Yep, that’s what this video portrays. You’re either curious to see it or you’re not. There is nothing else I can really say to tempt you. It’s not like it turns out the bear is Keyser Söze or anything. So watch this. Or don’t. I really don’t care.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

Last week, I saw some kid outside of a Chimaira show compliment keyboardist Sean Z. on his vocal performance. “I had no idea you could scream like that!” the lil’ dude proclaimed. Presumably, the young fan was somehow unaware that Z. is also the vocalist for Dååth, meaning that, yes, he is a helluva front man who can scream his guts out with the best of ‘em.

I have no idea if incidents like that one were the inspiration for what Sean Z. has done now or not, but it’s easy to imagine the epicly bearded musician going “Hey, I’m getting all this new attention because of Chimaira, might as well put it to extra-good use!”

And so, whatever his motivation may be, Sean Z. has posted on his Facebook page links to download — for free, natch — not only the two Dååth albums on which he appears, but also b-sides and demos from those albums.

Click to read more…

…the results sound a lot like one of those really poorly-produced black metal albums. Hm. Interesting. Slayer’s influence is even further-reaching than we suspected!!!

-AR

[via Metal Injection]

-VN

[via Gothamist]

Yeah, you read that right: some dude calling himself “Mighty Mike” mashed-up two classics that, on the surface, have absolutely, positively no business whatsoever being smushed together. And yet, this must be one of the best mash-ups I’ve ever heard. It works so well, my mind is just reeling right now.

Check out the epic awesomeness below.

Imagine-a-jump-john-lennon-vs.-van-halen by jackstanleywp

-AR

[via Badass Digest]

I know we’re already beating this Lulu thing to death, but, I mean, c’mon — it is just SO AMAZING that Metallica have somehow figured out a way to disappoint the fans yet AGAIN, and have possibly even outdone the debacle that was St. Anger. Seriously, this thing is so hilariously awful somewhere in the world right now, Axel Rudi Pell and the dudes from Morbid Angel are on their knees, thanking the good Lord for finally taking the heat off of them.

And now comes the silver lining of Lulu — namely, the parodies and memes. NPR helpfully points the way towards those which have already been released. First up are some fake pre-production demos by a YouTube user named gr8080. gr8080′s version of “Little Dog” was made utilizing nothing more than a knowledge of the song title and running time (for maximum troll power!), and it’s hilarious (I especially appreciate all the howling. Except that gr8080 had no way of knowing that he (I think it’s a he) was creating something that was actually far more melodic than the actual “Little Dog,” which, like all of Lulu, is just a total fucking mess. “Little Dog” also happens to be one of the most boring songs on Lulu, so gr8080 has Loutallica beat in the energy department, too.

I’m also very fond of gr8080′s version of “Brandenburg Gate,” which melds lots of silly German stuff together (Kraftwerk-style avant-electronica, the entire language, etc.) in the name of comedy gold:

Click to read more…

Making fun Attack Attack! / crabcore is so 2008, but this spoof video is too funny and too well-executed not to post. Everything about it is on point, right down to the color palette all these grassy field / behind-the-warehouse-dad-works-in videos use to achieve a dim, sunset-like glow.

Is crabcore dead yet?

-VN

Thanks: Alex Reynoso via Asian Glow

My brother-in-blog Axl Whoazenberg occasionally posts about things he finds hilarious that have nothing to do with metal, so I figured why not extend that notion into the realm of hottness?

My brother from the same mother introduced this video to me over the Summer during our annual visit to the Wingerschmidt west clan, and it continues to haunt me……enjoy.

Daisy Lowe for UK esquire HD from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

-KW

This needs no further explanation beyond this post’s headline. Perhaps it was created by whoever ended up with that old spatula Sir Townsend auctioned off on eBay. Ladies and gentlemen, “Supercrush” on Kazoos:

Supercrush! (Devin Townsend) – Kazoo by segritz

-VN

Thanks: Peter Brown

Here’s all that MetalSucks readers really need to know about singer/songwriter Christina Perri: she’s the sister of ex(?)-Silvertide / ex-Shinedown guitarist Nick Perri, and she ain’t half bad. More to the point, she’s released a death metal version of her acoustic ballad “Tragedy,” a somewhat pedestrian concept that ends up being absolutely hilarious in execution. I don’t know for certain how the idea for this came about, but I’d imagine it had something to do with her live drummer Elmo Lovano, who, according to his Pearl Drums artist page, has played with The Faceless’ Michael Keene and Skrillex. That’s Elmo performing the vocals in this video; dude sounds better without any amplification than lots of pro metal vocalists do with tons of studio effects beefing up their puny voices.

I’ve posted the original version of “Tragedy” after the jump; it’s basically the same… but with pretty girl vocals instead of dirty boy screams.

Thanks: Max Dohmeyer

Click to read more…

Now-bankrupt metal blog Metal Inquisition hired Manowar to play their office party in Moscow back in 2009… and would you just look at the expression of pure joy on the face of Roger from Accounts Payable? Brad from Marketing, in the black shirt to Roger’s right, was none too pleased that Roger spent MI’s entire 2009 ad revenue on hiring Manowar despite multiple warnings that “kids don’t listen to that stuff these days.” And now you know why Metal Inquisition isn’t around anymore and Sergeant D came to write for us.

-VN

I realize that videos like this do nothing but give more ammo to those who say shredders are a dime a dozen, but still, I can’t help but be ridiculously impressed by this kid’s skills. Maybe one day he’ll put them to greater use by writing his own compositions and changing metal for the better like Tosin Abasi has done. You gotta start somewhere.

