I know this Jon Lajoie is in no way, shape, or form, metal, but I saw it on No Clean Singing, and it made me laugh so hard I watched it twice in a row. And you know how I hate laughing.

No joke: I’ve been sitting here debating about which event I absolutely do not care about to write up next — A new Kittie song? Camp Kill Yourself kills themselves? Rose Funoral: still a thing? — but this is one-hundred-gazillion percent better than any of those stories, so I’m posting it instead.

“Fuck toast/I don’t need to cook my bread/And fuck coasters/I use a little plate instead” might be the single best lyric of the year, in any genre. There are dudes who could spend literally their entire lives trying to come up something that good, and never, ever succeed.

-AR

I am not alone in my love of Germany’s Guano Apes, although it was 2000′s Don’t Give Me Names and not their 1997 debut that got me hooked. I must respectfully disagree with Sir GroverXIII of The Number of the Blog about the new Guano Apes album Bel Air, though: it rules!

Truth be told I didn’t even know Guano Apes had reunited and released a new album until I got a press release trumpeting the 1 millionth YouTube view of the video for the new song “Oh What A Night,” but there it is: the band that wrote the ridiculously catchy anthem “Big in Japan” is even biggerer in their native Germany. Bel Air hit the European market on April 1st via Columbia and June 21st in the U.S. via The End so it’s essentially already old news across the pond, but man, they picked up right where they left off with catchy alternative hard rock.

After the jump, the official music video for the groovalicious, new wave-y “Sunday Lover”:

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This doesn’t really have anything to do with metal, but I found it kinda funny so I’m running with it.

A Scottish band called Found has released what is, at least as far as I’m aware, the first-ever edible 7″ — more specifically, a 7″ made from chocolate. According to Badass Digest‘s Devin Faraci  (who came up with a headline far superior to my own):

“The first attempt was to pour chocolate over a pressed record, but the music created by the chocolate record was backwards. Instead they poured chocolate into the record mold, and presto, an edible single.”

I don’t know nearly enough about, like, science n’ shit to understand how this could possibly work, or what the band’s fans are supposed to do if they actually wanna keep the record, be it because they like the music, or because they think it’s gonna be a collector’s item, or whatever. (How easily would this thing melt? You’d have to at least keep it refrigerated, I’d imagine.)

I would, however, like to suggest that metal bands start trying this gimmick to sell their own shit. Of course, they would not necessarily have to use to chocolate. Here are some examples of what I think would be good cuisine-to-band matches:

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…so says Australian charter boat operator Matt Waller, who has experimented with different types of music in underwater caged speakers, and found that sharks would get all zen and mellow when he blasted AC/DC.  In the future, Waller plans to try out tunes by Zeppelin, the White Stripes, and Ozzy.

The funny thing is, none of those are too br00tal……something tells me a little Gojira might make the great whites seriously hungry for flesh.

Read the full article here.

Thanks to Jessica V. for the tip!

-KW

Accuse The Last Nova of not being metal and you’ll be correct. So if you’re offended by the presence of a little sugary hard rock in your morning dose of br00tal-O’s, kindly skip to the next post.

San Francisco hard rockers The Last Nova play the kind of nu-metal-riff-inflected hard rock that was popular in the early-mid aughties; if bands like Depswa, Systematic, Dark New Day or Alston mean anything to you then you know exactly what I’m talking about. No rapping, DJs or samples, but that little bit of nu-metal guitar tonality and radio rock friendliness, and, in many cases, really good vocalists, as is the case with The Last Nova (dude reminds me a lot of Alston’s Kobie Jackson).

In case you couldn’t tell, I think The Last Nova write really catchy hard rock songs that could smoke most of what’s on hard rock radio today (heyo Seether). So if you’re like OG MetalSucks reader Sammy and usually dig this kind of stuff, check it out.

