via The Chive, in case the logo didn’t make that clear

Can someone please try the above but with metal? I don’t really care if it’s death metal or power metal or whatever, just make sure you film it and send it to me. Also, don’t get arrested. Thanks.

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We debuted new music by Scale the Summit and Junior Bruce.
• We learned about the NBA from God Forbid’s Doc Coyle.
• We spoke to Alex Webster from Cannibal Corpse and Kris Norris from A Cancerous Affair.
• We checked out the latest album from Goatwhore, hardcore 7″s from Losin’ It, Appalachian Terror Unit, and Overlooked, and free releases from Autolatry, Yellow Eyes, Agartha, and Uvikra.
• We were surprised to learn that bands like this still exist.
• We were reminded that Juggalos are hilarious.
• We learned that Greg Puciato is dating the porn star Jenna Haze.
• We also learned that Bill Ward isn’t participating in the Black Sabbath reunion.

Okay, five o’clock! Time to punch out! Who’s got a joint?

-AR

Axl wore his most vile death metal shirt in an attempt to avoid being selected as a juror in this great City of New York, but lo and behold, his plan backfired and he was chosen anyway. So it’s been the Vince party over here since Wednesday with plenty of help from all of our most excellent contributors — special big ups to Anso DF for pitching in extra! Here’s what went down:

• We lost Riot guitarist Mark Reale. R.I.P.
• We premiered a new track by Pyscroptic, one by Exotic Animal Petting Zoo and all of Primal Fear’s new album Unbreakable.
• The Rockstar Mayhem Festival announced the first slate of bands on its 2012 lineup. Slipknot later spilled the beans that High on Fire are confirmed too.
• Ihsahn is guesting on the new Jeff Loomis solo joint and Jeff Loomis is guesting on the new Ihsahn solo joint. Will those two get a room already?
• The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Ben Weinman went all anti-drug on our asses.
• Tours and rumours of tours: The Mastodon / Opeth / Ghost tour is really gonna happen, Meshuggah, Decapitated and Baroness will hit the U.S. together (no dates yet), dates were announced for the Decibel Magazine Tour featuring Behemoth, Watain, The Devil’s Blood and In Solitude, while All Shall Perish, Fleshgod Apocalypse and other cool bands announced a tour too.
• Sammy O’Hagar reviewed Lamb of God‘s new album while Gary took a look at new hardcore 7-inches by Daylight, Unholy Majesty and Wrong Answer.
• We realized that Maynard James Keenan poops and pees and eats just like the rest of us.

We’ll be back next week for Axl’s triumphant return to the blogosphere. See you then.

-VN

via Topless Robot

I would give anything for that to be the actual James Bond theme music from now on, wouldn’t you?

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We spoke to Neige from Alcest and SL from The Devil’s Blood.
• Lazarus A.D.’s Jeff Paulick got pissed the Packers losing.
• We checked out the latest releases from Nails, Skin Like Iron, Fatal Birth, and No Tolerance.
• We previewed some more more Albums That Will Fuck Your Face Off in 2012: 7 Horns 7 Eyes, Crazy Lixx, Wormed, and Imperial State Electric.
• We got excited about the rumored line-ups for both Summer Slaughter and Mayhem Fest.
• We helped Godsmack, Staind, and Halestorm name their new tour.
• We enjoyed Juliet’s video for “My First Hardcore Song.”
• We suffered through a bad trip with The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Greg Puciato.
• We felt bad for Trivium — poor bastards have to go tour with Asking Alexandria.
• We pondered whether the shutdown of Megaupload was good or bad.

And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for all the most up-to-date suckitude.

See ya Monday, folks!

-AR

Yo! Have you guys signed up for our new e-mail list yet? If not, you can, and should, do so above. You’ll get occasional updates from the MS Mansion with breaking stories, special features, exclusive premieres, etc., delivered right to your inbox. Don’t worry, we won’t spam you — expect a newsletter-type of situation with updates once a week at most. And don’t forget to friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter to stay up-to-the-minute on all the latest suckage.

