Just ’cause we’re Jews doesn’t mean we can’t get a lil’ Xmas spirit in the MetalSucks Mansion! That’s why, for the third year in a row, we’re launching celebrating Jesus’ birthday in style, with our Antichrist Christmas contest. And this year, our pals at Relapse Records are hooking up the winner up in style with an awesome prize pack that includes the following CDs:

• Brutal Truth, End Time
• Zombi, Escape Velocity
• Indian, Guiltless
• Inevitable End, The Oculus
• Black Tusk, Set The Dial

Friggin’ sweet, right? Santa is jealous.

All you have to do to win is tell us why you hate the holidays. You can leave your answer in the comments section below, and make sure you register with a real e-mail address, since the winner will be contacted by e-mail.

Unfortunately, only readers who live in the U.S. are eligible. Because while Santa might have nine magic reindeer, all we have is the USPS.

All entries are due by New Year’s Day. We’ll announce the winners the first week of January 2012.

Good luck, and HO HO HO! MERRY ANTICHRIST CHRISTMAS!!!

-Axl & Vince

The winner of last week’s Photo Caption Contest will get to enjoy a CD case pop-up flap of all the Rammstein dudes in their bathing trunks for all of eternity. Hooray! Put that on your cubicle desk and see what your co-workers think. He’ll also get a 7″ of the “Mein Land” single, previously available only in Europe. Here’s the winner:

• Phil Anshlomo: “This is what happens when you forget to change the pump filter on the gene pool.”

This week we’re giving away bunch of signed CD booklets from our friends at Roadrunner Records:

• Grand Prize: Opeth’s Watershed, Soulfly’s Conquer, Times of Grace’s The Hymn of Broken Man, and Stone Sour’s Audio Secrecy. We’ll also throw in one Richard Christy-signed signed booklet of Charred Walls of the Damned’s new one on Metal Blade Records, Cold Winds on Timeless Days, left over from his Comic Con / MetalSucks signing session.
• Runner-up: Times of Grace’s The Hymn of Broken Man and Stone Sour’s Audio Secrecy.

You know what comes next: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by regular Photo Caption Contest tipman Jason Solomon). Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Sometimes the least “metal” photos make for the best captions, as was the case with last week’s contest; those foil masks were ripe for the punning. The Slipknot refs were too obvious, so this complete nonsequitur made me laugh the most:

• Jim: “The TV reception in their house was the fucking bomb.”

This week we’ve got copies of Rammstein’s “Mein Land” single on both vinyl and CD to give away to one winner. These were only distributed in Europe from Universal Germany, so they’re something of a rare item in the U.S. The CD has a pop-out flap of all the guys on surfboards (pictured here along with the 7″), per the imagery in their official “Mein Land” video; zexy! Rammstein’s retrospective album Made In Germany: 1995-2011 comes out on December 13th and can be pre-ordered here. To win, leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by MS reader Harley Tallent). Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

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Last year I gave away a SHITLOAD of CDs (several hundred) from my personal CD collection, promos I’d collected over the past year, and other assorted metal swag. I traded all of that to a MetalSucks reader for a taxidermied duck, and I could not be more happy; Bocephus sits proudly on the wall of the Vince Division of the MS Mansion as if I shot and killed the guy myself. Great trade!

Since then I’ve accumulated a bunch more shit released in 2011 and I wanna do it again! Make me an offer I can’t refuse, something interesting, something odd, something I couldn’t get anywhere else, and everything pictured in the above photo could be yours! I am not interested in a) money, b) other CDs, c) offers of indentured servitude that’ll never come to fruition. Anything else is fair game! Everything pictured in the above photo will be included in the package. No, I won’t provide any close-ups of what’s included… there’s some really good shit, some really lame unsigned band promos, both CDs and vinyls and… who knows what else? That’s the fun of it. Think of it as a metal version of Storage Wars.

To enter, send your proposal to vince [at] metalsucks [dot] net with “2011 CD GIVEAWAY” as the subject of your email.

Last week we offered up a copy of Butch Walker’s new autobiography Drinking With Strangers. Let me tell y’all, I just finished the book and it’s SUCH a good read; in addition to metalhead-friendly topics related to Butch’s days in SouthGang on the late ’80s sunset strip, there’s a wealth of information about the music industry in general, and, of course, stories from the Marvelous 3 days and the creation of Butch’s solo albums. Highly recommend you buy it here. One guy who certainly won’t have to buy it is our winner:

• Dantera: “Ironic the very child she tried to abort became a Dying Fetus fan.”

