MetalSucks

Vince really likes Buckcherry, but I’ve never gotten into any of their songs that aren’t the big hits – namely, “Lit Up” (a.k.a. “the one about cocaine”) and “Crazy Bitch” (a.k.a. “the one about fucking”). Like so many bands that hoped to be the Appetite-era Guns N’ Roses of the late 20th/early 21st century, Buckcherry always just felt like they were trying way too hard to prove what a bunch of bad-asses they are. GN’R never actually used the words “cocaine” or “heroin” in a song – Buckcherry’s biggest hit finds them shouting “I LOVE THE COCAINE! I LOVE THE COCAINE!” In case anyone doubted that they were the real deal. Puh-lease.

So. Former Buckcherry bassist JB Brightman has a new band, Black Robot, and – no shock here – it’s readily apparent that they want to be AC/DC. If you’re one of those people who unironically loves retro-hard rawk that has no sense of originality whatsoever, then you will probably dig this band. And whatever you do, stay away from Loudermilk and Manmade God – bands that actually make excellent, original hard rock.

And, hey, guess what? Black Robot covered Clapton’s “Cocaine!” How original! How shocking! What a bunch of bad-asses! Now I can finally burn my copy of Appetite for Destruction!

Barf.

-AR

This morning MetalSucks uber-Maniac Josh Kidd sent me this link to the website for AC/DC’s upcoming Backtracks box set. The music is all the usual bullshit you see on these box sets – studio rarities, live rarities, your mom’s rarities, whatever. Only really hardcore fans ever buy this shit and as much as I love AC/DC, I’m not a hardcore fan. So go here if you actually wanna see what’s on this thing, music-wise.

No, what captured my attention was the packaging, pictured above. Yes, it just looked like the umpteenth box set made to look like an amp, but check out the description:

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If I had a biological clock, I’d worry that’s it’s ticking. Because this is my second story about little kids today.

Reign in Blonde has made the awesome discovery of Jonah Rocks, who is a) the only four year old I’ve ever seen that can play the drums, and b) the only four year old I’m aware of that already has a stage name. He also seems to have an endorsement deal with Vic Firth. Holy poop.

For reasons that are totally beyond me, the videos of this lil’ tyke rockin’ out are not embeddable, but if you go here, you can watch Jonah play “Harvester of Sorrow” with more skill and passion than Lars Ulrich has displayed in years.

After the jump are some more links to Jonah playing. Some of these videos were made when he was only three years old!!!

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I don’t actually know anything about Six Feet Under’s record sales. For all I know, the actual economics render everything I’m about to type moot.

But to me, Six Feet Under recording another one of their Graveyard Classics albums – e.g., covers of non-metal songs that were fine the way they were turned into death metal songs that no one I know will ever actually listen to – seems like Eddie Murphy announcing Pluto Nash 2 or Van Halen announcing a new album with Gary Cherone. What a waste of time, energy, and money.

Also, by all appearances Six Feet Under songs aren’t all that hard to write, so you wonder why the band doesn’t just make a new album instead. At least then they wouldn’t be butchering anyone’s music but their own.

In case you’ve never had the pleasure of hearing a SFU Graveyard Classics album, here’s the band doing AC/DC’s “TNT” for a shitload of people who are apparently way more into it than I am.

-AR

As a part of goth metal OGs Type O Negative, drummer Johnny Kelley’s talents are often overshadowed by the low end sultriness and antics of bassist/frontman/nude model Peter Steele. But his graceful stickwork has been holding the band together since 1995’s October Rust, and the string of Type O albums that have come out since have stood shoulder to shoulder with the band’s prior material. Along with being Danzig’s drummer, Kelly plays in Seventh Void, a stoner/trad metal outfit with Type O Negative guitarist Kenny Hickey. The latter band released their debut on Vinnie Paul’s Big Vin Records in April. In an interview with MetalSucks, Kelly discusses Type O Negative’s future, working with Glenn Danzig, and his thoughts on modern drummers.

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This, MetalSucks Maniacs and Maniacettes, is the very definition of metal. I was SO this kid when I was 10, except it was Van Halen instead of AC/DC, and minus 100 pounds, give or take.

-VN

The infamous Now That’s What They Call Music comp, now it’s thirtieth iteration (!), will never stop selling. Nor will Hannah Montana. Given, it’s tough for any true metal band to crack the Billboard 200, but Mastodon did just once again that by notching a #11 debut with Crack the Skye, beat out metal-wise only by Papa Roach (ugh). Elsewhere, we got some surprises from Chris Cornell, Twiztid (!?) and others. Sales figures for those and other notable hard rock and metal releases after the jump.

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You’ve got big balls!

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That’s the realization I had on Tuesday night at the Mercury Lounge watching Northern Ireland’s The Answer rock the house. The kind of music The Answer peddle — retrofried, bluesy, Southern hard rock reminiscent of AC/DC, Led Zep, and even early ’00s rocksters Silvertide — gets my blood pumping and gives me a giant stiffy instantly. There’s just something about lots of D, A, C and G chords that sounds fucking great together, no matter how many times you’ve heard it before and in how many different permutations. Especially when played on a Les Paul through a Marshall amp — ya know, the kind with actual real overdriven tubes, not the fake, washy digital kind. Makes me feel like I can stay out all night long drinking, doing lines and fucking bitches because it’s rock and fucking roll, dude!!! Indeed, The Answer are a tight package that rock you just the way you want to be rocked, with plenty of bravado but little pretense.

