The bad news is that the first music video by Australian deathcore youngins Endworld — dubbed by Sergeant D as “the shitty version of Defiler,” a statement so loaded I can’t even begin to process it — has been “Removed by the User” since we wrote about it in September. But fear not, because the good news is that Endworld believe in revisionist history, that by pulling their embarrassingly bad old video and replacing it with a new one they’ll be able to cement their legacy as deathcore’s next big thing. Lucky for us all, Endworld’s new video is just as lulzy as the first!

We knew things were gonna be good when we got the following carefully worded one line email from Endworld member “Mark XXX” (he’s so dirty! girls love him!):

CHUCK OUR NEW VIDEO UP ON YA PAGE U BIG METAL MOSH LORD XOXOOX \M/

All of Endworld’s genre-pioneering Amateurcore trademarks are still here. Note:

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Thanks: Sam R.

So, hey, remember Red Lamb, the new project from former Anthrax guitarist Dan Spitz and forever Megadeth boss Dave Mustaine (and once upon a time called DeuxMonkey)? Well, guess what? Their self-titled debut full-length was released on Friday via iTunes. And you’d think that first album from a band featuring two founding members of Big Four bands would be treated like a huge event and reported on by every metal news outlet in the galaxy, but it wasn’t, because there was no press release sent out, and the only official announcement came earlier today via the band’s Facebook page. So, that seems pretty weird.

Also weird: yeah I don’t think Mustaine actually had anything to do with this record.

Here is my evidence:

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Over the weekend, Metallica’s publicists sent out the below message to the media at large…

…as well as the below video, which reminds us that we’ve seen Metallica play lots and lots and worldwide festivals, “But you’ve never seen them…”, and then all the information above. That’s it. “But you’ve never seen them.” So, you’ve seen Metallica, but, like, you’ve never seen Metallica, dude.

WHOA. That’s deep.

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It is according to the dude who took it sometime during the 1980s, Irish Willis Peele! It’s hard to tell for sure, but I buy it. At least, I’d like to think that my favorite faux news anchor is the kind of dude who once would have jumped into the pit.

Stewart — who still would have been known as “Jon Leibowitz” at this time — is allegedly the dude in the middle, in the white shirt making the ridiculous face:

There’s obviously some kind of comedian/Dead Kennedys connection floating around in the air this week. I’d try to figure out what it is, but I’m fresh out of PCP.

-AR

[via Film Drunk... thanks to Shane Gillis for the tip]

We haven’t made fun of Juggalos since before this past October, when the short documentary American Juggalo finally achieved the impossible and made Juggalos seem — gulp – sympathetic.

But then this yutz comes along and reminds us, “Oh yeah, these people are FUCKING STRANGE.”

(click to enlarge)

I don’t know if I’d be relieved or disappointed if this turned out to just be a joke.

-AR

[via Film Drunk... thanks to Rob Liz for the link]

It’s occasionally hard to tell whether we should cheer superstar wrestler Hulk Hogan as an unhinged eccentric or jeer him as a sideways freak who paws his own daughter on TV when not sweatily humping other half-nude guys on TV. Okay, shit, it’s not that tough to call actually — especially when the Hulkster pops round The Sun (UK) offices to cull the latest relationship gossip on Heidi Klum (silly!) and Cameron Diaz (really?).

Truly, the gentleman prefers blondes. Anyway, after casually implying his fandom of The Stone Roses — a major news item in England for their recent reunion — Hogan dropped these bombshells on The Sun:

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As happy as we are that Beavis and Butt-head have now returned (and are still, like, way awesome and funny and stuff), we probably could have lived without these creepy-as-fuck images:

These prosthetic models (or, perhaps more aptly, dummies) were created by make-up artist Kevin Kirkpatrick, who has worked on the television series American Horror Story as well as movies like Pirates of the Carribean, presumably because he wanted to give children nightmares. Honestly, I can’t think of another logical or illogical reason why anyone would make these fucking creepy things. They’re like a thousand times more disgusting than anything I’ve ever seen on any death metal album cover.

Here are some close-ups, in case you really wanna have nightmares tonight:

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Ladies and gentlemen: THIS GUY! Dude just LOVES his candles — loves ‘em! But not just any candles — only Yankee Candles. I would totally bro down with this dude and I’d love to be invited to one of famous “piña colada parties.”