-VN

Every once in a while, I listen to, and enjoy, non-metal music. Currently, I’m being treated to the dulcet tones of The Best of Earth, Wind, and Fire, as my gentleman friend is attending their show soon and rubbing it in my face that I won’t be able to go. Bah, they got nothing on The Ohio Players. Hands up: who also thought “Love Rollercoaster” was an original RHCP song? Yeesh, I know. In my defense, the original came out a decade before I was even conceived.

Anyways, I also enjoy a lot of dance-y, electronic pop. Yes, I am a Lady Gaga fan. And I’m not the only metalhead with thinks so, either. She falls in that category of “Things metal folk like that you never would’ve guessed.” Like cute pictures of kitties, and Disney movies.

I was awake when Gaga’s new album came out at midnight (har har, my sister sent me a message when it was two minutes ‘til), so I bought it. I knew there was a song on it called “Heavy Metal Lover,” and I know that Gaga’s boyfriend is actually a metal fan. But reading the lyrics sealed the deal: not only did Lady Gaga write an ode to us metalheads, but she is one of us metalheads (one of us, one of us).

Check out some of the song’s lyrics if you don’t believe me:

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Since Dead Letter Circus have been in the news lately — they just signed to Sumerian Records and they’ll be touring with Intronaut and Animals as Leaders this Summer — I thought I’d take a moment to get ya’ll familiar with their maximum rockage. They’re Australian, which is why you likely haven’t heard of them despite one EP and one album release since their inception in 2005, and to be honest they’re not really metal at all. So if the lack of growled vocals, chugga-chug or sweep-picking bothers you, probably best to stop reading right now.

For the rest of you fans of good music, let’s listen to some of the bands choice cuts. Dead Letter Circus remind me a lot of Karnivool, and not just because the two bands share a home country; their rock-based sound is steeped in hard-driving rhythms, delay-soaked atmospheric guitars and soaring vocals. I’d also throw Dredg and A Perfect Circle into the influences pile, so if those bands mean anything to you then Dead Letter Circus will likely resonate.

Here’s “Big” from their 2010 full-length This Is the Warning:

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*shels is a band we haven’t written much about here at MetalSucks, mostly because… I honestly don’t have a good explanation. We’re just dopes I guess.

But Heavy Blog is Heavy has alerted me to the fact that the band has a new album coming out this summer called Plains of the Purple Buffalo (see how the above cover art makes sense now?). They’ve already released the first single, “Vision Quest,” which you can stream below.

Like the headline says, it ain’t metal — but it’s still extreme. HBiH compares it to “Clint Mansell’s epic film scores” (Requiem for a Dream, Moon, etc.), but it actually reminds me more of This Will Destroy You and Sleepmakeswaves, two other extreme-if-not-metal bands we love. Seriously, if you need a little chill time, you’re not gonna do much better than this.

Plains of the Purple Buffalo comes out June 27 via shelsmusic.

-AR

I never know what kind of reaction I’ll get on these Not Quite Metal? posts. Often I’ll pose a band to the MS Comment Committee that’s just shy of being what most would consider “metal” in 2011 and that band will be rejected outright. Other times I’ll post something that’s far left of the metal center but I happen to dig, certain that the post will be met with cries of,” What the fuck is this doing on a metal site?”… and it’ll be met with near-universal applause. Moving Mountains are a good example of the latter; when I posted a new song by the atmospheric space rock outfit back in March ya’ll really seemed to dig. Moving Mountains are heavy, but certainly not metal. There are as many ambient passages as there are heavy riffs, and though there’s the occasional scream — ala early ’00s screamo [Thursday, ATDI, etc] — the vocals are by and large clean and rather indie-rockish in nature.

The new Moving Mountains album Waves doesn’t come out until May 10th, but Vans Warped Tour is hosting a stream of entire album this week. Here’s to hoping you dig the album as much as you did the single; I, for one, enjoyed the hell out of it this morning and am now heading back for a second pass. If you’re a fan of bands like Dredg, Constants, Junius and Russian Circles, I think there’s a pretty good chance you’ll dig Moving Mountains. Stream Waves here and pre-order it here.

