I could of course be talking about any one of a thousand or so bands, so the one in question today happens to be Gwen Stacy, who happened to be signed to Ferret and Solid State Records for what I presume was their ability to get kids karate-choppin their way through the pit (’cause it certainly wasn’t because of their originality) and the obvious cash-cow that is Christian metal. Why news of this particular band’s breakup would be any more upsetting than the breakup of any other band who happens to fit their description would be especially upsetting to anyone is beyond me, but who knows… I guess young kids get attached to shit without really knowing full well that there’s other, better shit out there. Like, I really loved Cheerios when I was a kid until my mom allowed Kix onto the breakfast table — holy shit, my mind was blown! — but I still really like Cheerios, in part probably because they’re familiar.

So, there you have it: Gwen Stacy, the Cheerios of Christian metalcore, have broken up. Thankfully there are a few dozen more generic metalcore bands that wear all black and use auto-tune that can fill the void… and today’s up-and-coming genero-metalcore youngins are even better at the choreographed stage moves! Just sayin’.

-VN

Axl’s been devoting a lot of e-ink to Kalmah‘s new album 12 Gauge with good reason — because it’s fucking awesome. I’d completely forgotten how awesome Kalmah were until Axl sent me a copy of the new album. A few notes of epic, doomy melodeth later I exclaimed “ohhhh yeah! Kalmah!” then I sparked up a doob and let the music do the talking. For the unfamiliar, if you like dark, doomy Scandinavian music like Insomnium and Swallow the Sun there’s a good chance you’ll like Kalmah (who’ve been doing it for way longer) though their brand is less gloomy and more energetic than the aforementioned bands.

So over the weekend MS Maniac Mike Winston sends us an email comparing the intro of 12 Gauge‘s fifth song “Better Not to Tell” and the classic Pantera track “Hollow.” And I gotta say, he’s onto something; the two intros are eerily similar. I definitely don’t blame Kalmah for biting Pantera, though, and I’m sure all of you musicians out there can relate: how many times have you worked on writing a new song for hours and hours only to realize afterwards that the song (or parts of it) is actually already a famous song that you subconsciously copied? My guess is that the same thing happened here only Kalmah never realized it. Either way the song still kicks ass and the similarities stop after the intro so Big Vin better not sue.

Listen to the two clips below and let us know what you think.

-VN

I always forget that current Megadeth bassist James Lomenzo used to be in White Lion. I guess I can accept that he was in Black Label Society (and David Lee Roth), since Zakk Wylde usta use an awful lotta hairspray, but Megadeth? Doesn’t that seem kinda like if Metallica hired the dude from Dangerous Toys or something?

Anyways, I mention it because the “Oh Don Piano!” moment of the day is Lomenzo saying he’d be open to a White Lion reunion. I’m sure the five White Lion fans left the world are all very excited. But I don’t think anyone should get their hopes up. And I can’t be the only one who’d rather hear Lomenzo play tracks from Endgame or pretend to be Dave Ellefson, can I?

-AR

I made a joke earlier this week about Zakk Wylde taking the news of Ozzy’s new guitarist so hard that he wound up in the hospital for blood clots – but this has turned into some apparently serious shit. Not only has Wylde and Black Label Society been forced to drop off the Pedal to the Metal tour with Mudvayne, Suicide Silence, and some band where the dude has a stupid hair cut and is married to an ex-porn star, but he has to visit the hospital every 48 hours. A statement from Zakk (by way of the always helpful Blabbermouth):

Click to read more…

Here’s a headline from Blabbermouth this morning:

GUNS N’ ROSES’ ‘Chinese Democracy’ Single Best ‘Mainstream Rock’ Debut Since ‘Don’t Cry’

Wow. So in the seventeen years since “Don’t Cry” was released, there hasn’t been a better debut than “Chinese Democracy?” What incredible power Axl Rose has over the charts!

Only, this isn’t exactly true. And by “exactly,” I mean at all.

Click to read more…

Back in June, I wrote an editorial suggesting that Whitfield Crane would make a great candidate to fill the vacant vocalist slot in Anthrax. The editorial was in no way based on any facts or “inside info” about the situation, nor did it claim to be.

And yet, shortly thereafter, some twit asserted on Crane’s Wikipedia page that “Crane is one of a few candidates possible to be the lead singer of the New York thrash metal band Anthrax.” Which is further proof that you should never, ever, under any circumstances, trust Wikipedia. Because this was never a real story – it was just me jackin’ off, saying “Gee, wouldn’t it be cool if Whit Crane joined Anthrax?”

Well, now poor Mr. Crane has to address this ridiculous rumor in interviews like the one he just did with The Classic Metal Show [via Blabbermouth]:

Click to read more…

In the “duh” category, Idolator has alerted us to a study done by Liverpool John Moores University’s center for public health which proves that rock stars do in fact die younger than the average bloke:

“Professor Bellis and his team analysed the careers of 1,064 artists who had made it into a catalogue of the 1,000 best albums of all time, as voted for by a poll of more than 200,000 people in 2000. Of these, 100 had died by 2005 – 9.6% of the men and 7.3% of the women. Accidents (16), drug/alcohol overdose (19) and the less rock’n'roll cancer (20) were the top three causes of death, with suicide (3), drug/alcohol related accidents (4) and violence (6) lower down the list.”

No word yet on the mortality rate for rock bloggers.

-VN

There’s a phrase that I’ve heard batted around a lot lately: “Oh, Don Piano!” Taken from a video of a cat appearing to be saying said phrase when, of course, the cat is just making weird noises, it has apparently come to denote, within the world of journalism, when a quote is read-into or over-interpreted to mean something greater than it actually does.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/ONxv3RnPCIs" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

As a prime example of Don Pianoism, I offer you the following recent Blabbermouth headline: “Will SLAYER’S Next Album Be Its Last?”

Click to read more…