Seriously, can you think of anything more embarrassing and less cool than watching a well-known vocalist get up at a karaoke bar and, out of the literally thousands of available songs to perform, choose his own? Y’know, just in case everyone else in the joint wasn’t aware that it was him?

And wouldn’t it be even sadder if that idiot chose not only to perform his own song, but to perform his own song that was a hit, like, almost thirteen years ago? As if to say “No, really, I WAS A BIG DEAL ONCE!!!”

I mean, what kind of yutz would do such a thing?

From TMZ:

“Fred Durst partied like it was 1999 Monday night — reprising the classic Limp Bizkitsong “Nookie” at an L.A. bar … and it was all caught on tape!”

Facepalm.

The worst part is that in the video, Fred is rapping along not to a standard karaoke backing track — but to a friend beatboxing. In other words, they didn’t even have the song available for performance, but Durst insisted on doing it anyway.

Oh, Fred. I almost feel bad for you… almost.

Click the below screen cap to watch the oh-so-pathetic video.

-AR

[via The PRP]

My father once told me that “celebrities eat and drink and piss and shit just like us,” which was his poetic way of saying that famous folks are just people, too. And that can be a hard fact to remember, even if you’re not the type to get starstruck. Sure, your favorite Rock God might seem awesome right now, but the chances that he or she came out of the womb being Super Cool are slim to none.

Case in point: this 1987 public access footage that Metal Insider unearthed of Maynard James Keenan and his then-band, Children of the Anachronistic Dynasty, performing a song called “Burn About Out”… which is very clearly an early version of the Tool classic, “Sober.” Sure, it’s faster, the anthemic chorus is missing, and some of the lyrics are different  – but if it’s not the same exact melody, then I’m the new keyboard player for Dr. Acula.

And my point isn’t “Oh hey Maynard wrote a version of this song six years before it appeared on Undertow,” because I don’t think that’s really news — Tool actually had an early version of the song on their 1991 demo, 72826. My point is simply that once upon a time, Maynard looked totally lame, and surrounded himself with bandmates who also looked totally lame, and that’s okay, because all butterflies were caterpillars once.

Tool are currently on tour and, to the best of my knowledge, still the four coolest guys in the world, who put on pretty much the best concerts in the world. Get dates here.

-AR

Last week’s most amusing news item came from Dillinger Escape Plan singer Greg Puciato (above, center), who made public his thanks and apologies to local emergency responders who helped him out during a half-day drug freakout. (Reviewing Puciato’s account of the unnamed substance’s effects, one could settle on mushrooms as the likely culprit.) As party people, we at MetalSucks giggled knowingly at his beginner’s mistakes and cheered his quick rebound to good humor and sanity. Party loud, dude!

But Puciato’s boss, DEP founding guitarist Ben Weinman (above, left), isn’t as cool with his misadventure or his urge to chronicle it for the public. Nor with the potential he created for something other than Weinman to get credit for DEP’s genius. Our awesome buds at Metal Insider got the exclusive story from Weinman:

Click to read more…

At my first paid gig as a music journalimalist, my editor wasn’t really hands-on with workshopping or edits or assignments. Let’s call him the Rick Rubin of print editors, as he was grotesquely overpaid, forever claiming unearned credit, and often seen shoveling bizarre food up his blabhole.

But I did get his attention once when I blew a weekend assignment: After a day spent on my front lawn all screwy on mushrooms and stuff, I’d turned up to an exciting concert I was to review. Smiling, I gave venue security my name, waited to be waved in, but was then told rudely that the show had already ended, dumbshit!

Ended!? Wha?! The show had gone off as scheduled, I was repeatedly assured, so what the fuck time was it? I had definitely left home on time — had it taken me three hours to get there? How long had I been staring at that graffiti mural? And what was I hearing that sounded like the band playing just across the entrance? What was Prince doing there holding hands with Madeline Albright? Where was that scent of garlic bread coming from? What the shit? Glirgh!