With that shameless plug out of the way, let’s look at some of the things we did this week, shall we?

• Maybe we should rename the site “Sports Suck?” God Forbid’s Doc Coyle taught us about the NBA and Lazarus A.D.’s Jeff Paulick taught us about the NFL.
• We spoke to Matt Halpern from Periphery and Bandhappy and Nick Cohon from Cormorant.
• We were saddened to report that legendary Black Sabbath guitarist has been diagnosed with lymphoma.
• Jason Richardson was saddened to learn that he has been fired from Born of Osiris.
• We considered ten possible candidates to replace Howard Jones in Killswitch Engage.
• We wagered that the new Metallica album is not going to sound like The Black Album despite what the band says.
• We passed judgement on the new Van Halen single and video.
• We got excited that Refused and At the Drive In are reuniting.
• We learned that Virgin Steele are from Long Island.
• We started to look at some Albums That Will Fuck Your Face Off in 2012: new releases from Adimiron, Hypno5e, Ides of Gemini, Pallbearer, Sai Nam, and Samothrace.

Next week we’ll have even more Albums That Will Fuck Your Face Off, interviews, premieres, and, of course, plenty of snark. ‘Til then, brothers and sisters…

-AR

via Badass Digest

Hey! We have a brand new email list! Sign up above for occasional updates from the MS Mansion with breaking stories, special features, exclusive premieres, etc, delivered right to your inbox. Don’t worry, we won’t spam you — expect a newsletter-type of situation with updates once a week at most. And don’t forget to friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter to stay up-to-the-minute on all the latest suckage.

First week back from the holidays, and already the vocalist for one of the most famous metal bands of its generation has split from the band. What drama does the rest of the year hold? Pontificate in the comments section while you enjoy these stories from earlier in the week:

• We debuted new music by Liberteer.
• The Safety Fire’s Dez Nagle gave us a tour of his live rig, while Lazarus A.D.’s Jeff Paulick kept us up-to-date on all things football.
• We spoke to Rick Jimenez from This is Hell and comic book author Matt Fraction.
• We checked out the latest releases from Face Reality, No Sir, and Step Aside, as well as The United States of Toil.
• We learned that in 2012, it’s cool to be tr00.
• We discovered the best worst new band of 2012 so far.
• We said good things about this band so other ppl will know them and they will get sucess andwe will all be all happy!
• We mourned the loss of The Human Abstract.
• We got a primer in how to start a djent band.
• We made a Stuff You Will Hate mixtape.

Next week brings more debuts, our special brand of 2012 release previews, and maybe, just maybe, if you’re real lucky, some snark, too. Weird for us, I know.

See ya Monday!

-AR

video via Metal Insider

Today is the last day of regular posting on MetalSucks for the remainder of the year. We’ll still have some posts now and then — our annual Heavy Metal Hanukkah contest starts next week, we might have a series of cool new guest blogs from an old friend for you, and, of course, if there’s any major breaking news, we’ll cover it —  but most of your regularly scheduled programming is going on hiatus while we enjoy the holidays.

But until we’re back, have fun reviewing our top stories from this week, won’t you?

• We debuted a new video from Novembers Doom, new music by Nylithia, and, thanks to our pals at Decibel, new music from Autopsy.
• Lazarus AD’s Jeff Paulick nominated Marion Barber for president and Jonah Livingston from Ramming Speed told us about his live drum set-up.
• We spoke to Devin Townsend and Repulsion.
• We checked out the latest release from Kevin Hufnagel and some free shit from Australia.
• We listened to more previously unreleased material from Metallica’s Death Magnetic sessions.
• We got excited about the line-up for this year’s New England Metal and Hardcore Festival.
• We got even more excited to learn that Puddle of Mudd’s Wes Scantlin is a criminal.
• We accepted an apology from the world’s most pretentious metal band.
• The future ex-Mrs. Vince Neilstein serenaded us with a piano cover of Mastodon’s “Oblivion.”
• Dummy Nosenothing continued to know nothing. How come we don’t fire this idiot?