White Arms of Athena’s prog-tastic album Astrodrama is now available on vinyl via Eclipsical Records, and we’ve got two copies to give away this week. This week’s photo comes from loyal photo submission expert Jason Solomon; leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter 

That shirt you see above worn by MS devotee Rob Hinkle is something of a collector’s item; they were part of the FYE Fanpack we released earlier this year for just $9.99 with a 20-track CD sampler and there were only 2,000 made, all of which are now sold out. So hang on to that shirt forever and ever, Rob… in the year 2025 you can sell it on the modern equivalent of eBay for a gajillion dollars, or you can just be that cool dad wearing the vintage metal tee from back in the days before MetalSucks starting sucking. Who am I kidding… MetalSucks already blows. We’re total sellouts! Freakin’ FYE, are you kidding me?

But at least Rob gets something for his troubles, a free box o’ metal swag from the Mansion to be exact, by entering our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest. You, too, can get a box of free stuff by sending fun pics of yourself wearing MS merch to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net. Do it.

That’s Rob with Mecronos from Dethrace in the background of the above pic, taken at the recent Gwar-B-Q. After the jump, a picture of Rob with Mike Derks (Balsac) of Gwar. As a reminder, several awesome bands are hosting a memorial benefit concert for the family of deceased Gwar guitarist Cory Smoot in Richmond, VA on January 7th.

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MS reader “Tu-stoned” is the latest Show Us Your MetalSucks contest entrant, an ongoing contest in which we offer a free box of metal merch to any reader who so chooses to send in pics of themselves having fun in their MetalSucks t-shirts or hoodies. Tu-stoned did quite a fine job writing up a little post about his MetalSucks-clad European adventure, so we’re just gonna turn the reigns over to him:

So I recently took a whirlwind trip around Europe with my Old Lady, and I thought I’d share a few photos with you.

First up is me outside of Crobar in SoHo London. This is a real deal, no bullshit straight up metal bar. It was full of what must have been the entire editorial staff of Metal Hammer Mag, musicians, roadies, wannabe musicians, and metal fans from all over. Everyone I met there was super awesome and a few recognized my t-shirt and were quite enthusiastic about the site.

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For last week’s Photo Caption Contest we offered up a signed Rush lithograph, commemorating their brand new triple-boxset Sectors. And the winner is:

• fugsspot: “Um, Ethyl? You know how Death follows us all, getting closer every day? Don’t look now, but hurry the hell up please!”

This week we’re giving away a copy of Butch Walker’s new autobiography Drinking with Strangers. I’m reading the book right now and it’s everything you’d expect from a man as traveled and witty as Walker. The stories from SouthGang’s Chinese tour? Worth the price of admission alone. To win, leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by MS reader Matias Demeke). Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Last week‘s prize was a 2x vinyl set of both versions of Coalesce’s Give Them Rope album, a most excellent haul if you ask me. The one lucky winner is:

• Guitarzan2112: “Dreidel of Filth.”

This week we’re giving away a limited edition Rush Moving Pictures lithograph signed by all three members of the band in anticipation of the release of their Sectors three-box set, which spans their entire Mercury Records career. This three-box (yeah, we said three BOX) set is ginormous, so all Rush fans should get up to speed on what’s included in the November 21st releases here (Sector 1), here (Sector 2) and here (Sector 3). Meanwhile, to win the signed lithograph (pictured here), you know what to do: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by MS reader Jason Solomon). Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

No, Scott Kelly doesn’t own a MetalSucks t-shirt (that we know of, anyway)… but reader Kieran M. does, and Kieran took a photo of himself in his MetalSucks t-shirt next to Scott Kelly after Neurosis’ set at Maryland Deathfest this past May. Coolness by association. Thanks for the love, Kieran!

The shirt Kieran is wearing was part of our FYE Fan Pack, which is now mostly sold out (there may be a few left in various FYE stores scattered throughout the U.S.). But we’re still selling our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!) and we’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces, unless a certain someone decides to sue us.

For his troubles, Kieran gets a box o’ goodies from the MS Mansion; CDs, posters, stickers and the like. You can receive the same by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest. You’ll also happen to be the stylish lad or ladess around.

