MetalSucks

In case you’re the one person in the world who hasn’t seen it:

Now, on the one hand, I would never advocate hitting a woman outside the realm of Cannibal Corpse or Pig Destroyer lyrics; on the other hand, holy shit that Snooki girl from Jersey Shore is fucking irritating.

Why are we talking about all of this? ‘Cause for some reason Snooki just interviewed Judas Priest’s Rob Halford and Scott Travis for MTV, and despite the fact that she is so brazenly a waste of space, Halford and Travis manage to get through the entire thing without being total douchebags and punching her. That’s called “self-control,” kids.

Watch the interview after the jump. It’s actually pretty funny.

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Last year, former Billy Corgan Zwan-mate David Pajo released an LP of lo-fi acoustic Misfits covers. Surprisingly, these bare compositions–drowned in tape hiss–worked rather well. Now as open-minded as I am about artists reinterpreting the work of other artists to make new songs, I was admittedly a little taken aback when I heard about an upcoming performance that will feature classic hardcore punk songs converted into classical music.

Yeah, you read that right. THIS IS ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENING!

Sebastian Meissner, Germany’s well-known producer of electronic music, who also works under the name Klimek, collaborates with Kwartludium, one of Poland’s most innovative classical/avant-garde quartets. Together, as Solid State Transmitters, they perform an homage to the artists and sound of California’s infamous punk label SST Records, often described as the most influential and popular underground indie label of the 1980s. Essential songs from the SST catalog will be reinterpreted in a surprising, strikingly beautiful manner, to reveal their persisting uniqueness and relevance.

Now I’m familiar with Meissner’s folktronica-ish Klimek material, and I’m not much of a fan. So it doesn’t fill me with confidence that this ensemble’s take on SST bands like Black Flag, Husker Du, Meat Puppets and Minutemen will be at all to my liking. It sounds like some seriously pretentious, ironically artsy hipster bullshit, if you ask me. Let’s not forget that SST also put out a whole mess of Saint Vitus records back in the day too.

Even though this February 4th concert at David Rubenstein Atrium at New York’s Lincoln Center wont cost you any money to attend, it might potentially cost you loads of credibility. See you there? I hope not!

-GS

[Gary Suarez usually manages the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]

In case there’s any doubt that he’s a frickin’ loon, let’s review how Steven Tyler has spent the past week, shall we?

1. He left rehab and went straight to a bar.
2. He randomly grabbed a microphone at a Home Depot in Rancho Mirage, CA and sang pieces of “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” over the store’s PA system.

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This shittiest papparazi photo ever was taken this past Tuesday night at The Tilted Kilt in Palm Desert by Mike “DJ Kermie” May.

It’s been thirty days since we heard that Steven Tyler was checking into rehab, which means that he may have wrapped up his twenty-eight days earlier this week. Then again, I seem to recall James Hetfield being in rehab for the amount of time some bands spend on multiple album cycles, so I guess that twenty-eight days thing isn’t written in stone.

Either way, I don’t take it as a good sign of Steven Tyler’s health that he was spotted in a bar – excuse me, a “pub” – on Tuesday evening.

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Dave Mustaine posts so many “updates” about what Megadeth is up to, upcoming announcements of major upcoming announcements, and the color of his stool that I feel like I know more about what’s going on in his life than I do about what’s going on in Vince’s life. But his latest, which I just read on Blabbermouth, is interesting for two reasons:

1. It seems that he and Kerry King are trying to be pals again.
2. These two metal legends chose to meet at the single blandest restaurant chain in America, if not the world.

Here’s the skinny from Mustaine:

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True story: a prominent figure in the metal industry told me last month that he’s now managing The Ultimate Warrior and I just about flipped my shit. And when I told Axl the news he flipped his shit like an omelet on a fucking saucepan at one of those omelet bars in swanky hotels where the guy makes the omelet on demand for you (I LOVE omelet bars!). We were giant, giant WWF fans back in the late ’80s / early ’90s, during Ultimate Warrior’s prime… we used to have Wrestle Mania and Summer Slam slumber parties at which we got high on soda and potato chips and stayed up until the wee hour of 11pm watching the Warrior in all his glory. Creating this blog has given me several “Slap me. Is this really happening?” moments like the time we interviewed Troy Sanders, the time I somehow bumbled through a philosophy session with Peter Dolving despite being stoned out of my gourd (thanks for that cookie, Van Arseface) and the time we were privy to an intimate, private, live performance of Living Colour’s new album. But all would pale in comparison to the opportunity to meet the Warrior. Well, maybe not… but it’d still be really fucking rad.

All this is just a long-winded way of saying that when Suckalo Andrew Bejarano emailed us with look-a-like pictures of Lamb of God’s Willie Adler and ECW / WWF WWE pro wrestler Al Snow, I had to consult the Webernets to find out who the fuck Al Snow is because my pro wrestling knowledge begins and ends with the era of Hacksaw Jim Duggan and CoCo Beware.* But Andrew is right… they do look eerily alike. It’s all in the white trash ’stache. You be the judge.

-VN

* Say… did I see somewhere very recently that Bret “Hitman” Hart is making a comeback? That guy’s gotta be pushing 50 by now!

Over at his new site The Number of the Blog, longtime reader groverXIII has observed that the cover of the new Dark Tranquillity album, We are the Void, looks an awful lot like goatse. And while it hadn’t occurred to me before, I think he’s dead-on correct. Check it out:

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As one of the only people in the English-speaking world who will admit to enjoying Chinese Democracy, I was excited for nu-GN’R to get out on the road and finally start playing all the new shit.