-VN

Thanks: Matias 

What ever happened with that whole Howard Jones scandal? KsE, Roadrunner and Jones have done a great job of laying low while all the hubbub died down. Who knows if we’ll ever get an explanation as to what really happened… but I guess we’ll let bygones be bygones and mind our own business.

On a similar note, what ever happened to Lily Allen? I haven’t heard much from her since her smash album Alright, Still jumped across the pond and got American heads bopping (including mine) in the summer of 2006. There was a follow-up album I never checked out and then she seemed to fade into obscurity almost as fast as she appeared.

With that in mind, a mash-up of the backing track from Allen’s “Smile” and the vocals of Killswitch Engage’s “My Curse” seems pretty logical. It’s well done, too; definitely made me chuckle.

-VN

Thanks: the MS reader who sent this in whose email I cannot find

Alas, there won’t be a new installment of “Landphil Marathon” today. So I thought all you pro-wrestling fiends might instead enjoy the below video, which is a mash-up of Hatebreed’s “Tear it Down” with various Hulk Hogan sound bites. And, I gotta say, it’s done pretty artfully! Jamey Jasta’s lyrics are already kinda rasslin’-ready (I always say he’s like the Tony Robbins of hardcore… there is nothing better at the gym than having Jasta literally shout “PERSEVERANCE!” in your ear when you get tired.), so this doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch.

And we should have a new “Landphil Marathon” soon!

-AR

Thanks to Skyler Diotte for the tip!

Last month our own Leyla Ford admitted to being a Lady Gaga fan and even declared Uglier Madonna to be “one of us,” and the reaction from the MS readership was something typically calm and reasonable, along the lines of “!?#@$%?!*?!!!!” Which I didn’t really understand – I don’t like Lady Gaga, either, but at this point it’s pretty hard to argue that she’s just another poseur wearing metal t-shirts for ironic and/or fashion reasons. I mean, she likes Maiden. She really, really likes Maiden. And she got the thumbs-up from Kirk Windstein and Dave Wyndorf. Free pass, Lady Gaga is thy possessor.

But this is the internet, so logic be damned — LET’S ROAST THIS BITCH ON A SPIT!

So. If a blogger declaring her love for Gaga made you upset, well, this should give you a fucking heart attack.

It’s a mash-up of Lady Gaga’s “Judas” and Judas Priest’s “Painkiller,” and, I have to say, it’s pretty well done. I mean, I’m not gonna put it on my iPod or anything, but you can’t say that its creator, Wax Audio, didn’t do a fine job blending the two songs together.

Go totally apeshit for no discernible reason in the comments section.

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

D’OH! Vince posted this back in 2009. Yep, we’ve now been doing this for so long that I can’t even remember what idiotic shit we’ve already posted. Oh, well. As Vince put it, “It’s still funny!”

When Rammstein play a live show, they really do include pretty everything but the kitchen sink: fire, lasers, fire, exploding babies, fire, a cock-shaped cannon that cums on the audience, fire, a blow-up raft, fire, costume changes, and fire, to give you but  few examples.

But if Rammstein start incoporating Muppets into their routine, well, then they’ll really have a great show on their hands.

-AR

Thanks to Jonathan Kienzle for the vid!

Last week we told you about Tower of Gopal, a satirical new band (or I guess I should say “band”) who seem pretty successful at ripping into both Scionic black metal bands and scene bands; now we’ve learned, via our buddy Sergeant D.’s Stuff You Will Hate, that not only is there a new ToG video, but the group has also launched a Kickstarter page , either to raise money to record their debut album, Party in Front, Merch in Back, or really just to make fun of ex-Attack Attack! guitarist Johnny Franck. Either way, I approve this message.

By the way, make sure you watch this video all the way through — I actually think the funniest bit comes at the end.

Here’s hoping there really is a Party in Front, Merch in Back sometime real soon.

-AR

Is George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” the new Rick Roll? This morning I saw the following video at Gun Shy Assassin, allegedly of Between the Buried and Me drummer Blake Richardson, making careless whispers at the camera for a minute-plus:

Baffling, to say the least. But I really just bring it up as an excuse to post this hilarious “improv everywhere”-style viral video of “legendary” saxophone player Sergio Flores playing… well, just watch:

And now that sax line will be stuck in my head for days. Damn you, Blake.

-VN

A few years ago there was this popular internet meme in which people took a scene from Downfall, a movie about Hitler’s final days, and re-did the subtitles so that, instead of reacting to the news that he was losing the war, The Führer seemed to be freaking out about some horribly insignificant bit of nerdery (e.g., that the end of The Watchmen movie wasn’t exactly the same as the end of The Watchmen graphic novel, etc.).

Like most memes, it got old after awhile. But our friend Mark sent us the below one over the weekend, and, well… I don’t think I have ever typed these words before, nor am I likely to ever type them again:

I AGREE WITH ADOLF HITLER 110%

-AR

The problem with \\\Maytag, the “refrigerator drone metal” band, is that it’s so hard to market them, because, really, who do they tour with? On what bill do they fit? Others bands in the vein of Sunn O)))? Other comedy metal bands? Comedy metal bands that don’t know they’re comedy metal bands? It’s a tough quandary to solve!

But help is on the way, thanks to this washing machine:

And if you thought, “Sure, the washing machine sounds kinda like it’s drumming, but it’s not very metal,” well, you thought wrong. ‘Cause this band called Science of Demise wrote a whole metal song based around it:

Click to read more…