MetalSucks

It was a short week, but despite Axl being under the weather and Vince gettin lucky in Kentucky, we still managed to get shit done around the ol’ Mansion, even without the help of our favoritest MS Mansion Monkey, Higgins:

• We’re making a list: we give you a hint, another hint and yet another hint. No, it’s got nothing to do with Jacob.
• Ozzy Sharon filed another ridiculous lawsuit, while Dillinger Escape Plan left Relapse Records sans-lawsuit.
• IWABO and Bloodbath released new videos.
• Killswitch Engage gave you a new song for free, we gave you a new Hull song for free, and Job For A Cowboy and Darkest Hour let you hear new songs for free. Crikey!
• We spoke with Nick Hipa of As I Lay Dying and J. Costa of Thy Will Be Done, the former about music and the latter about beards.
• Dallas, The Blogronaut and Eyal all wrote blogs.
• Best Band Ever announces festival appearance atop worst lineup ever.

I had a wisdom tooth pulled this morning so I feel like a giant sack of assholes at the moment, but hey, Percocet! See you tomorrow.

-VN

Vince is in Kentucky scouting land for a SECOND MetalSucks Mansion and against the advice of Gary Suarez and my own instincts, I’m off to see Terminator Salvation. We shan’t be posting Monday ’cause it’s Memorial Day, but we’ll be back Tuesday. In the meantime, here’s some shit that happened this week:

• We did a video interview with IWRESTLEDABEARONCE! We also spoke with The Haunted’s Peter Dolving, God Forbid’s Doc Coyle, and Unholy.
• We stole Daath’s Eyal Levi away from Headbanger’s Blog.
• Sigh’s Mirai Kawashima graced us with another totally excellent studio blog.
• Corey Mitchell says this is the best album of the year so far.
• Fuckface Durst finally went too far.

As Baz would say, “I’ll be Bach.”

-AR

It’s Friday, and it’s nice out. I’ma go have a whiskey. Booze and drugs make you look cool and get lots of pussy… it’s true.

Here’s what happened this week that made us batty enough to turn to the dark side:

• We got sick of metal bands doing ironic pop cover songs just in time for a metal band to do another terrible pop cover song.
• We spoke with Barney Greenway of Napalm Death, Chris Arp of Psyopus and Karl Sanders of Nile.
• We were Gay for Gojira and Crazy for The Chariot.
• The Devil Wears Prada: way too popular.
• We looked at new records from Black Math Horseman, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, as well as a new track from Suicide Silence and a new track from Dream Theater.
• xAxlRosenbergx got all anti-straight edge on your asses.

See you next week. Don’t get too stoned tomorrow with yer Uncle Kip.

-VN

Some of you seem to find it shocking that we actually read your comments (and often reply to e-mails, for that matter). To which I say: why the fuck else would we even have a comments section? We love to read the comments. To wit:

• Daisy May Tinklepants accused us not once but twice of giving positive reviews to artists who granted us interviews. I guess poor David Bee Roth didn’t get the memo when he interviewed and then reviewed Believer. In any case, both of those interviews were actually offered, not granted, but we appreciate the conspiracy theories.
• disappointed called us “dickless jew faggots” because I apologized for a swine flu joke (but not really). We don’t mind being called “Jew faggots,” but to suggest that we have no penises is just uncalled for. Also, the word “Jew” is generally capitalized, you wide-set vagina’d Goy retard.
• teaches of peaches says that no one cares about Dallas Coyle’s column “The Hard R” now that he’s not in God Forbid. Comments left by 114 other people would suggest otherwise, but just to be safe, Dallas is joining the latest touring incarnation of Sha Na Na so that he can continue to write for us.
• Revealing themselves to be the anti-Matt McChesneys, the dudes from YEAH! Destroyer spent more time writing for the site this week than anyone on the MetalSucks staff did. Whatever keeps them from playing music…
• Cahiers du Cinema contributor CrapMcPoopin announced that he’s leaving us for our friends at Metal Insider. Then he left 13 more comments over the course of the week.
• Conduit is having a hard time reconciling the fact that we like “commercial crap” and “random bands from Europe/elsewhere.” Sorry, Conduit. But, yeah, we liked the most recent Slipknot album. Shrug.
• Ricky doesn’t like the fact that Dope are basically paying us to talk shit about them. Ricky, have you spoken with Daisy May? ‘Cause in reality, we only hate Dope because they won’t grant us an interview.

