Seriously, if you haven’t read Vince’s epic story about how MetalSucks Maniac “whiskey” won last week’s last week’s photo caption contest, you need to go read it now. It’s pretty amazing. Whiskey’s mom even left a comment! We like to think of MetalSucks as something the whole fucking family can enjoy together, so that warmed the cockles of our collective heart.

Here’s some other fun stuff that happened this week:

• We debuted a performance clip from the new Shadows Fall live DVD, the new Intronaut album, and a new Madball song. PHEW!
• We spoke to Jeremy Creamer from Daath, Johnny Plague from Winds of Plague, Adam Warren from Oceano, and Ashmedi from Melechesh. Oh, and Anso unveiled part one of his massive two-part interview with Atheist’s Kelly Shaefer.
• We checked out new releases by Salome, Madball, Woe, and Arson Anthem and Ender. And a DWARR reissue!
• Greg Weeks from The Red Chord said good-bye to Randy Moss and hello to men wearing pink tights, Sacha Dunable from Intronaut contemplated the legalization of recreational marijuana use in California, and Eyal Levi from Daath discovered DestinAsian.
• Sergeant D. celebrated the thirtieth anniversary of Pantera’s Cowboys from Hell. Wait, what?
• We couldn’t figure out why everyone was so surprised that ICP are evangelical Christians.
• We found out the hard way that Attack Attack!’s music could be even worse than it already is.
• We took a slow ride on Metallica’s Lightning.
• We laughed at one shit stain calling another shit stain “a shit stain.”
• And, oh yeah! Gary Suarez took over the site for a day.

Next week is CMJ here in New York! If you’re in the area and looking for some awesome metal, check out our handy guide to all the festivities — including not one but TWO showcases sponsored by MetalSucks. We’re not gonna lie — we are going to be very hungover and tired next week. But that just means we’ll be crankier than usual. We’ll still be here with lots of debuts, interviews, and other assorted nonsense. Bring your mom! It’ll be fun.

-AR

Earlier this week I had a dream that I was working with Atreyu. I don’t know in what capacity I could possibly find myself “working with” Atreyu, since I’m not a manager, nor a publicist, nor a label rep, and they’re about as likely to end up doing a guest column here as I am to give the new In This Moment album a perfect 5-horn review, but, hey, the subconscious works in mysterious ways. Why did I have Atreyu on the brain? Was my mind trying to tell me “The glass is half-full?” Do I have  a hankering to re-watch The Neverending Story? Did I just ingest too many different substances that night? I’ll have to bring it up in therapy next week.

Here’s other shit that happened this week, some of which, believe it or not, is even more terrifying than the thought of working with Atreyu:

• Freddy Madball is counting down his favorite hard and heavy non-hardcore bands of all time, TesseracT’s Acle walked us through the history of djent, The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley spoke to Converge’s Kurt Ballou about Taco Riffs, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks made some suggestions for losing NFL teams, Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable contemplated the ways in which technology has changed touring, Daath’s Eyal Levi wondered, “Is this it?”, and a wide array of metal stars previewed the just-begun NHL season.
• We spoke to Kirk Windstein from Crowbar/Down/Kingdom of Sorrow, Sean Z. from Daath, Daddy X and Dirtball from Kottonmouth Kings, and Yoshiki Hayashi from X Japan.
• We checked out the latest releases from Abysse and Deafheaven.
• We contemplated trancecore.
• As the headline says, we heard the worst thing ever.
• We reviewed the history of terrible Limp Bizkit cover songs.
• We had fun with misheard song lyrics.
• We bemoaned the signing of another re-thrash band.
• We applauded Slayer fans’ desire to help the physically disabled.
• We had yet another laugh at Winds of Plague’s expense.

We have a special surprise for you next week. I can’t promise you’re going to like it, but I can promise you’re going to have a strong reaction to it. See ya then.

-AR

In case you can’t tell by all the posting I’ve been doing about the soundtrack, I really wanna see The Social Network. It’s just like the story of how MetalSucks was created, only we didn’t go to ivy league schools, we’re not billionaires, and we haven’t sued each other (yet). How dare David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin steal our life story!