Note:

• Dissapointment that the store didn’t have Carrot Cake candles.
• Genuine excitement about going to the mall in Albany. If I worked at Yankee Candle in the mall and this dude came in I’d probably hide under a table.
• Use of a giant chef’s knife to open the plastic candle packaging.
• “Fresh cut roses…. WOAH!” @ 3:50
• Snarky elitism of normal candle shops vs. Yankee Candle shops: “This one smells like a normal candle shop, not a Yankee Candle shop. Not that I would ever go to a normal candle shop ever again.”
• Koala bear impression @ 5:00

I will definitely be staying tuned for ycfan1985′s next Yankee Candle haul!

-VN

If there was ever any chance that the metal community would take The Grammy Awards seriously, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences completely blew it the moment they gave the inaugural award for Best Metal Performance to a band featuring a flautist. The awards have rightfully been considered a joke ever since, and its last shards of credibility were destroyed once and for all last year, when the aformentioned National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences folded the awards for Best Metal Performance and Best Hard Rock Performance into one category, meaning that suddenly bands like Megadeth and Mastodon were competing with bands like the Foo Fighters and Sum 41.

So, of course, The Grammy Museum at L.A. Live has announced a new exhibit, Golden Gods: The History of Heavy Metal.

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Last week, Island/Universal Music released an Anthrax edition of their Icon series, which, in case the title doesn’t make it clear, is just repackaged hits from the label’s catalog shoved onto one new not-so-spiffy collection. By my count, this was Anthrax’s eighth greatest hits album, and that if you don’t include The Greater of Two Evils, which were Bushthrax re-recordings of Bellanthrax songs, or the band’s three lives albums, which are really just greatest hits collections with crowd noises on them.

And if you’re thinking “Well, so, like, who the crap would buy this thing?”, the answer, as it turns out, is almost no one: Anthrax’s Icon sold a whopping sixty-four copies in its first week release, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

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It will be romantic, they swear.

From Noisecreep:

“Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, along with ‘The Late Show With David Letterman’ announcer Alan Kalter, have teamed up with CBS and NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital to create the CBS Cares Colonoscopy Sweepstakes. One lucky person will win a colonoscopy, along with a trip to New York City, including airfare, hotel and $500 spending cash.”

I know that colonoscopies are a really important aspect of modern healthcare and I don’t mean to make light of something so serious, but… I mean, come ON. This HAS to be the weirdest contest in the history of ever, right? Like, can you imagine winning this contest and being on the plane, and making friendly chit-chat with the person in the seat next to you?

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“Oh, yeah, let’s definitely have this guy on the jury. No objections, Your Honor.”

I have jury duty later this month, and I’m pretty irritated about it. But I think I have a way out. See, my plan is to wear the ugliest death metal and grind band shirts I own to the court (finalists include merch from Cannibal Corpse, Napalm Death, and The Black Dahlia Murder), my assumption being that no lawyer would ever want a dude wearing a shirt that says “THE TIME TO KILL IS NOW” or has zombies on it or whatever to be on a jury. If the jury has been convened for a violent crime, then having me present in such attire would be totally inappropriate, and it might be deduced that I do, indeed, endorse violence; if the jury has been convened for some lesser-crime, the lawyers will assume I’m an imbecilic degenerate, and I’ll be home in time for The Simpsons. Either way, I win! Foolproof plan, right?

Yeah, I thought so, too. But I’m feeling a little less confidence in my scheme after reading on Classic Rock‘s website that AXL FUCKING ROSE had to be on a jury earlier this week, and if he can get stuck there, none of us are safe:

“The Guns N’ Roses singer has been on the jury for a civil case in Santa Monica. He was there for four days, ending on Tuesday, January 10. Of course some will wonder if he managed to turn up on time each day!”

Cheesy jokes about whether or not he was on time every day, HOLY SHIT DO YOU THINK HE WAS ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLING BEING ON TIME EVER AT ALL? I can’t imagine the lawyers questioning him to see if he would or would not remain on the jury didn’t know who he was, and I can’t imagine the question “Is this fucker ever going to show up?” never crossed their minds. Other possible concerns I’d have if I were one of the attorneys involved in this case:

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See below videos for definitive proof.

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Everyone’s always complainin’ about how Roadrunner doesn’t sign metal bands anymore, but that’s a crock — I mean, they just released the new Korn album, fer Chrissakes!!!

What people should be really pissed about is that Listenable Records has just totally sold out by signing Outcast!!!! I mean WHAT THE HELL?!?! Why would the label that used to put out awesome shit like Gojira release this garbage now???????