And next week we’re gonna try to really piss you cats off.

-AR

Actually, we don’t have to pirate our own articles. Plenty of other websites do that for us, often without giving us credit or linking back to us. Once upon a time someone even accidentally included one of our bylines in their cut and paste job. Said “writer” apologized but then went on to shamelessly rip us off many more times, which was nice, because it shows his apology was sincere. You know who else tried to pass off someone else’s work as their own? The guy who went on to shoot Dimebag. So good company you keep, fellas.

Here are other ethically questionable decisions people made in the metal world this week:

• Hasidim moshed, we made punny jokes.
• Matt Heafy and Paolo Gregoletto of Trivium asked fans to illegally burn and share the band’s music.
• We’re streaming God Dethroned’s entire new album until Tuesday; listen now! We also debuted new tracks from Animals as Leaders and Burning Human.
• Arch Enemy choose to re-record old material; we choose to stop talking about this project from hereon out (starting… now!).
• Tyson vs. Holyfield 3 Underoath vs. Avenged Sevenfold! We love this kind of shit.
• Some Russian high school black metallers headbanged for show and tell, and we pondered how to improve our corpsepaint skillz.
• The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Greg Puciato sounded off against President Barack Obama. You sounded off against each other.
• We looked at new releases from Chimaira, God Dethroned and Goes Cube.

Next week brings more contests, more interviews, more new music streams you won’t be able to hear anywhere else, and at least one confrontation with a singer Axl once gave a terrible review. Come back and read more. You know you want to.

-Vince and Axl

True story (not tr00 story): Vince and I have a friend who is definitely not into metal and, for a very long time, thought Killswitch Engage was called Kill, Switch and Gauge. Y’know, like the world’s most fucked up law firm or something.

Speaking of KsE, here’s what went down this week:

• Even new Killswitch album art makes you guys argue. Sheesh.
• We have an exclusive clip from the new As I Lay Dying DVD!
• We spoke to Cannibal Corpse’s Paul Mazurkiewicz and checked out the new release from Dååth.
• You accused Vince of being a pedophile.
• Best website ever?
• I thought Anso DF’s coverage of Revolver’s Golden Gods Awards was pretty funny, but apparently none of you agree with me.
• Could Slayer and Megadeth really be touring together?!?

Okay. We have a special 4/20 treat for you guys on Monday, plus the triumphant return of Unreadable Band Logo of the Week, so make sure you get your ass back here. ‘Til then, I bid you adieu.

-AR

Baseball season officially got underway and New England Metal and Hardcore Fest is coming up next weekend. Surely all is peachy in the world then, yeah? Not so much.

• Dave Mustaine feuded with a mystery band, then kissed and made up before we even knew it.
• Protest the Hero released a new video and gave us a bunch of tickets for their tour to give away.
• We spoke with Daath’s Eyal Levi and TAD/Tadgarden’s Tad.
• Kip W. gave us two recaps (Day 1, Day 2) of our booze-fueled SXSW journey.
• Fear Factory got back together… except not.
• Ya’ll argued about which Mastodon album is the best and whether Jesse or Howard was/is the better KsE frontman.
• Ya’ll argued even more about IWRESTLEDABEARONCE and Oceano.
• We got an exclusive red carpet report from Metallica’s Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

See you next week. New England Metal and Hardcore Fest!!

Seriously. Ever since Metal Hammer gave us that Web of Death thing, I’ve been knee-deep in pussy. Incredible. It’s amazing that I’m even able to type right now, I’m so worn out. And that’s why you start a website. For the groupies.

Which brings me to my next point: now that we’re famous, we don’t want to be friends with you anymore. Don’t take it personally, we just prefer to rub elbows with other fabulous, famous people. You were great on the way up, but now? Fuck you. M’kay?

