Earthquakes. Hurricanes. New records by The Devil Wears Prada. Come at us, brah! We can survive anything.

Here’s what we did while shit conspired to kill us:

• We debuted new music by East of the Wall and 400 Blows.
• We spoke to Amos Williams from TesseracT about the band’s recent vocalist swap.
• We checked out the latest release from Landmine Marathon.
• We wondered: Which is better, grindcore or doom metal?
• We also wondered: Is it better to make great albums but suck live, or to be great live but put out sucky albums?
• We also also wondered: Who are the top ten metal lyricists?
• We learned what not to do if you’re in an unknown band.
• We were bummed to learn that vocalist Travis Richter has split with The Human Abstract.
• We continued to count down 31 Days of Faith No More.
• We confirmed The Red Chord, Obscura, and Rosetta for The Metal Suckfest.

Alright, I’m gonna go set up my slip n’ slide and get ready for the rain. Come hell or high water (pun intended), I promise you we will be back on Monday. See ya then.

-AR

via Badass

Reading the comments under our announcement of The Metal Suckfest has been a lot of fun — mostly because the predictions regarding which other bands will be on the bill have been so very, very wrong. Hopefully we’ll get to announce a few more bands next week, but in the meantime, you cats need to try harder and be a little more imaginative when speculating.

And while you do that, here’s how we kept ourselves amused this week:

• We debuted new music by Today is the Day, Monstro, and, thanks to our friends at Decibel, Skeletonwitch.
• We also debuted a new video by Venia.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable and Borknagar’s Jens Ryland both weighed in on the Century Media/Spotify drama.
• We spoke to Chimaira’s Mark Hunter, Dead Letter Circus’ Kim Benzie, Trapped Under Ice’s Justice Tripp, and three of the dudes from Fleshgod Apocalypse.
• We checked out the latest release from Wizard Smoke.
• We examined the evolution of deathcore.
• We felt bad for the sixteen year old who just got fired from Design the Skyline.
• We got excited about the Black Sabbath reunion, until we found out that it’s not confirmed yet.
• We carefully examined the first promo photo of Metallica with Lou Reed.
• We continued to count down  31 Days of Faith No More.

Until next week… eat your vegetables, stay in school, don’t drink and drive.

-AR

Yes, we know we didn’t get to make our big announcement this week. Don’t worry — we’re just ironing out a few final details. It’s still happening. And we’re confident we’ll get to tell you next week.

In the meantime, here’s how we occupied ourselves these past five days:

• We debuted new music by Ghost Brigade.
• We spoke to Chris Reifert from Autopsy and producer Jay Ruston.
• We checked out the latest releases from Harm’s Way and Skin Like Iron.
• Vince went several rounds with Century Media over their decision to drop out of Spotify.
• We made fun of Dream Theater’s use of clip art on their new album cover.
• Sammy O’Hagar, Satan Rosenbloom, and Grim Kim counted down their favorite releases of the year thus far.
• Sergeant D. searched for the best neo-nu-metal band.
• We asked what you think of Maylene and the Sons of Disaster.
• We continued to celebrate 31 Days of Faith No More.
• ‘Merica.

Word to the wise: don’t give up on the above video just ’cause it’s not metal. Stick with it. You will be pleased. Honest Injun.

And after you’ve watched, why not review some of our top stories from this week? For example –

• We debuted new music from Leprous and Ihsahn.
• Daath’s Eyal Levi declared that not all people are created equal.
• Francesco Artusato from All Shall Perish and Aaron Beam from Red Fang told us about their live rigs.
• We checked out the latest releases from Today is the Day and Eschaton.
• Vince, Anso, Gary, and Leyla unveiled their respective favorite albums of 2011 thus far.
• We started celebrating 31 days of Faith No More.
• We got an in-depth analysis of the genius of Crazy Town.
• We suggested that the Insane Clown Posse might wanna re-think their stance on concert security.
• We hired Manowar to play our next office party.
• We broke the news that Last Chance to Reason have parted ways with two members.