Speaking of our life story, here’s how we amused ourselves this week:

• We debuted new music by The Fucking Wrath.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable wondered if America really has any talent, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks discussed the NFL with Job for a Cowboy’s Charn, and Daath’s Eyal Levi taught us about proper etiquette for being a houseguest.
• We spoke to Eric Guenther from From Exile and the new Daath album.
• We checked out new releases by The Serpent & The Siren as well as Mutant Supremacy, Pyrrhon and Parasitic Extirpation.
• We found out that way more of you like nu-metal than we thought.
• We learned how to look like a hot metal chick.
• We bemoaned the latest batch of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees.
• We watched the new Cephalic Carnage video and now we’re afraid we’ll never get a boner again.
• We got excited about the first awesome tour of 2011.
• We declared Cradle of Filth to be a glam band now.

Have a good weekend, folks. See ya Monday!

-AR

So this normally where we write some fairly meaningless bullshit as an intro to our weekly recap, but reader Sean Williams sent us a link to the below video update from one Mr. Devin Townsend, and we really can’t think of a better way to kick-off the weekend. As Sean put it, “Deconstruction AND Ghost as a double record? Holy fucking shit!” And it gets “Holy shittier” when we get to hear a little bit of new music…

Here are some other fun things that happened at MetalSucks this week:

• We debuted Joe Satriani’s first Black Swans and Wormhole Wizards webisode and new music by Sweet Cobra.
• Gwar’s Oderus Urungus answered more of your idiotic questions, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks got unnecessarily rough, Daath’s Eyal Levi pondered the meaning of sacrifice, and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder’s Shawn Riley taught us how to make delicious hot wings.
• We spoke to producer/engineer/mixer extraordinaire Mark Lewis, The Contortionist’s Jon Carpenter, and Shred Sean from Blessed by a Broken Heart.
• We checked out new releases from Dawnbringer and Merkaba.
• We helped A Day to Remember struggle with young adulthood.
• We gave Jason Newsted a shoulder to cry on.
• We got excited that Byzantine are making a new record.
• The kid of the dude from the E-Street Band is out of Madball.
• We’ve decided that when we die, we want our ashes to be pressed into vinyl.
• Can you please help us find Elote 5?

Until Monday… don’t get alcohol poisoning…

-AR

There was something of a tornado here in Brooklyn yesterday, and even if you didn’t see the tornado itself you saw some of the craziest fucking weather ever. I know you folks out in Nebraska are thinking “So what?” but for us something like this happens about as often as an earthquake does for you. Shit was positively epic. Thankfully even the monkeys didn’t get all riled up like the dudes in the above video — although I think I saw Sammy hiding in the bathtub — and business carried on as usual as it did all week:

• We stroked ourselves just a little bit by celebrating our 10,000th post with a list of our top ten favorite posts ever.
• The return of Ask Oderus: You asked Gwar’s frontman your burning questions and he answered them. Also, Eyal wondered what makes a guitarist “great.”
• We premiered new tracks by Titan, Holy Grail, These are They and we premiered the new Firewind video.
• We spoke with Valient Thorr’s Valient Himself.
• Rumpelstiltskin Grinder changed their name to The Devil. Oh wait, no they didn’t.
• We ranked the Top 10 t-shirts worn by High on Fire frontman Matt Pike.
• We looked at new records by Drudkh and Winterfylleth and Skunk Anansie.
• We looked at our favorite new-school Iron Maiden jams and we wondered if Demolisher is the heaviest band on the planet.
• Tomas Haake may or may not have actually commented on my post about some dude covering Meshuggah’s “Bleed” by playing drums on his pillows. Tomas, if you’re reading this, I have mad respect for your drumming!
• Axl released Part 1 of his Daath in-studio report.

Hopefully no more tornados hit Brooklyn this weekend. Actually, if one could swoop right over Jerry Manuel’s home then hop-scotch over to Omar Minaya’s, I’d be OK with that.

-VN

That’s right! One of MetalSucks’ most controversial voices — which is really saying something — is gonna be the DJ at tonight’s Heavy Metal Happy Hour at Arrow Bar (85 Avenue A). There are 2-for-1 drinks from 6:00PM until 9:00PM, so if you’ve ever wanted to get drunk and ask Gary “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS OR WHAT?!?!” in person, here’s your chance!