Here’s what else went down this week:

• We spoke with Lacuna Coil’s Christina Scabbia, and managed to get through it without embarrassing ourselves too badly.
• Sigh’s Mirai Kawashima wrote another awesome guest blog from the studio, begging the question: is Dr. Mikannibal’s diet hot or not?
• The Haunted’s Peter Dolving lashed out against Lamb of God; you lashed out against Peter Dolving.
• NEW CONVERGE SONGS! NEW CONVERGE SONGS! NEW CONVERGE SONGS!
• Someone actually played IWRESTLEDABEARONCE’S “Tastes like Kevin Bacon” for Kevin fucking Bacon.
• How many Andrew WKs are there, anyway?

Alright. I’ve got like ten girls clawing at me right now, beckoning me back to bed. I’ll see you Monday, if they’ll give me a rest, already.

-AR

I’ve been trying to download the new Marilyn Manson mp3, “We’re From America,” but navigating that guy’s website is more difficult than getting Rob Halford hard with a naked photo of Christina Scabbia . So, whomever designed that site… fuck you, and fuck your mother.

In other news, here’s what happened in the world of metal this week:

• We spoke to Believer’s Kurt Bachman and Nashville Pussy’s Blaine Cartwright.
• We listened to new releases from Malefice, Millions, I Killed the Prom Queen and Corpus Christi.
• Is this the worst music video of 2009 so far?
• We really like the new Isis song! Seriously!
• The screamo-crunk explosion has begun… and now we wish it would end.

Alright everyone. I know we’re all excited for the weekend, but try not to die of alcohol poisoning. See ya Monday.

-AR

Vince, Kip, and Anton OyVey are all down at SXSW, but don’t worry about lil’ old me; Higgins and I got shit covered. Here’s what happened in the world of metal this week:

• We all finally got to hear the new Mastodon album! Needless to say, intense debate ensued.
• We spoke to Wolves in the Throne Room drummer Aaron Weaver and Lazarus A.D. bassist/vocalist Jeff Paulick.
• No penis? No Dir En Grey!
• Is this new Teagan and Sara shirt metal as fuck, or total hipster bull pucky?
• The Megatallica rivalry continued as we watched Dave Mustaine kill on Jeopardy and Lars Ulrich eat it on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
• Fieldy = Jesus
  
• Read Vince’s initial SXSW reports here and here!

Alright-y, then. Higgins and I are off to make like chimneys and blow smoke. See ya Monday!

-AR

You bitched and moaned about daylight savings time, even though you were asleep when the clocks changed and you get an extra hour of daylight every day until November. You are all retards.

Here’s what else happened this week:

• Sigh’s Mirai Kawashima gave us another studio report (no naked Dr. Mikannibal pics, sorry), Early Man’s Mike Conte got his cheesesteak on, and Neuraxis’ Alexandre Leblanc gave us his final tour blog.
• We spoke with Darkane’s Christofer Malmstrom, Meshuggah’s Marten Hagstrom, Soilwork’s Peter Wichers and Ross the Boss (ex-Manowar)
• Our man-crush on Trent Reznor grew ever greater.
• You argued over who was the most important member of Metallica, past and present.
• We looked at new releases by Razor of Occam and Karl Sanders.
• It was a big week in the Norwegian courts… the Gorgoroth case was settled, and Varg was granted parole.
• Crazytown and Skunk Anansie are getting back together.

Next week Kip and I take off for Austin, TX on Wednesday. We’ll be live-blogging whenever possible. To everyone else, have fun not being there, suckazzz!!

-VN

It snowed 8 inches in NYC on Monday, but we got back from the Scion Rock Fest in Atlanta just in time to deliver you our usual drudge report. Can you imagine if we’d been stranded? No MetalSucks for two days. What would you have done? Contemplate these noteworthy events of the week as you get ready to enjoy your weekend (65 degrees Sunday in NYC!):

• Mastodon release early contender for best metal video of ‘09.
• Watchmen got metal… or not.
• We spoke with NEMHF founder Scott Lee.
• Lamb of God and God Forbid make strong Soundscan debuts.
• We looked at new releases from Hatesphere, Wolves in the Throne Room, Abacabb, Centaurus-A and General Surgery.
• Chimaira released a new single and a super-duper-deluxe pre-order.
• We waxed ecstatic about the weed in Atlanta… oh yeah, and some bands played at the Scion Rock Fest too.
• Doc Coyle struck back at the Internet.
• MetalSucks got nominated for a Metal Hammer “Web of Death” Award!

