Having an outlet through a prominent web media site like metalsucks.net is a blessing in so many ways. It took a while for me to realize, but honestly having my shitty ideas read by thousands of shitty people is a power that I should harness and use to project something positive onto the metal scene. Since Metallica haven’t called me about ghost writing their next album yet, I figure I should still try to do some good for the heavy music community and turn you people on to some bands who don’t have a label buying ad space on Metalsucks. Here is a list of bands I am angry at the public for not liking:

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In the past while on tour, I’ve encountered many special things that I regret not having a video camera around to document. Last summer, we did have the foresight to bring one along, and it was totally worth it. We ended up whittling down close to six hours of footage into a ten minute “rockumentary” of that particular tour. However, some of the people we filmed along the way deserved to be seen in their fully candid, unedited glory, and here’s a particular character I’d like to share with you all.

We arrived to the show in Orlando, FL early enough to hang with the daytime locals at the bar we were playing. Not long after we sat down, this dude comes in announcing that he only has one dollar, but needs a beer. He got it, and proceeded to infiltrate our little clique, dazzling us with his sloppy redneck wit. I grabbed the video camera and let it roll.

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Quite often, in interviews or just in conversation with random people, I am asked about my marijuana consumption. Imagine some nerdy Canadian metal journalist dude over the phone, going (read with accent) “DUDE, how much WEED did you smoke during the writing process for that record?” I get seriously annoyed by this, as I think it’s really immature to assume that pot has some magical power that actually writes the music for you. It reminds me of being 16 or 17, getting together at band practice, and someone coming up with the idea to “get really high and just jam” with the tape recorder running. 100% of the time, the result was a droney mess consisting of boring, meterless drum beats, monotonous “singing”, and one guitar playing an open E with a flange pedal left on at full blast. I just want to grab these people, throw them against a wall, hold them by their throats, and scornfully inform them that drugs are stupid, they themselves are stupid, and that it takes actual skill and thought to write interesting music.

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Recently, Metalsucks’ Vince wrote a very informative blog for young musicians aspiring to “make it” as a band. Well, I’m sure it was informative, I didn’t actually read the whole thing because, hey, I mean, come on…. right guys? Yeah! High five! It did however make me think of some other groups of people I deal with regularly who could use a written set of guidelines, like sound guys, or my roommates in regards to the kitchen sink. However, I think the group of people most due for a friendly verbal check are typically the lowest scum of the earth – promoters.

Being in a band who has toured quite often for the better part of two years with very minimal label support, I’ve felt the effects of dealing with shit promoters. As a touring band, there is no greater slap in the face than a promoter who stiffs you on money, a little simple hospitality, and, oh yeah, that word that’s actually in the job description, “promoting.” I’ve decided to break this down into an easy read for both veteran and aspiring underground show promoters.
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Yeah! Almost votin’ time! I mean boy, with my own life being so dull, the time for some good reality TV is definitely now. I can’t wait to see who steals THIS election! It’s looking tough, as the Republican side is playing hardball once again. Apparently, hundreds of absentee ballots were mailed out this week with an oh-so unfortunate typo in the presidential category, reading “Barack Osama.” Some very official person came forward to say that it was merely a typo and not intentional. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not even suggesting it was necessarily a call made by the McCain campaign, but someone HAD to have premeditated that. The letters B and S aren’t even near each other on the keyboard! And for no one to proofread the official absentee ballots? Ah well, so what if Obama’s name is misspelled on the ballot. I’m sure it will still be a nice and fair election, because who would actually let a typo slip into their consciousness and affect their judgment of character?

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I’m going to talk about Metallica and their new record.  Now, I’m sure this topic has been beaten to death in metal social circles by now, judging from all the opinions on this site alone, but I am going to offer something that no one has so far – a solution.

I read Dallas Coyle’s recent blog on this very subject, and while I share his level of adoration for this band, I’m going to have to refute one main point he made; arguing that Death Magnetic is a good album.  It really isn’t, in my eyes.  It wasn’t in the eyes of many others either, based on a quick skim of MetalSucks.  But let me ask, did you really expect it to be?  The last time everyone liked the latest Metallica record, the first Bush was in office.  I haven’t expected anything resembling greatness out of this band in a long time, because I know that they’ve lost their edge.  That’s not an insult, its an ironic occurance in life, not unlike waiting twelve years to grow hair on your balls, only to lose it on your head fifteen years later.  Just like pretty much every once-great rock musician ever, that flame of inspiration has been blown out by age, money, Bob Rock, or whatever else that will make you a different person than you were when you wrote the good shit.

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[Welcome to the first installment of Blogronaut, in which the accomplished Intronaut guitarist pontificates on life, the world, life in the world, and the over-abundance of bad actors in L.A. We hope you like his writing as much as you do his music. - Ed.]

Hello, MetalSucks readers! Welcome to the semi-official Introblog. I throw in the “semi” due to there already being an Introblog, which is the fully official Intronaut news blog, located at http://blogronaut.blogspot.com. Anyway, that’s enough plugging my own endeavors (like Intronaut’s new album Prehistoricisms which came out 9/16 and is in stores now!) for today.

I want to thank the dudes at MetalSucks for giving me this opportunity to shorten the gap between me and the rest of the world, allowing me to make known what I need to make known. I look forward to throwing some seriously scathing verbal blows at the unsuspecting surfers of the world wide web. Fortunately, since I just got off tour and am on the hunt for a new job, I have plenty to gripe about.

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