MetalSucks

Alright, people. I feel like fucking death. I just wanna go lie down and hopefully never wake up. Let’s get this over with:

• We finally finished the goddamn motherfucking list with “Albums We Wish Had Made It” entries from my man Vince (Soilwork’s Natural Born Chaos) and my girl Amy Sciarretto (DEP’s not-really-eligible Calculating Infinity).
• We got another exclusive world tour video tour diary from Misery Index. We also spoke with Johnny Kelly of Type O Negative and Seventh Void and got our bro-bros at Thrash Hits to do a video interview with Trigger the Bloodshed for us. Thanks, dudes.
• We lost IQ points just watching this video interview with the singer of Attack! Attack!
• We have it on good authority that there’s gonna be an Acid Bath reunion.
• Dallas Coyle is now answering your questions.
• So is Gwar’s Oderus Urungus.

We’ll be at Summer Slaughter on Sunday. If any of you spot us and want to buy us a drink, please, for the love of all things holy, don’t.

-AR

So my buddy San Carlos, who comes a long line of depression-era rum-runners and later micro-brewers, was recently in port at Kingston, Jamaica where he got into a rather heated discussion with a polish backpacker over a game of billiards at a shady pub called The Prickhouse (actually Brickhouse, but vandals had recently improved its title). While the original discussion was an argument over the general superiority of Afghan bubble hash versus B.C. hydroponic cannabis, the tensions were soon eased when the Polack began to tell a naughty yarn regarding himself, a Swedish accomplice and a rather sizable number of seasoned Amsterdam prostitutes. While much of that story was lost in translation (San Carlos only communicates through Creole Sign language), the Swede had reported to the Polish gentleman who had passed it on later to San Carlos that one particular prostitute with Pete Steele-esque vampire fang implants had relations in Canada, specifically a sister who had heard from bar tender who had in turn heard from East-side Vancouver street dweller that Sammy Duet (Goatwhore, ex-Acid Bath) had been paraphrased as having said to an interested fan: “If you like Acid Bath, you should try to get to Louisiana next year, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

And you didn’t hear it here first.

Above, check out the video for “Toubabo Koomi,” which is a phrase so filthy, San Carlos refuses to translate it for me. I’m absolutely going crazy for even the possibility of one of the greatest New Orleans scene bands ever reuniting, or maybe I’m just a big bucket of crazy anyway.

-DBR