Nickelback isn’t racist!

-AR

[via The Chive]

I don’t know why he this dude, who calls himself “Eddini” (like “Houdini,” only amalgamated with what I suspect is his real name, Eddie), doesn’t put on “The House That Jack Built” — that always puts me right to bed. But I guess folks appreciate his efforts anyway, ’cause this his tenth video.

ANYWAY, you obviously don’t have to watch all fifteen fucking minutes of this, but you should probably watch at least through the :22 mark, when he takes a swing of Sprite (’cause nothing makes you go to sleep faster than sugar) and then, for no apparent reason, talks about his ‘Tallica tee.

And the real punchline? He’s a Jesus freak! A comment he left below the video reads, “Thanks for all your warm and kind responces it’s what keeps me going YOU, and the Lord.” As long as you have God and YouTube subscribers, you can get through anything!!!

-AR

Thanks to the reader who sent this to me whose original e-mail I can no longer find in order to credit him or her by name.

The latest edition of Metal Injection’s “Ask the Artist” series — in which various artists are asked one uniform question (See what they did there?) —  poses the query “What are the best and worst stage moves in metal?” to various bands that were on this summer’s two biggest metal tours — Mayhem Fest and Summer Slaughter.

And it’s a great question to ask, because it’s certainly one that seems to come up in metallic circles quite a bit. Just recently, a publicist told me she understood that I didn’t like one of her bands because they played too much “breakdowncore,” and I told her the breakdowncore was silly, sure, but not as silly as they choreographed stage moves they used for each and every song. So it’s interesting to hear the thoughts of the musicians who actually have to be extra-conscientious of stage moves themselves.

Not shocking — a lot of the bands, including Trivium and Fleshgod Apocalypse, poke fun at crabcore and general scene-friendly stage moves. More shocking: so do Oceano.

Check out more of Metal Injection’s “Ask the Artist” videos here.

-AR

This is how I know I’ve officially become completely desensitized to metal: when I hear something like The Black Dahlia Murder and think to myself, “Gee, that’s actually pretty melodic… maybe these old folks will actually dig it!” Not so. I forget that the only non-metalheads hear is screaming, an instant turn-off. But at least one 80-year old woman thinks The Black Dahlia Murder are the bees knees… almost.

The money quote: “Oh my goodness, well it’s not like Murdoch [Marduk]! It’s similar to them, but not as great as Murdoch. So they have to practice a little bit more. Murdoch’s great, Murdoch’s the best, absolutely.”

Watch the intro then skip to 4:40 for the BDM segment.

-VN

Thanks: Jesse Z.

Tired of waiting for the new Necrophagist album? Well, so is MetalSucks reader Keith Carlson. Mr. Carlson does weekly comics for Orlandooom.com, and his latest pokes fun at the Chinese Democracy of tech death. Check it out below; it’s some really, really funny shit. You can click on the comic to enlarge it.

Check out more of Keith’s comics here.

-AR

I thought I was the last living blogger to give a shit about now-defunct West Virginia progressive metallers Byzantine. Not so! NoCleanSinging.com’s “MadIsraeli” recently put together a Byzantine career retrospective covering all three of their albums, complete with YouTube embeds of a few choice songs and, naturally, his own commentary. If you’re familiar with Byzantine, get familiar right quick; they’re one of those overlooked bands that didn’t get nearly enough love due simply to time and circumstance (wrong time, wrong place).

So what are Byzantine up to these days? The band reformed for a series of shows in 2010 around their home state after breaking up in 2008; I’m still waiting for them to come up to NYC. Ex-guitarist Tony Rohrbaugh recently released a solo instrumental album which you should most certainly check out; it doesn’t sound like Byzantine, but you can definitely tell one of the dudes from Byzantine wrote and plays on it, if that makes sense. And that’s about it. I’m just trying to do my part to make sure Byzantine’s legacy isn’t lost from the metal history books.

