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I mean, who hasn’t, right?
Well, today is our lucky day, friends! ‘Cause that’s just what this group, Porkka Playboys, did, thus generations of untapped artistic desires. And don’t be too scared by the fact that they’re naked; you don’t actually have to see their peens or anything like that.
But wait! It gets stranger! ‘Cause they also covered Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”… entirely while sitting in a small car.
So we all know that the music industry is not in such hot shape these days, and most musicians need to try and find ways to pay their bills that don’t involve making music. That’s why so many of the metal “stars” we all know and love also teach instrument lessons on the side, or produce or mix stuff for other bands, or tend bar, or work at the mall, or whatever. The economy is pretty shitty right now even if you’re not trying to make a living making racket about death and destruction, y’know?
And so while I am sympathetic to Chris Barnes’ plight, and I absolutely recognize his place in metal history, dear sweet Cannibal Corpse do I wish this was not real.
I mean, I guess it beats the shit out of having to do actual work to make a few extra bucks, but holy shit, I wonder if Barnes realizes that he is never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, going to live this down. Never ever ever.
Sigh.
-AR
[via Metal Injection]
The PRP reports that “Faith No More fans are abuzz about a mystery song the band played during their set in Buenos Aires, Argentina last night (November 08th),” and, indeed, I have no frickin’ clue what the song is. Is it a cover song? If so, it’s something super-obscure; I did a Google search on some of the lyrics I was able to understand (usually a pretty good way to identify a song) and came up empty. Could it possibly be a new Faith No More song?!?
I am right on the verge of crapping my pants. I hope we get some answers soon. In the meantime, check out the clip of the new song below…
-AR
The Great Kat might’ve been batshit crazy or it might’ve been an Andrew W.K.-style put-on, but after watching the below clip filmed in 1994 (!) in which she describes her new interactive CD-ROM (!) I’m convinced that she was absolutely brilliant and way ahead of her time. Srsly: who else was doing this shit in 1994? For those of you who are too young to remember CD-ROMs (oh gawd I feel old), they were kinda like DVDs with graphical interfaces that included special bonus content you couldn’t get anywhere else ; it was basically like a website on a disc (this was before widespread Internet access and before broadband made streaming video possible).
The money quote: “Within a couple of years everyone will have CD ROMs, everyone will be online, everyone will have a website. As a matter of fact, I’m getting a website. Do you know what a website is?” She adds, “This is what the future is.” This was in 1994, people; no bands had websites yet, and there were certainly no MySpace or Facebook pages. My family was still running a Mac SE at the time connecting to AOL through a 28.8kbps modem… come to think of it, I don’t think we even had a modem yet.
It’s kind of amazing how simultaneously obsessed with the music of the past and locked into the technology of the future The Great Kat is in this clip. She’s so sincere about her love of classical music and so cock-sure of the direction technology will head in the 21st Century… was she onto something or what? Makes me reconsider brushing off her remark about Testament as “mind-numbing, drug-inducing garbage.”
-VN
Thanks: Shane Gillis
Yesterday, I saw this incredible video online of a plane flying from New York to Warsaw making an emergency landing… with its wheels still up:
What I didn’t know until Metal Underground reported it this morning, though, is that Decapitated were on the plane.
So, hey, remember that picture of Tom Cruise playing a hair metal dude in the upcoming Rock of Ages movie, and how unsettling it was?
Well, this shit will scar you for life.
See, Harrison Ford and his wife, Ally McBeal star Calista Flockhart, dressed up as hair metallers for Halloween this year, and, uh… yeah, this might be worse than the last Indiana Jones movie:
In other news, I’m going to pour acid in my eyes now.
-AR
[via WWTDD]
In 2006, with a little help from Sebastian Bach, Eddie Trunk actually got Axl Rose to come on his radio show for, like, hours, which is obviously a pretty major coup, given that Rose usually only grants incomprehensible e-mail interviews. And the chat was incredibly entertaining, even if Trunk didn’t ask any of the burning questions Rose refuses to answer (e.g., “So, like, what the fuck, dude?” ), ’cause he did get Rose to lighten up and tell some great stories about David Lee Roth, Jimmy Iovine, and the classic days of Guns N’ Roses. (That’s just one part of the interview above; the rest is easy to find on YouTube.)
And I guess Rose was happy with the way things went, too, ’cause over the weekend he apparently granted Trunk another really long interview, this time for Trunk’s television program, That Metal Show. And while the full episode hasn’t been released yet, Trunk did reveal over Twitter that Rose said that Duff McKagan’s Loaded featuring Duff McKagan will be opening some future GN’R shows. (Actually, Trunk just said “Loaded will open shows,” but presumably he meant GN’R shows. Either that, or he has no sense of how context works.)
OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS DID SOMEONE PUT ACID IN MY COFFEE THIS MORNING BEC I CAN’T EVEN –
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
-AR
And if you think I’m insulting Jett, you should know that I am not. He quite literally goes around smelling women’s asses in the below video, which has been given the wonderful title “Booty Smells Good Doe.” He even got some friends to help him out, I guess because there were just too many butts for one man to sniff all by himself.
The video is kinda NSFW since it begins with a naked tush and then features many more rear ends in thongs/boy shorts/etc. But even without the nudity and revealing underwear, you probably don’t what your boss/mom/librarian/whatever seeing you watching a video with lots of dudes smelling lots of dudess’ brown eyes, because, well, let’s be real, that is not socially acceptable behavior unless you’re a dog.
Now seems like a good time to remind you that Terror are currently on the God Damn tour The Acacia Strain, Stray from the Path, Harm’s Way. Get remaining dates so you can let Nick Jett smell your booty here.
-AR
[via Stuff You Will Hate]
Anthrax were playing at the Club Nokia in Los Angeles this past weekend when a fan jumped up on-stage, and a security guard who is also a major, major John Bush supporter decided to use said fan-on-stage as an excuse to tackle Joey Belladonna. Check out the video below; the incident in question happens at roughly the 1:36 mark.
(Click to enlarge Danzig’s bricks.)
Fucking Glenn Danzig, man. The guy has basically become an Internet meme unto himself, a near pop-culture hero.
Did Danzig really clean up his motherfucking bricks, bitch??? Does he actually own cats or is he just fucking with us? Does the man know he’s become a living legend / laughing stock? Did Danzig himself orchestrate this campaign in protest??!
This much we know for certain: Danzig and his motherfucking bricks, bitch, inspired an art installation at Funhouse Detroit, a “fun art” gallery located in the Russell Industrial Center in, duh, Detroit. The installation was built by Erichka Ilich, who offered this description via her blog:
The ["bricks, bitch"] IM conversation above was made into a stencil, and spray painted directly on the wall. On the opposing side of Danzig’s Pile of Bricks, we had the infamous video (cut down, and muted) of Danzig being punched in the face on a continuous loop. Like, four straight hours of Danzig getting punched in the face…over, and over, and over…
A++++++ WDBWA!
I hope some MS readers living in the Detroit area go and see Danzig’s motherfucking bricks, bitch, in person.
-VN
Here’s a great tip if you wanna get laid: follow around your alcoholic friend who girls actually like , and then, when said friend passes out, pick up his not-quite-sloppy-seconds! That’s what Axl Rose recently told some Paraguayan fans he used to, at least (video below), admitting that Slash (the drunk in question) was good for something besides accidentally writing the riff to “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” And let me be the first to congratulate Axl on proving, once again, that he is not at all creepy or weird or kinda sad. After all, it’s a well known fact that you catch more bees with someone else’s honey! LEGITIMATE SOCIAL SKILLS ARE FOR LOSERS!!!
I guess the good news is, he didn’t yell at anybody this time.
-AR
[via Metal Insider]
Earlier this week, Bring Me the Horizon’s Oli Sykes was attacked by a pack of rabid Mormons. But compared to this story — which is so awful as to be almost unbelievable — that’s really just a blip on the radar of fucked-up-ness.
Because apparently a twenty year-old British McDonald’s employee named David Russell has been convicted and sentenced to life in prison for the kidnapping and attempted murder of American nineteen year-old Maricar Benedicto… after claiming to be the BMTH vocalist.
The Daily Mail reports that that Benedicto — who met Russell over Facebook — knew that he “was not who he initially claimed to be before she flew to Britain,” which makes sense, because they do not look even mildly similar:
But for whatever reason, Benedicto chose to trust this nutjob — who is apparently “borderline autistic” – anyway. And that’s when things got really, really terrible.
William Shatner’s cover of “Iron Man” is the worst thing ever despite — or maybe, in part, because of — guitars by Zakk Wylde. So Metal Insider‘s assertion that the below video of Shatner recording vocals for that cover is better than the actual cover itself is dead on. Remember when we saw The Shat giving Zakk Wylde all these kinds of ridiculous, pretentious directions that couldn’t possibly be applied to the performance in any kind of tangible way? Well, his own approach to the vocals is only slightly less silly. In fact, I’m starting to think (hope?) that maybe the joke is on all of us — maybe Shatner KNOWS he’s being funny.
Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit.
Watch below and make up your own mind.
-AR
I know less than nothing about Polish politics, so I have no idea what office Jędrzej Wijas is running for. But I do know that his new campaign ad, “The Concrete Message,” is the single best campaign ad I’ve ever seen in my life.
