MetalSucks

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting Mets fans at Shea Stadium.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting fish in the ocean.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting recovering alcoholics at an AA meeting.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting tourists at a Planet Hollywood.

Arresting wild women at a Motley Crue concert is like arresting douche bags who write for MetalSucks.

-AR

We generally shy away from hate on ironic bands here at the MS Mansion, but you just can’t hate on Steel Panther. They’re actually a good band, they’re fucking hilarious, and in a way they aren’t really ironic… they kinda were/are the real deal, only they have the self-awareness to be able to take a step back, realize what they’re doing is ridiculous, and make fun of it.

Here’s their latest video for “Community Property” which comes from their new album Feel the Steel, out October 6th. Also worthy of your time, the video for “Death To All But Metal.”

-VN

Never been a Lita Ford fan. Always thought she sucked. Has nothing to do with hating chicks in metal or whatever – Lita Ford just happens to suck.

So. Ford is now trying to make a comeback and has a new album coming out in October, and is now streaming a song from said new album. The song is called “Crave,” and, hey, guess what? It’s terrible. Shocker.

Click to read more…

Vince was pretty put-off by pop duo Tegan & Sara’s metal shirt earlier this year, but I’m inclined to give The Donnas a pass for pulling a similar stunt. Why? ‘Cause they’ve always been upfront about their love of hair metal (which is close enough, I guess), and I actually enjoyed their Butch Walker-produced album Spend the Night. Judge me if you must.

What do y’all think? Is this a cool tip of the hat to all things metal, or a needless co-opting of our culture on par with Lindsay Lohan wearing a Maiden shirt?

-AR

[via The Deciblog]

I have no idea what made me think of them – maybe I saw a tranny in the Village or something, or maybe it was just writing about Dope, since half the members of Murderdolls started in Dope and then there was a ridiculous flame war between the two bands. But, uh, somehow they popped in my mind.

We all know what Joey Jordison is up to, and Blabbermouth tells me that Wednesday 13 still has something resembling a career. I see Acey Slade walking around the neighborhood sometimes, so I guess he’s still DJing at Don Hill’s or some shit. Actually, that guy used to spin pretty good, if you were in the mood for hair metal and 70s rawk. I have no idea what happened to the other d00ds in this band, though. In fact, I don’t even know what their names are.

I’d still rather listen to this than post-Feelgood Motley Crue. Or most Stone Sour, for that matter. If for some reason those were my only choices. I can’t imagine any scenario in which that happened, but, hey.

-AR

‘Cause yer Uncles Axl and Vince can’t ALWAYS keep it super br00tal…

Vains of Jenna, the hair metal band from Los Angeles by way of Falkenberg, Sweden, have a new single called “Get It On” posted on their MySpace page. I wasn’t much expecting to like it, since my two experiences with the band are as follows: 1) a weak-sauce show at SXSW in 2007, 2) having their ads forced down my throat every time I visited Metal Sludge. But you know what? This track ain’t bad. It’s kinda just, like… straight up rock n’ roll, which is refreshing in a musical climate where everyone seems to be trying to out-_____ everyone else.

I can’t find any mention of a full album release on either their MySpace page or in the press release we received, but presumably one is on the way. Look out for it this fall if you like the new track.

-VN

When I left the bar on the relatively early side last night to get back to the Mansion and walk Sacha the Death Metal Puppy (one task the MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys can’t seem to master no matter how I berate them: picking up dog poop without flinging it at someone), Anton OyVey was proving that Jews really do love bacon by keeping one of the shiksas from Reign in Blonde pinned down in the corner (I think it was the, uh, blonde one), Frank Godla from Metal Injection was tolerating a conversation with some dude whose entire argument for why The Devil Wears Prada are a good band was based on how many records they’ve sold (by which standard I guess Transformers: Everyone Done Know Sambots Don’t Do Much Readin’ is the greatest achievement in the history of cinema), and I think Vince was actually dancing. Dancing.

Then at about 5 am this morning I had a serious John Hughes moment when I was dreaming that a cute girl was licking my ear, only to awaken and discover that it was, in fact, Sacha, trying to entice me into a game of fetch with his favorite stuffed animal, or, at least, the limb of his favorite stuffed animal (said toy was torn apart recently during a particularly rowdy listening session in which Sacha took the band name “Dissection” to heart). ‘Cause, y’know, fuck sleep.