Next week we make the biggest announcement of our lives. Be there or be be square.

-AR

Man, I really, really hope that some day, some Korean animators see fit to make a short about MetalSucks. And that it is one-eighth as awesome as the above video.

ANYWAY, here’s how we kept ourselves entertained this week:

• We debuted new music by Revocation, White Arms of Athena, Goreaphobia, and Sixx A.M.
• We did not debut, but got really excited about, new music from Mastodon and Opeth.
• Unearth’s Ken Susi and Dethklok’s Brendon Small told us all about their live rigs. BONUS: Brendon Small also gave us the skinny on his new solo album!
• We spoke to All Shall Perish’s Fracesco Artusato and Kaoru and Die from Dir En Grey.
• We checked out the latest releases from All Pigs Must Die and Axel Rudi Pell.
• We were easily able to come up with twenty-five things we’d rather do than listen to the new Five Finger Death Punch song.
• We tried to figure out which label will snag Gojira.
• Gary Suarez urged metalheads to cut the shit and stop supporting Burzum.
• Sergeant D. wondered if breakdowns are the new guitar solos.
• Corey Mitchell discussed his ten favorite albums of the year thus far.

I was listening to an interview with Sarah Vowell last weekend, in which she proclaimed that, as a writing exercise, she did not allow herself to use any F-bombs in her new book, Unfamiliar Fishes. I decided to do her one better this week — I did not swear at all. Unless you count “crap,” “drek,” or “sucks” as swear words, which I do not.

So that was fun.

ANYWAY, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music from All Shall Perish and Thou.
• We debuted new videos from Valient Thorr and Meek is Murder.
• Unearth’s Buz McGrath, Hatebreed’s Wayne Lozinak, and In Flames’ Peter Iwers told us about their live rigs.
• We spoke to Aaron Turner from Isis and Helms Alee.
• We checked out new releases from The Bronx Casket Co. and Bedlam of Cacophony.
• Even though Dime would never approve, we made fun of some poor kid.
• We continued to sing Spotify’s praises.
• We voted on our favorite album from The Devin Townsend Project.
• We were sexually aroused by the prospect of Disturbed breaking-up.
• We wondered whether or not the return of Megadeth’s Gigantour is a good thing or not.

Alright, we’re out. Have a nice weekend, gang!

-AR

So, to review the ways in bass players let us down this week:

• Coheed and Cambria’s Michael Todd robbed a pharmacy.
• Nick Oliveri from Queens of the Stone Age/Kyuss held his girlfriend hostage in a four-hour standoff with a S.W.A.T. team.
• Jeroen Paul Thessling quit Obscura.

First it was my turn to take a vacation and now it’s Axl’s; I haven’t spoken with him since he left for the lake house last Saturday and that’s a good thing, not because I don’t love the dude but because it means he’s having fun instead of stressing about work. Hopefully as I write this he’s stoned out of his gourd and enjoying something tasty from the grill. But guess what? I’m gonna be away again this coming Monday and Tuesday conducting super-top-secret business in L.A., meaning it’ll just be Axl and the rest of our fine contributors for the early part of next week. But don’t worry; come Wednesday things will be back to normal with our usual Axl + Vince full frontal attack.

Meanwhile, here’s what Axl missed this week:

• We premiered new music by ’90s hardcore legends Earth Crisis and new Metal Blade signees Battlecross, and we premiered a new video from Last Chance to Reason
• We spoke with In Flames’ Bjorn Gelotte and IKILLYA’s Jason Lekberg.
• Landphil pondered the best wrestling “shoots” of all time.
• We looked at new releases by After Oblivion, Doctor Midnight and the Mercy Cult and Michael Monroe while Corey Mitchell gave us the rundown of his bleeders and blowers for June.
• We checked out Mastodon’s “different” new album artwork.
• Sergeant D wondered whether or not melody has a place in metal.
• Periphery lost guitarist Alex Bois while Pig Destroyer gained drummer Adam Jarvis.
• The metal world chimed in on the Casey Anthony verdict; we chimed in on the metal world.