Well, it turns out Dillinger Escape Plan singer Greg Puciato lost a similar battle with mind-bottling substances this weekend! Only he freaked out his gf and required the assistance of a small army of emergency staff! Puciato explained on his website:

Click to read more…

An unfortunate number of you probably remember Wes Scantlin, who is the guitarist/vocalist from Puddle of Mudd, and a dude whose genius was to realize that there was a market for frat boys who liked Nirvana, but just wished that Kurt Cobain had worn a backwards baseball cap instead of flannel shirts. The band was fucking horrible, so of course they were signed by Fred Durst, released a bunch of whiney songs about girls are so mean! n’ feelings are hard! n’ stuff, and became huge.

But hopefully now Scantlin will be most famous not for his awful music and horrible sense of fashion, but, rather, for being a crook. From TMZ:

Click to read more…

I don’t know if this applies in other parts of the world, but here in ‘Merica, there’s a bizarrely large market for 80′s hair metal cover bands. The most pathetic ones are “tribute bands” that focus on one particular group (e.g., the “tribute band” Mr. Brownstone plays all GN’R songs) and whose members actually dress up like/pretend to be the original members of the band in question; somewhat less irritating are the ones that are basically bar bands that get up and just play a ton of covers by a ton of different artists. Winters Mistress, as far as I can tell, fall into the latter category.

Or, I guess I should say, fell into the latter category. Because, as demonstrated in the highly entertaining video below, the band broke-up. In the middle of a show.

Best parts about this:

• The guitar player declaring “I’m going solo”… as though anyone gives a shit.
• The vocalist attempting to continue the song without the rest of the band.
• All their haircuts.

Enjoy!

-AR

[via Badass Digest]

Is Lulu just the world’s greatest troll? Even if it wasn’t, if I were a member of Loutallica, I’d probably start telling people that it is. It would really be the only logical explanation for anyone thinking that crap was listenable.

And the below video suggests that at least one member of Metallica really might have intended it as a troll. I’m not entirely clear on how recent the clip of James Hetfield fucking with a security guard was filmed. But it just may be Hetfield’s best work this century.

In other Metallica news, Rob Trujillo — who, as everyone knows, is the real big man calling the shots behind-the-scenes in Metallica — recently told  GulfNews.com that “the writing process for the new Metallica album has begun,” according to NME. Reading from a memo sent to him by Lars Ulrich’s assistant, the bassist announced that “We’ve been in the studio with Rick Rubin, working on a couple of things, and we’re going to be recording during the most of next year.” I can’t remember the last time Metallica spent less than two years in the studio, so I’m think we should have a fresh new disappointment to make fun of sometime around 2013/2014.

-AR

Thanks to Csantos and J.A.M. for the tips!

We were lucky enough to have the legendary Richard Christy do a signing for the excellent new Charred Walls of the Damned album, Cold Winds on Timeless Days, at  the MetalSucks/Vertebrae 33 booth at New York Comic Con last weekend. And, no shock, the signing was a big success. A whole lotta peeps swung by to hang out with Richard, who very graciously chatted with each and every one, took photos, signed CDs, and even autographed some dude’s prosthetic leg. No, I’m not kidding. It was fucking nuts.

We also had ANOTHER signing at the booth, though, and I’m sad to report that this one didn’t go so well: self-proclaimed “guitar god” Thor Shredsteen attracted a total of zero fans. Thor complained it was because of the placement of our booth, but that makes no sense since a) like I said, Mr. Christy managed to attract plenty of fans, and b) we were literally right by the front entrance. So, yeah, uh, Thor probably won’t be invited back next year.

ANYWAY, Metal Injection captured the entire horrific (and embarrassing) experience on video… check it out and laugh at the poor bastard below.

-AR

Axl Rose fell down while performing “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” at a recent Mexico City concert. And that might funny in and of itself — I mean, who doesn’t love scadenfreude? — but what makes it absolutely hysterical is that Rose was not running or even doing anything especially physical at the time of the fall. He simply walked up to the lip of the stage, attempted to rest his foot on a monitor (or something) as he started singing, and just completely missed the target, consequently flailing his arms around and making old man noises before hitting the ground. At which point Bumblefoot, ever the loyal employee, stopped playing, looked kinda confused for a second, and then finally offered to help Rose up. (Rose declined; he also refused help from a stage hand.)

