No, Scott Kelly doesn’t own a MetalSucks t-shirt (that we know of, anyway)… but reader Kieran M. does, and Kieran took a photo of himself in his MetalSucks t-shirt next to Scott Kelly after Neurosis’ set at Maryland Deathfest this past May. Coolness by association. Thanks for the love, Kieran!

The shirt Kieran is wearing was part of our FYE Fan Pack, which is now mostly sold out (there may be a few left in various FYE stores scattered throughout the U.S.). But we’re still selling our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!) and we’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces, unless a certain someone decides to sue us.

For his troubles, Kieran gets a box o’ goodies from the MS Mansion; CDs, posters, stickers and the like. You can receive the same by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest. You’ll also happen to be the stylish lad or ladess around.

Last week’s contest proved popular, not surprisingly, because the prize was extra-sweet: a signed copy of Textures’ latest CD Dualism as well as a t-shirt of your choice from their webstore. And our winner is:

• Jonathan Delarosa: “Burn calories, not churches. Eat a br00tally balanced breakfast every morning.”

In case you haven’t heard yet, Coalesce are re-issuing their debut album Give Them Rope; the set includes TWO versions of the same album — the original, released in 1997, and a re-mixed/re-jiggered version released in 2004. We’ve got one 2-disc vinyl set to give away with dark red and baby blue discs, pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. Alls ya gotta do is leave a comment with the funniest caption to the most excellent photo below, which was sent in by no less than five readers over the past couple of days. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Didja hear? I created a page for myself on Facebook! So did Axl. Now you can all stalk both of us individually instead of just stalking us through the general MetalSucks FB page. Fun!

Of course, within minutes of signing up, I was inundated with requests to check out your shitty deathcore band band with an unclassifiable sound. Mr. Vincent Jackson Jones made me promise to “write about how much [his] band sucks” if he uploaded a picture of himself in his MetalSucks hoodie, and lookit, I’m a man of my word. Thing is, Vincent’s band Aether Realm don’t suck; they’re actually pretty good! They’re kind of on the folk/pagan side of the spectrum, but their music isn’t gimmicky, doesn’t feature any weird instruments and certainly doesn’t lack balls. Think more Amon Amarth, less Korpiklaani. Check them out for yourself below:

Vincent’s fine taste in fashion means he’s also the latest entrant/winner of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest, in which all you need to do to get a box o’ free metal shit from the MS Mansion is send in a photo of yourself donning MS merch. Pretty easy. Keep it sleazy.

-VN

Last week we gave away two copies of the brand new 5-CD UFO box set, The Chrysalis Years.

• Michael: “My Juggalo trap finally worked!”
• Gasputin: “Twig Destroyer.”

This week one lucky winner will receive a copy of Textures‘ excellent new record Dualism signed by all six of those crafty Dutchmen, along with any of the t-shirt designs you can see here in the size of your choice. You know the drill: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below, submitted by MS reader Jason Solomon. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

“Andy Establishment and Blankstare Bobby went to the mall donning MS shirts to pick up some burritos and stand in front of a wall with a businessman on it. This didn’t quite cure the hangover.”

So sayeth Aidan Crossley, who sent in the above pic (we’re not sure if Aidan is either “Andy Establishment” or “Blankstare Bobby”), who will be rewarded handsomely with a box o’ goodies from the MS Mansion; CDs, posters, stickers and the like. You can receive the same by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest.

That’s the Sergeant D-designed shirt from our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!). We’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces, too.

Last week we offered up two DVD copies of the very metal horror film The After Party Massacre to give away, plus a gift certificate to HorrorMerch.com for one grand prize winner.

• space scoundrel (grand prize): “This Is Anal Tap.”
• Will Clay: “Unlike many of their peers, the band would survive the end of the 1980s by rebranding themselves as tough-guy outlaws with 1990′s Cowboys from Hell.”

This week we have two copies of the new 5-CD UFO collection The Chrysalis Years (1973-1979), a career-spanning box set that includes Phenomenon (1974), Force It (1975), No Heavy Petting (1976), Lights Out (1977), and Obsession (1978), as well as some obscure tracks, rare remixes and a previously unreleased 45-minute concert recording from UFO’s first U.S. tour. This is a cool opportunity for you younger metalheads to learn about a band that was very influential and important to modern heavy music. You know the drill: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below, submitted by MS reader Polina Polishchuk. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

Contest time!