What was my point? Oh yeah. This:

-AR

Our friend Allyson at Bring Back Glam has been reporting from Rocklahoma all week. She’s obviously a big fan of the event, given that a) she runs a site all about glam and b) she wrote the text for the Rocklahoma coffee table book that came out last year.

But she’s been making (perfectly valid) complaints about this year’s fest for the past ten months, taking issue in particular with this year’s line-up. And as it turns out, she was totally correct: attendance at this summer’s edition of the event was apparently abysmal.

Check out this photo Allyson took of the crowd. This was at dusk; if it was Ozzfest, everyone who skipped the second stage would be starting to pile in right about this time. No such luck for Great White, even though there was absolutely no chance of being burned alive at the outdoor venue:

Click to read more…

Yes, the Tony Awards. Like the Oscars, only even gayer.

The band, whose song “Nothing but a Good Time” is featured in the Tony-nominated “Broadway smash” Rock of Ages, will perform said number alongside the cast of that show, according to Variety.

The show will be hosted by Doogie Howser Neil Patrick Harris, and other performers will include… Liza Minnelli.

In other news, Sebastian Bach is jealous.

-AR

Loyal MetalSucks Maniac Steve S. sent us an email a couple of weeks back with a link to this video, asking us, “Who the fuck is Reb Beach?”

Dear Steve,

FAIL. EPIC FAIL.

Sincerely,
Vince and Axl

Steve comes close to redeeming himself with the following observation: “the editing makes it all dramatic.” Indeed, Steve, indeedily-do. We still love ya.

-VN

Bravewords.com tells me that Germans balls-to-the-wallers Accept are going to reunite and tour with Mark Tornillo of TT Quick on vocals. No offense to Mr. Tornillo, I mean, I’m sure he’s a nice dude and a pretty good singer and all of that. But how can some schmuck from New Jersey replace fucking UDO??? Blasphemy! Just take one look at Udo in the video below and tell me how anyone other than that dude can fill the shoes of that dude. Not possible. I claim conspiracy and electioneering. Call your local senator and demand a recount immediately!

-VN

Thanks to Decibel for their tweet alert that today is the 47th birthday (!) of “Brooklyn homeboy” C.C. DeVille (né Bruce Anthony Cecil Johannesson). Love him or hate him, there’s no denying that C.C. is one of the most entertaining cartoon characters ever to escape from Cool World.

Here’s some ridiculous video that tries to make it seem like C.C. is Jimi fucking Hendrix or some shit.

-AR

I learned something this weekend: MetalGF loves Queensryche. This was just as much of a surprise to her as it was to me, but hey, I’ll take what I can get when it comes to my girlfriend liking any sort of metal. It started with a sweet flea market find of a vintage Queensryche “Building Empires” 1991 Tour t-shirt (I was fucking PSYCHED to find this!), which worsened the itch I’ve been feeling since Kobra Kai covered “Eyes of a Stranger” at New England Metalfest. The shirt find led to an afternoon listening session of Queensryche’s greatest hits from the Operation Mindcrime and Empire albums, which MetalGF seemed to highly dig (”This isn’t metal, it’s more like rock.”) Later that night after several whiskeys in the oh-so-metal environs of Park Slope, we had a rousing way-too-loud-for-2am air guitar session to the very same impromptu greatest hits assortment. There were fists in the air, epic poses, head-banging, the whole 9. Sunday morning wasn’t pretty.

Queensryche is on tour in the U.S. right now and are actually playing NYC this Friday. I can’t go, which is a major bummer because I haven’t seen them live in probably 5 or 6 years. But here’s a video of them performing the forgotten gem “Hand on Heart” live in Kansas City a few weeks ago. This song made for some epic, epic air-guitar on Saturday night!

-VN

So obviously the fact that there’s a Spanish version of David Lee Roth singing “Yankee Rose” is completely old news (to the tune of, oh, about 25 years), but is this shit not *still* completely hysterical or what?? I giggle on the inside just thinking about it.

David Lee Roth – “Yankee Rose” (Spanish)

Check out the DLR soundboard and DLR Ass-teroidz game for more endless bored-at-work entertainment.

Sonrisa Salvaje!

