Lulu was originally announced as a “secret recording project,” and I thought that the use of the phrase “recording project” meant that we would never, ever have to hear this shit live.” Unfortunately, I was incorrect, ’cause Loutallica performed the song “Iced Honey” on the BBC’s Later… With Jools Holland last night. So if you’ve been dying for someone to combine the unadulterated awfulness of Lulu with the embarrassing sloppiness of modern Metallica live, well, boy oh boy do we have a treat for you!

The band also covered The Velvet Underground’s “White Light/White Heat.” I haven’t actually watched this clip because I’d like to preserve my untainted memory of the song, but you’re free to check it out after the jump.

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Jesus doesn’t have time to end world hunger or stop war or just return and make his followers shut up about it already, but he does watch Polish reality shows, and he was not happy about Nergal, that Satan worshipping bastard, being a judge on that country’s version of the reality program The Voice (in which some celebrity judges look for the next great blah blah blah). And so, recently, Nergal was fired from that program.

But I guess not before he’d already filmed a few episodes, ’cause now Heavy Blog is Heavy has video of him rocking out to some lady covering Maiden, and giving her some advice, as well. Check it out below.

And here’s the translation of what Nergal was saying (also courtesy of HBiH), in case you don’t, y’know, speak Polish:

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Everyone remembers Bob Larson, right? He’s the evangelical radio personality that Glenn Benton used to prank phone call?

Well, that dude somehow got Mayhem bassist Necrobutcher (né Jørn Stubberud) to agree to be the victim beneficiary of an exorcism on Norwegian television, and that footage is now available for your viewing pleasure. Check it out below; it starts around the 22 minute mark. And, yes, it is highly, highly entertaining, in no small part because Larson is a humorless, self-righteous prick, and Necrobutcher is… well, he’s also pretty humorless, but the difference is that he’s, y’know, right.

In case you somehow forgot, Mayhem are headlining tonight’s Metal Suckfest pre-game at the Gramercy Theatre here in NYC; the show also features Keep of Kalessin, Hate, Abigail Williams, and Woe. Tickets are still available! Come see some awesome black metal, hang out with us, and let kick off the weekend’s festivities early. We’ll see ya there!

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

(“My Ivy League education taught me how to over-analyze the Norwegian church burnings into Oblivion!”)

I’m not a metal isolationist, and I’m all for seeing our favorite genre given exposure in mainstream media outlets; just the other day I praised Pitchfork’s Brandon Stosuy for doing a great job in bringing metal back to the famed indie snob publication, and I’ve said that I think it’s pretty cool that NPR is getting into the metal game. But Sasha Frere-Jones’ recent black metal focus piece in the New Yorker made me want to punch a wall.

I’ve always had a problem with Frere-Jones’ writing; it’s my personal belief that music critics should spend more time writing about the actual MUSIC than the cultural events and historical significance surrounding it. Frere-Jones’ articles generally read like pretentious college history papers that prove made-up theses for the sake of proving made-up theses instead of any kind of analysis of what’s going on inside the notes, what’s being played. But let’s leave that aside for now and take this most recent article at face value; it stinks anyway.

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I saw Mastodon perform material from Crack the Skye three times during that album cycle, and the vocals were, frankly, cringe-inducing each and every time.  I understand that live performances won’t always be perfect, but I generally expect singers’ performances to be at least vaguely steady and in the same key as the rest of the song. So listening to Mastodon’s The Hunter, one of my major concerns was that there was no chance the band would be able to duplicate the vocal performances live.

But the band performed “Curl of the Burl” on The Late Show With David Letterman last night, and the vocals actually sounded pretty good! I mean, not like Dio-good or anything, but definitely not distractingly bad. I hope they sound this good when I see them in concert next month; this is a level of quality I could totally live with.

The Hunter is out now on Reprise/Warner Bros. You can get tour dates here.

-AR

[via Metal Underground]

It’s no secret that non-metal singer Ryan Adams is a metal fan. And I have a cousin who is so enamored of Adams that he has sent me multiple e-mails trying to persuade me to attempt to add Adams to the line-up for The Metal Suckfest, possibly to perform his kind-of-but-not-really metal album, Orion, in its entirety. Alas, I did some investigating, and we would not be able to afford the SWAT team it would take to protect Adams from the crowd.