The folks at F.Y.E. are having a big ol’ Sale O’ Metal in hundreds of stores nationwide in which they’re offering a select group of metal titles for the low, low price of only $7.99 each throughout the month of October. The latest records from Anthrax, Between the Buried and Me, Holy Grail and Obscura are just a few of the many titles up for sale; get the full list of albums, as well as participating F.Y.E. stores, here.

FYE has given MetalSucks a package of 11 of those CDs to give away to one of you lucky readers. All you have to do to win is leave a comment below telling us which of the albums listed here is your favorite, and why. Remember, this isn’t the writing portion of your SAT exam… so make it fun. We’ll choose our favorite entry at the end of October and contact them by email, so be sure to use a real email address while commenting. Good luck!

You should all know that Keith Merrow is one of our very favoritest solo instrumentalists, seeing as we write about him all the time. But what you may not have known is that our bro-love is reciprocal: Keith is a fan of MetalSucks too!

The very day we posted the home studio walkthrough video Keith put together, he happened to be wearing the MetalSucks t-shirt that comes with our FYE Fanpack. So he did what all good Suckalos do and sent us a pic. Lookin’ sexy, Keith; you’ll be receiving a box of CDs and other assorted metal goodies in the mail from us right quick for sharing your love of MS with the world.

You too can get a box o’ swag by donning your MS merch and sending in a fun picture of yourself to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net as part of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest. In addition to our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!) we’ve still got a few left of our limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirts featuring animated versions of our own faces (we’re modest). Get on it.

Last week‘s most-excellent prize was a vinyl copy of Anthrax’s most-excellent new album Worship Music along with a CD of the same. Holla! Commenter Sean Goff had a great caption that would’ve won had he followed instructions and left an email address… too bad for Sean. Here are our two winners, both of whom did, in fact, follow instructions:

• Guv’na: “High on Firewater’s ‘Snakeoil for the Divine.’”
• Heywood: “Sepiaflesh.”

This week we have two DVD copies of the very metal horror film The After Party Massacre to give away, plus a gift certificate to HorrorMerch.com for one grand prize winner. Watch the extremely gory, sexy and most certainly NSFW movie trailer below:

To win, as always, leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below. Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

To celebrate this week’s release of Cold Winds on Timeless Days, the awesome sophomore effort from Richard Christy’s Charred Walls of the Damned, we recently launched a contest in which we challenged readers to Photoshop Christy into unusual and hilarious situations for the chance to win a ton of cool swag. And now the winners have been selected by Richard Christy himself! Here’s a quote from the legendary drummer:

“Thank you so much to all of the fans who submitted entries for the MetalSucks Richard Christy photoshop contest! They all made me laugh and there were some that made me cringe! There was even me as a Teddy Bear and me as the old wrestler The Missing Link which I loved! The one I choose as the winner though is Ben Moreau’s photoshop of me at some sort of outdoor metal party! This one made me laugh the hardest and it has all the elements that I love, a drunk guy doing the metal horns, a pumpkin drawn on my chest and belly, and a cheap beer in my hand! Congrats Ben Moreau and enjoy your prize pack!”

Check out Ben Moreau’s grand-prize-winning entry below; Ben wins a signed Sabian cymbal, a signed Aquarian drumhead, a signed pair of Vater 3A Fatback drumsticks (the size Richard uses), a pair of Custom Vater full color Charred Walls of the Damned debut album art drumsticks, a signed adult diaper (worn — but not used — by Richard at the Big 4 at Yankee Stadium show last month), a copy of Cold Winds On Timeless Days, and a CWOTD “Shield” t-shirt!