Thanks for another sucky year, gang. See ya in 2012!

-AR

(from Unpopular Opinion Rick Perry)

Whew, what a week. I don’t know where you all are, but here in NYC it’s 5pm and it’s already been completely dark outside for a while. FML. Here’s what happened this week:

• Corey discovered that our “Best of 2011″ lists weren’t as bad as you thought they were with fancy mathematicals to back it up.
• Axl and Vince live-chatted it up with y’all and fielded all your stupid questions… and a few good ones.
• We interviewed Giant Squid’s Aaron Gregory, Porcupine Tree’s Steven Wilson, and Nikki Sixx.
• We premiered new music by Lamb of God, Whores, Abysmal Dawn, and Nothnegal.
• We laughed at the BBC’s distorted view of metal culture not once but twice.
• We announced that we’re retiring some of our older t-shirt designs and that we’re having a fire-sale to get rid of them; get ‘em while you still can!
• Vince pondered a new ranking system that could supercede Soundscan.
• We cracked jokes about another laughable Rolling Stone Top 100 lists of guitarists.
• We introduced Lazarus A.D.’s Jeff Paulick as our new NFL columnist; please direct your hatred of the Packers his way.

Vince out.

-VN

Now, now, no need to worry — we’ll still be posting on a regular basis until December 16. We just thought it might be convenient for you guys to have all of our awesome year-end coverage gathered in one place. So if you haven’t checked out all the lists yet, well… have at ‘im! And things will be back to normal (well, normal for us at least) next week, when we have a series of awesome music premieres for you guys… get stoked.

And now, the listmania!!!

Click to read more…

Yep, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. So we’re leaving the MetalSucks Mansion now. We’ll be back Monday, at which point we’ll make it up to you with some very special posts… honest Injun!

‘Til then, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We spoke to The Brothers Duplantier from Gojira about their new album, signing with Roadrunner Records, and more.
• Abysmal Dawn’s Charles Elliott gave us a guided tour of his live rig.
• We debuted new-old music by Coalesce.

Y’know. It was a short week.

Okay see ya Monday by-eeeeeee!!!

-AR

via Badass Digest

Dj Slashba — noun – 1. A temp. 2.  A fill-in, placeholder. 3. A pretender to the throne. 4. Someone who keeps an unlit cigarette dangling from lips. 5. A retard.

Props to our friend Nick for teaching us a new term.

Here’s some shit we did this week:

• We got a tour of the live rig used by Obscura’s Christian Muenzner.
• We debuted new music by Czar, and, thanks to our pals at Decibel, Agoraphobic Nosebleed.
• We spoke to Nader Sadek.
• We checked out the latest releases from Locrian, The Wounded Kings, and Astomatous.
• We examined Slayer’s tour rider.
• We wondered if this commercial will really help sell lingerie or not.
• We over-thought the latest ramblings of Courtney Love.
• We contemplated the most over-used words in extreme metal writing.
• We considered the music of Fallujah.
• By special request, Sergeant D. reviewed Carnifex’s Until I Feel Nothing.

Next week we have some very cool interviews, some very cool music premieres, and, oh yeah, we gorge ourselves on Turkey and celebrate ridding ourselves of that pesky little Native American nuisance. See ya then.

-AR

Maybe we shoulda called it MetaSucks?

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley responded to Dr. Katrina McFerran’s study on teens, depression, and music. Then Dr. McFerran responded to Justin’s response. Then Justin responded to McFerran’s response to his response. Then I went permanently cross-eyed.
• We debuted new music by Keith Merrow’s Demisery.
• We spoke to Corey Lowery from Dark New Day and Eye Empire.
• We checked out the latest release from Astomatous and H20, Ringworm, Mindsnare, and Soul Search.
• We showed you some nice photos from both Day 1 and Day 2 of The Metal Suckfest.
• We counted down The Seven Most Metal Video Games Ever Made.
• We were bummed to learn that guitarists Rob Arnold and Matt DeVries are leaving Chimaira at the end of the year.
• We were even more bummed to see Chris Barnes shilling for used cars.
• We argued about the best metal albums of the 90s.
• We found something even worse than Lulu: LIVE Lulu.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t gotten blackout drunk in a week.