ANYWAY, perhaps as part of this campaign to get Adams on the MSF bill, that very same cousin sent me the below mp3 of Adams recently discussing metal on NPR. It’s brief and worth a listen, not just to hear what Adams has to say about his own metal fandom, but for the reveal I have now spoiled in the headline. Which I guess isn’t really too shocking, ’cause, seriously, what’s more metal than A Walk to Remember?

MANDY MOORE LOVES VOIVOD

Apparently this isn’t the first time Moore’s love of the Canadian outfit has come up in conversation, so, uh, shame on me for not following her career more closely.

-AR

Last year, the cover of Revolver‘s “Hottest Chicks in Metal/Hard Rock/Whatever” issue was graced by a girl so young that even thinking about her while masturbating should be illegal. This year, though, Evanescence’s Amy Lee is on the cover. Thinking about her while masturbating should be illegal, too, but just because her music was recently indicted for war crimes by the UN, not because she’s too young or anything. Because she’s thirty. “Thirty?!?!” Ted Nugent screamed in disappointment when reached for comment. “I wouldn’t even take a viagra for that old, wrinkly vagina!”

Oh well. At least they didn’t Photoshop the image in order to ensure that she met with unrealistic standards of physical beauty. Oh wait.

-AR

[via Metal Injection]

It will probably not surprise you to learn that I’m a big fan of politically-themed talk shows that are hosted by sarcastic pricks and feature panels of people arguing and often insulting one another. And one of my favorite such shows is HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, which I watch religiously.

And I found this past Friday night’s episode especially fun, because one of the guests was none other than Tom Morello, who was ostensibly on the show to help promote his new solo outing as The Nightwatchman, World Wide Rebel Songs. Now, honestly, I’m not a huge fan of Morello’s post-Rage Against the Machine output, but hearing him talk about the inspiration for this album (I won’t spoil it for you here) did make me wanna give it a second, and more attentive, listen. I know that anyone with political views like Morello’s will be a divisive figure, and I’m sure there are plenty of you who violently disagree with him; sometimes I think he may even be too left for me. But there’s no arguing that he’s not a smart dude with plenty of interesting things to say.

For some reason the episode doesn’t seem to be streaming on the show’s official website, but someone made a shitty rip for YouTube, so you can check out Morello’s part of the show in three sections below. And then praise him/tear into him in our comments section below.

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I was just talking with a friend earlier this week about how much I miss Howard Stern. See, I used to wake up to his voice each and every morning while we were living together before he left me for that bitch Beth Ostrosky before he made the move to satellite radio, which, to this day, I do not have. As it stands, it’s literally been years since I’ve heard Howard’s show.

And I miss Stern all the more now that I’ve gotten to listen to the interview he did with Lars Ulrich this past Tuesday. It’s a great interview, even if it requires you to ignore Stern’s over-appraisal of Ulrich’s drumming skills. (The funniest part of The New York Times‘ review of yesterday’s Big Four show: “Rhythmically, [Slayer] swung, unlike Metallica, whose rhythm often grew unstable and plodding.”] There’s lots of juicy gossip in here, including how Ulrich is self-taught (shocking!) and had to take drum lessons for six months in-between Kill ‘Em All and Ride the Lightning, how he stole Dave Mustaine’s woman, how his wife left him, and how Hetfield isn’t exactly a social animal. Bonus: the great Richard Christy (Charred Walls of the Damned, Death, Iced Earth) — a drummer with, like, a gajillion times more skill than Ulrich — even gets to chime in.

Here’s part one…

…and you can listen to the rest after the jump.

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If you live in North America, it can be easy to forget (assuming you ever even knew) that metal is, like, 1,000,000% bigger in Europe than it is here. Case in point is Nergal, who has not only been the victim of multiple baseless, Tipper Gore-esque attacks from the religious right in Poland, but is also going to be a judge on the Polish version of The Voice,  and now graces the cover of that country’s edition of Newsweek.