-VN

When I saw the news yesterday that Ratt are going to be performing Out of the Cellar in its entirety at their Rocklahoma headlining set this year, I got a minor stiffy. Out of the Cellar is a fucking fantastic album, an indisputable fact I haven’t thought about in quite some time. I won’t be attending Rocklahoma this year — or likely ever — but this year’s lineup seems to be heavier than in years past, with Anthrax (!) headlining Thursday night atop Saxon, Overkill and Metal Church, and Ratt headlining Friday night. If this festival were in New Jersey instead of Oklahoma I might consider going… although parts of smelly New Jersey are equally as scary as Oklahoma.

Here’s Ratt performing “Back For More,” probably my favoritest track from Out of the Cellar, in Japan back in 1991. Watch DeMartini RIP around the 3-minute mark. What’s up with Pearcy’s shirt? Also, needs more crowd shots: shots of screaming throngs of Japanese fans are endlessly entertaining.

-VN

Vinnie Vincent is something of our patron saint here at the MS Mansion. If ever there was a shredder this side of Kerry King whose solos went absolutely nowhere but GODDAMN did they do it fast, that man was Vinnie Vincent. Matter of fact, there’s a life-size bronze bust of the one-time Kiss axe-slinger that greets Mansion visitors as they step into our front yard foyer bathroom urinal closet. 

You shoulda seen the look on Axl’s face when MS Maniac Steve S. sent in this video of Vinnie, well, being Vinnie. Last time I saw Axl get this excited was when MS Mansion Monkey extraordinaire Higgins stumbled upon a website specializing in midget torture porn. True story. But let’s save that one for a different time.

I love how this video is titled “Speed, style & phrasing,” as if there’s one iota of phrasing involved anywhere in this entire clip. After the jump, check out another clip of Vincent doing some intense guitar canoodling live; like everything else the man ever did, it’s completely over the top.

Click to read more…

I’ve never gotten to see Metal Skool, f.k.a. Metal Shop, live, because, well, I loathe LA and don’t go there very often, and they don’t come to NY.

BUT… I do all about them and their alocohol soaked, celeb-magnet live shows… which we have, in fact, posted about before.

So. The group has changed their name – again – this time to Steel Panther. They’ll be releasing an album, Feel the Steel, on June 9 on Universal – yes, they are on a major label. Honestly, I don’t know if it will be hilarious or wear out its welcome after a few listens (’cause let’s face it, often times joke bands really don’t work outside of a live setting, if at all), but, hey, I’m curious.

Here’s their new video for “Death to All but Metal.”

-AR

It was over a year ago that we first got the news that Bret Michaels was writing his autobiography (and by “writing,” I mean dictating to some dude named Shane Stanley who had to do all the actual work); the book, Roses & Thorns (nice title, schmucky), will now finally a get a release on June 23, according to People.com.

Granted, this will not be a good book. The chances that it’s as decent as The Dirt are pretty slim; hell, the chances that it’s as good as Slash are pretty thin (and even Slash was only okay). But, there is a lot of room for comedy here, especially if Michaels takes himself too seriously which, chances are, he will.

Here are things I’m looking forward to reading about in this tome:

Click to read more…

Directly from the horse’s mouth comes the news that “guitarist n’ songwriter [emphasis added to point out mental retardation] Dj Ashba… officially replaces current NIN guitarist Robin Finck” in Guns N’ Roses. “Once Dj’s name was in the hat, the hat disappeared!!” benevolent dictator Axl Rose exclaims, doing his best impersonation of my Uncle Morty.

Showing that Rose at least has a sense of humor, the statement concludes: “Now, one step closer to the abyss, Ashba joins a band who’s all time roster is nearly as long as it’s [sic] founder Axl Rose’s rap sheet!” Oh, Axl, you scamp.

Click to read more…

First Maynard, now this.

Look: I fucking love Vegas. I was there for New Year’s once and I think I had pretty much the best fucking night of my life.

But part of what’s so fun about that town is how friggin’ ridiculous everything is; it can’t be taken seriously at all, and if you try to take it seriously, you’ll probably just give yourself an aneurysm. As a place to go spend a couple of days drunk and act like a total dip shit, I think Las Vegas is just swell – but I think if I had to live in there, I’d kill myself.

Click to read more…