Now the week’s highlights:

• We debuted new music by The Absence and Vanisher.
• We spoke to Accept’s Wolf Hoffmann and Sebastian Bach (but not really with that last one).
• We checked out new releases by Filter, Neurosis, and The Last Felony.
• Vince contemplated a Mike Portnoy-less Dream Theater.
• Sergeant D. contemplated the new Escape the Fate song…
• …while we couldn’t even pay attention during the new Oceano song.
• We considered bidding on the best band name in the world.
• As it turns out, Wormrot are really good live, too.
• Neil Young and Burzum are collaborating on a new album?!?
• Wanna see a fat man eat seven cans of ravioli in time to a Fuckshovel song? OF COURSE YOU DO!!!

As Eyal promised yesterday, next week will see the full-on return of “Jumping Darkness Parade.” Plus we’ll have more contest, more video and track debuts, more interviews, more everything. Be there or be ᄆ.

-AR

Yesterday Sergeant D. made a joke about MetalSucks being 25% owned by Epitaph Records. I don’t know why we always foolishly assume that people will understand jokes like that, but they often don’t. And so we saw some comments where people were confused, and we got some e-mails from readers, and even a few from industry types who thought we had sold part of MetalSucks. So it may or may not please you to know that MetalSucks is still 100% owned by Vince and myself. And in the future, if you see something on here that seems kinda weird and ridiculous — e.g., that we’re not partially owned by a record label, or Gary Suarez taking all the credit for a band’s success, or whatever — please just take a moment to ask yourself, “Hey, could these dudes be kidding around?” ‘Cause, y’know. We’re very rarely serious. Except about Valtrex. We’re deadly serious about that.

Speaking of herpes, we’re shutting down early today to go enjoy the long Labor Day weekend. We’ll be closed Monday, but we’ll resume our usual suckiness on Tuesday. We have a whole heap of more premieres, cool contests, and interviews, and all manners of sarcastic assholism, so don’t drink so much this weekend that you forget about us, okay? And in the meantime, here’s a run-down of some fun we had this week:

• We debuted a new song by Daath, and a new song by Black Anvil, and a new video by Insidious Disease.
• Cooking Contaminated is back, y’all! Now with 100% more Rosetta.
• We spoke to Slayer’s Dave Lombardo, Saviours’ Scott Batiste, and everyone in Eyes Set to Kill.
• We checked out new releases by Stargazer, and Turbid North and Otargos.
• They say there are no atheists in the foxholes, but there is Nergal.
• Speaking of religion, this nice lady reverend thinks churchgoers could learn from metal.
• We pondered the meaning of Iron Maiden breaking their sales record.
• Dave Mustaine announced a Big Four U.S. tour from the stage.
• Even though, in the words of Anso, metalheads are “supposed to intimidate and discomfit the squares,” we think the death metal cat burglar went a little too far.
• We saw Kvelertak’s kvelertaks.

Now…TO THE BAR!

-AR

I think all this Maiden talk has given me Maiden fatigue. Which kinda sucks, ’cause I love Maiden, but is kinda awesome, ’cause after said fatigue wears off, I’ll pop in The Number of the Beast and rock like a motherfucker. There’s nothing better than re-discovering an old favorite, y’know?

Speaking of Maiden fatigue:

• Vince, Anso, Sammy, Leyla, Bob, and yours truly all reviewed The Final Frontier.
• The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley spoke to legendary Maiden illustrator Derek Riggs.
• Decibel‘s Adrien Begrand interrogated Iron Maiden’s unfortunately named manager, Rod Smallwood.

Also:

• We debuted a new track from Within the Ruins.
• I chatted with Cephalic Carnage’s Len Leal, Gary Suarez chatted with Suicide Silence’s Mark Heylmun, and Sergeant D. chatted with Bleeding Through’s Brandan Schieppati and All Out War’s Mike Score.
• Satan Rosenbloom checked out the latest release from Knights of the Abyss, and Urbandale Grimes checked out the latest release from Valient Thorr.
• We considered the world’s youngest deathcore band.
• We laughed at Tila Tequila and Tom Green’s unfortunate run-ins with Juggalos.
• We actually almost dug the new All that Remains song.
• You’ve got ’til Sunday at midnight to vote for which reader should get to take over MetalSucks next Friday!!!

Alright, now who wants to come see Pirhana 3D with me???