I don’t speak Polish, of course, but the always helpful Google Translate tells me the literal translation of the headline is “GOD HORROR HOME*, Polish the Face of the Unknown Devil.” Actually, that “unknown” bit may be the site telling me it doesn’t understand a word. But it’s clear that the story is about Nergal’s aforementioned persecution from uptight Christians. If any of you Polish readers out there (and I know there are a few of you) can offer us a better translation, we’d be much obliged. Also, please tell us what Kate Winslet has to say about Roman Polanski! Sounds juicy.

-AR

*I first saw this on Metal Injection, where one of the MI Junkies says that it’s “Homeland,” not “Home.” SO FUCK YOU, GOOGLE TRANSLATE!!!

Partway through the first song of the Motley Crue concert Vince and I attended last month, I turned to another friend who was with us and asked, “What the fucking fuck is Vince Neil saying?” To which he replied in the only logical way — with a shrug.

That Neil can’t sing so good anymore (if he could ever sing so good) isn’t news; he’s notorious for being fat and easily winded, and for dealing with that lack of breath by just slurring lyrics together so it kinda-sorta-but-not-really sounds like the song he’s performing. (For example, if they lyrics are “He’s the one they call Dr. Feelgood/He’s the one that makes ya feel alright,” Neil might mumble “HesthecallFeelgood/Hesthealrye.”) Still, it’s depressing to think that Anna Graceman, and eleven year old girl who happens to look like Neil if Neil were 800 pounds lighter and three feet taller, did a better job singing “Home Sweet Home” on last night’s episode of America’s Got Talent than Neil has done since, I dunno, probably 1986 or so. Metal Insider points out that Graceman “was born the year the Crue’s New Tattoo came out,” which means that she, like the general public, does not remember when New Tattoo came out, or probably even what New Tattoo is.

-AR

According to the NY Post — The Fox News of NYC daily newspapers — a Bronx business group is worried that riots in the streets will accompany next month’s Big Snore show at Yankee Stadium. Cary Goodman, Executive Director of the 161st Street Business Improvement District, cited riots that occurred last year when would-be heavy metal concertgoers were shut out of sold-out performances in Colombia and Chile. Because the Bronx is totally just like Colombia and Chile.

Dear Mr. Goodman: cut it out with your blatant stereotypes. The only people who really care about this show and have $200 to burn are 40 and 50 year-old men from Ronkonkoma and Piscataway, not exactly the type to riot. Also: have you met Yankees fans? I’d way rather run into a metalhead in an alley than a drunk, lunk-headed, mongoloid Yankees fan. I rest my case.

Let’s give credit where credit’s due, though: at least author Candice M. Giove did enough research to make a clever Metallica-related pun to open the article.

-VN

Thanks: Metal Mykee

-AR

Reverend Bradlee Dean is a so-called “heavy metal preacher,” and as you can see from the above photo of him in his youth, he’s also an incredibly cool guy. (Here and here are pictures of what he looks like now. He’s living proof of the theory that men only get more handsome with age!) For an example of his incredible coolness, peep this: last year, he was allowed to give the opening prayer at the Minnesota House of Representatives — on a day when a gay marriage amendent was scheduled to be debated, no less — and he concluded said prayer by not-very-subtly implying that a) President Obama is not a Christian, and b) that is bad:

“I know this is a non-denominational prayer in this Chamber and it’s not about the Baptists and it’s not about the Catholics alone or the Lutherans or the Wesleyans. Or the Presbyterians, the evangelicals or any other denomination but rather the head of the denomination and his name is Jesus. As every President up until 2008 has acknowledged. And we pray it. In Jesus’ name.”

So, yeah, this dude is just made of pure awesomeness.

And he just got awesomer: he’s now suing  liberal commentator Rachel Maddow and the network on which she appears, MSNBC, for fifty million bucks, because Ms. Maddow a) pointed out that he’s a bigoted piece of turd and b) made fun of the ridiculous way he spells the name “Bradley.” From New York magazine:

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I hate, hate, hate Ted Nugent. I never liked his music, and I despise him as a human being, too.

Which is why I have more than a little appreciation for this skewering of The Nuge from last night’s episode of The Colbert Report:

The thing is, I kind of agree with Nugent; this generation does seem oddly apathetic to the fact that the world is basically falling apart all around us. Of course, I don’t think running out and joining The Crazy Badly Misinformed Violent Moron Brigade Tea Party is the answer, and it’s hard to take advice from anyone as racist and misogynistic as Ted Nugent.