-VN

Justin M. Norton over at Invisible Oranges has been killing it this week. Yesterday, he wrote a really great piece about entitled “Why Ghost Matters,” which you should definitely check out, especially if, for some reason, you’re still not convinced that those Swedes are the real deal; now, he’s unveiled his list of the Top 10 Metal Lyricists, which, I imagine, will cause exactly the kind of shit storm that makes the internet so damn fun in the first place.

And, hey, I don’t agree with all of his inclusions (although I certainly agree with some of ‘em, like one Mr. J.R. Hayes from Pig Destroyer). But, again, the debate is what’s so much fun about these kinds of things. Lists don’t really “mean” anything — they’re just the opinions of one individual or a group of individuals. But what’s great about them is that they get people thinking; even if you disagree with the choices, you have to figure out a way to articulate exactly why you disagree with the choices, to hopefully come up with a retort more sophisticated than “You’re wrong and you’re a douche for disagreeing with me.” (Although, clearly, some internetters fall back on that “reasoning,” too.)

Check out Norton’s list here, then come back and let us know who your own favorite metal lyricists are in our comments section. Two of my personal poetic heroes who I think definitely deserve to be on this list: Tool’s Maynard James Keenan and The Red Chord’s Guy Kozowyk. How about you cats?

-AR

Legendary thrashers Forbidden parted ways with drummer Mark Hernandez last week, a happening we failed to report upon because, Jesus Holy Christ, there’s basically two of us and it’s just not feasible that we’re going to be able to write about everything that happens ever, especially given that this entire site is editorials, which actually take some time to write, as opposed to, say, just cutting and pasting press releases.

ANYWAY, Forbidden. Down a drummer. They’re snagged some dude named Gene Hoglan to fill-in for a few dates — namely, the upcoming Alcatraz Festival in Belgium and the ProgPower Festival in Atlanta — but, of course, they’re going to need a permanent replacement. And thus, the band has decided to scour the land so full of undiscovered and unappreciated talent: the internet.

Here are the details, direct from the mouth of guitarist Craig Locicero:

Click to read more…

One of the great things about Portal — the intimidatingly intense death metal band from Australia, not the highly addictive video game – is their mystique. Moreso than perhaps any other band — including Ghost — they have done a terrific job of keeping their actual identities a secret, and they’re all the more alluring for it. (Trust me. What little we know about them as real dudes is already disappointing.)

Now Metal Injection reader Keith Carlson has done a comic strip for Orlandooom which hypothesizes as to the origins of Portal’s vocalist, known only as “The Curator.” And while I’m not a shrink, I did take a psych class in school once, and it is my professional opinion that this is a 100% plausible scenario. In fact, just treat it like you saw it on Fox News and accept it as the unquestionable truth.

-AR

The official website for the upcoming Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration has launched, although right now there is absolutely nothing of interest there save for this picture of the old bass player for Suicidal Tendencies and four terminal cancer patients.

Still, I thought you might wanna know that the project is moving forward; presumably the next step is either to release some actual music, or a photo of Trujillo with a bunch of burn victims.

-AR

-AR

[via Explosm.net]

The answer should be “everyone.” Each and every one of you should want an update on the new Napalm Death album. Why? Because they’re Napalm fucking Death, that’s why.

So you should head over to The Deciblog, where they have a brand new interview with bassist/awesome hair style Shane Embury, getting lots and lots of info on the latest offering from one of the greatest grind bands in history. The album is apparently “pretty much done,” which is great, but the really fascinating parts of the interviews are about the band’s working process. For example, here’s Embury on lyrics and vocals:

Click to read more…

Jerry Garcia during a recent live performance.

Jerry Garcia died sixteen years ago today from being an overweight drug addict, and the anniversary interests me mostly because I remember exactly where I was when I heard that Garcia was dead, and, holy shit, I can’t believe it was sixteen years ago.

But Shadows Fall front man Brian Fair is an actual Grateful Dead fan. And so he has commemorated Garcia’s death not by pining for his youth (and possibly scarfing down a tub of Cherry Garcia, Cathy-style), but, rather, by writing a guest blog for our friends over at Metal Insider, in which he basically seeks to answer this question: “Why should metal fans give a poo about Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead?”

