If you thought Cryptopsy stunk up the house with their last record, 2007′s The Unspoken King, then wait until you hear what drummer Flo Mournier’s been up to since.

Mournier’s new project is called Digital Doomzday — yes, that’s a Z (not a typo) and no, you haven’t suddenly been time-warped back to 1998 (it’s still 2010) — and there’s no two ways about it: this is rap-metal.

The drums are… ok, I guess. The guitar riffs are like second-rate Rich Ward riffs and the vocalist is like a white third-rate version of Bonz. What is going on here??? Did everyone who trash-talked rap-metal have a seriously closet case of love for the much-maligned genre all along?

Thanks to Metal Injection for tipping us off to this craptastic suckfest.

-VN

Internets, you have failed me. But you have greatly pleased Sergeant D.

Of course, being the most popular band on MySpace is kind of like being the smartest kid on the short bus.

After the jump, the Top 10 bands on MySpace for 2010 based on fan votes, song plays, video plays and page views:

Click to read more…

Haste the Day are calling it a, uh, day. I was never a fan of the band, who I think were a slightly-above-average “verb the noun” metalcore group. (In fact, the last time I even mentioned them, it was when another “verb the noun” band, Destroy the Runner, broke up.) But I know this news will make someone sad. I don’t know who that someone is, and given the number of e-mails we’ve gotten about the split (one), I don’t think that that someone even reads our site, but he or she is out there somewhere.

From the “buh-bye” post on HTD’s official website:

Click to read more…

The Forrest Gump Mile-High Marathon sound exactly like what you’d expect from a band with that name who describe themselves as “gumpcore.” Brutal slams, bree-bree, the occasional death metal riff and Forrest Gump samples. They’re actually not from the mile-high city of Denver but the Land of the Dudebro, aka Long Island, not surprising at all for a group of flat-brim hat-wearing goons wearing camo gear non-ironically.

Sergeant D might like this band, or he might hate them. Or he might really like but pretend to hate them, or really hate them but pretend to like them. So in that spirit:

What do you think of The Forrest Gump Mile-High Marathon?? Is “gumpcore” just a cheap gimmick or are these guys a musical force to be reckoned with?? Which is worse, Lawn Guyland or the Jer-Z Shore???

-VN

Someone call the CDC: Crabcore is a virus, and it’s spreading fast.

A reader calling himself “PeniX” (seriously, dude?) sent us the below video by See My Fatal Trace, a Mexican band that clearly has no higher artistic aspiration than to be to their country’s Attack Attack! Only they might actually be worse than Attack Attack!, ’cause they don’t have that band’s PR machine to provide them with the appropriate level of glo$$. They do, however, have the most inadvertently hilarious music video I’ve seen since waking up this morning. (My favorite part is when the dude bleeds idyllic images of his woman.)

If I was one of those right wingers who wants to keep all the Mexicans out of the U.S., I’d just start showing people this video. I think it would be pretty hard to watch this and still stand by all that “Give me your tired, your hungry, your blah blah blah” crap.

And, no, it isn’t Taco Day here at MS.

-AR

Amongst the older musicians on Warped Tour, dissing the traveling festival’s main constituency of tight-pants-wearing, hair-swooping, girly-man emo kids has kind of become like going fishing in a stocked kiddie pond; super easy but still lots of fun and irresistible. Every Time I Die’s Andy Williams and Dillinger Escape Plan’s Liam Wilson had plenty to say on the matter when I chatted with them about beards last month, and the latest rock vet — who makes those two look like kids themselves — to chime in is Tom Morello, whose band Street Sweeper Social Club played a couple of the tour’s California dates.

Elise at Reign in Blonde, who brought this video to my attention, makes a good point that most kids at Warped probably have no idea that the guy up on stage making funky sounds with his guitar has another, more popular band that’s sold tens of millions of records worldwide. But Morello seems to take it in stride, and though he fires a few shots at Warped’s primary attendees he recognizes the value of playing to a new crowd. Skip to the 1:00 mark for the Morello clip.

-VN

It’d be easy to categorize the rant Every Time I Die’s Keith Buckley wrote for Alternative Press as “old guy sour about kids these days” if everything he’s saying about the current young crop of bands on the Warped Tour wasn’t so damn on-point. At a relatively ripe 30-ish years old (I think) compared to the haircutcore multitudes, the lads in Every Time I Die, Dillinger Escape Plan and a small handful of other bands on Warped have earned the right to be crotchety old men; their music has stood the test of time in this crazy, ever-changing scene and has proven itself to be more than just a passing fad. And while Buckley lays it straight in his vitriolic rant and it’d be easy to say “he just doesn’t get it” with regards to today’s youth’s music choices, it’d be hard for any self-respecting music fan to argue with his points. Sample:

The problem is that kids here at the Warped Tour don’t know that half of these “bands” play to an iPod track or that most “artists” don’t even write their own songs. They don’t realize that the singer of Never Shout Never is just a poor man’s Justin Bieber or that most of these “moshcore” bands that use 808’s to really BEEF UP their bass tone are the most recent manifestation of nu metal. Really guys? The dude from Milli Vanilli KILLED HIMSELF because he was so ashamed at being outed as a phony and yet on a daily basis I walk out into the crowd and hear autotuned vocals in a live setting. What the fuck has happened to us? Don’t we want more than this? Music once made me want to play music. Now there are days that it makes me want to never listen to it again.