-AR

Normally we’d do a “Worst Week Ever” column here, where we run down the week’s top stories. But we can’t today, because literally, right this second, as this was published, the doors opened for this:

And the first band starts in thirty minutes.

So! For the last time: IF YOU LIVE IN THE TRI-STATE AREA, COME TO THE METAL SUCKFEST! Tickets are here, or, of course, you can just walk up to the box office. It’s going to be so awesome, there are truly no words. See ya there!

And everyone else… see ya Monday. Have fun missing the party of the year, Suckas!

When I was fifteen years old, I had to sneak out of my parents’ house on a Friday night to go see GWAR and the Misfits play a Halloween show. Then I had to conceal my clothing from my parents, seeing as it was, y’know, soaked in blood, urine, and semen.

Here we are all these years later, pretty much right at the anniversary of that show, and GWAR are on a popular, mainstream late-night talk show. And yet, somehow, they seem no less rebellious than they ever were.

Which is all my way of saying, “GWAR rules.” And they do. They rule. Hard.

ANYWAY, here are some things we did this week:

• Speaking of GWAR, Dave “Oderus Urungus” Brockie himself provided us with more insights into the NFL. Meanwhile, several members of the Relapse Records family gave us the skinny on the new NHL season, and The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley pondered the pros and cons of new technology in music.
• We debuted Jucifer’s new video, for the song “Hiroshima.”
• We got exclusive specs on Contain Us, the new box set from The Devin Townsend Project.
• We spoke to Steel Panther and Niilo Sevänen from Insomnium.
• We checked out the latest release from Carnifex.
• We continued the Countdown to the Metal Suckfest and defended Danzig.
• We counted down the eleven cardinal rules of attending a concert.
• We wondered if nu-dethcore is the next big thing.
• We cried because even ex-members of Metallica make bad music now.
• We argued about the best debut albums of the past twenty-five years.

And that’s it! Have a delightful weekend, gang. We’ll see ya Monday.

-AR

If you’re reading this now and you live in/around NYC, it’s not too late to come drink FREE BEER (from 6-7pm) and party with us as Skeletonwitch, Kvelertak, Barn Burner, Turbid North and Battlecross melt faces at the 2011 MetalSucks / Metal Injection / 1000 Knives CMJ Showcase! And two weeks from this very moment, Day 1 of The Metal Suckfest will be underway — holy shit! For the rest of you who don’t live anywhere near here… either get your asses over right quick or be jealous. Very jealous.

Meanwhile, it was another week o’ fun at the MS Mansion in which the Monkeys had to work overtime to fling poo at all who dared attempt to infiltrate our walls:

• We interviewed Topon and Mel from Fuck the Facts, Threat Signal’s Jon Howard and Evile’s Ol Drake.
• We continued Counting Down to the Metal Suckfest with All Pigs Must Die’s Adam Wentworth, Today is the Day’s Curran Reynolds, 3′s Billy Riker, Fight Amp’s Mike McGinnis and Howl’s Timmy St. Amour.
• We listened to Metallica and Lou Reed’s LuLu and enjoyed a few parodies.
• We reviewed Cynic’s new EP, Satan Rosenbloom Freeloaded new ones from Nemesis Complex and Honduran, and Corey belatedly rated his August Bleeders and Blowers.
• We showed you guys all the fun we had nerding out at Comic Con.
• The re-booted Beavis & Butt-Head will have metal music videos after all; rejoice!

See ya’ll next week.