Last week’s contest proved popular, not surprisingly, because the prize was extra-sweet: a signed copy of Textures’ latest CD Dualism as well as a t-shirt of your choice from their webstore. And our winner is:

• Jonathan Delarosa: “Burn calories, not churches. Eat a br00tally balanced breakfast every morning.”

In case you haven’t heard yet, Coalesce are re-issuing their debut album Give Them Rope; the set includes TWO versions of the same album — the original, released in 1997, and a re-mixed/re-jiggered version released in 2004. We’ve got one 2-disc vinyl set to give away with dark red and baby blue discs, pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. Alls ya gotta do is leave a comment with the funniest caption to the most excellent photo below, which was sent in by no less than five readers over the past couple of days. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Didja hear? I created a page for myself on Facebook! So did Axl. Now you can all stalk both of us individually instead of just stalking us through the general MetalSucks FB page. Fun!

Of course, within minutes of signing up, I was inundated with requests to check out your shitty deathcore band band with an unclassifiable sound. Mr. Vincent Jackson Jones made me promise to “write about how much [his] band sucks” if he uploaded a picture of himself in his MetalSucks hoodie, and lookit, I’m a man of my word. Thing is, Vincent’s band Aether Realm don’t suck; they’re actually pretty good! They’re kind of on the folk/pagan side of the spectrum, but their music isn’t gimmicky, doesn’t feature any weird instruments and certainly doesn’t lack balls. Think more Amon Amarth, less Korpiklaani. Check them out for yourself below:

Vincent’s fine taste in fashion means he’s also the latest entrant/winner of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest, in which all you need to do to get a box o’ free metal shit from the MS Mansion is send in a photo of yourself donning MS merch. Pretty easy. Keep it sleazy.

-VN

Last week we gave away two copies of the brand new 5-CD UFO box set, The Chrysalis Years.

• Michael: “My Juggalo trap finally worked!”
• Gasputin: “Twig Destroyer.”

This week one lucky winner will receive a copy of Textures‘ excellent new record Dualism signed by all six of those crafty Dutchmen, along with any of the t-shirt designs you can see here in the size of your choice. You know the drill: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below, submitted by MS reader Jason Solomon. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

“Andy Establishment and Blankstare Bobby went to the mall donning MS shirts to pick up some burritos and stand in front of a wall with a businessman on it. This didn’t quite cure the hangover.”

So sayeth Aidan Crossley, who sent in the above pic (we’re not sure if Aidan is either “Andy Establishment” or “Blankstare Bobby”), who will be rewarded handsomely with a box o’ goodies from the MS Mansion; CDs, posters, stickers and the like. You can receive the same by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest.

That’s the Sergeant D-designed shirt from our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!). We’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces, too.

Last week we offered up two DVD copies of the very metal horror film The After Party Massacre to give away, plus a gift certificate to HorrorMerch.com for one grand prize winner.

• space scoundrel (grand prize): “This Is Anal Tap.”
• Will Clay: “Unlike many of their peers, the band would survive the end of the 1980s by rebranding themselves as tough-guy outlaws with 1990′s Cowboys from Hell.”

This week we have two copies of the new 5-CD UFO collection The Chrysalis Years (1973-1979), a career-spanning box set that includes Phenomenon (1974), Force It (1975), No Heavy Petting (1976), Lights Out (1977), and Obsession (1978), as well as some obscure tracks, rare remixes and a previously unreleased 45-minute concert recording from UFO’s first U.S. tour. This is a cool opportunity for you younger metalheads to learn about a band that was very influential and important to modern heavy music. You know the drill: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below, submitted by MS reader Polina Polishchuk. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Contest time!

The folks at F.Y.E. are having a big ol’ Sale O’ Metal in hundreds of stores nationwide in which they’re offering a select group of metal titles for the low, low price of only $7.99 each throughout the month of October. The latest records from Anthrax, Between the Buried and Me, Holy Grail and Obscura are just a few of the many titles up for sale; get the full list of albums, as well as participating F.Y.E. stores, here.

FYE has given MetalSucks a package of 11 of those CDs to give away to one of you lucky readers. All you have to do to win is leave a comment below telling us which of the albums listed here is your favorite, and why. Remember, this isn’t the writing portion of your SAT exam… so make it fun. We’ll choose our favorite entry at the end of October and contact them by email, so be sure to use a real email address while commenting. Good luck!