And while I’m totally speculating here, I’m guessing Bumblefoot’s hesitation was spurred by the following thought process: “If I don’t help him up he’ll yell at me for being an insensitive dick, and if I do help him up, he’ll yell at me for making him look weak in front of his fans… plus I’ll violate his ‘no physical contact’ rule, and that could mean the end of the tour. I’d better just lead the audience in an applause whenever he gets back up.”

Kudos to Rose for waiting until he was off-stage, out of the sight of cameras, to call someone a fucking idiot for allowing this to happen.

-AR

[via Bring Back Glam!]

You MUST watch this video. You simply MUST. I really don’t wanna give it away, because as is so often the case, it’s funniest if you don’t know where it’s going; it’s simply labeled “Guitarist Fail” on YouTube, and I’m appreciative of that fact, because I was caught totally off-guard by the punchline. And then I watched it three more times, because it’s that fucking funny.

So stop reading this and hit “play.” The clip is only a minute long and it will be the funniest minute of your day…

See? Toldja.

-AR

MAJOR thanks to J.A.M. for the tip!!!

Metal Insider tells me that both Rob Halford and חיים ויץ‎ turned sixty yesterday, which isn’t really that old in the scheme of things, but is still most certainly a reminder that Metal’s Founding Generation is getting closer and closer to death. Then again, you know who isn’t getting closer and closer to death? Dead people. So, yeah.

ANYWAY, I remember when Mick Jagger turned fifty, The New York Times did a big article about it, ’cause I guess it was unfathomable that a rock star sex symbol would ever turn fifty. And sixty is obviously older than fifty. So I kinda feel like we should be writing some monumental piece about these two. Only, no fucking way am I spending time doing that. Instead, I think I’ll just prepare their obituaries, so we have ‘em ready for publication when these dudes finally go the way of Joey Bellardini’s voice. That seems like a much more constructive use of my time.

In conclusion: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROB AND CHAIM!!!

-AR

In an apparent effort to redeem bass players for their transgressions throughout this week, Madball four-stringer Hoya Roc has posted the above photo, which is apparently Dani Filth being restrained by a security guard at France’s recent L’ez Arts Sceniques Festival, although it’s not a good photo so who knows.

Roc also posted a comment with the pic, which suggests he hates CoF as much as some of you guys do: “When metal fantasy goes wrong!! Haha cradle of filth singer gettin yoked up by security.” Alas, Roc does not say what Filth did to provoke the guard. Still, I’m sure this will bring some of you a little joy.

-AR

[via The PRP]

Two different readers, Chris Vanderwerf and Thomas Kopreitan, both sent us a link to the below video, and both utilized the same silly bun for their subject line: “Oh, Lordi!”

But it’s easy to see why that particular joke would spring to mind. This is fucking pathetic. And the worst part — besides the fact that there are people who actually like Lordi, I mean — is that the clip is from 2006, but for some reason, it doesn’t seem to be a well-known incident. Hopefully that will change now.

[NOTE: I know some people are having problems with the video embed. You can also just watch the clip here while we try to get this sorted out.]

-AR

I know it’s not the most popular thing to admit to around these parts, but I really like Slipknot (up through V3:TSV, that is). I appreciate the fact that they bring a fairly heavy sound to the masses, flip the bird at their detractors, and continue moving forward despite alleged inner band turmoil, an increasingly fickle buying public, and the death of bassist Paul Gray.

Their side projects, on the other hand, have all left me cold. Stone Sour, Murderdolls, To My Surprise, Dirty Little Rabbits – bah! Nothin’.

So, when I heard on Monday that M. Shawn Crahan AKA “Clown” was interviewed on some internet radio show about his latest project, The Black Dots of Death, I decided to investigate. I had no interest in the 30-minute interview, so I opted for Clown’s own promo video for the record instead.

Click to read more…

Paul Di’Anno — the former Iron Maiden singer who once compared Steve Harris to Adolf Hitler — just keeps getting smarter and smarter.