After the jump, you can also check out the entries from the runners-up, each of whom will recieve a copy of Cold Winds On Timeless Days, and a CWOTD “Shield” t-shirt. is out NOW on Metal Blade, so make you sure check it out!!! And don’t forget that Richard Christy himself will be selling and signing copies of Cold Winds on Timeless Days at the MetalSucks/Vertebrae 33 booth at New York Comic Con tomorrow, Friday, October 14, from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.; you can get more details and tickets here.  We’ll have tons of cool goodies from Indie Merch and Metal Blade, too, so buy tickets now to make sure you don’t miss out!!!

Click to read more…

Holy shit! The Metal Suckfest is only three weeks away!!! Tickets are on-sale now, as you no doubt know by now. “Why should I buy tickets in advance? Those service fees suck,” we hear you all saying. Well, here’s why: 1) Buying tickets in advance is the only way to enter this here “Suckfest Meet and Greet Swag Bag Giveaway” contest, and, 2) you can buy tickets in advance directly from the venue, without any service fees, and still be entered to win!

Here’s the deal: one lucky winner for each day of Suckfest (Friday and Saturday only; Thursday’s “Pre Game” is not included) will be allowed to arrive at the show before doors open to meet with the bands backstage before the concert, listen to soundcheck, and hang out and watch as everything gets set up. Each winner will also receive a bag full of metal swag put together by MetalSucks. Folks who purchase tickets online are automatically entered into the raffle, while those who purchase tickets at the Gramercy Theatre box office can drop a ballot in the “enter to win” box located in the box office window.

MS reader Marcus Przyborowski went to see the MetalSucks-sponsored North American Khaos Tour with Arch Enemy, DevilDriver, Skeletonwitch and Chthonic in San Francisco earlier this fall and decided to wear his nifty Vertebrae 33-designed MetalSucks t-shirt to the show. And wouldn’t you know it, Marcus is now e-famous thanks to his good sense in fashion; that’s Marcus, above center, kickin’ it with Scott “Scunty D” Hedrick and Evan “Loosh” Linger from Skeletonwitch after the show; note the Arch Enemy drumstick that Marcus “had to fight and defend for from dozens of other sweaty men!”

For entering our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest, Marcus will be getting a big ol’ box of metal merch in the mail. You, too, can get a box of free stuff by sending fun pics of yourself wearing MS merch to news[at]metalsucks[dot]net. Not a bad deal at all if you ask us.

Cold Winds on Timeless Days, the sophomore effort from Richard Christy’s Charred Walls of the Damned, comes out TOMORROW on Metal Blade, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll pick it up. Trust us: you will thank us later.

Tomorrow at 11:59pm EDT is also the deadline for our current Photoshop Richard Christy Contest, in which you can win some cool swag, including signed cymbals and drumheads, and an adult diaper that was worn by Richard himself during the recent Big 4 show at Yankee Stadium. (Seriously. We’re not kidding about that part. Enter before it’s too late!!! You can get all the details on this awesome contest here.)

But wait!!! There’s more! MetalSucks is teaming up with our friend Rodney Githens from Vertebrae 33 to bring you an AWSOME booth at this weekend’s New York Comic Con! We’ll have tons of cool goodies from Indie Merch and Metal Blade, and — best of all — Mr. Richard Christy himself will be at our booth this Friday, October 14 from 5-7 p.m., selling and signing copies of Cold Winds on Timeless Days!!! The Con starts this Thursday night and runs through Sunday, so buy tickets now to make sure you don’t miss out!!!

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Last week we gave ya’ll the opportunity to win a signed CD booklet from Kingdom of Sorrow’s latest, Behind the Blackest Tears. Since we installed the new commenting system it’s been easier to sort through these entries based on the number of “likes” each comment receives, but this week’s winner — by far the funniest — didn’t have any likes at all:

• Worksofein: “Deathspell Bromega.”

For the second year in a row, MetalSucks is proud to be teaming up with our friends at Metal Injection and 1000 Knives for a totally kick-ass CMJ Music Marathon showcase at the always-fun Club Europa in Brooklyn. This year’s edition will take place on Friday, October 21, and will be co-headlined by the unfuckwithable one-two punch of Kvelertak and Skeletonwitch, as part of their MetalSucks-presented U.S. tour with Zoroaster (full itineraryhere, although Zoroaster will not appear at the CMJ showcase). Support will be provided by three up n’ coming bands that we absolutely love and think have big, big, big things in their future: Barn Burner, Turbid North, and Battlecross.