Adios.

-VN

Yay, Vince is back! And guess what? Now it’s my turn to take a vacation! I haven’t had once since the summer of 2006, about six months before we started the site. So, yeah, I’m looking forward to getting away. Try not to miss me too much, m’kay?

And, oh yeah, it’s July 4 weekend, so we’re leaving early today and won’t be here Monday. That might be worth mentioning for non-American readers.

ANYWAY, here’s what we did this week:

• We debuted new music by Exhumed.
• Landphil from Municipal Waste and Cannabis Corpse pondered the CM Punk WWE Raw “shoot.”
• Our pals at Decibel spoke to the members of Cradle of Filth about about their album The Principle of Evil Made Flesh.
• We wondered why teenagers are still butthurt about Hot Topic in 2011.
• We celebrated the Stephen Colbert/Ted Nugent showdown.
• We checked out the first Portnoy-free Dream Theater song.
• We enjoyed some lulz at the expense of Staind and their record label.
• We bemoaned the fact that Behemoth’s Nergal is back on trial for tearin’ up a Bible.
• We celebrated the gloriousness that is the new Mastodon video.
• Best. “Show Us Your MetalSucks.” EVER.

And now it’s time to start partying. Lates.

-AR

MetalSucks tipster extraordinaire Hetal Bhatt sent us the below video, and while it has nothing to do with metal, it did make me laugh, and I did forward it to friends. So, enjoy:

And on that note, here’s some stuff we did this week:

• We debuted new music by Chimaira, Cannabis Corpse, and S.O.S.
• We debuted a new music video from Sleeping Giant.
• We got new gear tips from Periphery’s Misha Mansoor and Revocation’s Dan Gargiulo, and we spoke to Michael Amott from Arch Enemy.
• We checked out the latest releases from Decapitated, The Black Dahlia Murder, Limp Bizkit, and Wormrot.
• We pondered a world in which concertgoers can’t film shows with their iPhones.
• We marveled that anyone finds Tosh.0 to be funny.
• We wondered which deathcore frontman has the best tattoos.
• We found the worst line-up for a festival ever.
• We chose our favorite extras from the new Annotations of an Autopsy video.
• We broke the bad news that vocalist Chris Clancy and keyboardist Drew Stavola are both out of Mutiny Within.

You’ve got one more week with me and me alone before Vince comes back. Deal with it, fuckers.

See ya Monday.

-AR

Best commercial ever?

ANYWAY, here’s how we filled our time this week:

• We mourned the loss of Anal Cunt’s Seth Putnam and Sirius XM Liquid Metal’s Mario Comesanas.
• We debuted new music by Intensus and, thanks to Decibel, Wormrot, too!
• Revocation’s Dave Davidson walked us through his live rig, and we spoke to Paul Ryan from Origin and Tommy “Two-Tone” Blankenship from My Morning Jacket.
• We checked out the latest release from Gigan.
• I told you which metal albums of 2011 have been my favorites thus far.
• We tried to figure out why people like August Burns Red.
• We discussed the new Machine Head single, “Locust.”
• We gave you The 16 Cardinal Rules for Running a Metal Record Label in 2011.
• We wondered who is dumber — Korn fans or Silent Hill fans?
• We pondered the upcoming Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration.

Next week is a big one — we’re debuting new tracks from two of our most favoritest bands, a video from one of our childhood heroes, reviewing a very, very, VERY highly anticipated new record (Hint: We definitely discussed it this week!), and we’ll have some other surprises in store for you, too. See ya then!

-AR

Maybe next week we’ll finally stop making fun of Morbid Angel for thinking that Illud Divinum Insanus was a good idea, but then again, probably not. As long as videos like this one exist, the lulz shall continue!

