So I read on The PRP that Faith No More’s Roddy Bottum is doing the score for something called FRED, the Movie, starring someone named Fred Figglehorn. Now, unless it’s Pixar, I really don’t much about what’s going on in children’s cinema these days; I assumed that this was the the height of modern kiddie movies. Fred Figglehorn is apparently a YouTube star, because we’ve gotten to a point where there’s such a thing as a YouTube star, but, again, that didn’t mean all that much to me.

But, hey, I love Roddy Bottum! I’m a huge Faith No More fan! And I’ve only heard one Imperial Teen song, but I thought that it was catchy enough. So I decided to do some homework on this Fred Figglehorn fellow.

And, holy shit, is he ever annoying.

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Full confession: until about an hour ago, I had no idea who the hell Ke$ha was. I think I’ve read some shit about her on Stuff You Will Hate, or maybe she just looks like someone I’d read about on Stuff You Will Hate (she’s collaborated with SYWH favorites 3OH!3); in any case, I didn’t really know any of her music.

Then I saw on The Number of the Blog that Metal Hammer played her a bunch of metal songs – including selections by Slayer, Megadeth, Horse the Band, Atreyu, DevilDriver, Steel Panther, and Kiss – to get her opinions, and decided I had better check out her music so I knew how seriously to take her reactions.

Holy shit, is this bitch ever lacking in talent. It’s like she looked at Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and said “Nah, those chicks are too classy and prude for me.” If I ever caught my daughter listening to this garbage, I’d probably send her to a convent. And given that I’m Jewish, you should know if I ever send my daughter to a convent, I mean business.

But as it turns out, Ke$ha (I assumed it was pronounced “kee-sha” but apparently it’s “keh-sha,” which sounds like a dish my mom’ll be making at Passover next week) does not have terrible taste in metal – just kinda mediocre taste in metal. Her assessment of Atreyu pretty much hits the nail on the head, and it’s hard for me to talk too much smack on anyone who has good things to do say about the recent output of Slayer and Megadeth. But Horse the Band, “too emo?” Seriously? How about a nice cold glass of go suck a dick, Ke$ha?

-AR

The above photo of Attack! Attack!, from the NY Times review of this past weekend’s Vans Warped Tour, has one of the funniest captions I’ve ever read.

Unfortunately, the author, Jon Caramanica, praises Attack! Attack! for having “one of the day’s best sets.” But he does include this tidbit, which made me giggle:

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I’ve been trying to download the new Marilyn Manson mp3, “We’re From America,” but navigating that guy’s website is more difficult than getting Rob Halford hard with a naked photo of Christina Scabbia . So, whomever designed that site… fuck you, and fuck your mother.

In other news, here’s what happened in the world of metal this week:

• We spoke to Believer’s Kurt Bachman and Nashville Pussy’s Blaine Cartwright.
• We listened to new releases from Malefice, Millions, I Killed the Prom Queen and Corpus Christi.
• Is this the worst music video of 2009 so far?
• We really like the new Isis song! Seriously!
• The screamo-crunk explosion has begun… and now we wish it would end.

Alright everyone. I know we’re all excited for the weekend, but try not to die of alcohol poisoning. See ya Monday.

-AR

The May issue of Revolver has an article on Hollywood Undead and “the screamo-crunk explosion,” and while I’m aware that there are people I completely respect who love this shit, this particular sub-genre pretty much makes me want the ending of Dr. Strangelove to come true.

The article included some bands we’ve already declared our hatred for here at MS – the aforementioned Hollywood Undead, Brokencyde, and I Set My Friends on Fire – but also has the unfortunate distinction of having introduced me to Breathe Carolina and 3OH!3.

Honestly, I can’t see how these bands are considered metal, or even hard rock. But, then, I  can’t see how they would be considered anything other than “awful.”

Breathe Carolina, “Diamonds”

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