It is going to be a totally fucknuts crazy show and wild-ass party — and now you can win free tickets AND a silk-screened copy of the awesome show poster you see above. Pretty sweet, right?

Head over to the show’s official Facebook page for details on how to win. Of course, if you don’t wanna risk not winning and getting shut of this sure-to-be-unforgettable night, you can always buy tickets here.

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Meet MetalSucks reader Nick V.S., the latest entrant of our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest, in which we send you a box o’ free metal goodies in exchange for pics of yourself donning MS merch. Nick fixes and services trumpets, saxophones, violins and guitars out of his back office of a Deer Park, NY instrument dealer. When he’s not listening to some pimply-faced 12-year old with bad B.O. and greasy hair hack through the solo of Metallica’s “One” and when he’s not busy repairing someone’s neglected broken guitar, Nick whittles away the day on MetalSucks, as you can see from the fine website showing on his computer screen.

That’s the limited edition “Appetite for Deconstruction” shirt Nick is wearing, featuring animated versions of our own faces (we’re modest); there are only a few left, so get yours now. And don’t forget about our standard line of MetalSucks shirts (and hoodie!) too.

A couple more pics of Nick showing off his instruments (huh huh, huh, he said “instruments”) after the jump.

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Last week we offered up a grab bag of metal merch from the MetalSucks Mansion, and I can guarantee that the goodies we’ll provide will not disappoint. Here’s our winner:

• Numbchucks: “On the plus side, they never had trouble parking the van…”

The prize for last week’s Photo Caption Contest was the Helo TC, an iPhone-controlled remote helicopter. I’m telling you people, Griffin sent me one of these bad boys to play around with and the Mansion hasn’t been the same since; they rule. Dental_Damnation and Chris, the winners, are in for a treat when theirs arrive in the mail:

• Dental_Damnation: “Sunhats by Abbath: “There’s nothing kvlt abovt a svnbvrn.”
• Chris: “Even black metal supports breast cancer awareness.”

This week’s we’re giving away a grab-bag of metal stuff: brand new CDs, posters, stickers, etc. To win, leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by tipster Fuzzy Dunlop). Remember to use a real email address (or post it along with your comment if you’re using FB Connect / Twitter etc).

As we’ve said multiple times in the past few weeks, Cold Winds on Timeless Days, the sophomore effort from Richard Christy’s Charred Walls of the Damned, friggin’ KILLS. This supergroup which is actually super — it also features Tim “Ripper” Owens on vocals, Jason Suecof on guitars, and Steve DiGiorgio on bass — have made an album which, as Vince put it, is impossible to listen to “without feeling like your invisible chalice full of your slain enemy’s blood absolutely must be raised to the sky.” This is one of those records that is just pure metal, through and through.

To celebrate the album’s October 11th release (pre-order it here!), MetalSucks is proud to be teaming up with Metal Blade and the legendary Mr. Christy (Death, Iced Earth, Control Denied, The Howard Stern Show, etc.) himself for what is easily one of our coolest, and most fun, contests ever. Here’s how it’s gonna work:

• Download this picture of Richard Christy.
• Photoshop Richard into the most ridiculous, fun scenario you can imagine. Seriously, there are no limits here — do what ya gotta do to make us laugh.
• Send your entry, along with your name and address, to news AT metalsucks DOT net, with CWOTD CONTEST in the subject line. Please note that this contest is open to U.S. residents only.

And that’s it! We’ll select the three funniest photos to be the grand-prize and runner-up winners, respectively… and those winners will win some really, really, REALLY cool stuff. Check it:

Click to read more…

This news will surprise no one who has been following the polls, but Justin Gosnell has won our third annual “Run MetalSucks for a Day” contest by an incredible landslide. He’ll run the site this coming Friday, September 23, all by himself, with no help from us!

We’d like to congratulate Justin and thank him/pity him in advance for doing our job for the day! YAY, JUSTIN!

Make sure you come back here this Friday to see what Justin cooks up for all the Suckalos…

-Axl & Vince