-VN

Of any non-metal band I might expect to write a tribute song to black metal, My Morning Jacket wouldn’t been on my short list… but here they come with “Holdin’ On To Black Metal” from their forthcoming album Circuital, out May 31st. I wonder if MMJ vocalist / guitarist / primary songwriter Jim James has some Venom, Bathory or Burzum in his past? Inquiring metal bloggers would most certainly like to know.

I’m actually quite fond of My Morning Jacket; they’re that rare indie(ish) band that I can get down with, in no small part because they’re all such great musicians (and they write great songs and aren’t annoying). My Morning Jacket are my ace in the hole whenever metalgf and I are on a road trip and I’m tired of putting up with Taylor Swift.

“Holdin on to Black Metal” is definitely best enjoyed with the lyrics in front of you, so check those out courtesy of SongMeanings.net after the jump as you watch the YouTube vid above.

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When is something metal and when is it not? What’s if it’s got metal riffs, metal melody and metal composition but is played entirely on acoustic guitars? What if it’s got none of those elements but has screamed vocals? You be the judge but try not to let genre classification get in the way of your enjoyment of these two excellent bands.

• What Hands Are For: Neatly between the post-punk aggression of At The Drive In and the atmospheric melodies of Dredg. Stream their entire new album …Please Believe Me at their Bandcamp page where you can also buy it for just five bucks.
• Mark Hawkins: What you’d expect of an album called Grandpas Guitars is exactly what you get: expertly crafted metal compositions played and arranged exquisitely with multiple layers of rhythm and lead acoustic guitars (and the occasional light electric). Excellent, excellent, excellent, from the delay-laden atmospherics to the EVH “Spanish Fly” cover (!). If you start listening to the album — streamable on Bandcamp and purchasable for name your price — I dare you to turn it off before it ends.

I can’t be the only metalhead who was ever super-into [pre-Morning View] Incubus. Make Yourself dropped in 1999 during my extended break from metal, but “Pardon Me” and “Stellar” had to be two of the only heavy songs making the rounds on modern rock radio at the time that I could actually get into. Incubus had that “wow, these guys are actually really good at their instruments”-factor that very few heavy mainstream bands of the day had and they were easily a cut above of the rest, even if they did have a DJ whose job it was to stand there and passively sell records.

So, Incubus have a new song.

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As longtime MS commenters fritz pointed out in Monday’s post about Beardfish, it’s been a while since we regularly covered music on the fringes of metal. I’m talking about music that certainly has metallic elements but wouldn’t be considered true metal buy pretty much anyone (not just purists), though would appeal to a certain segment of metal fans. Music that  we’ve chosen to categorize as “Not Quite Metal?“, emphasis on the question mark… because who really knows what’s what in the age of micro-micro-micro-genres?

Today’s example: atmospheric space-rock outfit Moving Mountains.

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When a press release dropped last week about a new song “The Platform” by a Swedish band called Beardfish I thought to myself, “Hmm, Vince Neilstein… Beardfish. Beardfish. Isn’t that the band that Mike Portnoy loves? Beardfish… hmm.” And yes, indeed, they are. A little research on this here weblog turned up long since smoked-away ones and zeroes, confirming that Beardfish were slated to open for Dream Theater on the Progressive Nation 2009 tour (not the year with Opeth and BTBAM) but had to drop off because their label lost funding. I remember not liking them very much when I checked them out following the original Prog Nation 2009 tour announcement, but decided I’d give ‘em another go this time around.

And you know what? Beardfish 2k11 are pretty good. They remind me of King Crimson and Yes in their best, most coherent moments, a little bit more hard rockin’ than KC and a little less noodlin’ than Yes for a modern take on prog rock with a clear nod to the past. Good songs, great sense of melody, excellent but subdued chops. That’s my take on “The Platform,” anyway, which is streaming at ProgArchives.com.

