MetalSucks

In February of ‘07, while he was absolutely not just biding his time until Limp Bizkit got back together, Wes Borland taught a series of guitar clinics in such glamorous locales as Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Jakarta and Bangalore. And while I kid about those places, it’s as reassuring to me to learn there is some kind of metal scene in Jakarta as it was to learn that I have a distant cousin who is a rabbi in Dublin (I’m not making that up, by the way.). Peeps get around, yo.

So here’s a Jakartan (is that right?) band called Vendetta, doing a cover of Lamb of God’s “Now You’ve Got Something to Die For.” It’s serviceable but not great, but like I said, it’s cool that there are kids are trying to get shit done in Jakarta, and it’s cool that 75% of this group consists of chicks. At least, I think they’re chicks.

-AR

Thanks to Will Morley for the tip!

MS Maniac Samuel A. Favata sent us this. I don’t think this requires any further explanation…

Holy crap, that is so much better than Attack Attack! it’s not even funny.

Metal Insider also has a slightly different version, if you’re interested. And you are. I mean, let’s be real: it’s not like you’re working right now. You should be, but you’re not.

-AR

Okay, so reader Ryan Banjamin sent this video in last night, and, wow, did it just about make my week. I have absolutely no clue why these kids made this video, but I’d be shocked if you told me that they were actual Attack Attack! fans. As a piece of satire, the video is a little-one noted… but what a note it is! I was sold by the time the “band” perfectly imitated AA!’s synchronized jump at the 1:35 mark.

One thing I would definitely have changed, though, had this been an Axl Rosenberg joint: I would have made the chick playing the keyboardist fill the role of the lead singer. ‘Cause let’s be real here, y’know?

-AR

When they’re not wishing ill upon musicians whose work they dislike, nerds in basements are doing things like, say, syncing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Throwdown, or Spongebob Sploogepants and syncing it up with JFAC. Now Raining Blondes has found the below video, which imagines a world in which Miley Cyrus were a little more like Demi Lovato. (Actual music courtesy Suicide Silence.)

-AR

Susan Graves, metal director for 88.7 WRSU fm in New Jersey, sent us a link to the below video, with the above message included.

Well, Susan Graves, the joke’s on you because I am on drugs and I did watch this, so pppffftttt.

Anyways, this isn’t like Crotchduster brilliant or anything, but it’s fun. Give it a whirl. And I think it’s probably okay if you’re on drugs. It shouldn’t freak you out too bad or nuthin’.

-AR

As you’ve no doubt noticed, we’re mostly done for the year here at MS. Suarez is going to see Coalesce on the 30th at Club Europa in Brooklyn, but other than that metal pickins around here are slim. Axl’s holed up in the Axl Annex with Sacha the Death Metal Puppy and I’m heading down to sunny Costa Rica in a few days. Peachy!

MS reader “tnicklas” send in this mildly entertaining Black Metal Christmas video by the band Erlosung. Enjoy, and stay warm.

-VN

Devin Townsend is releasing one “Deep Thoughts” video per week on his own Addicted e-card site, as Axl reported last week (and yes, that’s Jack Handy, not “George”). In this week’s installment, Devin shares his thoughts on the nature of infinity and… well, just watch.

The MetalSucks staffers will all be publishing their year-end Top 20 lists TOMORROW! Who will choose Ki or Addicted? Who will choose both or neither? If both, which will rank higher? Get ready for some inconsequential heated arguing all day long.

-VN

I’m continually amazed at what folks come up with to litter along the information superhighway……this gem, hotchickspickingupdogshit.com, is apparently part of a misogeniustic collection of websites involving females doing silly crass shiz, such as sticking their fists in their mouths, plunging their toilets, hanging out with boner’d dogs, smiling at Ground Zero, and sticking hot dogs in their mouths.

I hope I never have a daughter.

-KW

Rammstein seem to be the subjects of a whole lot of homemade viral videos lately (see also: this). Why exactly, I’m not sure. Perhaps it’s that the whole concept of the band is just kinda funny to begin with. And of course, those German accents!

Take this one originally posted on Metal Injection. Gold. I can only imagine the stoned though that occurred to this fine chap while he was watching his baby innocently play.

-VN

Funny you should ask; MS reader Luis Flores Moreno sent us a video which explores this very idea. +1 for these kinds of mash-ups.