And here’s a translation of the lyrics, in case you’re curious:
So there goes that part of my childhood.
At least Veronica-as-Paul-Stanley looks butcher than actual Paul Stanley.
-AR
[via Metal Insider]
Firewind’s headlining tour of North America with Arsis, White Wizzard, and Nightrage begins in just a couple of weeks, and that’s a great line-up and I’m excited to go…
…only we just got a press release saying that Jim Malone won’t be touring with Arsis. Here’s a statement from the man himself:
“Due to professional and personal commitments I am unable to tour with Arsis at this time. For the upcoming tour with Firewind, rather than drop off the tour entirely, we’ve decided to hire live musicians, some of whom have long been associated with my band. I have given Nick [Cordle, guitarist] and Noah [Martin, bassist] my blessing and am certain the lineup will be great. My sincerest apologies to anyone who is annoyed or disappointed by my absence. Please go and support Arsis and check out some of our new songs, which they will be playing every night!”
With all due respect to the other members of Arsis, that idea seems, well, totally bizarre to me — like, if Megadeth were to announce a tour without Dave Mustaine bizarre. Jim Malone isn’t just the key creative element in Arsis — he’s been the only constant in the band since its inception. In short, Jim Malone IS Arsis. And we don’t even know who these “live musicians” are! Is it someone awesome? Just some random dudes standing on stage? WHAT THE CRAP IS HAPPENING HERE?!?!
I’ll be kinda curious to see this Malone-free Arsis, but, mostly, I’m pretty bummed out by this news.
You can get tour dates here. Below, watch a video of Cordle discussing the tour, which, as kind of a way to appease us fans I s’pose, includes pre-production demos of some new material… which, in all fairness, sounds pretty frickin’ sweet.
-AR
Sergeant D. wrote about this Australian deathcore band Endworld on Stuff You Will Hate over the weekend, and he theorizes that “they saw the Defiler ‘Cryomancer’ video and tried to copy it as closely as possible, with hilarious results;” I think that declaration is actually a massive wad of diseased spit in Defiler’s face. Defiler are fucking terrible, but this band is worse; in fact, this band is so bad that I feel like I owe other band deathcore bands an apology for even lumping Endworld into that genre. Oceano don’t deserve to be compared to this drek.
Truth is, Endworld probably just accidentally started a whole new genre: Amateurcore. ‘Cause never mind that whomever directed their video couldn’t even get a static shot of a cell phone in focus — the band can’t seem to jump in unison (which is, like, one of the most important aspects of being a successful scene band), the drummer looks like someone made him drink a bottle of NyQuil right before they started shooting, and, well, don’t even get me started on the vocalist.
Make sure you head over to Stuff You Will Hate to read Sergeant D.’s full analysis; his observations are fare more clever than my own…
-AR
Well, I feel vindicated.
See, I’ve been telling friends that Jack White was an idiot for years. YEARS. Like, pretty much since the first time I saw/heard The White Stripes. (In fact, I was opposed to entire movement of “The Plural” bands of the early aughties — see: The Hives, The Strokes, The Vines, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Fuck Your Mothers, etc.) ”Fuck this guy!” I declared. “What a tool!”
“NO!” screamed back many of my friends and fellow appreciators of fine music. “JACK WHITE IS THE SAVIOR OF ROCK N’ ROLL!!!” Fuck, Rolling Drone said he was a better guitar player than Eddie Van Halen, which I think is roughly the equivalent of saying your niece who made that adorable fingerpainting on your fridge is a better painter than Da Vinci. For roughly the past ten years or so, I have just been astounded by how much praise has been heaped on this yutz.
And now Jack White is collaborating on a new album with the Insane Clown Posse.
So, clearly, I won that argument.
From Spin:
And the Hollywood/sorta metal news keeps on keepin’ on…
Joseph Gordon-Levitt started out as the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun (PAUL MASVIDAL UP IN DIS BEE-YATCH!), but he’s grown into a fine actor, and he’s appeared in some of my favorite movies of the past I dunno however many years. (If you haven’t seen Inception and Brick, get thine ass to Netflix pronto.) He’s also one of the founders of hitRECord, a pretty awesome website in which people from all the net collaborate on various kinds of art projects. So, really, I have nothing bad to say about the dude.
Still, there’s something kinda funny about the fact that he chose to perform Nirvana’s “Lithium” at a recent event for the aforementioned hitRECord, especially given that he seems so upbeat in interviews. Bu he’s not bad at all, and his speech partway through about how the fact that Cobain killed himself shouldn’t deter anyone from enjoying Cobain’s music is a good if kinda obvious point.
And then I found twenty bucks.
-AR
Thanks to KL for the tip.