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Best recommendation of the week, so far at least, comes from reader Kyle Van Kampen, who suggested Australia’s Sleepmakeswaves. Like This Will Destroy You, I don’t think you could really describe their music as “metal” — but you could definitely still describe it as “extreme.” As in, “THIS MUSIC IS EXTREMELY GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL AND SAD.”

If you go over to their Bandcamp page, Sleepmakeswaves have a bunch of stuff for pay-what-you-like. As far as I can tell, this song ain’t no fluke.

-AR

This Will Destroy You has to be one of the best not-really-metal bands to inexplicably get tons of coverage from the metal media. (I think it’d Decibel‘s fault, actually — at least, that’s where I learned about the band.) I seriously have to question the sanity of anyone who does not like this band. THEIR MUSIC IS JUST SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL AND SAD, it makes me wanna cry every time I hear it. I’m getting kinda choked up just typing about them.

So. The band has just announced a new album, called Tunnel Blanket, and released a new song from that album, called “Communal Blood.” And if you’re a damn fool who isn’t familiar with the incredibleness that is TWDY, well, they’re giving away “Communal Blood” for free download. Check it out after the jump. IT’S JUST SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL AND SAD. It’s like the touch of God!!!

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Yep.

-AR

[via Topless Robot]

So …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead is obviously not a metal band, but I just saw the cover art for their latest offering, Tao of the Dead, and it’s pretty fucking cool, and I’d rather discuss this than, say, the umpteenth terrible deathcore band one of you sent us claiming they were “the future of metal” or whatever.

Badass Digest tells me that the cover was done by the band’s own Conrad Keely, who apparently once had aspirations of doing comic book art. I’m not gonna get all Vince/Protest the Hero with it and analyze this thing in great detail, especially since there might be references that a very casual Trail fan like myself wouldn’t even pick up on… so for now, let’s just enjoy its beauty.

-AR

J Mascis
Several Shades Of Why
Label – Sub Pop Records
Release date – March 15, 2011

The album I’m most excited about this year isn’t even a little bit metal, even though it comes from someone who’s made a career out of ear-splitting, squealing guitarwork through amps set to eleven. I’m talking, of course, about Dinosaur Jr. axeman and vocalist J Mascis, who finally delivers his first ever proper solo album in March through good ol’ Sub Pop Records. Whereas his previous non-Dino work has included the plugged-in rock of J Mascis & The Fog, the retro-stoner slog of Witch, and chants to Hindu spiritual leader Mata Amritanandamayi, Several Shades Of Why is essentially a man and his acoustic guitar.

Comparisons between Mascis and rock-and-roll legend Neil Young have been made ad nauseum due in no small part to the respective similarities in their otherwise unique voices. Still, many of those who point out the commonalities have used Young’s work with Crazy Horse as a reference point. At last, we’ll be able to hear Mascis without the wailing waves of distortion, stripped back and exposed as a singer-songwriter. Will the comparison hold? Pre-release single “Not Enough”–which you can check out right now–seems to suggest so. Below, check out tour dates for Several Shades Of Why.

Listen.

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I think we’ve made this point either explicitly or implicitly on MetalSucks many times before, but the following e-mail from reader Barry Cavanaugh inspired me to re-iterate the concept: If you can’t do it live, don’t it. Period.

Here’s Barry’s e-mail:

“While you guys are a mainly metal website you guys do cover rock once and a while, and I think you should do something on the new my chemical romance. People can call them emo or whatever they want but the black parade was a straight up rock album, and an amazing rock album at that, probably one of the best rock albums in the last 10 years I would say, I would even go so far as to list it as one of the greatest rock albums of all time, don’t get me wrong I listen to mostly metal, but I know a great rock album when I hear it and the new one by mcr could be awesome. With that, please cover it or do a review on the album, trash it, do whatever you gotta do.”

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