Speaking of lulz, here’s what else we did this week:

• We completed our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists!
• We debuted the new Children of Bodom video.
• We also debuted new music by Sepultura and Isis.
• We introduced a new column by Landphil from Municipal Waste and Cannabis Corpse, and had a special edition of “Rigged” by Forbidden’s Steve Smyth.
• We spoke to Matt Henderson from S.O.S.
• We checked out the latest releases from the aforementioned Morbid Angel as well as Nitro and Wildestarr, and Kuldvas, Adam Emanon, Surachai, and Undying.
• We enjoyed seeing you not enjoy this Lady Gaga/Judas Priest mash-up.
• We assured our parents that metal isn’t getting too mainstream.
• We had our annual laugh at the most recent Gathering of the Juggalos infomercial.
• We got ready for the monotony of Metallica Monopoly.

And hopefully next week no legendary bands will release anything that’s completely unlistenable. ‘Til then, dear friends…

-AR

[via Badass]

So the three-day weekend kinda threw our schedule out of whack; you may have noticed that we still haven’t finished announcing the line-up for our Magical Mystery Tour, and we didn’t get to finish our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, either. Both of those blessed events will go down next week, though, when we’re back for a full five days! So get stoked.

In the meantime, let’s review all the fun we managed to pack into this week’s abbreviated set:

• We debuted new music from four bands signed to Black Market Activities — Ed Gein, Engineer, Fit For An Autopsy, and Khann — as well as new music from Bloodlights.
• We spoke to some guy named Devin Townsend.
• Woods of Ypres’ Shane Madden continued his exclusive tour blog for us.
• We checked out the latest release from Autopsy.
• We celebrated the amazing amazingness that is the album art for Opeth’s Heritage.
• We were not surprised to learn that Emmure’s Frankie Palmeri is completely lacking in originality.
• We wondered if metal is a movement of the youth, inapplicable in its rebellion and ferocity to us olds.
• We made the case for the movie Jennifer’s Body as an underrated cinemetal masterpiece.
• We actually had something nice to say about Limp Bizkit (sort of).
• We introduced you to the future of appliancecore.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. You will always be at the forefront of our thoughts, dreams, and prayers.

-AR

If you’re American, you already know it’s Memorial Day weekend, and, in fact, you’re probably either already on your way to the beach/a BBQ/a terrible summer movie/whatever, and are reading this after it was published. If you’re not American, all you really need to know is that we’re breaking out right now, and won’t be here on Monday. Usual tomfoolery will resume on Tuesday, May 31.

In the meantime, here’s how we kept busy this week:

• We debuted new music from Job for a Cowboy, Tombs, Unearth, and Vaulting.
• We spoke to Neil Fallon from Clutch.
• We continued to unveil our list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists.
• We checked out the latest releases from Dark Castle and Embers.
• Sergeant D. examined comedy metal.
• Leyla Ford examined Lady GaGa’s metal-ness.
• Anso wondered if Slayer pinball is better than recent Slayer albums.
• We got really excited about the new Gojira song.
• We got less excited about the new Bury Your Dead song.
• We watched you folks debated about the new Trivium song.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to put these tips for using the toilet to good use before I head out for the weekend. See ya Tuesday!

-AR

“Ooh no!”

“Macho Man” Randy Savage has perished. My father and I were actually at his first wedding, which is to say, we were at Summer Slam ’91. Vince and I are so bummed right now… I don’t think I can even go outside. I need to curl up with YouTube and remember a time when the “Macho Man” really did seem invincible.

We’ll never forget you, Mr. Savage.

Maybe this will cheer you up?