Check out the band’s brand new video for “On and On” below, which comes from their new full-length Everyday Demons (The End). I haven’t heard the full record yet, but if their recent EP Never Too Late is any indication, it’ll be as slammin’ as the band’s live set.

-VN

When we were younger, Vince and I used to argue about whether not Billy Joel was any good. For the record: I did not like the musical stylings of Mr. Joel, and Vince did. It wasn’t until Billy boy, as drunk as any member of any metal band has ever been, challenged to me to a fight on the street because I was “lookin’ at his pizza funny” that I began to see just what a bad ass the piano man is. I’ve never thought of the song “Pressure” the same way since.

ANYWAY, Blabbermouth posted this footage of Joel (on rhythm guitar) and a roadie (on vocals) playing “Highway to Hell” this past Friday night in Hollywood, Florida, a town that has the unique distinction of being the second most famous Hollywood in America. The thought of a drunk driver playing “Highway to Hell” is just too funny not to post.

-AR

My first Fuck Rolling Stone post on metal singers was such a hit I thought I’d dig back into the RS archives and stir up some more shit. So, I decided to re-read their summertime list of the 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time (also here).

Thankfully, there are a few metallic (but mostly rockish) noteworthy icons; however, extreme metal is woefully ignored. Nonetheless, the list did include Jimi Hendrix (#1), Jimmy Page (#9), Kirk Hammett (#11), Kurt Cobain (#12), Johnny Ramone (#16), Tom Morello (#26), Thurston Moore/Lee Ranaldo (Sonic Youth) (#33/#34), Joe Perry (#48), Ritchie Blackmore (#55), Vernon Reid (#66), Eddie Van Halen (#70), Adam Jones (Tool) (#75), D. Boon (The Minutemen) (#89), Glen Buxton (Alice Cooper) (#90), Wayne Kramer/Fred “Sonic” Smith (MC5) (#92/#93), Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine) (#95), Angus Young (#96), Leigh Stephens (Blue Cheer) (#98), Greg Ginn (Black Flag) (#99), and Kim Thayil (Soundgarden) (#100).

And, yet another reason why we here at the MetalSucks Mansion like to say “Fuck Rolling Stone!” — coming in at #86, TOMMY Iommi…yes, “TOMMY.” How the fuck do you not know the first name of one of the true legends of not only metal, but of rock guitars? Hmmmmmmmm….Please, clue me in.

IT’S TONY, YOU FUCKS!!!

Anyway, here is my stab at the best Metal Guitarists of All Time — and for a point of reference, my Old Fartness will be shining through here, as will my love for rhythm guitarists:

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2008 was a pretty big year for so-called “legacy” rock and metal releases. Metallica, AC/DC and Guns N’ Roses — arguably three of the biggest rock/metal acts of all time — all released new albums to varying fanfare. So now that you’ve had some time to brew on how these records stack up against the bands’ older material and against each other… which is your favorite? Vote, then weigh in with your thoughts in the comments.

n

Dr. Pepper’s website is still not working, but that hasn’t stopped the world from participating in Chinese Democracy mania. I stopped by the Best Buy on 23rd St. (where door signs read “The Most Anticipated Album Release Ever!”) to buy my copy yesterday, and rumors from an unconfirmed source have it that one Axl Rosenberg was there at 9am to watch the doors open. At the moment I’m writing this sentence, Blabbermouth’s most recent 5 headlines are all GNR-centric (see screen cap, above) and TV news outlets in countries around the world are covering GNR mania.

Will the truncated, two-day first week be enough to snag the top spot on the chart? Will it outsell the other two big rock releases of late 2008, Metallica’s Death Magnetic and AC/DC’s Black Ice? Will its second week top its first week, boosted by Black Friday and a full week, and will it sustain enough steam to beat Kanye West and The Killers? Will there ever be democracy in China???

-VN

All is not lost in the world of metal; in fact, this past week brought some nice surprises, along with the usual mish-mash of shitty radio rock bands. Last week’s sales numbers, with our usual sardonic commentary, after the jump. (Hint: look at the tags below, and click “read more” if any of those bands interest you!).

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First thing’s first: Axl and I are going to see AC fucking DC at Madison Square fucking Garden tonight. HOLY SHIT! Big thanks to the folks who hooked us up with tickets; you know who you are!

AC/DC also happens to have just released their own Rock Band “Track Pack,” a standalone video game available for around $40 featuring AC/DC’s legendary 1991 Live at Donington concert. This pretty much seals the deal for Rock Band as the instrument-based video game of choice for metalheads and hard rock fans; the list of available full albums already includes Judas Priest’s Screaming for Vengeance, Megadeth’s Peace Sells… but Who’s Buying?, Rush’s Moving Pictures and Dr. Feelgood by Mötley Crüe. They’ve only got one Metallica song (”Enter Sandman”), but we’ll overlook that for now.