-VN

UK heavy-techno band Pendulum — who really fucking impressed me the one time I saw them live — have posted a remix of Metallica’s “Master of Puppets.” Pendulum have always tried to fit into the metal / hard rock spheres with mixed reactions… their techno does definitely incorporate elements of both as does their live show, but I can definitely see how they’d grate on die-hard metal fans. Seriously though, if you just open your mind a little any metalhead should enjoy the spectacle this is Pendulum’s live show. If you happen to be at a festival where they’re playing and they’re not on at the same same as, say, Opeth, go out of your way to check them out… it’ll be well worth it for you.

Here’s their remix of “Master of Puppets,” which I originally found posted at UK Metal Underground.

-VN

If you’ve ever wanted to see Randy Blythe in facepaint and tight black leggings covered in Jello and wrestling with a chick, now’s your chance. The YouTube user who posted this video surmises the event took place on January 5th, 1997, but he/she isn’t sure.

I love that once upon a time Randy Blythe participated in local Jello wrestling matches in Richmond, VA… so metal! Watch as he slips and slides about the tub, and stick with it until the end when we get up close and personal with Randy for a hot second.

Maybe this is the reason Lamb of God weren’t included in Decibel’s Top 100 of the decade list. Jello wrestling ≠ tr00.

-VN

[Thanks: Micah Larson]

So on Friday night on friend Sergeant D. at Metal Inquisition got wasted and made the below tribute to Burzum and Varg Vikernes. Now, I can already sense that some of you are going to bitch that this isn’t that funny, and, in truth, the idea is pretty simple – but there’s something about the mixing of the music with the pictures and, of course, the context, that just makes me giggle every time I watch this…

And while we’re on the topic of Sergeant D., please allow me to work in this shameless plug: the dude designed this awesome t-shirt for us. Why don’t you show some love and buy one?

-AR

Proving once again that not only does metal suck, but also it’s totally gay.

-KW

Sent in by MS reader Kyle Bosc:

So here in Canada we had these public service announcements about canadian wildlife, like this here:

One of my local radio stations made one about Metallica fans that made me laugh, thought you’d enjoy it too:

Proving that you can make almost any awesome metal song sound like total garbage if you want to, Andy Rehfeldt (whomever that is) did the below “Radio Disney version” of Cannibal Corpse’s “Hammer Smashed Face.”

I don’t even think Demi Lovato would approve of this.

The upside is, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the lyrics to this song sung so clearly…

-AR

Thanks to Drewski for the tip!

This video may be relevant for a large portion of our female readership. Thanks to MetalGF for sending it in… thankfully, she won’t need to use it.

-VN

An anonymous reader sent us the below fan-made video for Austrian Death Machine’s “Get to the Choppa.” Now, clearly, this is an instance of a fan with too much free time on his or her hands (Why don’t you do something productive, friend, like start a snarky blog where you make unnecessary, barely-qualified judgements on hard working musicians? Hm?), but it’s actually pretty cool so I thought I’d post it:

The reader who sent this in also made mention of Modern Warfare 2, but I just played through the campaign in that game and I’m still not entirely sure what the what this has to do with MW2. I think there was a level where I did indeed have to get to a choppa, but I was pretty high when I played it so I don’t remember so good. And I don’t know why I just shared that information, but whatever, I’m too lazy to hit “delete.”

-AR

Andy Samberg can’t single-handedly salvage more than a decade of suckitude at Saturday Night Live, but this past weekend’s skit “The Mellow Show” is pretty fuckin’ funny and of particular interest to metal fans. The skit pokes fun at the light rock stylings of Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz and Dave Matthews, and Mr. Matthews himself makes a cameo appearance as Ozzy Osbourne. Thanks to our brostophers at Metal Insider for picking this one up.

If you’re having trouble with the below embed, check out the video at Metal Insider.

-VN

Sometimes we get so caught caught up in minutae inside our little metal Internet bubble that we lose perspective on the bigger picture. Take this lampoon video from Current.com that highlights deathcore YouTube vocal covers (including our favorite, Señor Bivins) and mocks the differences between deathcore, death metal and metalcore. I’m pretty sure the guy in the video “gets” it and is playing dumb to make a point… but let’s be honest with ourselves; while the minutae between these micro-genres may seem important to us now, 200 years from now people aren’t going to give a flying fuck. By then it’ll all just be called “early 21st century metal” or some equally all-inclusive blanket term that disregards all the differences we argue about on a daily basis. It’s all just dudes screaming over loud guitars and fast drums in the end.

Anyway, this video is pretty funny. If there’s one thing we and the presumably indie rock-centric audience this video is geared towards can agree on, it’s that deathcore scene kids are fucking stupid.

-VN

[Thanks: Pablo]