• We lied and said that Iwrestledabearonce were becoming a black metal band. Then, depending on your perspective, we either made it better or made it worse by debuting a new track from the band.
• We also debuted a stretched-out version of Hammerfall’s “Hearts on Fire.”
• Our list of the The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists continued.
• We spoke to Max Cavalera from Cavalera Conspiracy and Soulfly, Dean Herrera and Henry Selva from The Human Abstract, and the dudes from Noisear.
• We enjoyed a series of exclusive tour blogs from both The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley and Woods of Ypres’ Shane Madden.
• We gushed over Anaal Nathrakh’s Passion.
• We wondered why elitists find some deathcore bands acceptable and others unacceptable.
• We declared metal the winner in the war on grunge.
• We expressed our enthusiasm for Victory Records’ latest sign, Design the Skyline.
• We gave you a detailed analysis of the lyrics for the new Limp Bizkit single.
• We declared drinking to be for pussies.

Next week crack the top ten of our ongoing guitarists list, and, at least to the best of my knowledge, do not aid any bands in playing a prank on the public. And hopefully no one else we liked better than Fred Durst dies.

-AR

Of course when you set out to make a list like, say, the one we’re doing right now, of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, you are bound to piss a lot of people off — that just comes with the job.

But I always find it hilarious HOW those people get pissed off. For example, this week I saw a lot of complaints that the guitar players we’ve been selecting aren’t “modern.” And I can’t believe we have to fucking define the word “modern” for some of you idiots, but apparently we do. So:

So… which one of you jackasses would like to call up Alex Skolnick or Vernon Reid or Adam Jones and let them know they’re antiquated and obsolete? ‘Cause I saw Testament and Living Colour and Tool live just last year, and I would not want to make that call. Just because those dudes have been playing this game for awhile doesn’t mean their best days are behind them.

My point simply being: I don’t care if you hate our choices. That’s fine. But at least try to hate our choices based on an argument that makes sense, y’know?

And on that note, here are other ways we entertained ourselves this week:

• We debuted new music from A Pale Horse Named Death and Oakhelm.
• We checked out the latest releases from From Exile, Godstopper, and Cruachan.
• We wondered which is better, old music or new music?
• We philosophized about Google’s new cloud service.
• We fretted that metal may soon be blamed for terrorism.
• We got excited about The Faceless’ new demo.
• We bemoaned the current state of In Flames.
• We wept because Dave Grohl is not going to be on the new Mastodon album after all.
• We enjoyed a vegetarian cooking lesson from a dude in corpse paint.
• We questioned the logic of the new Avenged Sevenfold video.

Next week we unveil numbers fifteen through eleven on our guitar player list; the average age of those five musicians is thirty-one, whereas the average age of this week’s selections was forty-two. So maybe you can go back to being upset because you think they suck, not because you think they’re too old to be “modern.”

-AR

So we’re now five axe slingers deep into out list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists. We predicted that the list would get a lot of you angry, and, no shock, it has. Funny thing is, reading the comments, as of yet not one of you has correctly predicted which guitar player is gonna be #1. So, just lettin’ you know… you may be even angrier in the coming weeks, or maybe you’ll be less angry, but so far, it seems like you guys just do not see it comin’.

While you chew on that, here’s some other fun things we did this week:

• We premiered new music from Hate Eternal, Arch Enemy, and Nader Sadek.
• We enjoyed a new episode of “Cooking Contaminated,” this one featuring King Fowley of Deceased.
• We checked out the latest releases from Benighted and Zubrowska.
• We wondered if Metallica and friends have gone too far in their quest for the Big Fortune.
• We checked out some *real* hardcore.
• We weighed Donald Trump’s claim that President Obama was the first drummer for Overkill.
• We wondered why talent can’t be passed down via genetics.
• We weighed, compared and contrasted multiple metal concerts showcasing female-fronted bands.
• We prayed for Kurt Cobain to rise from his grave and off Miley Cyrus.
• We wondered whether or not Dave Grohl is gonna be on the new Mastodon album.

And so, in conclusion… I am going to get a slice of pizza now.

See ya next week.