-VN

Friendly reminder: as of RIGHT THIS SECOND, the legendary Richard Christy from Death, Iced Earth, Control Denied, and, oh yeah, The Howard Stern Show, is at the MetalSucks/Vertebrae 33  booth at New York Comic Con signing copies of Charred Walls of the Damned‘s ridiculously rocking new album, Cold Winds on Timeless Days, which is out NOW on Metal Blade Records. He’ll be there ’til 7 pm, so there’s still time for you to hop on a bus, subway, or in a cab and get your ass down there — we’re booth #2625. Myself and/or Vince are also there now, and will be there tomorrow and Sunday, too, and we may have some other special guests in store for you yet. So come on by, pick up some free swag courtesy of Indie Merch and Metal Blade, hang out, whatever. It’ll be a blast! Get all the details here.

And now, some other fun shit we did this week:

• We premiered a new live recording of Death’s “Leprosy” and new music from Trapped Under Ice.
• We spoke to Grutle Kjellson from Enslaved, Rex Brown from Kill Devil Hill/Pantera/Down, producer Shane Frisby, and Skateboard Marketing’s Munsey Ricci.
• Valient Thorr’s Valient Himself occupied Wall Street, GWAR’s Dave Brockie gave us the blow-by-blow on the NFL, and Eyal Levi from Dååth and Levi/Werstler and Audiohammer Studios got all Pacino-in-Heat on us.
• We checked out the latest releases from Warbringer and Årabrot.
• We continued The Countdown to The Metal Suckfest and launched a contest in which you can win some sweet swag and a meet and greet session at the show.
• We watched some inter-Emmure drama unfold.
• We begged Sasha Frere-Jones from The New Yorker to stop writing about metal forever.
• We enjoyed the use of Nine Inch Nails in the new trailer for The Avengers.
• We got excited about Cynic’s new line-up + song.
• We celebrated the best Dragonforce cover ever.

Have a terrific, relaxing weekend everyone. See ya Monday, if we don’t see ya at NYCC!

-AR

Happy birthday, Reign in Blood! We love you. You don’t sound a day over one.

Here’s some other things that happened this week which are worth celebrating:

• We started the countdown to The Metal Suckfest.
• We debuted new music by Immolation and a new video by Early Graves.
• Devin Townsend and Textures’ Jochem Jacobs and Bart Hennephof took us through their live rigs.
• GWAR’s David Brockie discussed the NFL, Daath’s Eyal Levi discussed getting the fuck out, and God Forbid’s Doc Coyle discussed how the times, they are a changin’.
• We spoke to Mike Muir from Suicidal Tendencies, Mother of Mercy’s Bob Wilson, and directors Sean Dunne and Kenneth Thomas.
• We checked out new releases by Ghoul and Taake and Craft.
• Sergeant D. became the most popular feminist in metal.
• Bring Me the Horizon’s Oli Sykes had a bad week.
• We mourned the death of the album intro track.
• We wondered if Mastodon’s live vocals are getting better.

Now go crank some Slayer.

See ya Monday.

-AR

So, clearly, Mark Hunter wins V.I.P. of the week, and probably the month, and possibly the year for his exploits on Twitter this week. So for the third and final time, I encourage you to follow him and if you have a question, ask it. ‘Cause, holy shit, I dunno if you guys realize how amazing this opportunity is. Do you know how I would have felt if I could have asked Chris Barnes a question back in the day and gotten an honest response pretty much in real time? My fucking head would have exploded. These are truly amazing times in which we live, and I hope more industry folk follow Hunter’s lead and start using social networking platforms for a useful, intelligent dialogue like this one.

Also, while I’m on the topic, check out Chimaira’s new album, The Age of Hell. It’s possibly in Best Buy, definitely on iTunes and Amazon, and certainly on Spotify. And it’s fucking good.