The worst part is, the press release Axl forwarded me refers to these dopes as “djent metal mongers.” HOW IS THIS GARBAGE DJENT?!?! If I was Meesha Mansure, I would totally lose my shit right now!!!!!

The press release also says Outcast is French. I didn’t even know they had rap music in France!

So I’ll give credit where it’s due — for a coupla frogs, these dudes speak English real good.

-DN

Recently, the people who all get together and decide who should win a Nobel Peace Prize came to the conclusion that they hadn’t done anything really, really wacky since 1994, when they awarded their prestigious honor to  infamous bowling alley investor Yasser Arafat. And so, after some great debate about what would really be the most fucknuts thing they could possibly do, they hired Evanescence to play their ceremony in Norway this Sunday.

Allow me to repeat that, because I didn’t believe it at first, either.

Evanescence are going to play the Nobel Peace Prize concert in Norway this Sunday.

Now, assuming you are of sound mind, you first thought was probably something along the lines of “Huh?!?!” Because, uh… WHY? Why the fuck are Evanescence playing the Nobel Peace Prize concert? Is suburban Goth culture somehow exemplary of goodwill towards one’s fellow man? Did the organization feel like they needed a younger, hipper image? Have the ratings been low the last few ceremonies? Was there something about the lyrics to “My Immortal” that struck them as being particularly appropriate to the Nobel Peace Prize? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS BAND HAVE TO DO WITH FUCKING ANYTHING?!?!

I need to go lie down for awhile. I can’t even… I can’t even… I just can’t…

-AR

There’s obviously something in the water in Florida that makes people averse to sucking it up and getting jobs delivering pizza or whatever. How else to explain not just that the legendary Chris Barnes subjected himself to this, but that, make in 1984, Floridian thrash metallers Nasty Savage appeared in the below for some hair salon? I mean, I know that no one came out of the 80s looking good, but come on, dudes.

-AR

[via Zena Metal by way of Metal Insider]

So it looks like my boyhood hero, The Ultimate Warrior, is getting his own reality web series, The Warrior Show, in which he tortures various Sumerian bands because… I really have no idea why this exists, actually. It obviously has nothing to do with music. The Warrior tells the band “I want you to prove the haters wrong,” but speaking as a hater, I don’t know how this will achieve that goal; I mean, it’s not like being in tip-top physical shape will make I See Stars’ music any better — and there are plenty of talented fat dudes in extreme music. So is it is just good cross-promotion? I can’t imagine young fans of Sumerian bands care about The Ultimate Warrior, and I can’t imagine old fans of The Ultimate Warrior care about young Sumerian bands. Then again, I am writing about this now, so I guess there’s publicity to be had. Huzzah!

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The first time I ever heard the term “panterdactyl” was in this interview that Metal Injection conducted with The Red Chord’s Guy Kozowyk back in 2008. Kozowyk was referring to that kind of wiggerish hand movement that some bands/fan indulge in… I dunno really know how to describe it, but it’s that thing where people kinda raise their arm in the air, bend the arm, and move their hand up and down in time with the music, if that makes sense. Think about Koko B. Ware and you’ll get the idea. You’ve definitely seen frontmen do it before.

ANYWAY, as I learned via our friend Mark Vieira on Twitter today, there actually is a band in Los Angeles called Panteradactyl. On their Facebook page, they describe themselves in this simple manner: “We dress up like dinosaurs and play Pantera songs.” And they’re not kidding. Look:

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Wowee wow wow wow. A reader calling himself Geddy Lee — whom I’m reasonably certain is not the dude from Rush — just e-mailed us the above clip of Courtney Love going apeshit at this past weekend’s SWU festival in Brazil. The cause of her outbreak is that someone in the crowd was holding up a photo of Kurt Cobain, at which point Courtney pretty much loses it and says:

“I don’t need to see a picture of Kurt, asshole, and I’m gonna have you fucking removed if you keep throwing that up. I’m not Kurt. I have to live with his fucking shit and his ghost and his kid every day. Throwing that up is stupid and rude, and I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you if you do it again. Y’know what? You weren’t fucking married to him, I fucking was. You didn’t fucking get kicked out of a band by him like Dave, he did. Go see the fucking Foo Fighters and do that shit.”

Then she storms off the stage with a final flip of the bird, and then eventually she comes back and adds, “I don’t care what you listen to at home. But a guy takes money off my kid’s table… fuck him!”

Now, I have a lot of thoughts on this matter, so I’m kinda just gonna ramble here. Please accept my most humble apologies.

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