So Axl and I are shuttering up the gates to the MS Mansion when we get wind that there’s a new Lamb of God video for “Set to Fail” available. Fucking BAD ASS!!!

Before this event of over-arching importance occurred, here’s what we would’ve said was important this week:

• We spoke with Salome’s Aaron Deal and Chimaira’s Mark Hunter.
• No Ozzfest this year. We don’t buy the excuse that it’s because Ozzman’s working on a new album, but at least the Osbournes will be making asses of themselves on national TV again… oh wait.
• We watched Mastodon in the recording studio while we falsely assumed a new track of theirs appeared in a videogame trailer. No matter; Crack the Skye is coming March 24th and there’s a super-special limited edition package available for pre-order.
• Limp Bizkit announced their inevitable reunion. With Wes Borland. No surprise.
• We joined Twitter. Webernets, watch out!
• We looked at new releases by Scale the Summit, Obscura and the new DVD by Dir En Grey. The world previewed the new God Forbid record… and overwhelmingly liked it, by golly! In the Coyle Commune annex of the MS Mansion, Dallas slyly grinned while tapping his fingers slowly together and saying, “Exxxxxxcellent.”
• We pontificated the seemingly complete irrelevance of the Grammies and then immediately forgot about them.

Enjoy cuddling up with your shnookums (metal!) on Valentine’s Day tomorrow and celebrating a day called “Presidents Day” — even though no U.S. presidents were actually born on said day — by not going to work on Monday. Seeya Tuesday.

-VN

I’m ’bout to go party at a triple-birthday event then get rowdy at an outdoor winter BBQ tomorrow afternoon (Bacon Explosion, anyone?). But not before I can tell you what went down on MetalSucks this week:

• Dallas broke the silence on Earthsblood and told the “Blabberbitches” to fuck off.
• Zakk Wylde recorded on a Dope song, throwing his last shred of cred out the window. Yeah, Dope.
• Metal Hammer released a shady list of the best death metal songs ever. But at least Metal Hammer is still around: Metal Edge and Metal Maniacs bit the dust for good.
• David Draiman hit the singles market. J-Date.com, here comes the sickness!
• We spoke with Sunn O))) mainman / Southern Lord Records founder Greg Anderson and Sylosis’ Josh Middleton.
• We told you what we think about the new release by Dimension Zero while we asked you what you think about Lamb of God’s latest.
• Sigh’s foxy Dr. Mikannibal got naked and drank cow’s blood.
• We took shots at Camp Kill Yourself and Insane Clown Posse, and their fans took shots at us.

Peace in the mideast.

-VN

Vince and I booked our flight to Atlanta for Scion Rock Fest this week. That’s right: we’re gonna fuck up the ATL, bee-otch! We promise to leave the city in a state comparable to how we found it… although I can’t say the same thing for the members of Pig Destroyer.

ANYWAY, here’s some shit that went down this week:

• We got awesome guest blogs from Sigh’s Mirai Kawashima, Neuraxis’ Rob Milley, and, natch, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable.
• We reviewed new releases by Cannibal Corpse, Napalm Death, Edguy, Giant Squid, Deadlock, Rose Funeral, and Kylesa.
• New music from God Forbid and Buried Inside made us happy.
• The Rockstar Energy Mayhem Festival is shaping up to be an ass-kicker.
• The makers of Guitar Hero: Metallica swapped out one Slayer song with insanely violent lyrics for another; suburban mommies everywhere somehow now feel a lil’ bit better.

Alright. It’s Friday night, which means it’s time for me to troll the net pretending not to be Tripp Eisen so I can screw me a young ‘un. Horns.

-AR

Finally… we have a capable, intelligent, forward-thinking new U.S. president. No, it’s not Dave Mustaine. Here’s what else happened this week:

• We wondered aloud and speculated about Slayer’s co-headline tour, New England Metal & Hardcore Fest, Scion Rock Fest (aka Atlanta Metalfest), and The Faceless’ headline tour. This spring just got awesome.
• We ran to the hills to avoid a shitty classic metal cover. Meanwhile, we found Iron Maiden in Iran and on the big screen.
• We got sexi(vious) with members of Cynic and Textures.
• We looked at new releases from Satyricon, Cattle Decapitation, 16 and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder.
• Maynard got all Jiu-Jitsu on our asses and Carcass played a wedding.