And on that note, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We debuted a new live track by the mighty Terror.
• Dream Theater’s Mike Mangini, Arch Enemy’s Sharlee D’Angelo, and DevilDriver’s Mike Spreitzer all took us through their live rigs.
• GWAR’s Dave Brockie kept us up-to-date on all things NFL, and Eyal Levi from Dååth talked about the value of not wasting time.
• We spoke to Mastodon’s Bill Kelliher, Warbringer’s John Kevill, The Crown’s Marko Tervonen, and the legendary Michael Monroe.
• We checked out the latest releases from Machine Head, Bush, Komondor, and Rotting Out and Homicidal.
• We celebrated the life of the late, great Cliff Burton and bemoaned the horribleness of Loutallica.
• We watched an amazing short documentary about Juggalos.
• We also watched Tom Morello on Real Time with Bill Maher.
• We took Tori Amos out back and beat the shit out of her.
• We applauded Korn’s ongoing innovations in being terrible.

-AR

via WWTDD

So much of this week ended up being devoted to the Big Four that I honestly don’t wanna think about any of those bands again for at least the remainder of the year. So to wrap this shit up, here’s everything Big Four-related we did this week:

• We live snarked the Big Four show at Yankee Stadium.
• We went to an Anthrax press conference.
• We went to the Metal Masters clinic and saw Phil Anselmo jam some Pantera with various Big Fourers.
• We debated the merits and demerits of Anthrax’s Worship Music.
• We listened to Lars Ulrich on Howard Stern.
• We had fun at the expense of Dave Mustaine’s faith.
• We had a Big Four edition of Show Us Your Metalsucks.
• We helped Metal Injection with their Big Four-themed Livecast.
• I also made an appearance in Metal Injection’s Big Four video recap, which you MUST watch because a) it’s awesome and b) I’m so handsome!

I meant to remind you guys yesterday but I’m a dick so I forgot — Arch Enemy’s North American Khaos Tour, which we here at MetalSucks are very proudly co-presenting, is now underway! I’ve been trying to find fan-filmed footage from last night’s kickoff show in Baltimore to no avail, but I hear the concert was great… which is really no shock. Especially given that the three support bands — DevilDriver, Skeletonwitch, and Chthonic — are all as much fun as Arch Enemy! You can get dates here. If anyone is gonna be at the NYC show tonight, come find us. I’ll be the really, really not-sober guy in the back screaming for them to play “Savage Messiah” over and over again.

Now, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music from Black Cobra.
• We also debuted an outtake from the movie Hesher and a clip from Fantomas’ new live DVD.
• We spoke to Charlie Benante from Anthrax and Avi Kulawy from Magrudergrind.
• We checked out the latest releases from Brutal Truth, Wolves in the Throne Room,and Bloodsoaked.
• We debated the merits of new songs from Mastodon, Opeth, and Megadeth.
• We launched The Third Annual “Run MetalSucks for a Day” contest.
• Vince listed “The Top Fifteen Reasons Metallica are the Yankees of Metal,” and then The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley offered a retort.
• We fucked Bret Michaels in the motherfucking eye.
• We voted for Sergeant D.’s acoustic cover of The Acacia Strain.
• We almost had to kill a puppy.

And, oh hey, did we mention that tickets for The Metal Suckfest are on sale now? We did? Okay, swell!

Have a good weekend, y’all. See ya Monday.

-AR

It’s true! The summer is over. Sad. We’re closing down early today to enjoy the long Labor Day weekend. That also means we won’t be here Monday. We hope everyone has a great, Axel Rudi Pell-free weekend!

While you await our return, here’s some fun stuff we did this week:

• We wrapped up our interview with Amos Williams from TesseracT, and spoke to Tom Niemeyer from The Accüsed, too.
• We checked out the latest releases from Diamond Plate and Odyssey.
• We concluded our celebration of 31 Days of Faith No More.
• We debated which band was worse, Skip the Foreplay or Design the Skyline.
• We were sad to learn that Metal Blade has also pulled out of Spotify.
• We wondered if Latinos are born to mosh.
• We declared djent to be pop.
• We watched Jack White lick the Insane Clown Posse’s ass.
• We learned to write a breakdown from a deck of cards.
• We continued to be baffled by the popularity of The Devil Wears Prada.

Okay, time to go get fucked up. See ya Tuesday!

-AR