Buckley’s rant is really something you’ve got to read; it’s the kind of article that’ll have you pumping your fist and yelling “yes!” to yourself constantly. The final blow:

Put your ear to the ground, take off your stupid fucking neon shirt and get a haircut. Oh, and what happened to throwing tomatoes at people onstage that just plain sucked? I say we bring that back. As a matter of fact, I think Breathe Carolina are playing soon…

Zing! We wait for Never Shout Never and Breathe Carolina’s responses with baited breath. It’s been a while since we had a good feud ’round these parts…

-VN

Thanks: Brent Hicks

My homeboy Rob over at Metal Injection thinks that this year’s retardedly long (and just plain old retarded) infomercial for Gathering of the Juggalos isn’t as funny as last year’s, and I suppose it is an inferior sequel — but only slightly so. The rear-screen projection is priceless, the promises of meeting new friends and lovers delicious, and I’ve never seen anybody spell “camaraderie”  as “comradery” before (although Google seems to think it’s legit).

Also: poor, poor Tom Green. He used to fuck Drew Barrymore, and now he does this. Sad.

-AR

Fuck me naked with a spoon, this is awful.

-AR

Fuck “hi my name is mark” for sending us this shit. Dick.

Zuhhhh???

Has this guy never listened to the dozens of bands Black Veil Brides rip off? Never seen the hundreds from which they copped their look? Have a serious case of Peter Pan syndrome? Is he actually a 15 year old girl who looks like a 35 year old man and has swindled the powers that be into giving her/him a suit-and-tie job? Is he just mentally deficient?

The mind boggles. Absolutely boggles.

That’s all I’ve got.

-VN

Thanks: Jake Ryan

Having a bad day? Bored at work? Just in need of something to make you chuckle?

Then head on over to Noisecreep to listen to the new Hed(p.e.) track “No Rest 4 da Wicked.” I continue to find it hilarious/sad that the “progressive thinking rap metallers” (lolz! c’mon, Amy) started wearing wicked clown makeup once they realized that ICP fans were the one remaining audience group who’d accept them. But what’s up with the two dudes on the right? They ain’t down with the clown? Woot woot!

-VN

-VN

After seeing the lyric video to Disturbed’s new song “Another Way to Die” I was all set to write a post commending David Draiman for taking a stance against our country’s woefully over-indulgent lifestyle and the effects it has on our world. And though it seemed like something of a cheap publicity grab to link the song with the Gulf oil spill despite the fact that the song had to have been written before the spill occurred, still, I was gonna do it. I was gonna praise David Draiman. Swear to God.

Then I saw the below video of Draiman on MTV Cribs and I had to take it all back. How the fuck can someone live such an extravagant lifestyle and open a song with lyrics like this:

The indulgence of our lives has cast a shadow on our world
Our devotion to our appetites betrayed us all
An apocalyptic plight. More destruction will unfold.
Mother earth will show her darker side and take her toll

Uh… hypocrite much? All those gas-guzzling cars, that big house, that giant manicured back-yard and pool… those aren’t “indulgences,” David? Those items aren’t a devotion to your appetite? What makes you so special that you’re exempt from your own advice? If you’re going to attempt to preach a positive message from your pulpit that’s great, but you’ve got to walk the walk. Your lie is equivalent to a kid in a straight-edge band going home to shoot up heroin nightly. Fuck you, David Draiman; you give environmentalists a bad name.

-VN

Thanks: Hetal Bhatt

If you needed another reason to hate Emmure, this is it (as if their knuckle-dragging version of nu-deathcore isn’t enough). Props to MS super-commenter Alex_P for bringing this Lambgoat interview with Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri to our attention (Metal Injection picked it up too); I never would’ve checked it out on my own, let alone read through all of it.

It starts off with pretty typical interview fair talking about the band’s current tour, their next record, blah blah blah. It starts to get good when Palmeri starts talking about his love of Limp Bizit. It gets even better when he starts talking about spirituality. And then it goes to a whole new level when he starts talking about the Nibiru aliens, his thoughts on global warming (he actually believes the earth is about to cool down) and the inherent energy-holding capabilities of gold. The only gold containing any energy is the pure hilarity of this interview, in my opinion.

