This mornings, Is wants tos eats somethings Is cannots pronounce. Is wants Naglfar.

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Emperors Magus Caligulas is leavings Darks Funerals. Bummers. This mornings, Is burns the french toasts ins his honors. Burns it blacks. BLACKS, IS SAYS!!!

Donts looks ats me. Is nots cryings. Fucks yous ins the assholes withs the cocks froms hells.

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Axls ands Vince saids Is haves to dos this. Is hates it. Axls says “Its likes corpses paint.” Vince says “Its ‘Unholys.’ Yous likes things thats ares nots holys!” Is calls bullshits. Is quits. Fucks yous. Fucks yous and the ponys yous rodes on.

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What dos Indians eats for brunchs? Is guess Is gonnas finds outs the hards way. I hopes theys haves steaks ands eggs, buts Axl says probablys nots. Damns its.

What dos Indians black metals sounds likes? Is guess yous gonnas finds outs the hards way, too…

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Lovings your mommies is tr00. Shes the ones whos taughts yous hows tos bes ebil. Maybes yous evens borrowed her makesups thes first time yous puts ons corpse paints. Remembers hows shes mades yous cleans your rooms? Ebil. Ors hows shes tolds yous tos makes thes monsters face sos shes could brush yours teeths? Ebil. Ors hows she groundeds yous whens shes founds outs that yous burneds downs the church? EBIL. Ors hows she stoods ups for yous whens you coulds nots gets the parole fors killings your band mates? EBIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yous cans takes one days tos gos tos thes Hallmarks and buys a nice cards. It wills nots kills yous.

Most BM bands is toos muchs ofs pussys tos express their loves fors the mommies. Pussys pussys pussys. Heres the bests Is coulds dos. Nows Is ams goings tos give my mommies the necklace Is boughts ats thes T.J. Maxxs ands takes her tos the buffets ats the Holidays Inns ands to sees the Babies movie. Ebil, ebil, ebil.

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Because thats wheres Is wills be todays insteads of enjoying mys brunch.

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Ims goings tos puts hallucinogenics ins thes eggs this mornings. Shhhhhs. Don’t tells Axl ands Vince! I wants thems tos bes surprised. I wants thems tos say, “Whoas! Whats wrongs with mys eggs?!?” Ands thens I ams goings to gets thems tos dos somethings embarrassing, ands I ams goings tos takes a picture! Ands we wills laughs. Has has has!!!

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What? Is dids nots gets to plays Aprils Fools joke.

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‘Cause the doctors says Is needs to gos ons a diets. Nos mores chocolates chip pancakes for mes! EBIL!!!

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Todays Is am havings nots  yours traditional brunches, but Frühstück and Kaffeehäuser. I am tolds theres is goings to bes lotses and lotses of breads. Mmm. Breades fores breakfasts! You sees whats Is dids there?

-AR

I haves seens manys weirds things at brunches. I haves seens mine uncles pours his chocolates milks over his pancakes. I haves seens mines friends gets up to take a bigs dump so he coulds keep eatings at the buffets. I haves sprinkled mushrooms in my crepes for a reals minds fuck. I haves seens brunches that weren’ts reallys brunches at alls. Spookies…

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Todays I drink Minute Maid orange juices (from concentrates) with breakfasts instead of my regular Tropicana. It was good. Sometimeses the imitations is even betters than the originals. Though I very much miss the pulps.

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[Thanks: d00shc00gr]

Tonights starts Yom Kippurs. I was gonna plays some Jewish black metals, but the onlys Jewish black metals bands I knows is Bishop of Hexen, and they sucks major matzos balls. So I am cheatings with Melechesh. They ares not Jewish, but they is Israeli. And they rules.

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This mornings we wakes up to a texts from our friends Eyal from Daath. He’s on tours in Europe, and Lord Ahriman from Dark Funeral tooks him to brunch at a four stars hotels! BLACK METAL BRUNCH LIVES!!!

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This mornings I wants tartines. Tartines with mustards. And crepes with nutellas. Yums yums.

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Todays I ams havings dim sums for brunch. I knows the Chineses are different from the Japaneses, but as my daddys used to say, wes all pinks ons the insides.

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Poached eggs over salmons on Engilsh muffins isn’t as easys to makes as its seems. I looks in the cooks books, I thinks, “Oh, this is simples.” No. Much more epics than at first appears. But worths the efforts, y’knows?

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Sometimes it’s goods just to have fruits for brunch. Fruits salads.

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Dis mornings I learns the hards ways: turkey saugsages don’t tastes like reals saugsages, y’knows?

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Chocolate chips pancake. Black coffee. Burnt toasts with butters. No fruits. Empty calories ist krieg.

Speakings of “Empty”: this ist inspired by my friends, Satan Rosenbloom. May it sends you to an early graves.

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