You should all know that Keith Merrow is one of our very favoritest solo instrumentalists, seeing as we write about him all the time. But what you may not have known is that our bro-love is reciprocal: Keith is a fan of MetalSucks too!

The very day we posted the home studio walkthrough video Keith put together, he happened to be wearing the MetalSucks t-shirt that comes with our FYE Fanpack. So he did what all good Suckalos do and sent us a pic. Lookin’ sexy, Keith; you’ll be receiving a box of CDs and other assorted metal goodies in the mail from us right quick for sharing your love of MS with the world.

You too can get a box o’ swag by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest. In addition to our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!) we’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces (we’re modest). Get on it.

Last week‘s most-excellent prize was a vinyl copy of Anthrax’s most-excellent new album Worship Music along with a CD of the same. Holla! Commenter Sean Goff had a great caption that would’ve won had he followed instructions and left an email address… too bad for Sean. Here are our two winners, both of whom did, in fact, follow instructions:

• Guv’na: “High on Firewater’s ‘Snakeoil for the Divine.’”
• Heywood: “Sepiaflesh.”

This week we have two DVD copies of the very metal horror film The After Party Massacre to give away, plus a gift certificate to HorrorMerch.com for one grand prize winner. Watch the extremely gory, sexy and most certainly NSFW movie trailer below:

To win, as always, leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

To celebrate this week’s release of Cold Winds on Timeless Days, the awesome sophomore effort from Richard Christy’s Charred Walls of the Damned, we recently launched a contest in which we challenged readers to Photoshop Christy into unusual and hilarious situations for the chance to win a ton of cool swag. And now the winners have been selected by Richard Christy himself! Here’s a quote from the legendary drummer:

“Thank you so much to all of the fans who submitted entries for the MetalSucks Richard Christy photoshop contest! They all made me laugh and there were some that made me cringe! There was even me as a Teddy Bear and me as the old wrestler The Missing Link which I loved! The one I choose as the winner though is Ben Moreau’s photoshop of me at some sort of outdoor metal party! This one made me laugh the hardest and it has all the elements that I love, a drunk guy doing the metal horns, a pumpkin drawn on my chest and belly, and a cheap beer in my hand! Congrats Ben Moreau and enjoy your prize pack!”

Check out Ben Moreau’s grand-prize-winning entry below; Ben wins a signed Sabian cymbal, a signed Aquarian drumhead, a signed pair of Vater 3A Fatback drumsticks (the size Richard uses), a pair of Custom Vater full color Charred Walls of the Damned debut album art drumsticks, a signed adult diaper (worn — but not used — by Richard at the Big 4 at Yankee Stadium show last month), a copy of Cold Winds On Timeless Days, and a CWOTD “Shield” t-shirt!

After the jump, you can also check out the entries from the runners-up, each of whom will recieve a copy of Cold Winds On Timeless Days, and a CWOTD “Shield” t-shirt. is out NOW on Metal Blade, so make you sure check it out!!! And don’t forget that Richard Christy himself will be selling and signing copies of Cold Winds on Timeless Days at the MetalSucks/Vertebrae 33 booth at New York Comic Con tomorrow, Friday, October 14, from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.; you can get more details and tickets here.  We’ll have tons of cool goodies from Indie Merch and Metal Blade, too, so buy tickets now to make sure you don’t miss out!!!

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Holy shit! The Metal Suckfest is only three weeks away!!! Tickets are on-sale now, as you no doubt know by now. “Why should I buy tickets in advance? Those service fees suck,” we hear you all saying. Well, here’s why: 1) Buying tickets in advance is the only way to enter this here “Suckfest Meet and Greet Swag Bag Giveaway” contest, and, 2) you can buy tickets in advance directly from the venue, without any service fees, and still be entered to win!

Here’s the deal: one lucky winner for each day of Suckfest (Friday and Saturday only; Thursday’s “Pre Game” is not included) will be allowed to arrive at the show before doors open to meet with the bands backstage before the concert, listen to soundcheck, and hang out and watch as everything gets set up. Each winner will also receive a bag full of metal swag put together by MetalSucks. Folks who purchase tickets online are automatically entered into the raffle, while those who purchase tickets at the Gramercy Theatre box office can drop a ballot in the “enter to win” box located in the box office window.