nunslaughter show at The Phantasy after the break!

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Have you ever noticed that the bands who metal nerds fawn over today were universally-despised rage magnets just a few short years ago? For example, trashing Pantera in 2011 is asking to get chased with torches and pitchforks — the polar opposite of 1993, when you would be hard-pressed to find a band that metal nerds hated more. Or how everybody jizzes over Suffocation now, but in the mid-90s you couldn’t read two pages of Metal Maniacs without someone pissing and moaning about “Suffoclones.” Are metal nerds crazy, or is there some rhyme and reason to their seemingly-contradictory behavior?? I believe that there is indeed a way to understand metal nerds, but it’s not what you might think!

Psychologists have long compared metal nerds to women. The similarities are certainly undeniable: like the fairer sex, they are fickle, emotional, and irrational. They even have long hair! However, my research suggests that, unlike women, they actually operate by a primitive form of logic and are highly predictable. After the break: my SCIENTIFIC MODEL OF METAL NERD PSYCHOLOGY, the FOUR KINDS OF METAL BANDS, and an exclusive METAL NERD CHEAT SHEET that reveals a foolproof formula for whether you should like a band or not!

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BIG CHOCOLATE is a busy motherfucker. When he’s not touring as a DJ, remixing his own and other people’s songs, or working on Commissioner (with Mitch from Suiside Silence), he does a one-man band called DISFIGURING THE GODDESS. They’ve been around for a few years, but just dropped their debut full-length Circle of Nine. It’s definitely brutal as fuck, but I am not sure whether they are a death metal or deathcore band!! I think it is really important to label music, so I am asking for your help on this one.

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I pride myself on being open minded, so it is very important to me that I consider both sides of an issue before I decide what I think about something! For example, I have always thought that “melodic metal” was a very confusing idea. To me, melody and metal are like oil and water: no common ground. In fact, I have always thought of them as polar opposites — it was always my basic rule that if a song is melodic, then it is by definition not metal.

That said, I know that not everybody feels the same about this as I do, so I thought that I should look into this issue a little more. I don’t like to make snap judgments, so in the interest of intellectual honestly I intend to take a FAIR AND BALANCED LOOK at MELODY IN METAL! In this post, I will share a few examples of both successful and unsuccessful uses of melody and let YOU be the judge — WE REPORT, YOU DECIDE!

You tell me: is there a place for melody in metal????

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ATTN MOSHBROS, GTFIH

I’ve been waiting for this video to drop for weeks, because this track is easily my favorite hardcore song in years. Featuring guest vocals by Martin Stewart of Terror/Donnybrook, it’s pretty much the best song Madball never wrote. Actually, it’s even better, because most Madball songs are about New York, which is a hipster-filled shithole, and this song is about the best place on earth: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!

My notes:

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The best thing about teenagers is that they take everything so seriously: whether it’s an upcoming math test, getting grounded, or missing out on seeing their favorite band this weekend, if they don’t get their way, the world is coming to an end. Everything is such a big deal!!

For example, as long as I can remember, kids have been getting mad about Hot Topic. Sometimes they’re mad because Hot Topic sells something that they like, other times they’re mad because Hot Topic doesn’t sell something they like… you never know. For example, they got butthurt 10-15 years ago because you could buy Hatebreed shirts at Hot Topic, and now they’re butthurt because there aren’t enough Hatebreed shirts at Hot Topic — so lulzy.

The main difference is that now teenagers have so many ways to express their stupidity on the internet, which is great for people like me who like laughing at them and how angry they get about trivial bullshit like what shirts they sell at the mall. In this post, I will share a few of my favorite Tumblr temper tantrums about Hot Topic — plenty of lulz after the break, and make sure to follow my Tumblr!

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