Here’s a sample:

Click to read more…

Those doomy mofos over at Southern Lord have done it again, this time in the form of a ridiculously killer tour lineup dubbed The Power of the Riff: the trek spans five dates across California and Washington later this month and will feature Pentagram, Eyehategod, Pelican, Trap Them, Black Cobra, Early Graves and many, many more.

But the riff worship doesn’t stop there: Southern Lord has compiled an accompanying sampler featuring many of the bands on the bill and others on their label, and made it available for free download. Win/win, even for those of us who can’t attend the shows. Alas, I’m sorry, but I will not use the phrase “mix tape” when describing something downloadable.

Peep the tracklisting after the jump and download the sampler here.

Click to read more…

Deciblog scribe Jeanne Fury claims to have seen the above men’s bathing suit in a storefront window in Asbury Park, NJ this past weekend. Do we believe her? I’d liken this statement in high fashion to Sergeant D’s Burzum clothing line if not for the fact that it came from New Jersey, the arsehole of America, and from the Jersey Shore above all (yeah, that Jersey Shore).

I’ve never worn a banana-hammock bathing suit before (these days I like board shorts), but for this gem it might be worth having my package bundled up for all to see. Because we all need a little Vinnie Paul in our bunghole.

-VN

Mastodon’s Troy Sanders is selling his suburban Atlanta home. The 3 bdr, 2 bath, 2-story new construction (2005) looks modest compared to the mansion that Joey Belladonna was reportedly selling two years back, but I think it would still represent a major upgrade for the majority of metal musicians (and one can only assume Sanders is selling it because Mastodon’s success has allowed him something biggerer and betterer). Here’s the Craigslist listing via real estate agent Justin Seeby:

Spacious Home in Convenient East Lake Location!

This Home Features a Large, Open Kitchen with Tons of Counterspace & Cabinets, Upgraded Black Appliances, Recessed Lighting, and Room for a Large Island. The Enclosed Back Porch Boasts Plank Wood Flooring and Large Windows. Enjoy the Open Deck Overlooking a Fenced In Yard- Perfect for Kids, Pets, and Entertaining! 1 Car Garage is Great for Parking & Storage. Gleaming Hardwood Floors, Crown Molding, and Spacious Bedrooms Complete This Home to Make it the Perfect Place to Call Home!

*Seller is Lead Singer of Rock Group MASTADON!*

Call Today to Schedule a Personal Showing!

MetalSucks called Mr. Seeby to ask if the cat shown in Photo 4 of the listing was included. No dice; Sanders loves his pussy.

-VN

Thanks: Hetal Bhatt

GothicKingCobra52 knows a LOT about metal, and you should watch his videos, so that maybe you can learn a thing or two about a thing or two.

For example, are you a young guitar player looking to learn how to sweep pick? Fret not, for GKC52 has a video instructing viewers about this very subject!

Click to read more…

I remember reading an interview with Howard Jones around the time The End of Heartache came out in which he said something to the effect of, “You could play Slayer songs on acoustic guitars and they would still sound good.” His point being, of course, that a good song will always sound like a good song, period.

And the below video, of a couple of dudes doing an instrumental acoustic cover of Kvelertak’s “Blodtorst,” certainly bolsters Jones’ assertion. It would probably never even occur to me to want to hear an acoustic version of Kvelertak, because I think of them as a loud, obnoxious party band (I mean that as a compliment, by the way). But this works pretty well! And apparently, the band digs it, too.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

Props to Metal Injection for unearthing this forty-five minute interview with Ben Weinman (#13 on our list of The Top Modern Metal Guitarists), which was conducted prior to the release of The Dillinger Escape Plan’s most recent album, Option Paralysis. Not only is Weinman is a great guitar player, and not only is Weinman a great songwriter, but he’s been in the business for more than a decade — no small achievement in this day and age — and he manages DEP, as well as being their driving creative force. (He’s also the sole remaining original member of the band.)

What’s great about long-form interviews like this is that it gives the subject a chance to get really, really in-depth. Weinman is open and honest here, and anyone who wants to make their living from metal — whether a DEP fan or not — should check this out. I’m only partway through, but it’s pretty terrific.

-AR