-AR

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Vince and I are taking over WSOU tomorrow from 4 -8! It’s the only radio station on the eastern seaboard that’s actually worth a damn, and it’s gonna have the awesomeness that is US, so listen in!!! We’ll be taking callers, too. If you live in the area, it’s 89.5 FM on your radio; everyone else can listen on the Internet right here.

And now here’s some things we did this week:

• We spoke to Decapitated’s Vogg, All Shall Perish’s Ben Orum, Within the Ruins’ Tim Goergen and Joe Cocchi, and Iron Thrones’ Steve Henningsgard.
• We debuted a new track by Moth Eater.
• We wondered, “What’s the big deal about Lady Gaga?” as she danced to Metallica.
• We rocked out to a newly-released Soundgarden song, and we couldn’t believe that the new Limp Bizkit song has a guitar solo!
• We commended Australia for its populations’ collective child-rearing skills.
• We marveled at this nine year’s old review of Reign in Blood.
• We sang Monster Magnet’s praises.
• We asked you to help us complete this Metal Map of America.
• We watched Kiss put the “ass” in “Massachusetts.”
• We wished Behemoth’s Nergal a speedy recovery.

Okay. I hope to hear some of your voices tomorrow! Seriously, guys. Listen. Call. Don’t make me sad. If you do, we’ll schedule Nu Metal Week to take place ASAP.

-AR

Holy shit, is it seriously August already? It’s gonna start getting cold soon. Motherfucker. Here’s what we did this week when we should have been enjoying the sunshine and fresh air:

• We’re streaming Dementia/Dyslexia, the Metal Blade debut of Fleshwrought,  a new project from Animosity/Animals as Leaders’ Navene Koperweis and Job for a Cowboy’s Jonny Davy.
• We debuted an EPK for Iron Thrones’ The Wretched Sun.
• We also debuted “Fear, Emptiness, Decibel,” a new column from the editors of our favorite metal rag.
• We had a little beard on beard action with Andy Williams from Every Time I Die and Liam Wilson from The Dillinger Escape Plan. We also spoke to Avenged Sevenfold’s Johnny Christ, The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Jeff Tuttle and Pathology’s Dave Astor.
• We checked out the latest releases from Chimaira and Decrepit Birth.
• We schooled Korn’s Jonathan Davis on the BP Oil Spill.
• We questioned the sincerity of Max Cavalera’s claim that his collaboration with Fred Durst is all Ross Robinson’s fault.
• We questioned Glenn Danzig’s sanity. Again.
• We got pissy that Eddie’s not on the cover of the new Maiden album.
• We got boners watching 72 minutes of pro-shot Gojira footage.
• We did not get boners looking at Emmure noodz.
• We found the best bass player in the history of forever-ever-ever.

We’ll be hanging out at the Summer Slaughter show this Sunday here in NYC; if you spot us, please bring us presents. We like presents. Thanks.

-AR

Here we had this entire week devoted to hair metal, and I feel like we only scratched the surface. Let’s do this again real soon, okay?

Here’s some of the fun we had this week, be it hair-metal related or not:

• Cynic’s Paul Masvidal taught us to be mind-less, Antagonist’s Carlos Garcia taught us about the song “Sasha Grey,” and Trap Them’s Ryan McKenney taught us more about corporate-sponsored live shows.
• Anso and Allyson from Bring Back Glam! counted down the Ten Best Must-Have Glam Metal Albums.
• We counted down the Top Ten Bands Most Often Miscategorized as Hair Metal.
• Vince spoke with Serj Tankian, Gary spoke with Frankie from Emmure, and Sergeant D. spoke with Samantha Maloney from Brother Clyde/Shift/Hole/Motley Crue/every band ever.
• We debuted a new track by The Binary Code!
• Leyla Ford counted down the ten worst and best hair metal band names.
• Sammy checked out the new release by Eibon.
• Dave Mustein checked out The Cool Tour.
• Someday, this little girl is going to make Sergeant D. very, very unhappy.
• I can’t tell the difference between all the members of Mushroomhead, can you?

I wanna especially thank Allyson from Bring Back Glam! for all her help this week — we love you, Allyson! Come back anytime.

Monday we return, but we’ll have a little less Aqua Net in our hair, a little less eyeliner on our lids, and a lot less skip in our step. See ya then.