His latest staggering act of genius? He claimed benefits of £45,000 — close to $72,000 — after allegedly suffering nerve damage in his back, which was said to have prevented him from working between 2002 and 2008. Fair enough, except that investigators received an anonymous tip (Harris taking revenge, perhaps?) that Di’Anno had, in fact, been performing during that time period. So these investigators, y’know, investigated, and found online videos of him not just singing, but apparently jumping and running around on stage — things he couldn’t do if his back was really in such terrible shape.

But here’s the kicker: THE VIDEOS WERE POSTED ON DI’ANNO’S OWN WEBSITE AND YOUTUBE PAGE.

What.

A fucking.

Moron.

Di’Anno has apparently admitted to screwing taxpayers out of that money, and a judge has told him to expect prison time when he’s sentenced on March 11. I have no idea what the penalty is for insurance fraud in the U.K., but I’m hoping it’s steep. Because this twit has no one to blame for himself. Fuck Iron Maiden; he should just join The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight and get it over with.

-AR

[via The Daily Mail]

And that’s saying something.

I didn’t realize that Skating with the Stars was starting already, or I might have actually tuned in to watch Vince Neil make an ass out of himself. Luckily, we live in an era where everything is on the internet, and so Blabbahmouf has video of Neil, who apparently came in dead last in the competition after “falling more times during training than the rest of [the 'stars' on the show] combined.”

Watching the clip, it’s hard to believe that’s true. He skates with such panache! It’s not at all like someone put ice skates on a pig and told it to throw horns at the appropriate moment. No no no no no. This is bee-you-tee-full. In fact, someone call the rest of the band and tell them Vince has stumbled upon the next big touring idea: Cruefest on Ice.

-AR

I haven’t seen Metallica live since 2006 (and after watching them do Master of Puppets live in its entirety, I’m honestly not sure I ever need to see them live again), but I guess these days they end their shows by dropping giant black balloons from the roof. And at a show in Australia this past Thursday, there was a little kid behind one of the balloons on the side of the stage, and Kirk Hammett kicked the balloon, and, well, the little kid pretty much got kicked into next week. Metal Insider has fan-filmed footage of the incident, which you can check out below. Unfortunately, it’s not in slow-motion on a loop, so you can’t watch it and laugh over and over and over again without rewinding.

Now, I don’t think Hammett deserves take any flack for this, as, clearly, he did not see the little kid, who was about half the size of the balloon and therefore completely hidden from Hammett’s point of view. Also, I’m amazed that security allowed anyone, let alone a little kid, get so close to the stage.

But this video is still pretty funny. I mean, I hope the kid is alright. But I’m still gonna laugh at this, and so should you. And I bet Hammett will never, ever kick one of those balloons again, lest there be another small child behind one, or maybe a puppy, y’know, so the internet can REALLY have a chuckle.

-AR

Not Sam Kinison

Well, gee, Jani Lane! We know you’re excited about hair metal week here on MetalSucks, but you didn’t have to do anything so dramatic! I mean, a guest blog would have been, like, totes satisfactory. Clearly, you have a sweet tooth. So perhaps even a recipe would have suffice? Maybe one for… cherry pie?

But, no. Not you, Jani. You had to go and make a STATEMENT, flamboyant showman that you are. You had to be sentenced to serve 120 days in prison for DUI. You’re a superstar!!!

Well, you sure did get our attention, Jani. What are you gonna do now? Your bitch tits are gonna look mighty fine to some of the fellas on the cellblock. Might-ee fine.

And so comes Jani’s statement: “I’m waiting for Vince Neil to show up, so we can celebrate being former skinny blonde dudes together.”

Oh, Jani. You scamp!

-AR

It’s kinda metal related, right?

More fun at the expense of other people’s well being after the jump. Hint: it concerns headbanging and Amon Amarth!!!

Click to read more…

There obviously isn’t much to explain here. I saw it on Metal Injection and it made me laugh my ass off… hopefully it brightens your Monday afternoon a bit.

-AR