On Limp Bizkit:

I would like to think that [our fans are similar]. I mean, I don’t know, when I was growing up Limp Bizkit was the best band in the world to me and they’re still one of the bands that completely altered my view on life and music and what I should be as a person. Getting to tour with them would blow my fucking mind I don’t know if it’ll ever happen…

Click to read more…

He didn’t. He’s probably never heard of ICP. And if he has, he probably laughed, and then promptly forgot about them and went home to roll around in his giant piles of money.

But nobody tell this nitwit:

I wanna stop making fun of the Juggalos… I honestly do… but they just keep making it so goddamn easy. STOP BEING SO RETARDED, JUGGALOS, SO I CAN SHUT UP ABOUT YOU ALEADY.

-AR

[via RiB]

I can’t keep all these fucking bands straight. Destroy the Runner and Haste the Day and Escape the Fate and Salt the Wound and blessthefall and Bleed the Sky and Scatter the Ashes and Clone the Fragile and Pierce the Veil and Remove the Veil and Kiss the Ass and every other “verb the noun” band – holy shit, guys, you gotta start coming up with names that will allow potheads like me to more easily distinguish you from one another. ‘Cause your music certainly ain’t doing the trick.

Although I do like Protest the Hero. And Poison the Well. And Swallow the Sun. So I guess there are exceptions to every rule. But still.

Wait… how did I get on this rant again?

Oh, yeah, Destroy the Runner.

So anyway, they broke up.

-AR

Anyone who reads this site know that we — and in particular me — have a particular fondness for shred. There’s lots of clowns out there who just play a mile a minute without any sense of song structure or melody, and I’m not even talking about those guys — ok maybe I like them too sometimes — but there’s just something about shred that tugs at my heartstrings. It’s probably because the very first music video I ever saw on MTV was by Van Halen and I was instantly transfixed.

But if guys like Constantine are the future of shred, I want nothing to do with it.

I mean, look at this ass-clown with his dyed jet-black, flat-ironed hair and his flaming guitars. Are you fucking KIDDING me, dude? Shred already gets a bad enough name, and the last thing we need is a cartoon character like this guy giving its detractors more ammunition. “Official Shredspace page?” “Shredcore”? Are you serious?? (PS: “Shredcore” has been done before).

The guy’s got plenty of chops, but so do a lot of other players these days. Who needs this? Not me.

-VN

I’ve never been to Bamboozle, but every year there’s a day where artists do an entire set covering one other artist. So if you’ve ever wanted to see, for example, Manure Emmure covering Rage Against the Machine for a solid thirty minutes, well, you’ve now missed your chance.

Rage Against the Machine made number nine on our list of “Ten Bands Great That Inadvertently Ruined Metal,” and even if the below footage of said Emmure homage to RATM doesn’t actually justify the rap-metal pioneers’ spot on that line-up, the fact that the Emmure dudes and I like some of the same music makes me feel like I need to take a shower. (Yep, bloggers shower, too! Sometimes.) Making it worse is that the band does nothing to put their own spin on the music (I think – I admit that even if they did I’d probably just make fun of them for being terrible), and that vocalist Frankie Palmeri seems to have mustered about as much enthusiasm for this performance as Rob Halford would if Christina Scabbia offered to jump his bones. I can’t believe this dude can get excited about Raptor Jesus, but not playing “Killing in the Name.”

Oh, well. Whatever keeps them from ripping-off The Acacia Strain I guess.

-AR

[via The PRP]

Though the infamous Rose Funoral Incident transpired more than two months ago, the original post announcing the card game / deathcore fracas remains one of the most-visited single posts on MetalSucks. And though I’m sure those involved in the incident are way past over it, it’s never too late for a little friendly joshing.

Suckalo “Randy Blythe’s Illegitimate Child” and some of his buds snuck in a deck of Uno cards to Rose Funoral’s performance at New England Metal & Hardcore fest this past weekend. What our own Gary Suarez missed, the cameras of ReturnToThePit.com did not: our friends with their Uno cards held high. See the picture above, and one more after the jump.

As far as we know, Rose Funoral took it in stride. Look at that… menches!

Click to read more…

YES! It’s finally here! Dr. Acula have FINALLY debuted a new song, “Show Stopper,” on Noisecreep, and vocalist Tyler Guida has given that site an interview to go along with the song stream. I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED I JUST CAME A LITTLE! Here’s a fun little excerpt from said interview:

“For years now, Dr. Acula have been on a mission to supply what is a generally darker genre of music with a fun, more home-based outlook,” Guida told Noisecreep. “Using the things they deal with on a daily basis as fuel to their chaotic sound has established them as a renowned ‘party’ band, good times, hard times, drunk times, high times and so on. They cover it all on their upcoming album ‘The Social Event of the Century.’”

Also (emphasis mine):

Guida continued, “With the release of the new album fans and haters alike will see a new finely tuned version of the Dr. Acula they know, hitting harder than ever before, while still keeping the heavy rock ‘n’ roll influence. They will be hitting the road hard for the coming months after the release.”

A few quick thoughts:

Click to read more…