But between the Dj Ashba incident and now this… Jesus Christ.

You thought that MTV performance sucked?

Skip to 1:58.

Go ahead. Just do it.

Two words:

Fucking. Disgraceful.

Three more words:

WHY THE DANCING LADY?!?

More of Axl Rose making Vince Neil look good after the jump.

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Okay, so for some of you young ‘uns who will forever think of Chris Broderick as Megadeth’s guitarist, you should know that before Broderick there were some other dudes in the band, and before them there was this guy Marty Friedman, and before him there were, again, some other dudes.

But this is a story about Marty Friedman, so let’s just stick to him for a sec.

See, after Marty quit the band in 2000, presumably because he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror anymore after actively participating in the creation of “Crush ‘Em,” he moved to Japan, where everyone who was ever famous will stay famous forever. (Seriously, it’s like the Never Never Land of famous people over there.) At least, I think that’s what happened – all I really know is that Friedman was in Megadeth, and then he wasn’t, and then Blabbermouth started posting fifteen stories a day about Friedman and Japan. I’d do the research to get the full story but I don’t care that much.

So, why did I bring this up? ‘Cause Friedman’s latest Asian endeavor is a collaboration with Gary Suarez’s favorite musician of all time, Andrew W.K. (Who, reader Porkspam tells me, seems to be having fun with the rumors that there are multiple Andrew W.K.s And there’s a video for this collaboration, entitled “Kiba,” which I believe is Japanese for “Really strange and terrible song that makes you kinda glad that Marty Friedman isn’t in Megadeth anymore.” (It may or may not also mean “Fang.”) But what’s really weird – I mean just beside how FUCKING STRANGE the song is – is that the video is animated, and portrays a cartoon Andrew W.K. maxin’ and relaxin’ with a cartoon… Dave Mustaine.

I’m serious. Check it out:

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I have gotten way too into video games in the last year……and apparently I’m not the only one ’round here.

But THIS borders on psychotic.

I suspect more than a few of you out there are into gaming — any contenders for best of the year? My money’s on Uncharted 2……it’s like playing a fucking movie!

Chappy Cholidaze, y’all….

-KW

The concept of another Rammstein strikes me as kinda silly, because, well, we’ve already got Rammstein. As far as industrial metal songs sung in German go, Rammstein fill that niche rather nicely. But here we’ve got Hanzel Und Gretyl — a band from New York City, no less, singing in faux German accents — doing the exact same thing. Only their songs aren’t as catchy, outrageous or hilarious.

It’s a head-scratcher indeed, but apparently the band has toured the world (with many bigger acts, Rammstein among them, natch), and they’ve got a hometown show coming up on December 19th at Crash Mansion. Maybe there’s a joke I’m just not in on… I don’t get it. Would someone care to inform me why this band exists?

-VN

Ladies and gentlemen, Dj (not DJ) Ashba got paid more money to play this solo in front of thousands of screaming fans than you or I will ever make in our entire lives:

Someone please cut off his fingers so he never does that again. Please.

-AR

[From Metal Injection]

-VN

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Poetic Assassin’s “Inverti in Darkness.” I highly highly recommend you click the “read more” button below BEFORE you watch the video, so you can follow along with the lyrics as you watch. It’s way more fun that way!

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So yesterday SMN tipped me off that Maxim had compiled a list of “The Hottest Daughters of Rock Stars.” So, of course, I had to check it out. I mean, it’s my duty as one of the proprietors of MetalSucks, right?

So I’m looking at the pictures and one of the selected ladies was none other than Mrs. Scott Ian herself, Pearl “Meat Loaf’s Daughter” Aday. Just one problem: Mr. Ian is identified as a “former Anthrax guitarist.”

MetalSucks reader Bucketochicken wondered, via twitter, if this means that Scott is actually the new vocalist for the ‘Thrax. Funny suggestion though that is, the best response came from Mr. Ian himself, who responded to our tweet alerting him to the error with this simple retort: “Retarded.”

-AR

Scott Ian will do just about anything for a buck. It all started with those VH1 talking head appearances and Anthrax’s “reunion” tour with Joey Belladonna… since then he’s lent his face to the failed Nonelouder.com, wrote a comic book, and God knows what else. If nothing else, you’ve got to respect our favorite Big Four Jew for staying motivated.

But this is the last straw. Ian, along with fellow Anthrax guitarist Rob Caggiano, has teamed up with Fall Out Boy guitarist Joe Trohman and drummer Andy Hurley, and Every Time I Die’s Keith Buckley and bassist David Karon to form the new supergroup The Damned Things. Groan…

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I just saw this on Metal Inquisition.

Holy fucking Jeebus.

-AR

Thanks to MS reader Kit Hart for pointing this out. The resemblance is uncanny!

-VN

When we got an e-mail from reader Aaron Doenges claiming that Septicflesh’s song “Communion” was a rip-off of the old Meow Mix cat food jingle, our natural reaction was “What fucking drugs is this dude on?”

Then we listened to the song.

Holy shit.

In other news, I hear Rotting Christ are working on a metal version of the Doublemint Gum song.

-AR

With the Snot semi-reunion basically falling apart before it ever really got off the ground, the band’s remaining members -Mike Doling, John Fahnestock and Jamie Miller – needed to find another meal ticket. But rather than try and re-re-jigger Snot, they’ve decided to move forward under a new name: Tons.

Yes, you read that correctly. They just spelled “Snot” backwards and decided that this would be a good band name. Morons.

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