Axl, myself and our girlfriends (we have girlfriends… whowouldathunkit???) are going to see The Dark Knight on the IMAX tonight. Hopefully weed will be involved. Later, suckaz!!

Next week the U.S. gets a new President, thank fucking God, and Relapse Records is celebrating by issuing a 7″ box set of their This Comp Kills Fascists compilation. How fucking awesome is that? Until then, here’s what we’ll mull over during the long weekend (MLK day in the U.S.):

• Would you like to suck my cock, Berzerker? Or would you just like to look at some bloody titties, Berzerker?
• Lamb of God announce most awesomest tour ever with As I Lay Dying (meh), Children of Bodom, God Forbid and Municipal Waste, while Killswitch Engage, Chimaira and Lacuna Coil will be worth the ticket price as long as we leave before Disturbed goes on.
• Best soundboard ever. (Hint: fun with David Lee Roth sound bites)
• Bring Me The Hair Irons Horizon continued being boring.
• We spoke with Gojira’s Joe Duplantier and Animosity’s Leo Miller.
• Behemoth’s Nergal showed his face, while this dude just buried his in a bunch of watermelons.

It may be a new year on the calendar, but we’re still talking about the same stupid shit here at MetalSucks. Here’s where we focused our energies this week:

• Most awesomest metal festival EVARRR! Not to be confused with the most awesomest tours of early 2009.
  
• New music from Cannibal Corpse!!!
• Mastodon counted down to a new website while Trent Reznor counted down to giving away approximately 400 Gigs of HD concert footage for fans to tinker with.
• We questioned Drew Barrymore’s interest in metal and demanded she take off her shirt.
• We spoke with members of All Shall Perish and Job For a Cowboy.
• Mike Schleibaum declared The Crown’s Deathrace King underrated while Dallas claimed music critics are overrated.
• Can’t anyone make a decent heavy metal TV show?
• One Roadrunner Records staffer named MetalSucks.net the #10 best album of 2008.

Later, gators…

Monday was 2008 Sucks day here at MetalSucks, but we rocked out the rest of the week with some ridiculous shit as per usual:

• We announced our best-of lists for 2008. Check ‘em out.
• Contest: You tell us why you hate the holidays, we send you 100 CDs. Sweet deal.
• PA woman tortures kitties with piercings.
• We spoke with Misery Index’s Jason Netherton and Three Inches of Blood’s Cam Pipes.
• Corporate rock still sells, but Chinese Democracy apparently doesn’t.
• We hated on this band, this band and this band, the latter of whom sent their fans here in droves to hate us back.
• We wondered whether Roadrunner Records actually dropped Amanda Palmer because of her “belly fat” (hint: they didn’t even drop her).
• God Forbid released the cover artwork and tracklisting of Earthsblood, and Pack of Wolves (ex-At All Cost member) released new music.

Tonight it’s new The End Records-signees Hull for Kip and me. Have a good one, everybody.

This coming Monday the entire MetalSucks staff will each release Top 10 lists for the entire year in metal of 2008. Get psyched! Things have been slowing down here at the MS Mansion as the holidays approach, but we still found ways to keep it fun this week:

• Axl Rose finally did some press to support Chinese Democracy… but as usual, there’s an asterisk.
• We debuted a new, exclusive Daath track — a medley of Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel and Dying Fetus covers.
• We interviewed members of Clutch, Bison B.C., Dir En Grey, and Fear Factory / Arkaea.
• Job For a Cowboy’s Jonny Davy blogged about urination and hotel trashing, while Darkest Hour’s Mike Schleibaum’s guest blog claimed that Entombed’s Uprising and Morning Star are two of the most underrated albums of all time. Oh, and The Haunted’s Peter Dolving blogged about sleep.
• Gojira’s Joe Duplantier orders you to stop the killing of baby seals but apparently has no problem with ripping New York City a new arsehole.
• Meshuggah + Cynic + The Faceless = The Erection Tour of 2009.
• The metal industry lost a kindred soul. R.I.P. Adrian Bromley.