-AR

Just so you know, when Vince and I cuddle, he’s usually the big spoon.

Here’s what happened in MetalSucks Land this week:

• Misery Index’s Jason Netherton joined us for the latest edition of Cooking Contaminated.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable wondered if corporate-sponsored metal shows are killing the live concert market.
• We chatted with Soilwork’s Peter Wichers, Mantric’s Ole Halvard Sveen, and Black Army Jacket’s Carlos Ramirez.
• We checked out new releases by Norma Jean and Lightning Swords of Death.
• We celebrated the excellent year currently being enjoyed by Metal Blade Records.
• Korn played to the largest audience they deserve. (That would be an audience of zero.)
• New BOO means debates by you.
• Poison the Well poisoned our week.
• We were on the Metal Injection Livecast!
• Booty shake.

Next week is hair metal week! We’ll still be reporting on regular metal, too, so don’t freak out too hard. See ya Monday.

-AR

Holy crap, was that awesome Faith No More show really a week ago already? I think I may be suffering from post-FNM depression. We’re seeing Maiden on Monday night, and I’m more excited to hang out with my friends than to see Bruce, Steve and the gang. I just wanna go see FNM again… is that so wrong???

Luckily, there’s plenty of stuff going on in the metal world to keep me distracted from dreams of Mike, Mike, Billy, Roddy and Jon. For instance:

• Bulb from Periphery got his groove back, and The Austerity Program’s Justin Foley consulted with the dudes from Aquarius Records as he continued his search for the perfect Taco Riff.
• We debuted new music from Asher.
• Sergeant D spoke to Miss May I’s Ryan Neff and Sammy O’Hagar chatted with Rasyid from Wormrot.
• We checked out new releases from Soilwork, Allegaeon, and Sister Sin.
• The possibility of new Beavis and Butt-Head episodes gave us a collective boner.
• The hippies in Phish got aggressive and covered Rage Against the Machine.
• We looked at a plethora of terrifically terrible music videos, and Vince wondered if the medium was even a relevant tool for promotion anymore.
• Vince also took time out of his busy schedule to find me a new woman. Yowza!

Next week we’ll have a song debut from our fellow stoner nerds, an interview with a power violence band, and some other shit. Plus, Question of the Week will finally return. ‘Til then… enjoy your weekend!

-AR

Since Axl and I are very patriotic types (couldn’t you tell?) we’ve decide to close the Mansion a bit early this holiday weekend so we can get to the flag-waving festivities as soon as possible.

Kidding! We’re closing early so we can get hiiiiigh and then go see FAITH NO FUCKING MORE! Neither one of us having seen FNM before (although I had a chance to in 1997 and, for some reason, didn’t), we’ve literally been waiting for this moment for most of our lives. We will not be schmoozing with the industry types at a bar in the back, nor will we be politely bobbing our heads on the periphery somewhere… we’ll be right up fucking front, rocking the fuck out as hard as possible (old fashioned push-pit? I hope). To that end, I’m pretty sure we won’t even be drinking tonight; me because I want to remember this night perfectly, and Axl because he doesn’t wanna have to go pee-pee during the show. The man is smart, I tell you.

Here’s what happened this week in the world of metal:

• Van Halen announced plans for a DLR-fronted album in early 2011. Axl is — shockingly — skeptical.
• As part of “Be Nice Day” at the MS Mansion, we said nothing mean about new videos from Hellyeah and Papa Roach.
• We looked at new releases by Bonded by Blood (as part of “Be Nice Day”!), Ceremony and The Ghost Inside, Mastodon, Chambers, and Nattsol.
• We premiered a new track by NJ progressive post-hardcore mind-fuckers East of the Wall.
• We spoke with Warrel Dane of Nevermore and Sanctuary, and Jon Fine about Taco Riffs.
• We sat in on the meeting in which Disturbed brainstormed the artwork for their new album.
• Glenn Danzig is a crappy driver, but Vince Neil is an even crappier one.

Since July 4th falls on a Sunday this year, the gates of the Mansion will be shuttered on Monday, July 5th — like most U.S. businesses — so we can extend the partying by an extra day. See you Tuesday, Suckers.

-VN

I had completely forgotten about Vince’s love of Bob Ross until his post yesterday. It would have been awesome if Bob had done an all-metal edition of his show, in which he discussed the joy of Ed Repka and Paul Romano. Learning about your craft is so metal! Thanks for reminding me, Vince, about what an inspiration Bob should be to us all.