If we get a gaming system for the MetalSucks Mansion I’d definitely go for Rock Band, if only because playing the drums is so fucking fun. But we’d have to place a moratorium on drunk girls singing, because this is always, always annoying.

Remember Silvertide? That band was fucking awesome, and it’s a shame they disappeared after releasing only one album. Thankfully now we’ve got The Answer, a Northern Ireland quartet who, like their American predecessors in Silvertide, have barely changed a thing from the ’70s hard rock formula that had its heyday before the band members were born. On their four-song debut EP Never Too Late (The End Records) these lads rock with plenty of AC/DC meat and potatoes bombast and the melody of Led Zeppelin, mixing it with a more modern (relatively), hard-hitting, Black Crowes-y sensibility. Vocalist Cormac Neeson’s wail undeniably calls Robert Plant to mind; if Led Zep do go on to tour without Plant, they should surely give Mr. Neeson a call. Meanwhile, guitarist Paul Mahon wails like Page or Hendrix possessed — the dude can fucking PLAY — while the rhythm section of Michael Waters (Bass) and James Heatley (Drums) holds it down with plenty of energy and power.

As with most throwback bands like this you know what to expect, so there ain’t much in the way of surprises; but that’s just fine when you’re opening stadiums and arenas for AC/DC on their Black Ice tour. When these guys do finally get around to recording a full-length I imagine it’ll sound just like a longer version of this 4 song EP, and if they’re fortunate enough to get to the next one, that’ll probably sound the same too. If it ain’t broke, why bother fixing it?

-VN

(three and a half out of five horns)

[The Answer on MySpace]

The Phillies won the World Series, it’s Halloween, and we have a U.S. presidential election coming up in less than a week. But what’s happening in metal is obviously way more important:

• Living Colour ruled. As always.
• Mastodon announced the title and tracklisting of their new album.
• We spoke with Cynic’s Paul Masvidal and Today Is the Day’s Steve Austin, the latter of whom practically gave us his life story.
• Gaahl publicly acknowledged his homosexuality. Black metal bigots everywhere cried outrage, but we thought it was pretty cool (kvlt/br00tal/tr00/etc).
• Slayer released a new song which sounds just like the old song(s). And that’s a good thing.
• Someone with way too much time made an AC/DC music video in an Excel spreadsheet

Happy Halloween, mofos.

I think it’s officially safe to say that this crosses the line in terms of having wwwwaaaayyyy too much free time on one’s hands…

If you have Excel and would like to view this video in all its Microsoftian glory, you can download the original here.

Thanks to MetalSucks Maniac Jesse for sending this in.

-AR

When Michael Jackson released his “comeback” album earlier this decade, the first single from it – the tepid “You Rock My World” – managed to overshadow its crushing mediocrity by the sweet relief of hearing Jackson’s familiar, glorious voice in material that hadn’t yet been played to death. And in an example much more appropriate for this website, upon hearing the leaked Chinese Democracy “demos” over the last few years, one cannot help but feel a moment (even brief) of sweet nostalgia hearing Axl Rose’s gravelly falsetto, even if they are over arguably questionable songs. That sliver of the celebrated past over music otherwise in the present vernacular is often enough to keep artists relevant and thus selling records. And while this usually leads to hacky retreads of prior success, that moment in itself is undeniably pleasurable. So the first few moments of “Rock and Roll Train,” the opening track on AC/DC’s Black Ice, that feature the dirty start/stop guitar pecking of bona fide rock legend Angus Young are heartwarming even despite being mired in Brendan O’Brien’s overblown production and the small but persistent (and not to mention douchey) voice in the back of one’s head wondering if the band are finally creatively bankrupt after doing the same exact thing for almost thirty years. If you like AC/DC, you already know you’ll like Black Ice, even if only a little. The question, though, is whether there is a reason for it to exist. If you already heard this album before when it was called For Those About to Rock, The Razor’s Edge, or Back in Black, what point does a new AC/DC album even serve in the 21st century besides a reason to see AC/DC live?

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Things are heating up in the U.S. presidential race, and everyone from Vince to Axl to Dallas to the Blogronaut expressed their opinions; naturally you all got fired up too. But even politics as usual couldn’t stop the flow of happenings this week in the world of metal:

• Dallas apologized. Woah.
• Best Buy claims Chinese Democracy is finally coming out, but we’re skeptical. No word yet from Axl Rose.
• We debuted a new Early Man track and spoke with singer/guitarist Mike Conte, while Nathan Ells of the Human Abstract spilled the beans on just about everything.
• Testament was deemed one of the Top 40 greatest thrash bands of all time.
• We loved new albums from Gojira and Psycroptic. You loved arguing about them even more, especially the former. Meanwhile, new releases from Unearth and Cradle of Filth proved controversial.
• Protest the Hero’s van broke down; they danced.
• AC/DC’s Brian Johnson proved himself old and out of touch, but that didn’t stop us from asking for freebies to see his band live.

We out. See you Monday.