Then again, I’m sure some of you disagree with me, and are chomping at the bit to tell me why Nugent and/or The Tea Party is wonderful. Feel free to try and convince me I’m wrong in the comments section below.

-AR

Additional reporting by Corey Mitchell

This morning, MetalSucks’ own Corey Mitchell made Vince and myself aware of Andrew O’Neill, who, as the headline states, is an occultist transvestite black metal stand-up comedian from New Zealand. And having now watched the below video (in which O’Neill even dons an Altar of Plagues shirt) from the BBC, I don’t actually think the dude is all that funny (Brian Posehn’s status as the premiere heavy metal comedian remains unchallenged, as does Frankie Palmeri’s runner-up status), but it is interesting that such a performer even exists and is apparently gaining some acclaim… especially in light of the fact that we were just discussing the possibility of metal becoming increasingly mainstream. Would audiences have ever even given this dude a chance in the old days? I guess, in all fairness, none of his humor is metal-specific, although he certainly does play up the whole Satan angle.

There’s probably some societal significance in the fact that he’s a transvestite, too, but Eddie Izzard was probably the real trailblazer there.

Check out the clip below and see if you find more humor in this than I did.

-AR

An actual e-mail I received from my mother this morning:

From: Rosenberg
To: Axl Rosenberg
Subject: Black metal
Date: June 7, 2011 10:17:43 AM EDT

Hi,

Yesterday’s Times Art section has another review of black metal (Liturgy). What’s happening here? Is metal going mainstream?

Yes, somebody please tell her: WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE?

-AR

When Axl and I visited Atlanta for the inaugural Scion Rock Fest in 2009 we checked out local rock n’ roll dive bar Elmyr for beverages and hangs the night before the festival. We’d heard that local metal luminaries like Brent Hinds liked to hang out there and we’re totally scary stalkers, plus hey really cheap bar! Wouldn’t you know it, ’round about midnight Hinds showed up completely off his rocker on booze and god knows what else, and within the blink of an eye it was like the Tasmanian Devil had rolled in. Hinds “confronted” good friend / High on Fire frontman Matt Pike and within seconds the two were in full-on brawl mode, like two teething puppies excited they finally had someone else on their level to scuffle with and gnaw on. Drinks went flying, glasses broke, tables were knocked over and at one point I think Hinds actually body-slammed Pike (or was it the other way around? sorry, booze) onto a chest-level table. It was all over in a couple of minutes; the bar-back came out with a broom to sweep up the broken glass, tables were righted, the jukebox roared back to life, and it was as if nothing had happened at all. Just a regular night in your favorite rock n’ roll dive-bar.

There’s no doubt that the 2-minute Royal Rumble we witnessed that night added to the bar’s charm, and apparently their owners think so too; Hinds is now shilling for Elmyr, which now serves food, in a minute-long actual TV commercial parodying pharmaceutical ads. In case you’re wondering, the interior shot of the bar at around 0:23 is the entirety of the tiny room in which the above Hinds v. Pike brawl took place, making it all that much more exciting. Super-lulz at the idea of Hinds playing golf, doing yoga and coaching his son in Little League. How many takes do you think it took him to sink that putt?

-VN

A reader calling herself simply “Emily” (Sometimes girls read this site! Whoo-hoo!) sent us a link to the below Norwegian television commercial for… well, I don’t know exactly what it’s for because I don’t speak Norwegian, but I’m assuming it’s a phone company or some kind of dial-in help service. Or maybe it’s just for literacy. In any case, it’s funny and you should watch it.

And that’s why I’ll never get a tattoo on a part of my body I can’t see — I need to know if the dude is fucking shit up.

-AR

UPDATE: BOOO! Apparently these were part of an art project, and not a real advertising campaign. If the people who run the Smithsonian were smart, they’d purchase these. Anyways, thanks to Jonathan Delarosa for bringing the truth to light.

I saw these new posters for the Smithsonian on Badass Digest, and they amused me enough that I thought they were worth sharing. I don’t particularly have anything to say about them — I just think they’re a clever way to try and express that history is cool, which it is, despite how fucking boring your teachers were/are.

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