Here’s some other things we did this week:

• We spoke to Anthrax’s Joey Belladonna, the legendary Wino, Harvey Milk’s Creston Spiers, and Cruel Hand’s Chris Linkovich.
• Vince, Axl and Gary discussed their favorite albums of 2010 so far.
• We’re giving away a free mp3 of Fistula’s “Ohio Death Toll Rising.”
• We checked out new releases by Kvereltak, Misery Index, Watain, and Parkway Drive.
• Anso reviewed the Big Four Live from Sofia, Bulgaria movie theater satellite thingy.
• Vince did a really a good job of impersonating Axl.
• Vince also discovered two new Sumeriancore bands that stink, and one that doesn’t.
• He also wondered: What is it with drummers wearing basketball jerseys?
• Guess what Serj Tankian thinks borders are?
• DEVIN TOWNSEND HEADLINE TOUR! DEVIN TOWNSEND HEADLINE TOUR!!!

A week from today, Vince and I see Faith No More in Brooklyn. So expect lots and lot of pointless pondering about FNM next week, ’cause that’s pretty much all I’m gonna be able to think about.

-AR

Can you imagine if everyone to whom we give endless amounts of shit followed Dino’s example? We’d have Rose Funoral cards and Tommy Lee faking his own death and Fred Durst pulling a Billy Madison and pics of Joey Belladonna with his twig and berries tucked back. That’s the kinda world I wanna live in. I believe we can make it happen if we try.

ANYWAY, here’s some shit we did this week:

• We did a second installment of Cooking Contaminated.
• We’re streaming new tracks by Son of Aurelius.
• Eyal gave us a Daath studio update.
• We spoke to Max Cavalera and Ratt’s Bobby Blotzer.
• We suckered Decibel‘s Andrew Bonazelli into writing about the Metal Mets for us.
• We checked out some new German cheese metal releases.
• We called out David Draiman.
• We watched some great music videos, some awful music videos, and some really awful music videos.
• We made fun of the most annoying little kid in the world.
• We were sorry about Abacabb breaking up, but really happy about BOOBS!!!

Speaking of Eyal and studio updates: on Sunday I’m flying down to Atlanta to visit Daath in the studio. If you never hear from me again, assume I’ve been lost amidst a cloud of ATL purp smoke and awesome metal. But what a way to go!!!

-AR

Kirk Windstein is a poet. Of this, there can be no doubt. Since Kingdom of Sorrow took over our site on Tuesday, Vince and I have decided we really, really wanna take a trip to New Orleans and just go eat with the dude (well, probably get high and then go eat with the dude). But secretly, I have aspirations of someday being able to pay the man to teach my children how to speak good. I can dream, can’t I?

Here’s some other shit that went down in the Mansion this week:

• We debuted a clip from The Haunted’s new DVD, Road Kill.
• We also debuted new music by Early Graves.
• We spoke to Stephen Carpenter from Deftones.
• Ken Sorceron from Abigail Williams doesn’t wanna talk shit about Winds of Plague, so instead he just left a comment on our site saying “it its embarrassing to once again see our name next to theirs on another metal news site.” Way to not talk shit, Kenny!
• We checked out a new release by Black Pyramid.
• Sergeant D taught us about the history of metalcore and screamo.
• We engaged in debate about the new Maiden song, the new Maiden setlist, and the old Maiden album art.
• The new Methods of Mayhem song is the worst thing ever.
• Rose Funoral finally spoke out about the Uno Incident.
• Vince thinks the BP oil spill is Korny.

Next week will bring some more streams, interviews with Max Cavalera and Bobby Blotzer, and more self-righteous rage over fairly trivial topics. ‘Til then…

-AR

But he, like, totally had it coming. He was the singer for some band called Beneath the Sky.

I’m kidding. I don’t endorse violence against untalented people. Just front row games of Uno.