-AR

No, seriously — COREY AND ANSO FUCKING KILLED IT THIS WEEK while we were at the Golden Gods, didn’t they? I’m still catching up, but I’ve been getting a serious boner from reading all the shit I didn’t write this week. Some of my favorite pieces that neither Vince nor myself had anything to do with:

• Phil Anselmo’s thoughts on weed, and, oh yeah, Corey’s update on the progress of Mr. Anselmo’s book.
• This awesome interview with Hate Eternal’s Erik Rutan. (Okay this one I actually had a little to do with, but Anso did the heavy lifting.)
• Mike IX Williams from EyeHateGod/Arson Anthem/Drip/Crawlspace/Outlaw Order’s thoughts on being underground and unsigned.
• Anso’s mourning for the loss of Nevermore.
• Corey’s analysis of the Columbine massacre on its twelfth anniversary.
• Anso’s assertion that Nicko McBrain wants to fuck Lady Gaga.
• Corey’s wrangling of about a million cool metal folk to give their thoughts on weed, too.
• Anso’s decisions to let his hatred for Kiss flow.
• Corey’s coverage of K.K. Downing’s retirement from Judas Priest.
• Anso’s coverage of Dream Theater’s ongoing search for a new drummer.

Unfortunately for all of you, Vince and I are now back full-time, and you’ll be stuck with us all next week. See ya then.

-AR

I’m not gonna do a regular worst week this week, because I wanna ramble for a minute. I’m sure no one will be too disappointed.

I really can’t believe it’s been a year since Peter Steele died… I also can’t believe he’s really dead. If you haven’t already read Anso’s two-part rememberance of the man, featuring interviews with bandmates, family members, and friends, you absolutely must do so — it’s amazing. Here’s part one, and here’s part two.

But I’d like to take a moment and pay tribute to the guy in a way that I know might seem weird — by discussing the song “Enemy of the State” from the Roadrunner United album. Steele didn’t write the music — Joey Jordison and engineer/mixer/producer Matt Sepanic did — but the keyboards and samples are by his Type O Negative bandmate, Josh Silver, and Steele did write the vocal melody and lyrics, and those contributions from Steele make the song really special.

See, the entire track is sung in a made-up language. And it sounds pretty authentic — I didn’t know it was made up until I read an interview with Jordison. I honestly thought, “Oh, Peter Steele is fluent in some cool Eastern European language. Awesome.”

Singing words that don’t actually mean anything might seem crazy, but I get the distinct impression that they meant something to him. I mean, check out his vocal delivery, the way that he laughs after certain moments — he was most certainly telling a story. He conveyed that narrative purely through sound and the tone of his fantastic voice — maybe he was making a commentary on how lyrics don’t matter, maybe he was just trying an experiment, or maybe he was just fucking around. I just find the fact that he even thought to approach the song this way so brilliantly weird. Even if it’s not necessarily the definitive Peter Steele song, the way he made it is definitively Peter Steele.

Vince and I will be away most of next week, but we leave you in the competent hands of Anso DF and Corey Mitchell. Try to take it easy on those dudes and not miss us too much.

-AR

I know it’s arrogant for us to pat ourselves on the back, but holy shit, did we kill it this week or what?

Here’s what we did:

• We brought you the first interview with Behemoth frontman Nergal since he was diagnosed with leukemia in August.
• We got the exclusive scoop on Melissa Auf der Maur’s collaboration with Shining’s Jorgen Munkeby.
• We debuted new music by Between the Buried and Me, Last Chance to Reason, and Havok.
• We debuted new videos by Protest the Hero and Becoming the Archetype.
• We also spoke to the legendary David Coverdale from Whitesnake.
• We checked out the latest release from Anthrax and Until Your Heart Stops.
• We told you what your favorite metal band says about you… and then we told you again!
• We got excited about the line-up for Summer Slaughter 2011.
• We wondered if Winds of Plague are the new Limp Bizkit.
• We protested shitty metal vocalists.

We aspire to make next week even biggerer and betterer! Check back then to see if we succeeded or not… ’til then, have a great weekend!

-AR