ANYWAY, here’s some other shit we happened this week:

• We’re streaming Watain’s Lawless Darkness and the Monolith/Voyager split.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable talked about his new band and Sick of it All’s Lou Koller concluded his “Quintessential Guide to Hardcore.”
• We spoke to Nachtmystium’s Blake Judd and Heaven Shall Burn’s Maik Weichert.
• We checked out Thou’s Summit.
• We met the world’s youngest Nile fan.
• We wondered if Opeth ripped-off Immortal.
• We came up with awards that could be named after metal stars.
• Vince isn’t that into Kylesa, and has some advice for Portal, too.
• Anso thinks that No Prayer for the Dying is the worst Maiden album ever.
• As it turns out, Fred Phelps is still an idiot.

Next week we get to debut that video we were supposed to debut this week, and we have another stream, and some other stuff I’m probably forgetting. ‘Til then, enjoy your weekend!

-AR

It’s Memorial Day weekend! If you’re American, you know what that means. If not, I’ll explain it to you: no one will be working Monday (including us!), Hollywood will make a lot of money off of some really atrocious movies (in this case, one about menopausal bitches who are still way too worried about their vaginas and not worried enough about having any awareness of the world around them, and a Disney movie about Persians with absolutely no Persian or even vaguely Persian-looking cast members), and there will be lots of barbecues and drinking and smoking weed. Which is different from most American weekends ’cause it’s longer, and there’s more barbecuing.

But before we take off for the next 72 hours, we’d like to take this opportunity to address some of the more fatuous reader complaints we’ve gotten via e-mail recently . So:

• At least two of you demanded that we take down the “R.I.P. Paul Gray” header and replace it with last week’s “R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio” header. One of you called it “embarrassing” that we “dumped” Dio, and one of you said that you “expected more” from us than to “disrespect” Dio and “overshadow” his passing “with the death of some druggy.” This is incredibly insensitive, and we’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that a) death is not a competition, but still b) more people will attend Paul Gray’s funeral than will attend yours.
• No fewer than twenty of you e-mailed us to ask why we haven’t written about the Westboro Baptist Church’s plan to protest Dio’s public memorial service this Sunday. And we have written about it. The headline was “Nutcases to Protest Dio’s Funeral.” Maybe you just started reading MetalSucks this past Monday (the article was published last Friday), or maybe you thought there were some other nutcases protesting Dio’s funeral, but, nope. That’s what that story was about.
• A musician, upset that Vince implied that his band wasn’t exactly setting the metal world ablaze, e-mailed me but not Vince and told me to – and this is an exact quote – “lick our sack dog dick.” To which I’d like to say, a) you should please look at the byline when deciding where to direct your vitriol, and b) what the fuck is a “sack dog dick?”
• A publicist is really, really upset that we won’t go to a hip-hop show this weekend. This publicist has obviously never actually looked at our site. That being the case, I think I can safely say “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Publicist, I hope you get a yeast infection!”, since she’ll never actually read this.
• One of you seems confused as to why I haven’t been fired. Just to clear it up: Vince and I co-own MetalSucks. We can’t be fired. Sorry.

Next week we have two album streams and a video debut, and hopefully no prominent members of our community will die. ‘Til then, have a lovely weekend, and we’ll be back on Tuesday.

-AR

Dio died. Isis broke-up. Bret Michaels is back in the hospital. And I just used Dio, Isis, and Bret Michaels in one thought-stream, which, I’m sure, offended somebody.

Luckily, we did manage to have some fun this week:

• Sick of it All’s Lou Koller is counting down his top ten hardcore albums, As I Lay Dying’s Nick Hipa is counting down to the end of L O S T, Batillus’ Fade Kainer is counting down ’til the band can get the fuck outta the studio, Agenda of Swine’s Pete Benumb is counting down to MDF, and Cynic’s Paul Masvidal is counting down to achieving a higher level of being.
• We spoke to Steve Joh from Century Media, Tara Johnson from Disembodied, Emil Werstler from Daath and Levi/Werstler, and Travis Stever from Coheed & Cambria.
• We checked out the latest release from Rosetta.
• Sergeant D. has new slamz 4 u.
• The best music video ever of the week is by… Goldfrapp?
• There are plenty of things we’d rather do than listen to a new Attack Attack! song.
• Endorsement of the new Avenged Sevenfold single = flame war.
• You guys are still arguing about my Korn review. Seriously?
• I’m still upset about John Bush leaving Anthrax again. Seriously.
• We used to love Sweden, but we had to kill it.

And hopefully no one awesome will die or break-up next week.

-AR